-
Chapter 7
-
If I should die before I wake
It's 'cause
you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with
no air
I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move,
it's incomplete
Wish there was a way that I can make you
understand
But how do you expect me
To live alone with just
me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to
breathe
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't
live, can't breathe with no air
That's how I feel whenever you
ain't there
There's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water
so deep
Tell me how you going to be without me
If you ain't
here, I just can't breathe
There's no air, no air
(No air, Jordan Sparks ft. Chris Brown)
-
Yuuki sat in a chair in one of the modelling agencies many dressing rooms, two weeks after the event with her father. A woman was painting her for the cameras. Yuuki hadn't seen Kyoya since a week after he dropped her back at the academy, to get her stitches out. She had stayed at his house for tea but left soon thereafter, not knowing how to behave around the man she knew she still clung to.
"Why do you always look so nervous every time I do this?" She asked, pulling out a tube of mascara. "I'm going to stab you in the eye if you don't relax."
"Sorry." The girl replied. "I don't like cameras...I don't really watch tv."
"Then why are you here?" The woman glanced up with a friendly smile. "Is it because everyone else on the team was old and ugly?"
Yuuki laughed. "No, I wanted a change of scene."
"Celebrity parties don't do it for you?"
"I don't get invites to those sorts of parties, or any for that matter. My life had become very...dull."
"Why?"
"I left the spark behind."
The lady looked confused. "Where?"
"On a tarmac."
She paused and thought for a moment. "I don't get it." Pause. "Anyway, you'll have fun on the set today. Your horse is here, that hot sprinter guy is here..."
Yuuki laughed again. She liked the make-up artist. Every time she had to do a promotion, she asked for her. The woman was lovely.
"Okay kiddo." She waved a brush over the Cunxin's nose. "You're off."
The girl lifted herself up and let her booted feet hit the ground. "Which way to my outfit?" The plush robe was comfortable, but not socially so.
"Round the corner, to the left."
"Right."
"No, left."
"Okay. Got it."
The 'hot sprinter guy' got into the chair Yuuki had just vacated and the makeup artist gave the teen a thumbs up as she left the room. Yuuki smiled at her and rolled her eyes before disappearing.
Her clothing for the shoot was overly extravagant. A white dress, cut in the Greek style, with a long feathery train and a white headpiece with feathers hanging off it and stuck through her hair. Yuuki hated it. The photo shoot was for Vanity Fair and was to be done in classic style, promoting the athletes as the god's of Olympia. Zero had had a set of wings glued to his shoulders and looked somewhat uncomfortable.
Yuuki crossed the room to where he stood just off set. "Hello."
The horse stood to attention at her voice; she ran a hand over his nose. "You look like a brown Pegasus."
He shook his head.
"No, I'm not being racist. White horses get skin cancer." Zero's ears flicked forwards and he pressed his face against her chest. "Yes, I thought so." Yuuki wrapped an arm under his nose, trapping his face. The horse's ears stayed forward, pricked up as he playfully tried to get free. It was his favourite game.
"Nice horse." The photographer was watching the pair.
"Oh." Yuuki blinked as Zero forced his head free. "Thanks."
"The guy before told me about him. Gossip line says he owned him, but no one listens to that anyway." The woman smiled, the lines around her eye's lifted.
Yuuki paused. "The guy before?"
"Yeah." She pulled a stray feather out of Zero's wings. "The Ootori heir. Their family is sponsoring the medical supply line for the games, he needed to be interviewed about sponsorship and support of the athletes, etcetera."
The girl stared at the photographer. "He was here?"
"Yeah, just then. You know him?"
"I used to."
The woman smiled. "Ready to go?"
Yuuki nodded, not sure if she wanted the topic dismissed yet.
The shoot entailed her standing on a set designed to look like a forsaken forest with a mountain in the background. At the top of the mountain was a splash of gold with the Olympic rings hung on it.
"So, Yuuki, this is all about the 'search' for gold. Alright?" The photographer lined herself up.
The girl swallowed nodded. Cameras. She hated camera's. She regretted making the decision to be a face of the games for Japan. Yuuki was given a leg up to side side-saddle on Zero. She was supposed to look forlorn and heavenly but couldn't ended up looking shy and embarrassed.
"Good, Yuuki. Just pretend you're in Olympus."
"Okay." She didn't like cameras, publicity, photos; anything really that promoted herself. This change of scene idea had seemed liked a good idea. It would take something extraordinary to get her to do more than a short spread with other athletes for a magazine.
"Relax your face."
"Okay."
"Lean back just a tad. Too much. There, good. Good. That's a good shot."
Yuuki felt her corneas retreating further into her head with every bright flash of light. Zero was getting uneasy beneath her. To make matters worse, the editor of Vanity Fair walked onto set with the journalist who had interviewed the Cunxin earlier. She stood in her Prada and Yves, smelling like a Chanel department store, and stared at the young girl as she tried to look like something she wasn't. She moved behind the media desk and stared at the computer, her forefinger on her chin, her expression hard and unreadable.
By the end of the shoot, Yuuki thought the woman would eat her alive, but she didn't. She approached with an air of grace and a smile the girl knew wasn't real.
"Hello, you must be Yuuki Cunxin."
Yuuki lead Zero off the set and handed him to one of the stable hands who had come along. "Yes?"
"I'm Andrea Hin."
"Pleased to meet you." The girl shook the woman's hand.
"I'm very interested in putting you on the cover of this month's magazine."
"Oh." Yuuki closed up. "Sorry. I can't."
"Cant, or wont? The publicity and pay would be significant."
"I'm not really interested in either. Can I help in some other way?"
"You're just...so photogenic. That nose and those eyes..." Andrea clapped. "It would put the equestrian world in the forefront these Olympics." Really it was because the sprinter was on the cover of a rival magazine and everyone else had left the set.
Yuuki doubted that Equestrian would ever be a forefront event, but held her tongue. "I'm very grateful for the offer."
"I hear you're close to Kyoya Ootori." The editors direction suddenly changed. Hitting a soft spot.
"We were friends, yes." Yuuki referred to the past tense. The future was still uncertain.
"Yes, well, he thought it would be a fantastic idea."
"Fantastic hey?" For some reason, she couldn't see Kyoya saying that. But it piqued her interest. She missed him. It had been to long already.
Andrea raised her plucked brows. "Yes. Said it would be good for you. Would help you come out of your shell."
Now that, she could imagine him saying, even though she knew it was a lie to get her to bend to the editors whim. Yuuki knew Kyoya wanted her to feel better than she had been, despite being back, despite finding him still very much still attached to her. The memory of what had been and a future that could be, but had unsteady foundations at present. "Well..." Pause. "Now?"
The woman smiled coyly. "Of course. You don't even have to change."
Yuuki was ushered to another set. Obviously they had planned this. The girl's throat closed but her heart kept her steady, knowing that Kyoya thought this was good for her. If she was sure of herself, she could hand over the key to her box. She wanted him to have the key; she wanted to know him better.
"Now, Yuuki. The fan will dry your eyes out, but keep them as open as possible." Pause. Andrea stared at her. "Try to look...dreamy, divine, salient."
"I'll...try." Think Kyoya. Think for you.
The fan blowing on the girl was not only cold, but dried her eyes to the point where they were blurry even after blinking numerous times. In the middle of the shoot, Andrea's phone rang. She seemed annoyed, but then a small smile flitted across her features before feigning a mournful voice.
"Oh, that's terrible! Is he okay?" She was looking at her nails. "Well, you call me when it's alright to add the details into the feature. Yes, we want them in the feature. Well...it's his hospital love...shouldn't drive such a powerful car then. No, no, just get me the details. No. Actually, email them to Lin, Quin, Qing, whatever her name is. The one writing the piece. Yes. Send some flowers, and...a sympathetic card. You can think of something to say, something generic. Yes. Thank you. Bye."
Yuuki had been listening, in fact, the whole set had been listening.
The journalist who had stayed for the session dropped her somewhat-offended face and became curious. "What happened?"
"You'll get an email with the full details..." Andrea paused, the gossip on her lips. "It seems that the Ootori son has been in a car accident on his way home. Apparently the gearbox failed, even though the car is automatic, and the brake system didn't respond in time."
Yuuki felt the blood drain from her face. "Is he alright?"
"He's in surgery. The impact broke a few ribs and sent them into a lung or something gory like that." Sigh. "My informant said something about...critical condition..." Something serious and juicy. Nice smash up. Makes for a good story.
The girl felt faint. "Which hospital?"
Andrea waved her hand; it was all business to her. "The big private Ootori one."
Yuuki lifted the skirt of her dress and hurried off the set, grabbing her bag on the way out.
"Where are you going?" The woman cried after her. "We're not done."
"We'll make do." Yuuki shot back, hurrying through the doors into the hallways of Vanity Fair.
Her heart was racing. Kyoya. If he left her...Yuuki's breath caught for a moment.
The girl forced the doors to the building open and stumbled into the street. She needed him. She prayed he would be okay, so that they could be okay. Yuuki realised with severity how much she had relied upon Kyoya's very existence, even when they were apart. He was her air, and she couldn't breathe without it. What was she thinking, being away from him?
People stared as Yuuki charged to the front of the cab line. The man in front was stunned to see her forcing her way into the car before him.
The girl turned. "Can I have this cab?" Yuuki didn't wait for his reply; she just slammed the door and told the driver to go as fast as he could to the Ootori Memorial Hospital.
The girl dug into her bag and pulled her mobile out, dialling the stable hand she filled him in. "I'm sorry, It's an emergency. Please take Zero back once they unstick the wings. Yes, I know, I'm very sorry. He'll do it for sugar. No, I don't care if you feed him that. Just... do what you can."
She hung up and leaned against the seat. Trying to breath. He had punctured a lung. He wouldn't be able to breath, with or without her. Yuuki wondered if they had the same blood type, she would give him one of hers. Just if he was okay. Her hands began to shake. He had to be okay. He had to. He couldn't not be.
"Please hurry." Yuuki asked the driver and slid him a large bill. "Please. I'll pay whatever legal fines, fee's, bail...whatever. Just...drive."
The man nodded and accelerated. Four large bills later and a hefty cab fee, they arrived.
Yuuki tumbled, gown, feathers and all through the emergency centre. There was a sign that said ER on it and she began to clack her way towards it. The pain from her heeled shoes barely registering.
"I'm sorry miss." A nurse called to her from the station she had just passed. "You can't just run into the hospital. Can I help you?"
Yuuki spun and landed with her hands on the counter. "Kyoya, Ootori Kyoya."
The nurse stared. "Are you family?"
"No...but..."
"Then I can't let you through. I'm sorry."
"Can I have the details then?" Yuuki's hands were still shaking. Her heart racing. Her face run white from lack of blood.
The nurse sighed. "Wait." She turned and dialled a number on her phone. "A girl is here asking about Mr Ootori. Yes, the son. She's wearing a lot of...feathers, no, she's not mad."
The woman turned to Yuuki after hanging up. "He's in a critical condition, still in the OR, that the operating room dear."
The girl stared, willing her to tell her more.
She did. "He lost a lot of blood. The man in the other car got out with just a broken arm. Mr Ootori's car went into a spin, it seems that the brake system allowed him to slow but didn't stop the car in time and he spun, hit the other vehicle and rolled twenty meters down an embankment. He was going 80."
"Will he..." Yuuki thought she would faint.
"We don't know yet love. Probably. The surgeons managed to re-inflate the lung but there was massive internal bleeding, broken ribs..the situation is incredibly dire."
Yuuki swallowed. "No...he...I..."
"Do you need some water, love?"
She nodded, then shook her head, then swallowed. Her face paled.
"Okay." Pause. "If you don't mind me asking, who are you?"
"Yuuki" She stuttered. "Yuuki Cunxin, is his family coming?"
"No, they're still in that conference. It ends in two days." The nurse handed Yuuki a bottle of water. "Have a seat love, I'll make sure your kept informed."
Three hours passed and Yuuki sat in the same seat, peering through the giant doors that led to the ER. Half an hour later, there was movement on the other side. The girl stood and went to the circular window, trying to see as much as she could before the nurse told her to sit again. A man in scrubs came out; followed by an army of green and blue clad followers they were pulling a gurney. The figure under the sheets was still, his hair matted and his glasses gone. Kyoya had an oxygen mask over his face and a drip in his arm. A heart monitor pumped out a beat the girl had memorised before leaving him, it was still his. Still steady, even, only this time softer. There wasn't so much to push around the body. Yuuki dug her nails into the wood of the windowpane and almost pushed her way through. He could die. A doctor had come out earlier and she had asked him, all he knew was that the chances of him living were very low; unconsciously telling the girl that hers were too.
The nurse laid a hand on the girls shoulder. "Honey..."
"I...I..." Yuuki felt a tear stream out of her eyes. The first of many. "He'll be alright, right?"
The woman was silent. The corridors were silent. The hospital smelt like fighting life, struggling life, ended life. "Love, I'm not sure. I don't know what's going on."
"He has to be alright." Yuuki's tone was desperate.
"If things go...wrong," the nurse squeezed her shoulder, the left shoulder, the one with the scar he had patched up. "He will always live in your memory."
The girl felt herself die inside. "That's not good enough. It's not...enough." She'd been living off his memory for too long. It wasn't enough. She began to cry. "It's all my fault." He was going to die. Kyoya was going to die. All because of her.
"Shh...I'm sure it's not."
"He tried to teach me to drive and I broke the gear box. He never fixed it even after...Why didn't he fix it?"
He hadn't because he couldn't fix himself. Not without her. He needed her, and she hadn't been there. She had been too selfish, to focused on what had happened to her to focus on what was happening with him. He must have had a reason for using her, he did have a reason, one that faded when he fell for her. He would have bought the world and sold it to the French if he could have just reversed the effects of his idiocy. Now, he would never have the chance.
The nurse sat Yuuki back down. The sun had set an hour before, the building hummed as the lights generated a fluorescent glow throughout the musty corridors. "Yuuki...dear...you're a beautiful girl, even when your dressed like a stork. Mr Ootori told me about you once."
She sniffed. "Really?"
"Mmmhmmm..." She sat down beside the girl. "It was about a year ago. He'd been awful strange, withdrawn almost. I asked him if he wanted some coffee, he was in his father's office doing the bills of the hospital. He said he needed something more sustainable than coffee. I didn't know what was, so I asked and he sighed. I'd never seen him take his glasses off, but he did and rubbed his eyes. He looked so lonely then, in that big room, surrounded by books and the like. He muttered something about letting something go. I asked him what and he said 'nothing' then paused, called me back and asked if I'd ever been stupid enough to let something important go. I thought he was talking business, so I told him about the time I gave my lotto ticket to a friend and she won the jackpot. He said he'd lost the jackpot even though he'd once kept it. I asked him what he meant and he told me about you. I didn't know who you were when you came in, but I did when you looked at me. You looked like he did. Ripped apart and utterly human, like you'd lost everything even though you had what other people would call 'it all'. He never stopped loving you. I was surprised when he opened up to me, everyone here thought he was heartless, calculating and cold; but he's not, is he?"
Yuuki shook her head. It hurt. She had cried to much already, to the point where she was hiccupping softly.
The nurse petted her arm and stood, heading to a vending machine she bought the girl a soda. "The sugar will help with the shock."
It was the same brand Kyoya had given her the night she had come back to him.
-
I need you
I need you here
I need you now
I need security
somehow
I need you
Like you would not believe
You're the
only thing I want
Cause you're everything, everything I need
-
At 1AM, a new nurse woke Yuuki up. "Go home miss Cunxin."
The girl stared, her head throbbed and her neck was stiff. "Is he okay?"
"He's in the critical unit. He made it through surgery, nothing is certain yet. These are the most dangerous hours."
Yuuki swallowed and stirred in her seat.
"Go home." The nurse said softly.
"I am home." Where he was, she was. Home is where the heart is. That's where her heart was.
The nurse sighed. "We get a few people like you."
"Like me?" Yuuki rubbed her eye, feeling her eyelashes crinkle as the mascara cracked.
"The ones who hold vigil."
The girl rolled her neck. "You would too."
"Not unless I had someone to hold it for."
Yuuki stared at the doors. "Can I see him?"
"You're not family, I'm sorry."
"Can I just stand at the door?"
"The first night is the most dangerous."
Yuuki looked at the woman.
The nurse smiled softly. "Okay, but don't tell anyone."
She led the girl through the big doors and into the body of the hospital. There was a row of wards; close to the OR, that housed the emergency patients. The ninth door was Kyoya's. Yuuki looked through the glass window that formed the wall of his suit. He was just a silhouette on the bed. Still. Unmoving. Cold. The heart monitor beeped steadily, but slowly. A vile of blood was hung next to the bed, administering a transfusion. Blood type AB in Japanese culture was cool, controlled and rational. But they were human too, fragile. Breakable. Things happened fast, worlds were shattered in an instant without build up. Climax could be reached in an instant.
Yuuki put her thumb nail in her mouth and stared at Kyoya. Begging him to move slightly. Just watching over him.
-
I will never let you fall, I'll stand up with you forever, I'll be there for you through it all, even if saving you sends me to heaven. If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone, don't tell me I will make it on my own, don't leave me tonight, this heart will turn to stone and sing till it dies if you leave me tonight. I don't need nothin' else, All I need is you, Why don't you just stay with me? (Guardian Angel; Red Jumpsuit Apparatus) (Stay close, don't go; Secondhand Serenade.) (Stay, Neyo)
-
An hour into her stand by the window, Yuuki had to take her shoes off. The exhaustion hit her. She leant her forehead against the cool glass and blinked, her eyes had been abused that day. In frustration, she tugged the headpiece off and dropped it in a nearby bin. She had no idea how to get the other ornaments from her hair and didn't want to risk ending up in hospital herself trying to get them out.
Another hour later, something stirred Yuuki back to life. The steady beeping had broken and become palpitating. The girl felt her own heartbeat speed up and become erratic, only hers didn't slow drastically after a minute. The monitor went wild, beeping fast and loud. Yuuki was pushed aside by a team of doctors who had been on the night watch, ensuring their boss had the best medical attention. The lights in the room flew on.
There was shouting, pulling things, stabbing things, ordering, prodding, forcing. The doctor in charge noticed Yuuki in the window, staring in horror, and ordered a nurse to pull the blinds. She was cut off.
In his state, Kyoya saw an angel. A girl dressed in white with feathers in her hair. Staring at him from the window, a diamond traced her face. She was beautiful. He wanted to be with her. He wanted to touch her, hold her, know her secrets. To hold her life, fragile and gentle, soft and captivating, against his own. To know the beats of her heart. He wondered if angels had hearts, he wondered if he would ever find out.
In his state, Kyoya saw an angel. A girl dressed in white with feathers in her hair and a diamond in her eyes.
Nothing.
The girl pressed a hand to the glass, the noises still carried through. The nurse from the station appeared and pulled her away.
Yuuki couldn't breathe. It was as if her life force had been cut off. Had died. She froze. He was her air. And he was gone.
-
Leave
all you've found
that's keeping your heart on the ground
just
come back to me
So
afraid for love to come around your heart again
when it's the only
thing you need
just come back to me
Calling out your
name
wishing you could do the same
just come back to
me
whatever it takes
I will wait until my dying day
just
come back to me
so afraid for love to come around your heart
again
when it's the only thing you need
just come back to
me
this is my only hope
that the love that will not let me
go
will find its way back into your life
so I will not close my
eyes
until I see you by my side
loving me tonight
If I hold
out my hand
would it change where you're standing now?
Just
come back to me
(Just come back to me, Trading Yesterday)
-
The nurse handed her a cup of water and sat her firmly in the seat she had occupied for hours. "Calm down."
The girl
hiccupped and trembled. "He..."
"The doctors are working on
it."
"Where's
his father?" Why was he alone? If she couldn't be with him,
someone should..."
"He's in Osaka."
"Does he know?" Her voice shook violently.
"He said to call if things took a turn for the worse."
Yuuki looked up; another nurse was on the phone. "Is..."
"Yes."
The woman followed her gaze.
The girl shook her head. "Kyoya
can't..." she couldn't say the word.
"He can die, but so do we all." The nurse pulled a feather from Yuuki's dress. "We're all fragile."
"No. No. He's not allowed to. I'll kill him if he dies. I'll kill him." The Cunxin lapsed into shock again.
The nurse's face broke down for a second and then rebuilt itself. She was trained to deal with loss. "Let's hope you never get the chance to do it then." The nurse knew that she probably would.
There was a long silence and Yuuki sniffed, nodded and waited.
Could I
hold you for one day
Could I hold you for one day
Could I hold
you for one day
I need a chance to say
What about us? What
about us?
What
about love?
What about trust?
What about love? What about
love?
(For one day, Evermore)
Half an hour later, Kyoya was dead.
Yuuki felt her throat close in and her hand reached to her neck. She knew. She felt it.
She would never see him again. Never hear his voice. Never learn the rhythm of his typing or listen to him laugh. Never. The clock ticked over.
Tick.
The first seconds of non-existence.
Tock.
The second without him.
Tick.
The breaking of a heart.
Tock.
Running out of air.
Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls. But pass it does.
(Twilight; New Moon. Stephanie Meyer)
For two minutes Kyoya lay silent, the assisting nurse reached for the clipboard and called out the time, waiting for permission from the doctor to record it. He stared at the Ootori, young, still. Wasted. The man broke the rules. He called for a voltage higher than legal for a post-surgery condition. The patient was gone, so, obeying orders, the others in the room waited for the call.
"Clear."
Kyoya took the chance that his heart fluttered for and pressed back inside through its cracks, through the parts Yuuki had opened. She had brought him back and she could breathe again. He had brought her back to life.
-
The first time you deceived me, it nearly broke my heart
What
hurts me most was I'm the last to know
So lately I've been
thinking, thinking 'bout you
I know deep in my heart you had to
go
I can't live without you, heaven knows I really tried
Girl
there's something about you, and it won't let me say goodbye
Girl
you drive me crazy, I don't know what to do
Every night I keep on
losing sleep
'cos when I make my mind up, you smile that smile
And
that's when I know I'm in too deep
I can't live without you,
heaven knows I really tried
Girl there's something about you, and
it won't let me say goodbye
The way you turn me inside out,
you just amaze me
You got my heart and soul, girl you've got it
all
Girl there's something about you, and it won't let me say goodbye
(I can't live without you, Bad Company)
-
-------
Stay tuned.
Blessings,
-pp