Learning to Love

Chapter 8 : Thoughts

Sorry it took forever to update. Too many things going on and inspiration for this story and to write in general has been low. Not too much happens in this chapter. Hope you like.

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Severus was slightly irritated that the boy was staying in his home for the summer, but he knew it had to be done. The boy...young man, Severus mentally corrected, had no other place to go and he had offered to look after the World's Savior. It was just now finally coming into his mind how having the young man in his house was not one of his greatest ideas.

How was he suppose to help the teen mentally, despite the similar history between the two, when he turned out the way he did. Cynical, dark, uncaring and unloving. He couldn't even phantom how he should go about helping the raven haired teen from his traumatic childhood. Growing up he refused help from Albus and dealt with the memories, pain and scars by himself, probably one of the reasons he turned out the way he did. He himself became so isolated because of his history he didn't even know how to open up to another human being on the same level. Severus stared blankly at the raging fire in the first floor Library's magnificent fireplace.

'Arg. I'm in over my head.' Severus thought frustrated. He took a sip from his crystal glass filled with auburn colored Fire Whiskey. He let the back of his head rest on the chair, trying to sort out his jumbled mind. 'What's the best way to help Harry?' He questioned himself. 'It's oblivious that he'll do something similar to what I had done. Ignore it and keep to myself. Deny that anything's wrong when someone brings it up and say that everything is perfectly fine. Then beat myself up in private by thinking it's all my fault and what happened to me I deserved.' He brought a slender hand up to massage his temple.

'I'm going to have to contact the Wolf when he comes back from his mission.' Severus thought. 'He needs to know what happened to the his cub plus the Wolf will undoubtfully come up with a solution for how to punish those muggles. I suppose I could use some advice on how to handle Potter as well.' The last thought he reluctantly added, for Severus Snape never asked for help.

He let his head drop back- hitting the back of the chair- as he closed his dark, tired eyes and let out a sigh. His mind trying to come up with a plan on how to help his current house guest. Harry's situation was a little bit different then his own. Severus, luckily, was never raped- by any one- nor had to rape anyone. Plus Severus had his mother's love and protection till her death during the summer before his sixth year of Hogwarts. Harry had no one and went through a lot more than he himself.

Thoughts bounced around in Severus's mind becoming jumbled and causing a migraine to start pulsing in the front of his head. Severs heaved his lanky form out of his chair, despite how comfortable he had become, and headed out of the library. He made his way towards the dungeons.

As he started down the stairs torches along the walls came to life, their flames guiding the way to the bottom. When arrived at the spacious potions lab he walked over towards his storage cabinet and opened the heavy doors protecting it's reserve. Dark eyes scanned the labels on the potion bottles, mentally making a list of all the potions he would need. First, he grabbed a Headache Reliever and downed it in one swig, a slight grimace appearing on his face; then grabbed several potions Harry would need.

Sharp black eyes glanced around the potions lab and stock once more to make sure he had everything, not wanting to make several trips incase-Merlin forbid- the spy forgot anything, then headed back towards the stone stairs and up to the first floor. Severus made his way to the kitchen, depositing the bundle of potions on one of the counters. He glanced up at the clock, startled that so much time had already passed by, then called for a House Elf.

"Rin." Severus called out.

"What can Rin do for you Master Sev?" A female House Elf questioned when she suddenly appeared with a small crack.

"I wanted you to know that we have a house guest for the summer." He told her. "His name is Harry Potter. He's been through a lot and I would like it if you...would help keep an eye on him please." Severus asked.

It was Rin that was assigned to Severus as a kid; and it was her that helped him out when things became difficult. She was the one who helped Severus clean and bandage wounds inflicted by either his father, from the Dark Lord and his merry gang or himself. She was also there for him when his mother died, one of the most difficult days of his life.

"Rin can help keep an eye on Mr. Potter. Rin knows what to look out for." She stated, knowing by the tone in her master's voice the possible signs Potter would show would be similar to what Severus went through.

"Thank you Rin. Could you have dinner made and set out. Something a little lighter. Potter's stomach can't handle heaver foods yet."

"Of coarse Master Sev. Rin would be happy too." Then went to work on making a light meal for her Master and his guest with a couple other House Elf's. Severus headed back up the stairs to the second floor and went straight for his bedroom. He quickly shed his stuffy teaching robes leaving him in a pair of dress pants and a white button up shirt which he proceeded to roll the long sleeves up to his elbows. After setting the discarded robe on the bed he made his way to his quests room. He paused at the door and knocked.

"Potter. It's time for dinner." The Potions Master called out. When he got no reply he knocked again. "Potter."

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Emerald eyes blinked open, tiny black dots dancing within his vision. His mind hazily trying to remember where he was and why he felt so woozy. He slowly sat up and leaned against the headboard as his mind came to recall what had taken place before he fell unconscious. He looked down at his arm which held angry red semi-healed scars. Harry looked continued to stare at his arm confused.

'There should still be cuts. Why and how have they healed?' Harry wondered. He glanced around the bed sheets and on the floor where he had sat and found his crimson life liquid still staining both. 'But how?' Magic. It must have been his own magic that saved him. Sure his self mutilation wouldn't have killed him, but there should be fresh cuts not some what healed scars. He looked down at his shirt which was once white now had a large dark red spot on it.

'My shirt must have soaked up the blood and helped clot it while my magic must have instinctually kicked in and healed the wounds so they couldn't be life threatening.' Harry was torn between being relieved that his magic saved him and disappointment that he was still alive and breathing. The darkness in his mind was scolding him. Telling him that if he had done it right not even his magic could save him and he could finally be at peace with his parents and Sirius. The shadows in his soul yelling how he could do nothing right. He glanced over at the clock revealing that it was half to six pm.

'Crap. I better clean this mess up before Snape comes to fetch me for dinner.' He quickly got out of bed and looked down at the mess he caused. 'Bloody Hell. How am I suppose to clean this up?' He questioned himself. He could possibly pass off the blood on the bed sheets as him getting a bloody nose from the slight dryness of the room –seeing how the stains on the sheets were minimal, but the splashes of crimson saturated on the floor had to go as well as his shirt.

He walked over to the bathroom that connected to his room, which at the moment he was extremely thankful for, to try to find something that would help get rid of the sopping mess on the floor. He glanced around the bathroom to find anything that could help him keep his emotions and feelings being found out by the house's owner. Harry paused, mind going back to what Severus had told him earlier how the house's wards would allow him to use his wand. He smacked himself lightly on the forehead, how could he forget that. He walked back into the bedroom and grabbed his wand off the night table.

"Tergeo." He said waving his wand in the appropriate movement above the bed and floor, cleaning the blood stains off both. Setting his wand back on the night stand after performing the spell on his discolored clothing he then headed back to the bathroom for a much needed hot shower. He turned the water to the right temperature then pulled the lever to start the shower.

The young man stripped himself of his baggy clothing and stepped inside the hot shower. He began scrubbing the blood off his small malnourish body till his skin turned a bright red. After washing he realized he should hurry and get dressed before Snape came to get him for dinner.

He turned off the shower and dried himself off with one of the large soft towel sitting out for him. When he reentered the bedroom Harry grabbed some clean clothes and put them on, making sure to wear a loose dark colored long sleeve shirt to cover the newly made lines on his arms and not irritate the healing skin. He glanced over at the clock sitting on the night stand and let out a sigh in relieve.

'Five minutes till Snape comes to get me for dinner.' He thought. Emerald eyes swept along the room, making sure that everything look normal and nothing was out of place. He wandered over to one of the windows that over looked the backyard and sat down on the cozy window seat. Looking into the sky, seeing the sun slowly making its way to the horizon, he figured it'd be probably another hour or so till it started setting.

He glanced at the property, slightly surprised to find a garden- more than likely mainly for potions ingredients- and rose bushes and other flowers in full bloom scattered across the vast yard. So lost in the scenery and thought he didn't heard the knock on the bedroom door or Severus calling out his last name. When the second knock came and his last name called loudly he finally realized the older man was at his door. Standing up he made his way towards the door and opened it.

"Sorry I didn't hear you the first time I was watching out the window." Harry explained after a minute of silence.

"It's ok. It's time for dinner." Severus said then walked towards the stairs. Harry followed, closing the bedroom door.

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Again sorry it took so long for me to update. I'm not sure when I'll update again. So I'm going to apologize in advance for what I'm sure will be a long wait for the next chapter. I wanted to add more to this chapter but my muse that I momentarily had decided to leave and I wanted to give you guys something before my 21st birthday on Friday –Yay!-.

I would love for suggestions on what should happen. My inspiration well is dried up and it rarely rains ideas. Since we can't post up just Author notes I write down what's going on with my stories- and why their not being updated- on my profile. So keep an eye on that.

Thanks,

Moonluna (4-8-09)