Okay. I know I already did a parody of an out-of-place Mary-Sue taking over Sally's role in the movie, but here it is again! This time in more detail. I can't stand this cliche so much, I have to make fun of it again. X3
So yes, I'll be using Marina once again for this role. She was quite happy to do it! She loves acting, and she likes to parody. She's just having a ball with this. XDXDXDXD
And of course off-set Jack makes it all up to Sally. :D
Now here we go!
As I watched Jack with pure admiration, I think then smirked as I saw stupid rag doll Sally being dragged away by the doctor. She had immediately surrendered when he grabbed her by the arm. Heh, what a stupid woman. If I were her, I'd have ripped off my arm and run off.
But at least she wouldn't have a chance to catch Jack's eyes. Yes, I knew she loved him so much. She loved him for a long time. I may have only gotten here a month or so ago, but I know I love him more. She's just a desperate slut. Heh.
When I saw Jack breaking away from the crowd, I followed him, and he didn't even notice me. He passed by the band players, giving them a soul.
"Nice work, bone daddy." Said the Saxophone player.
"Yeah, I guess so." I heard Jack respond miserably. "Just like last year. And the year before that. And the year before that. And the year before that."
I frowned, and continued to follow him. It wasn't new to me, I knew where all of his special places were. I followed him and stalked him all the time! Hey, I had to get to know him! He didn't see me, so it was safe. Hee hee!
When we got to the graveyard, he called for his ghost dog, Zero. Ehh...he's okay, but I don't care for him. I prefer cats. And Zero barks too loud.
Then I saw a surprising thing. Jack was lamenting, bemoaning his miseries. In the form of a song. Ohhh...that gorgeous, angelic voice of my man! Heh! I'm so glad Sally wasn't here to hear it. She doesn't deserve it, anyway.
But by the time I stepped out to make myself known to him, he was gone. Where did he go? I was sad. Why didn't he see me and praise me for how understanding I am? It's not fair!
I immediately threw a tantrum, stomping on the ground and flailing my arms. How DARE he! He was supposed to confide in me! But he didn't! HOW DARE HE! GRRRR! STUPID CLUELESS JACK! I HATE HIM!
The next day came around, and of course the annoying Mayor was whining and crying about Jack being gone. Geez, it was only for barely 24 hours, let alone 12 hours! What babies they all are.
As they rang the alarm, I looked toward Dr. Finkelstein's lab, and to my chagrin, I saw Sally's stupid little face peering out from a window on the ground floor. I have amazing super vision, you see. I could see her from where I was standing. Ohhhhh, I hate that rag doll! Oooh, look at me, I'm little miss pathetic Sally the rag doll, I'm all alone and sad and shy, FEEL SORRY FOR ME!
Heh, well I was not about to fall for that. She just wanted Jack for herself, to be the Queen and get back at the doctor. I knew that far too well. Unlike me, of course, I wanted to be with Jack because I truly loved and cared about him. And no one else does but me! Everyone knows that. When I want something, I want it and deserve it far more than ANYONE in the world. It's a known fact. I deserve nothing but the best of everything, duh.
More hours passed as I too searched for Jack. But no sign of him!
I had an errand to run, first.
I went over to Dr. Finkelstein's lab.
"The door is open!" I heard him call from inside.
Smirking, I went in. I saw stupid Sally at the stove, making soup. And she was slipping in...Deadly Nightshade, along with worm's wart. Oh, PERFECT.
"Hello, Sally." I said with spite.
She looked at me with those stupid, big eyes. "Oh, Miss Marina...hello."
"That's Miss Skelletina to you, bitch." I said nastily.
Shrinking back, Sally nodded. "Right, Miss Skelletina...I'm sorry."
"Uh-huh. Oh, hey, Sally...what's that in the cauldron? I see something in there...looks funny."
"Oh?" Sally turned around, peering into the cauldron.
I snuck up behind her, grabbing her arms behind her back with one hand, and then I grabbed her head with the other, sticking her face RIGHT into the cauldron. YES! YES YES YES! I could get off on this if I wanted to, but now, I had a mission to do. I knew she wouldn't die, she's a rag doll, she can't drown, and that wasn't my point. The point was for her to drink it...yes...
She spluttered and struggled, but I held her in the there. Moments later, she went limp. I wish it was because she was dead, but of course she couldn't die unless you set her on fire.
Maybe one day...
I pulled her head out of the cauldron. She looked so appropriate with that soup dripping along her stupid face. Her eyes were closed, indicating my plan had worked.
"You stupid selfish bitch." I snarled, slapping her, and then shoved her roughly away, where she landed on the floor.
"SALLY! That soup of yours ready yet?" I heard Dr. Finkelstein yell from upstairs.
Smirking, I just left. My enemy was out of the way. I know it was dirty, but it was all in the name of love. And we know that makes it right. I am fighting for love, not letting anything stand in the way.
It wasn't long after that Jack came back. He was riding on a STUPID UGLY snowmobile. And he looked dorky in those goggles. Gawd, where is my dark and brooding emo Pumpkin King? NOT FAIR! And he didn't even say hello to me! Nor greet me! NOTHING! He just didn't look at me!
He called for a town meeting instead.
GODDAMNIT! HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE PAYING ATTENTION TO ME! ME! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
I went to the town meeting. The Hanging Tree let me sit on his branches, of course, because everyone had to do what I said or I would hurt them. Known fact! I was so intimidating, sassy, dangerous, no one dared mess with me, Marina Skelletina. Oh yes, my last name is similar to his! Jack and Marina. It was perfect. I was of course, the most beautiful and scariest girl in town! That means I'm perfect for him!
So he presented Christmas to us. Pbbttt. I'm from the Real World! I already knew what Christmas was! What a moron. I couldn't believe he was doing this! And he thought Santa's name was Sandy Claws? Wow. What an IDIOT. I could have introduced Christmas to him a lot better.
One night, I saw stupid Sally going over toward Jack's house with a basket of goodies. Oh NO she wasn't. No no. She was not going to get his attention. Not if I, the wonderful Marina, had anything to say about it.
I took out my gun, and held it to her back.
"Give me the basket or I'll shoot you."
Terrified, Sally turned and gave me the basket. "Y-Yes..."
"Good. And if you tell ANYONE about this, I will set you on fire, you stupid bitch." I snarled. "Remember, Jack is mine."
There were tears in her eyes and she ran off. Good. Now I can take credit for her little basket. I was brilliant.
So I hoisted the basket up to his window in the tower of his home. Jack saw me and lit up, grinning as he took the basket.
"Hope you like it, Jack!" I squealed, and ran off.
But then I saw stupid Sally against the wall next to his house. Stupid bitch. But she had a flower. It turned into a Christmas Tree, and then it burned.
I smirked. Wow. What perfect information. Christmas was going to be a disaster. I had to be the one to warn him, of course.
And I did.
At the Town Hall, everyone was lining up to receive assignments from Jack to help with Christmas. I, of course, was enlisted as well. I made sure of it. The moment I had seen Sally's name on the Mayor's book, I crossed it out and replaced it with my name. NO WAY.
So when I got up to the front of the line, I feigned being all sad. Hey, I had to make the warning believable.
"Sal-...Oh, Marina! Funny, I could swear I specifically requested Sally." Jack said.
I wanted to KILL HIM. How DARE he mention her in my presence!
But I kept it up. "Don't be silly, Jack. But listen, there's something I have to warn you about. I had the most terrible vision."
"That's splendid!" Jack cajoled, and turned away to rifle through the trunk of Christmas paraphernalia.
"No, it was about your Christmas. There was smoke and fire!" I said. Wow, what a clueless moron.
But I sure felt good that I was taking credit for Sally's vision.
"That's not my Christmas!" Jack said cheerfully. "My Christmas is filled with laughter and joy!" He then held up a drawing of himself as the Pumpkin King-HOT!-, and then pulled down a traced-over drawing of himself as Santa Claus.
Um...Whut?
"My Sandy Claws suit! I want you to make it!"
Shit. I couldn't sew. That was why he wanted Sally, she was, I hate to admit, a talented seamstress. Well, that's no big deal since she's a damn rag doll and needs to be able to repair herself. Whatever.
"No, Jack, listen to me! It's going to be a disaster!" I pleaded him.
"How can it be? Just follow the pattern. This part's red, the trim is white." Jack explained, clearly misunderstanding me.
"It's a mistake, Jack." I moaned. And yes, it was. I wasn't qualified for this job.
"Now don't be modest! Who else is clever enough to make my Sandy Claws outfit?"
Sally was, unfortunately. Anytime I gave him clothes and said I made them, I stole them from Sally and took credit for them. Ah shit.
"But-"
He handed the drawing to me, ushering me away. "I have every confidence in you!"
I groaned.
Oh well, at least I took credit for Sally's vision! YES!
"Make his Santa suit." I plopped the drawing onto her lap.
"What?" Sally blinked.
"I said, MAKE IT! You're the only one in town who can sew worth a damn." I growled. "And you are not to tell anyone you're making it. Especially when I give it to him."
Her face crumpled, as if she were about to cry, but I didn't care. Stupid whiny pathetic sensitive bitch.
"Okay." She sniffled.
I smirked and left the room. Heh, perfect. Jack will never know.
Now the whole town was making Christmas. Oh God. I left the real world to get AWAY from this stupid Holiday. That was the real reason I was warning Jack. I just used the burning flower as an excuse.
Great.
Well, Sally did her part. She finished the suit, which looked awesome on Jack if not for it being a Santa Claus suit. I of course, took it and took credit for it. That was the way it had to be. I couldn't be expected to learn. I had way more important things to do! Like, painting my nails and cutting myself since I'm so emo.
So I was...TRYING to put the final touches to his suit outside, but had no idea what I was doing. At least I got to feel him up! Hee hee...
"You don't look like yourself, Jack." I said sadly. "Not at all."
"Isn't it wonderful? It couldn't be more wonderful!" Jack said cheefully.
I grabbed the drawing, showing him the original. "But you're the Pumpkin King!" And he was supposed to be dark and scary and murderous and evil and emo and EVIL! WHERE IS MY PUMPKIN KING WHO IS SUPPOSED TO PAY ATTENTION TO ME AND BROOD? WHERE!
"Not anymore!" Jack took the drawing and snapped the frame in half with his knee. "I feel so much better now!"
Wow. What an idiot. I hate him.
"Jack I know you feel something is missing, but-"
"You're right! Something IS missing!"
I grinned.
"But what?" Jack looked in the mirror. "I've got the beard, the coat, the boots..."
I groaned. WHAT THE HELL? HE WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY I WAS THE THING HE WAS MISSING! DAMN IT ALL! HE'S SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME! I HATE YOU, JACK! YOU SUCK! GO AND DIE!
And then it turned out he kidnapped Santa. Wow. What a moron. Since it had nothing to do with me, I didn't pay attention.
I saw Sally slipping fog juice into the fountain. That...little...BITCH! I WAS SUPPOSED TO STOP JACK! OH GOD I WANT TO SET HER ON FIRE!
Luckily, the fog didn't stop Jack. His silly dog, Zero, had a glowing nose, totally NOT right out of Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer. Be original, you STUPID dog! Whatever, at least Sally's stupid plan failed. Heh.
Jack went off into the sky! Oh well, still has nothing to do with me.
I saw Sally wander off and was singing a stupid song. Really, all about how she wanted to stand by him, but had bad feelings about this whole thing and how she wished he'd love her back. What a pathetic bitch. Girls want more than just to be in love and get married. In fact, if girls wanted to get married at all, they were stupid. I'm not stupid. I know what I want and that entitles me to it. Duh! Known fact, idiots!
Whatever. I hope that cat she picked up scratched her.
"For I am not the one..."
Damn right she wasn't the one.
The one for Jack was ME.
Unsurprisingly, people were scared and terrified of Jack's Christmas toys. Wow. REALLY? This town was full of idiots. When Jack was in trouble, I was all worried but mostly rolled my eyes. He was an idiot. He deserved it.
When Sally ran off to find where Santa was, I immediately went after her. NO! NO! SHE WAS NOT GOING TO SAVE THE DAY!
She went to Oogie Boogie's lair, and I followed. I went in ahead of her too, and distracted Oogie Boogie, who had Santa tied up. Wow, kinky and weird.
"Hellooooo, Oogie." I cooed.
"Well well well! If it isn't Marina Skelletina!" Laughed Oogie Boogie, wandering over to me.
I saw Sally sever her hands and use them to untie Santa, and lower a ladder. Oh GOD NO. We were NOT working together. I worked alone. I would save Santa and leave her here.
"Hey Oogie, that stupid rag doll is trying to save Santa." I smirked.
"WHAT?.!" Oogie Boogie whirled around. "You tried to make a dupe out of me!" He then exhaled, the air around him sucking anything in like a vacuum. Sally and Santa were pulled right back in.
Awesome.
Unfortunately, all of us were tied up, since Oogie thought I was in league with Sally. Damn it! I was supposed to be the hero!
Then it turned out Jack was blown to smithereens.
Sally was crying. Oh great. Now Jack was DEAD? What was I supposed to do now? How was I going to marry him, become Queen and have ANY motivation now? GREAT!
Just as Oogie Boogie was going to send us careening into a pit of acidic magma (I wished Sally fell in), Jack suddenly swooped in and saved us, hiding us into an upright coffin! Phew! I'm so glad he saved me! I was in trouble!
The battle was boring and had nothing to do with me, so yeah, Jack killed Oogie and Santa left to make things right. I pushed Sally aside and hurried over to him, yet again taking credit for what Sally tried to do.
"How did you get down here, Marina?" He asked me with a smile.
"Well, I wanted to-"
"To help me."
"I couldn't just let you..."
"Marina, I can't believe I never realized that you-"
Stupid Mayor and those kids Lock, Shock and Barrel interrupted us and brought us out. Sally? Who cared about her. I think we left her in there. GOOD!
So everything was fine. But the celebration had nothing to do with me so I went to Spiral Hill to wait for Jack to come and sweep me off my feet.
And he did!
"My dearest friend
If you don't mind, I'd like to join you by your side
Where we can gaze-"
"Yeah yeah yeah! Now come here and kiss me!" I said.
And he did.
I saw Sally crying behind a tombstone. Heh, who cares? I got my happy ending!
THE END
...
Just kidding.
The "REAL" ending.
I went to Spiral Hill and waited for Jack to come and sweep me off my feet.
But he never did.
I turned around, and saw him talking to Sally nearby. She was telling him things, and he looked utterly shocked. He then hugged her, stroking her hair, and whispered something to her.
No...no...NO...
Then they kissed.
WHAT? WHAT?.! HE WAS SUPPOSED TO COME TO ME! I'M THE HERO HERE! I DID ALL OF THIS TO WIN HIM OVER AND MAKE ME HIS QUEEN! WHAT THE HELL? WHAT DID STUPID SALLY DO?
I threw a tantrum and screamed and wailed on Spiral Hill.
Hope you guys had fun with this stupid parody. X3