A/N: The transition from a solid wall built around her heart to the possibility and the confusion that it brings.

That Unfamiliar Feeling

Update 3/12/13: Reformatted the text, inserted more line breaks to make it easier to read

How did I get here?

I couldn't help but wonder. Maybe all this was part of that crazy adolescent hormonal rage that I used to hear about. Was I being a typical teenage girl and treating every moment, thought and feeling as if it held the weight of the world?

I would get my answer today.

With only two days left before the victory tour, I was making my rounds, as had become my new routine, delivering my catch for the day to those that could use it. Nearing the victor's village, I made a detour that I hadn't often made since returning to the district and ended up on Haymitch's porch.

Opening the door and allowing myself the customary few moments to acclimate to the stench and aroma of "unkempt" house, I stepped inside.

Haymitch was sitting in a stupor on the end of his couch and mouthed something about not having time to deal with me. I reminded him that we were to leave for the victory tour in two days and that he might want to think about sobering up just a little.

I had avoided Haymitch for much of the same reasons I was avoiding Peeta. I knew that I owed him my life as I would have surely succumbed to the circumstances in the arena had it not been for his well-timed gifts.

But in my usual demeanor, here I was berating him with short, straight to the point comments. I realized that part of my frustration with Haymitch was that he was usually right. He was right when he locked recognized Peeta's ability to woo the crowds.

He was right when his instincts told him that the star-crossed lover routine was the route to take and he was right when he told me time and again that I didn't deserve that boy.

The noise that I heard from the kitchen startled me and I instinctively back towards the door as if I was being stalked by a predator when his warm face emerged with a glass of water and fresh bread.

Peeta had already beat me to the punch and was here trying to get Haymitch out of his funk and somewhat presentable. In fact, he had been doing a lot of Haymitch-care since we returned. I felt a new pang of guilt over not thinking enough of my mentor to check in on him more often.

But not Peeta. He immediately assumed his natural role of protector and provider. I realized then, just how long it had been since I had actually been in the same space as Peeta for more than a handful of seconds and words felt miles away.

When Peeta looked at me, his eyes were still the unthinkable blue that I remembered, but his countenance was off. I did this. I knew it immediately and my guilt deepened. "Are you ready for the tour," I finally choked out after what seemed like an eternity of silence.

"I guess so," he said, and then more silence. Haymitch muttered something about the temperature of the room and how we had better heat it up.

We both knew that he wasn't talking about the furnace, but rather about us. We still had a performance, but that feeling stirred again. A feeling of warmth and without thinking I looked into Peeta's eyes and allowed that feeling to register on my face.

I knew it immediately and retreated.

I was out the door and headed across to my house unsure of what was happening. I couldn't get that vision out of my head, of Peeta looking as if he were in physical pain to be around me.

Then a wave of hurt spilled over my heart as I considered that maybe I had built a wall that couldn't be torn down. Had he moved on? Had he completely dismissed any thoughts of us and that same feeling that continued to haunt me took on a whole new level as I gave into the honest revelation that I needed Peeta's desire and affection in my life.