-

Chapter 28

-

For God did give sunshine and rain. He did not promise one, but both.

(Unknown)

-

Yuuki sat on the couch in the lounge and stared at the droplets of water that continually smashed against the windowpane. She could see the stable through the mist, but only a vague outline. The fire was going, heating the whole house. It was not the right season for fire, but it was the right weather. She was three months pregnant.

There was no bump. Not yet. But the butterflies had begun. For real. Little stirrings deep inside. Fluttering. A life so small and fragile that it had to move itself in the deep to cause ripples on the surface. Just like them.

Kyoya was walking around the house, looking at papers, talking on the phone. Something had happened in Paris. The administrator overlooking the Ootori group hospital being built there was doing a screw-ball job. Mr Ootori was not happy. At all. His father had very recently decided to retire. He knew when his reign had ended and when his power had been transferred. Ootori senior had long been under the rule of his son and the time had come to admit the fact and go play a leisurely game of golf. Nothing changed for Kyoya. He knew that it was coming. He knew that his job would not alter in the least when he took on a different title. He already worked his ownership long before he got there. Now he was the head of the Ootori group, but nothing had changed. His life had not changed. Saturdays were still dedicated to his wife and friends, time was short but given out to the places he loved it to be in.

"No. No. No. You can't do that. If you do that I will withdraw the funding of the hospital. Yes, I'm being very serious. No. Of course I can do that; I can do anything to your building plans because they are, in all reality, my building plans. That hospital is my hospital and your workers are all being paid by me. Understand? No. It has been brought to my attention that your overseer is less than useless." Kyoya leant on the doorframe and pinched his nose. Yuuki watched him with a curious expression on her face. She liked knowing the other half of the conversation and was trying to guess what the person on the end of the line was saying. She also didn't speak French and that limited her knowledge immensely. "Just do what I've told you or there will be no hospital. Have a nice day." Click.

Yuuki uncrossed her legs. "What happened?"

"Perfectly useless bunch." Kyoya pushed his glasses up. "Taking short cuts."

"Ah." Pause. "You should go."

"Where?"
"To Paris. You oversee everything, basically. All your work here can be controlled by those under you, which is everyone, and you won't be so stressed because you're so far away from your principle business aim for this month." She wrapped her arms around his torso as he collapsed on the couch beside her.

Kyoya let his head fall back against the back of the couch and sighed. "No. I can't leave you here."

"Kyoya. I'm only three months. I can travel."

"You're only three months, meaning the baby is in its most dangerous stage of development. If you get sick or stressed then it could be very bad."

"Yes. I know. But I'm not going to get sick or stressed. I still ride."
"Which I'm not happy with."

"So you say. Every morning." Yuuki smiled. "I'm not going to fall off."

"That's what you said last year and you spent an afternoon in hospital with concussion."

"Hm...yes. I thought you'd remember."

Kyoya let his thumb slide over the place where she had small scar on the back of her shoulder. "I won't let you travel right now. As you said, you still ride. It's too dangerous."

"Coming from you."

Her husband smiled slightly and looked at her. "How is it?"

Yuuki put a hand on her stomach. "Like a hummingbird. Won't stop moving."

Kyoya put his hand over hers. "What does that feel like?"
"Like butterflies in your stomach, only you're not nervous." She moved her hand so he could feel. She didn't know if he could when the baby was so small, but she could feel it. "You feel it?"
There was a long pause. "It just moved."
"Mm." He had a medical degree and doctors say that when a baby moves at such a young age it should feel like digestion. That's probably what it felt. "That's not lunch. That's baby." Pause. "What do you want to call it?"

"You want to name it already?"
"Well...girls like to talk about baby names long before their pregnant."

"What names did you talk about?
"I always liked Elizabeth for a girl. But it's very English. Kain for a boy though."

"Hm. I don't think Elizabeth would go down well in a Japanese school."
"No. My thoughts exactly. What about Sayuri?"

There was a long pause. He liked to think about things. Every thing. Even when he had six months to do so. "I like that."

"Really?"

"Yes." He smiled and kissed her temple. "I really like that."

"We have six months to decide."

"Yes, we do."

"And you have your whole trip to Paris to think about it." Yuuki stared at him. "You should go. You're needed there. You love your work."
"I love you."
"Yes. And you can't separate yourself from me, ever. I won't be alone just because you're away for a week."

There was another long pause. He actually did need to go. "If I go, what will you do?"

"If you want me to, I'll sit in solitary confinement."

"And sneak out every morning to go riding."

Yuuki smiled guiltily. "Yes..." Pause. "But I don't want to hold you back. I never looked for traits in you that didn't exist. You don't have one that sits around and waits for nine months. You should go."

Kyoya sighed. "Alright. But Suki, Mako and Haruhi will all be over for dinner."
"Every day for a week? Wow, that's not suspect or anything."

"They'll find out soon enough."

"No. I'll be at Suki's for dinner not tomorrow but the next night. So...I'll be fine. I see Tachi every morning. No doubt Haruhi will come over, or I'll go there." She kissed Kyoya gently. "I'll be fine."

"This is like arguing with a teenager when we want to go away and they just want the house."
"Good practice." Yuuki smiled.

Kyoya smiled with her and kissed her deeply. His wife happily kissed him back. The baby fluttered.

-

It's good to be in love
It really does suit you
Just like everything
I'm happy your in love
'Cause every color goes where you do

(Its really good to be in love with you, Frou Frou)

-

The airport was one of Yuuki's favourite places. It smelt like new and familiar places. It reminded her of their trip to Venice to see the dancing horses. Which is basically all they saw of the city during the days they were there. That's the thing about being in love, beautiful places are hardly as beautiful as the person your with. Yuuki stood beside her husband, close to him, her hand inside his. It fit so well. He'd let her sit in the luggage trolley, even though she didn't have any luggage and he only took carry-on. The woman at the counter recognised them and said sorry that she couldn't upgrade as he was already flying first class.

"You should just do what all other filthy rich men do and buy yourself a jet." Yuuki said, annoyed at being gushed over again.

"I have a jet."

Silence. "What?" Pause. "Why the hell don't we fly on it?"
"Its auspicious to have a public face."

"But...but....jet..."

"But, but, my dad uses it."

Pause. "Okay. I don't want to fly in it."

"Yes. I didn't think so." Kyoya laughed and led his wife to a little airport cafe. His flight left in an hour. "You'll be alright?"
Yuuki rolled her eyes at him. "Yes. I'm going to be fine. You've gone away for business without me before."
"That was because you were at a Grand Prix."

"Mmm." Pause. "You left the black sweater at home, right?"

Kyoya stared. "You're so shallow."

She laughed. "No I'm not."
"Yes, yes you are."

"I just like that sweater."

"I know."

"So...you left it at home?"

"Hm." Kyoya looked over the rim of his cup at her. Yuuki was leaning across the table, glaring at him. She could never do it right when she wasn't actually mad, her lips turned up at the corners. She just really wanted his shirt. Mrs Ootori crossed her arms and glowered at his evasive answer. Either she wouldn't find it or he had taken it. Her husband laughed.

The last time he went away without her, he had taken the sweater. He'd worn it when he'd arrived home. Yuuki had missed him enough not to notice but somehow ended up in it a few hours later, claiming she'd found it on the floor. Which she had, but the principle of the matter had been completely lost on her.

The couple spent the next hour talking. Just talking. It was the sort of conversation that, when asked what it was about, you couldn't rightly remember; you just knew it was a good conversation. The call for Kyoya's flight came over the speaker system, accompanied by the annoying airport tune that's supposed to get everyone's attention but just makes them want to ignore what the announcer has to say.

Flight one three eleven to Paris boarding. Boarding call for flight one three eleven to Paris.

If Tamaki was a Labrador, Kyoya was a Doberman. Big, dark, scary, mysterious; but really a loyal, bold and affectionate companion deep down. Thinkers. Sleek and smart. But with the ability to threaten without actually having to say anything. Everyone knew where they stood.

Yuuki followed her husband to the gate and held him for a long time before they actually said goodbye.

"What time do you get back?"

"I'll get a cab. You shouldn't come out."

"I want to come out."

Kyoya smiled. "I'll call you."

"Okay."

"It's only a week."

"I know. I might have a bump by the end." She grinned at him.

The man squeezed her hand and headed for the terminal that took passengers down to their boarding gate. He got about ten steps when he realised what a week could mean for a pregnant woman. How much the baby would develop, especially in the first trimester. It would have a complete nervous system and fingernails. So technically, it would be able to feel. It would have a heartbeat which meant that it had the sign most people looked for when proving life. Kyoya turned around and looked at Yuuki. She was wearing a cream blouse and a black high waisted skirt. She was waiting for him. The man retraced his ten steps and kissed her. Other passengers smiled to themselves as they passed by, but they couldn't look at them properly. It was too personal. There was too much going on between the pair, to much that had happened, for them to completely understand the depths of every little interaction.

Everywhere she went when she he was away, she would take half of him. A perfect half that fit exactly with her half. In the same way they fit. "Okay. You're going to be late." Yuuki pulled away from him. "It's only a week, right?" She said smugly. "An Ootori, held back by a woman."

Kyoya tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Unheard of. I'm never late, everyone else is just early."
"Who's cutting corners now?" Yuuki laughed. "Go. I'll be fine."

Even as she said the words, she couldn't make them a promise. After all, it had been raining in the outside world, defied by their own. As London had proved to them, their own world could be broken by events beyond their control.

There was a tingling in her stomach. It was like the baby was trying to tell her something. Trying to comfort her, letting her know that her husband was still half with her. "Yes baby. I know you're there. I love that you're there." She smiled. She loved her baby, it was hard not to. It was inside of her. A miracle. A little life deep inside of her, like a secret formed by hands unknown. The materials were perfect. She knew because she had experienced them. How could she not love something that was so special and unique?

-

Sing to me the song of the stars

Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again

When it feels like my dreams are so far

Sng to me of the plans that you have for me over again

I give you my destiny

I'm giving you all of me

I want your symphony

singing in all that I am

at the top of my lungs

I'm giving it back

(Only Hope, Mandy Moore)

-

Haruhi was very happy to bring Aimi over. Yuuki had become rather attached to the baby and her bright blue eyes.

"When are you going to get your own?" Her friend asked, laughing as the Ootori picked her daughter up and tickled her. The child giggled and closed her tiny hands around the ends of Yuuki's hair.

"Soon enough." Came the reply.

"What does that mean?"
"As in, soon enough." Yuuki put Aimi down and let her run behind an ottoman. "I'm starting to like kids."
"Your starting to like other peoples kids."

"So?"
"So, no one likes other peoples kids unless their expecting their own."
"I've always liked your kid."
"Except when she screamed. Threw up on you..."
"Oh. That goes without saying."
Haruhi laughed. "You'd like being a mom. I thought it would be boring, like sitting around the house all day. But it's not." She seemed so content.

"Tamaki wants another?"
The Suoh smiled. "Of course."

Yuuki noted something in her friend's voice. There was a long pause. Her expression changed dramatically. "Oh my gosh, Haruhi!" She sat across from her friend. "How far are you?"

"Four months."

The Ootori leant back. "You didn't wait long."

"Tamaki wanted a friend for Aimi. Hana and Jasmine will be in a different year to her at school, so he wanted someone who could be near her always."

That was sweet, in a strange sort of way. "And you agreed?"
"Not for a long time."

Pause. "How soon did he want another?"
"As soon as that one came into the world."

"Huh...eager."

Haruhi laughed. "He knows I only want two."

"Only two?"
"Yes. I don't want a soccer team running around my house. As much as I love kids, I want my own life too. I want to be able to do what I want without worrying about so many things."
"I understand that. I think I'll only ever have one."

"If any." Haruhi said flatly. "You still have a lot of time, but if you're going to join the bandwagon, do it."

Yuuki laughed as Aimi ran up to her mom, holding aloft a little brown ball made of wicker. It was a decorative item that one places in bowls or glass vases. "You better let her know you can't peel that for her to eat."

"No." Haruhi took the item. "You can't eat that darling." Her daughter had learnt that if she wanted something round to eat, it often had to be cut up or peeled. The woman threw the ball at Yuuki.

The Ootori took the bowl off the coffee table and set it on the mantle above the fireplace.

"This house is not child proof." The Suoh said.

"Well. You keep bringing your child over." Yuuki replied, slightly distracted. It wasn't a very safe house. She had six months to fix it though.
"Whats the tone?"

"What tone?"
"The little 'oh...maybe it's not...' tone."

"Suki, Kira and you are continuously bringing your children over; it's probably not the best place to have them. There are stairs and corners and...balls."

Haruhi stared. "You've been trying, haven't you?"
"What?"
"You know. Trying. To have a baby."

"What? No." Not anymore anyway. Pause. "Why?"

"You're sometimes a little obvious."

"No, I'm not." Yuuki frowned and sat down.

"There." Haruhi nodded at the way her hands folded across her torso. "You are trying."

"I'm the people reader here."

"So you are?"
"I'm not telling you about what Kyoya and I do in our....spare time."

"Well, when you get pregnant everyone knows."
"Okay." Yuuki raised her hands. "Enough. T.F."

"T.F?"

Kyoya was the only person who knew what her abbreviations meant. "To far."

Haruhi laughed. "Alright. I won't ask anymore. I won't even tell Suki I'm suspicious. When you're ready to join the club though, tell me."
"Alright. I'll tell you when I'm ready to join." Yuuki laughed. Aimi laughed because the women were laughing, she kept turning in circles, trying to watch them both at the same time.

Yuuki wasn't ready to join the club yet, even though she'd applied for membership. She was ready for her and Kyoya, just not for the rest of the world. That was always a hard point with her. The world was difficult to her. She preferred theirs.

-

It's an incredibly strange feeling, waking up and expecting someone to be next to you and finding their place empty. Yuuki had found herself either pressed against or wrapped around some other form for almost three years. It had become habit. Now that form was in Paris, working.

The girl scowled and stumbled out of bed and into her riding clothes. She spent an hour grooming her horse, putting off going back inside. She knew it would be empty when she got there. Zero pressed his nose into his owner's abdomen.

"Yes. Say hello." Yuuki smiled. "But I'm not teaching it to ride on you. We'll buy you a friend. A nice, gentle friend." The horse snorted as she mounted up. "If you throw me, my husband will not be happy. At all. So don't."

"When you going to learn that horses don't speak human?" A friendly voice called across the yard. Tachi saluted pleasantly in hello. "Why would Kyoya get so mad if you fell off? I mean...madder than the other time."

Yuuki paused. "He doesn't like the hospital."

"He works at the hospital."
"He doesn't like me in the hospital."

"Ooo. Save." The man said mockingly. "I'll grill you on that one later."

"There's nothing to grill."
"Yeah. Because the ovens already on."
Yuuki thinned her eyes at him. "Why does everyone think I'm pregnant?"
"Maybe because everyone else has done it, you just need to hop on the boat."

"Do I look pregnant?"
"No. Most women your age would kill to be as fit."
"Most women don't regard horse riding as exercise."
"Best toning work out you can get."

"Exactly." The girl smiled.

"Oh. Don't get cocky. You're still as flat as a washboard."
Yuuki's face fell. "I'm going to hurt you."
"No you're not."
"Yes. Yes I am."
"Just warm your horse up."
The girl spent the rest of the following hour under a personal storm cloud. Maybe there was a good part to being pregnant when most dresses had to be fitted smaller on the top half. Bra shopping. Apparently.

"You are the most vindictive trainer I've ever met." Yuuki shot at Tachi every time she rode near him.

"Oh. You're still pretty as pie, darling."
"Pie has curves!"

"Watch your flex. Good. No pie is round. No girl wants to be round like pie. Pretty like pie, yes. Not curvy like pie."
"I'll kick you in the pie in a minute."
"I'll make sure to keep my distance."
"Yeah. You better."
Childish pause. "Pie, your face."
"You wish you were pie." Yuuki shot back. They both laughed as Zero began his warm down. The girl reached down and petted his neck. "Good boy. Want to kick Tachi? Yeah. I won't get mad if you do. Promise."

The horse shook his neck, more a habit than a response. The man laughed. "See, he likes me."
"Oh whatever."

"We won Japan Grand together."
"So did we. And without the grey hairs."

"Oh. That's hard."
"Yeah." She smiled evilly.

"Not as hard as a washboard."

Yuuki scowled at him. "Oh. Shut up." She snapped.

"Yeah. You're not pregnant. Pregnant women are usually smiley and happy."

The Ootori dismounted. "You're the second person to bring up the spawn talk."

"Uhuh. The first being your husband I gather?"
"No, Haruhi."
"Ah. Spawn."
No one would know she was pregnant until she was ready to tell them so. Then they could all laugh and say 'I-told-you-so'. Right now it was her cherished secret. The baby shifted slightly. It tingled slightly. Yuuki smiled. Maybe it was growing. Or stretching. Or doing yoga. Whatever it is babies do when inside the womb.

"What you smiling at?" Tachi carried Zero's saddle into the tack room.

"Nothing."

"Uhuh."
"I woke up alone this morning." Change of topic.

Apparently not. "Ah. That smile."
"Oh. Gosh. Gee. What is with you today? And Haruhi yesterday?"
"You're too private. We get curious."
"Not about that. Thank you very much."
"My girl...." A heavy voice boomed through the stable. "...is very private. So private it took a long time to get this address."

Yuuki froze. Tachi looked at her suddenly pale face and then stuck his head out the stall. "Can I help you, sir?"

"Why. Yes you can." Shot pause. Footsteps. "I came to give the bride her wedding present."

"There be no bride's around here, sir." The instructor slipped out of the stall and walked forward a few steps so that whoever it was couldn't see Yuuki until she wanted to see him.

"Ah. But there was."
"Which are you speaking of?" Tachi's grandmother had been from Texas and had taught him respect to the disrespectful.

"The newest Ootori."

Yuuki flinched at the nearness of her father's voice and let Zero out the back door of the stall into the paddock.

"And what would you want to see her for?"

"She's my daughter."
"You didn't walk her down the aisle, sir."
"Well. No. I didn't."
"And for good reason." The girl let herself out. Kyoya had taught her to fight. "You need a father for that."

Shang Cunxin had become drawn. Aged. His vindictive nature came out through his eyes. "Ah. Dear little Yuuki. You look well."
"I was until you walked in here. Get off this land."
Tachi realised what was happening. "Mr Cunxin, you have no right to be here."
"Oh." The man pushed passed the instructor to get to his daughter. "I do." He held up a set of papers. "I need you to withdraw these..." Pause. "Dear."

Yuuki knew what they were. A restraining order against him, from her. "No. You are defying them now."
"Ye..."
"And if you defy them further I will take you to court for real."
"Oh. I bet your husband will do it for you."
"Leave Kyoya out of this."
"He put us in it."

Tachi grabbed the Cunxin's shoulder and pulled him around. "Leave."

Shang stared at the man. "Not until she withdraws these. It's bad for business."
Yuuki grabbed her riding crop from the top of the stall. "Get out." She wouldn't hit him, but she knew he wasn't opposed to physical assault.

Her father looked over his shoulder at her. "What? You going to hit me?"

The girl just stared at him.

"Nah. Didn't think so."

Tachi's voice was hard. "Sir, If you do not leave now, I will call the police. Yuuki is not interested in withdrawing the restraining order you are currently defying."

"I didn't spend a lot of time trying to work out where this place is, only to be thrown out."

"That's not my problem."

"You are my problem right now. No one gets in my way." Shang swung at the man.

Tachi stepped back and avoided the blow. "Get off this property."

"The only person who can make me do that is the owner. And he's at work."

"No." Yuuki stood beside Tachi. "No. She's right here."
"You own this?"
"I paid the down payment."Shang glared at her. "And as such, I am the owner. You get off my property." The baby didn't like the stress. It kept moving.

"Hmm..." The Cunxin looked at the pair. "You wont sign these?"

"No."
He looked around. "There are no jeeps around here, are there?"
Kyoya had the only car. It was in the garage next to the house. Yuuki didn't reply.

"And the horse is away, happily ignorant. As you were for so long." Shang turned back to his daughter. "I get my way, Yuuki. You'll withdraw these papers."
"I will not. This is not even a discussion."

There was a long silence. "You little..."

It was de'ja'vous, only with Tachi in the way. The instructor grabbed Yuuki's crop after he shoved the offending man away. Just before he had time to offend anyone with his fist. Shang turned around and punched the man on the jaw. He was rewarded with an attack on the same for him, only worse. A riding crop delivers a hard, painful blow.

"Get off this land." Tachi raised his voice. "I won't ask again. So help me, I will drive you from it with force if I have to."

Yuuki's father had a split lip and a long red line that reached from the base of his jaw to the bridge of his nose. She disappeared into the tack room. There was a phone in there. Tachi yelled at Shang Cunxin for five minutes before the police arrived to escort him off the property. They questioned the bruising on his face and then saw the bruising on the instructors face, took it as a defensive act and hauled away.

Half an hour later, over a cup of very sweet tea, the pair stared at each other from opposite sides of the dining room table. "Your father is a jerk." Tachi was holding a packet of frozen peas to his jaw.
"I'm sorry."
"No. Don't say sorry. Get a lock for your front gate. Don't say sorry."
Yuuki smiled. "Alright."
The baby had settled. The girl knew stress wasn't good for it, but Tachi had been there. It could have been worse. The child was safe inside her. It was protected. She would keep it there until it was ready to make its public appearance. An hour later, once her instructor had left, she called the obstetrician. He told her that major stress, like death of a loved one, would be bad. But just a temporary trauma wouldn't affect the child.

"Don't worry." He assured. "Every mother to be calls me after they've had a fight or even been in a car accident, with the same question. Everyone has carried to term and delivered a healthy baby."
"Okay." Yuuki breathed. "So...there's nothing to worry about?"
"Not from that incident. That wont affect your pregnancy. You're healthy, your husband is healthy, your baby is healthy. If anything happens to it, its not part of today's events."
"What do you mean, 'if something happens'?"

"I have to tack that on. People sue if we don't warn them. Pregnancy is hard to maintain. Even though the birth-rate keeps climbing. But as I said, you're healthy. You'll be fine."

One in three women didn't make it full term, for reasons unexplained. Obstetricians often got sued for not raising the high risk of mortality. Yuuki was just going into her second trimester; she was almost in the clear for a successful term. Even so. The girl put a protective hand on her stomach. She wouldn't let anything happen to their child. Not because of her father, not because of the statistics. Nothing would touch it.

-

Kyoya rang that evening.

"Hello, Yuuki?"

"No. It's Oprah."

"You're well I presume?"
"You presume right. How are you?"
"Tired."

"Thanks captain obvious."
A low laugh carried through the line. "What did you do today?"

"Watched Tachi hit my father over the face with a riding-crop. It was surprisingly a very good feeling."

Long pause. "You're father was there?"

"Yes."

"Why?"
"To withdraw the restraining order. Oxymoron, right?"
"Just moron. Are you alright?"
"I told you, I'm fine. We've been through worse."
"And the baby?"
"Active."

"Is that a good thing?"

"It's a normal thing. I'm dreading the feeling when it gets bigger. If it's a girl, she's going to be a dancer. If it's a boy, we need to get him ADHD meds."

"Yu..."

"I talked to the doctor. It won't affect anything. I promise. I feel fine. I'm happy, I'm talking to you, my dad is in jail at this point....Kyoya. Don't worry." They were indestructible.

"Alright." He was probably smiling. "Stay out of trouble."
"You going?"

"The economy won't hold itself up."

"Okay Atlas. Go hold up the earth."

"You saying my father is Zeus and he punished me?"
"Hardly. You took the globe upon yourself."
"I can tell your fine."

"Yeah."

"Yes."
"Whatever."

Kyoya sighed. "Talk to you tomorrow."
"Come home early."
"Will try."

"Love you."
"You too." He sounded stressed.

"Kyoya?"
"Mm?"
"Smile."

There was an amused silence. "Goodbye, Yuuki." His tone was lighter.

Yuuki smiled as she hung up. She loved pleasing him. The girl put her hand on her stomach. There was still no bump. Disappointing. "Hey in there. Did you hear dad? Yeah. I mean yes. Never say 'yeah' in this household...you okay in there? You're a fighter. Just like your dad. And...probably your soon to be adoptive uncle. Tachi will love you." The girl spent the rest of the night talking to her better half. Eagerly awaiting the point where she could hold him in her arms, not just in her tummy.

The baby shifted. The tingling feeling returned. Yuuki wondered how soon it would be before she got her baby bump. It was growing.

-

Day after day, I'd love to say it
Time and again, I'd love to say it
Just when you need it the most
There's something you wanted to hear
Yes, just when you need me the most
I'll be waiting for you
I can't wait to see you
I can't wait to see you

(I can't wait to see you, Eurogliders)

-

That night, Yuuki had a dinner at Suki's house. The baby's habits didn't change. Everything was perfect inside. Little Riki was at her friend's house playing with Jasmine. She rose to her feet and bounced up to Yuuki.

"Does Kyoya sleep in a coffin?"
"What?" The girl looked down at the child.

"Tamaki said he was a vampire at your wedding."

"That was three years ago." Yuuki laughed. "How do you remember?"

"You remember it."
She paused. "Yes. Vividly."

"Why are you smiling like that?"
"I'll tell you when you're older."
"I am older!"
"Not old enough."
"You never answered my question."

Yuuki knelt down to the girl's eye level. "No. Kyoya does not sleep in a coffin. He is not evil. He's just..."
"Cold." Suki finished as she carried a basket of bread rolls into the kitchen. "Yuuki, tell us if you need a lift. How much do you spent on cabs?"
"Um..."
"Don't answer that. I don't want to know." The woman said with a smile. Her daughter ran over and latched onto her mother's legs. "Not now Jazz. Mommy has to get the food on the table."

"Mommy." The child stuttered.

Yuuki stared. "She's talking."
Suki looked at her daughter and tickled the top of her head. "Yeah. Recently. Don't ask her to be coherent."

The Ootori stared at Jasmine. The little girl knew Yuuki and ran over and latched onto her side, she was still crouched to talk to Riki. The baby giggled in her ear.

"Hello there." The woman hugged the tiny body. Riki got jealous and made it a group hug.
"Oh look!" Suki's husband walked into the room. "Hippies!"

Yuuki laughed. "Yes. I'm going to bring weed next time."
"What's weed?" The eldest child asked.

"It's something adults do. When their bored." The Ootori filled in humorously.

"No." The man crossed the room and picked his niece up. "No. Weed is bad. No one in this room has done or will ever do weed."

Yuuki stared at the girls confused face. "I was joking Riki. I won't bring weed. If anyone ever offers you any, tell them they are losers. Okay?"
"I can say loser?"

The Ootori was obviously still not good at the whole parenting thing. "Um...no."

"Okay." Suki saved the day. "Who wants pizza?"

"Is it okay to feed a baby pizza?" She was more worried about what she was eating.
"It's got vegetables on it."
"Hmm..." Yuuki looked at dinner. "Alright. Pizza it is." She picked Jasmine up and put her in her high chair. "You like pizza?" The noises that came out of the child's mouth sounded like 'yum' but sounded like gurgles. Which they probably were. The tingling in her stomach returned. The baby didn't move as much. The Ootori wondered if they got growing pains. The little feelings stopped her from worrying though. It was still inside her and still living. It had a heartbeat that beat in time with hers and Kyoya's.

Halfway through dinner, Yuuki felt funny. Like she'd drunk to much milk to fast. Her stomach swam. To top it off, the baby decided to do a little dance, it really didn't help. She'd never had morning sickness, but this was something like it.

"You alright?" Suki said. "You look very pale."

"Yeah. Just...nauseous."
"You don't know nausea until you've been pregnant."

Yuuki nodded. "I'll take your word for it."

"Need to use the bathroom?"

The Ootori excused herself and was followed closely by her friend. "You sure you're okay?"
"Yes." Yuuki nodded. Nothing had happened to cause anything to go wrong with the baby. It was just dinner.

"You used to get sick when the curse of eve came around?"
"I don't have my period."
"Why? You're like a Swiss clock."
"How do you know?"
"Darling, you get a little teary when watching sitcoms once a month. And refuse any milk products."
"Oh..." Yuuki laughed. "No. It's not that."
"You sure?"
"Positive."
"That was an awful strong positive?"
"I know when it happens." And it wouldn't for six more months.

"Here." Suki reached into the medicine cabinet behind the mirror. "It will help." She held out some ibuprofen.

"No. I'm good." Yuuki dismissed the drug. "I hate tablets."
"We have it in liquid form, for Jasmine. It's not as strong, but we can up the dosage?"
The Ootori smiled and splashed her face with water. "No. I don't want you playing with drugs."

"Suit yourself."

"I'll be fine Suki. I just ate too much."
"Alright. If you're going to do a miss universe in my bathroom, please use the toilet and not the sink." The last miss universe was bulimic. Suki knew no social boundaries.

"Alright...I will." Yuuki leant on the sink and watched the door close. She was suddenly very, very tired. She decided to call a cab and call it a night. Anything that made her feel bad probably wasn't good for the other being trying to survive inside. An hour later she arrived home and stumbled to the bathroom to throw up. Her throat closed from fear. Not for herself, but for her baby.

Half an hour after that it felt like someone was trying to rip at her insides with a jagged knife. It hurt. A lot. Yuuki couldn't stand straight from it; her body kept trying to double over. The tingling in her stomach, the babies tingling, turned into a searing pain. Something was terribly wrong.

The girl called her doctor. When she told him, between gasps, what was happening, he gave her a verdict. The phone broke when she dropped it and Yuuki cried out in pain as another round of contractions began.

One in three.

The pain was like nothing she'd ever felt. It burned and stung and throbbed all at the same time, all on ten on the one to ten scale. It ripped through her, first only every ten minutes, sending her into a curled ball on the bathroom mat. Then it became six minutes. Then three. After six hours, the bleeding had stopped. It still hurt. But the pain was empty without anything to cause it. Yuuki had cried the whole time.

-

Miscarriage or spontaneous abortion is the spontaneous end of a pregnancy at a stage where the embryo or fetus is incapable of surviving, generally defined in humans at prior to 20 weeks of gestation. Miscarriage is the most common complication of early pregnancy

Miscarriages that occur after the sixth week are medically termed 'clinical spontaneous abortion'.

To the mother, no term is relevant. All she knows is that she lost something...and she can never get it back.

-

Kyoya called the next morning, the same time he did every day.

"Hello, beautiful."
"Hi." Her voice sounded empty.

"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." She couldn't tell him. She'd failed him. She'd failed herself.

"You sure?"

"Yes. I just didn't sleep last night."
"Why?"
"I missed you." She'd lost a part of him. The part that had fit so perfectly with her. Within her.

"I missed you too." Pause. "How's the baby?"

"Happy." Yuuki would know. She's the one who sent it to heaven.

-

She went to the doctor, still in a state of shock. He remembered her call the night before and told her that the foetus had been perfectly healthy; it was just one of those things.

Just one of those things.

The baby had begun to develop in the fallopian tube and had resulted in an ectopic pregnancy. The tingling sensations were the baby growing, but it was also a sign that it had not implanted correctly and was causing her to rupture. That's what the pain had been. The sickness was attributed to a low progesterone level, just like what happens when a women is about to have her period. Her body had known. Her body had known the baby wouldn't make it, so it stopped producing the hormone that was keeping it alive. It happened. It just happened. It was not because of anything, it was not a result of stress...things died. Human error happened. They missed things. The ultra sound wasn't clear so early. There were no other signs. Stuff happened.

The doctor's voice was flat. He'd done this before. "Unfortunately, the pain you experienced was the rupturing of the fallopian tube."

"Unfortunately?"
The man ran a hand over his face. "You won't be able to produce from that side. I guess that's why God gave you a backup."

"So...I can...try again?" Pause. "Maybe." She stared at him, expectantly. Her heart in her throat. It was embarrassing to talk about herself, about her failure.

"You can try. But, there are no guarantees. You can always have, GIFT or IVF treatment."
"But...naturally?"
There was a long silence. "I doubt it, Mrs Cunxin."
"Oh." She looked away. "Okay.

There was a long silence. A big wall clock filled in the gaps every second or so. The whole morning had been embarrassing, painful. Emotionally. Disgracefully. It was like she had dishonoured herself in not being able to function correctly. Like she was a malfunctioning life. Worth less. Worthless.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

"Would it have hurt?" Yuuki asked, looking at her hands.

"What would?" The doctor was confused. She'd just told him she'd experienced the worst pain imaginable and asked if it had hurt.

"The baby...it..." She breathed shakily. "...it had a nervous system. And...a heartbeat." She was overcome with an overwhelming wave of shame. It had been their little person, and she'd lost it.

The man across the desk from her closed his hands and leant on the table. "Mrs Ootori, we don't know. A foetus is not legally alive until it is born."
"But it moved." She looked at him. "It moved. And it hurt. It hurt. Only life can hurt you like that." Yuuki covered her mouth.

"Yuuki." The man rounded his desk and leant on the desk in front of her. He put his hand on hers. "Go home. You need to rest. I've done everything I can for you. The foetus is gone. Your bleeding has stopped. I've given you pain medication. There is nothing you could have done, but there are things you can do now."

"It wasn't a foetus. It had a name." Deep down she knew she had lost a daughter. A little girl. She didn't know how to explain how she knew, she just did. Her little lily, Sayuri, was gone.

"You're in shock. You need to talk to someone. A psychologist even."
"I am a psychologist." Technically.

"You cannot talk to yourself. You need a different perspective. All you see, is you."
The girl looked up at the doctor. "No one else knew."
"Your husband knew."
"He..." She would have to tell him. "He...doesn't know."
"You must have spoken to him?"

"I did."
"And?"
"I told him the baby was happy."
"Do you think it is?"
Yuuki stared out the window and refused to cry in public. She put on a sloppy proud face. "She went to heaven. How could she not be?" People always ask 'what is in the best interest of the child?' The only reply Yuuki could think of was that she loved her, and no other form of interest mattered.

"Mrs Ootori. Go home. Have a bath. Play your piano. Go and mourn." The way he put it was odd. To have a bath and play the piano. To live and mourn. To mourn while moving on. Was that the only way to keep up with life, when a life had just left you behind?

The woman nodded and left the clinic. As she came out, a couple, eight months pregnant, went in. They smiled and laughed and glowed. Or they seemed to glow to one who had just felt a light go out. She had felt something die within her. Not emotionally, but physically die. It died. Yuuki couldn't grasp the idea. It died. It had existed. It had lived in her. And now it didn't. It was that simple and yet so complex to understand. It ceased to exist. It was gone. But it wasn't gone. It had left things behind. Like questions. A painful ache. Memories.

Yuuki climbed into the cab and went to her mother's grave. Someplace where death existed. She sat in front of the tombstone and stared at her reflection in its marble face. She looked like her mother, but her mother was dead. She was still alive.

"I tried, mom, I really tried." Yuuki whispered, touching her reflection. "I feel...ashamed. I feel...like a failure." How could anybody love her when she had lost that which her love, loved. She loved him. Nothing had changed. He was still very much a part of her. He completed her. But it didn't mean she couldn't get hurt, couldn't lose other things. Couldn't lose herself. Would Kyoya get lost if Yuuki did? That's what she struggled with. Her failure. He was incomplete without her, but their completion was gone. Did that change anything?

Yuuki was scared. She'd lost a part of him. And a part of herself a long with it. Had they lost themselves? Or just the expression of something they already knew. Losing one form of something that already existed.

The Ootori went home. She was still an Ootori. She had a bath and played the piano. But she didn't answer the phone. She emailed Tachi and told him not to come. She left Zero's door open so he could get out. And then she did nothing. Her own life meant little to her that day.

-

"Yuuki?"
"Yeah?"
"Yes."

"Whatever."

"I'll be at the airport at 6."

"Okay."
"I'll see you there."
"Okay."
Pause. "Do you think it's a boy, or a girl?"

"Girl."

"So buying a pink calculator wouldn't be too pretentious." He stated. He was excited about the baby. He rarely got obviously excited.

"No." He'd been joking. He expected her to say something about buying an infant a calculator. It was so him.

"Yuuki, what's wrong?"

"I just feel sick."
"How?"

"My back hurts." Understatement. Her whole abdomen hurt.

"Already?"

"It was pretty sudden."

"I'll be home soon."
"Okay."
"I love you."

Yuuki cried quietly. Would he? "I love you too. Always." No matter what.

Click.

-

Samson came to my bed
Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed
Oh I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
And he told me that I'd done alright
And kissed me 'til the mornin' light, the mornin' light
And he kissed me 'til the mornin' light

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed
Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down
Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one
And history books forgot about us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once
(Sampson, Regina Spektor)

-

When Kyoya arrived home, tired and jetlagged, but not worn, he expected his wife to come to him and make him forget. She didn't. He knew something was wrong already, the silence just proved it. It washed over everything. She hadn't come to the airport. She hadn't come to the door.

"Yuuki?" He pushed his glasses up and put his luggage on a sideboard.

The whole house was dark. Something caught the man's eye. It shone when the light from the moon caught it. Broken glass. There was no alcohol in the house, but obviously someone had been distressed enough not to need it. Kyoya wondered if Hikaru and Kaoru had come around again and if Yuuki was hiding.

The Ootori ventured upstairs. A light spilled into the bedroom. A thin sliver of yellowish gold from under the bathroom door. The sound of the shower drifted along with the light, the sort that means the bather hadn't even shut the door. They'd just got in and not cared. Kyoya pushed the door open. "Yuuki?"
She was sitting at the bottom of the shower. Her legs tucked into her chest and her arms around her knees. There were dark circles under her eyes and she shivered. There was no steam from the water. No heat. As if she were trying to get a stain off.

"Yuuki, what's wrong?"

She didn't look at him. She hid her face from him. She hadn't liked the echo of the closed shower cubicle. It was like being trapped.

Kyoya put his glasses next to the sink and stepped into the flow of water, fully clothed. "What's wrong?" He slid down beside her.

Yuuki glanced at him and then stared straight ahead. "I had a dream the other night." Her voice was surprisingly smooth for her state. "I dreamed about our baby. She had a very straight nose, like yours, and your pretty eyes. She had my mother's hair and your hands. My cheekbones and our heart." She looked at him. "That was the last time I slept."

"Why?" Kyoya wrapped an arm around her. She was freezing. "Yuuki, what happened?"

"I couldn't sleep because I didn't want to see her. Because it hurt already." She held her knee's closer, if she bent it helped with the pain. But it was mostly caused by emotion and thus hadn't died.

Her husband didn't even think about what she was getting to. It had never occurred to him. It just hadn't been an option. "Darling, why won't you tell me?"
"Because I'm scared you won't love me." Her voice started to get shaky. "Because saying it means my father was right." One of her hands found his elbow and gripped his shirt.

"Not to love you would be the blackest blasphemy."
"Don't say that. Don't say that Kyoya. You don't...you...you don't know."
"Then tell me." He pulled her closer. "You know you can tell me." She was trembling against his side. That level of stress wasn't good for the baby. She needed to calm down. "Do you not want to be a mother?"

Yuuki made a small noise and started to cry. She was about to come apart but he was holding her together. She didn't want him to let go but felt as if she deserved it.

For the first time in his life, Kyoya got truly scared. "Tell me Yuuki. Right now." His tone was firm.

"I lost the baby." She looked at him. Her lip trembled and she waited.

Kyoya stared. "When?"

"The third night you were away." Her tone quivered.

For three other nights then, she had told him that the baby was fine. "You said it was alright. You told me the baby was alright." He pulled her head against his shoulder, needing the reassurance of her company. Needing to know she was okay.
"She is alright. She's in heaven." They'd just been left behind.

Kyoya swallowed. His throat closed. How much it must have hurt to talk about a child that had just died, as if it still existed. Every night. Just so that he would love her for one more day. "Yuuki..." He cradled her. "...did you think I would be mad at you?"
"I...I thought you...I was mad at myself...I feel so...ashamed."
"Does it hurt?"

She nodded.
"How long did it last?"
"Six hours. It was ectopic..."
It made sense. The baby had got too big and her body hadn't liked it. Her body had been hurting and had expelled the hurt.

Yuuki lifted one hand miserably. "I didn't even know...I should have known."

"No. Shh..." Kyoya reached up and turned the hot water on. "No. Yuuki."
"Do you hate me?"
"No. I could never hate you."

"Are you disappointed?"
"No. Darling. No." He was trying to come to terms with what she had just told him. "Shh...don't feel ashamed. You're not a failure."
"But I..."
"No. Yuuki don't. You're not. These things happen."
"Kyoya...it was ectopic."
"I know."
"As in...that side is now damaged." The probability of them getting pregnant again naturally was very low.

"You have another."
"I..." She looked at her knees. "Tell me you forgive me. Please, Kyoya."

"Shhh, Yuuki. I can't forgive you if you did nothing wrong."
"Then tell me I can forgive myself."
"You did nothing wrong."

"Bu..."

"Yuuki, seriously. Shut up. Alright? Shut up." He cupped her face with one hand and made her look at him. "It's not your fault. Alright? It's not. I'm not mad at you. I don't hate you. Okay? I love you and you're going to be alright."
"Are we going to be alright?"
"Yes." He assured her.

She swallowed for the first time in a few days and finally felt a small release. He was still with her. He still fit beside her. Perfectly. They both just hurt. A lot. Despite the warm water, Yuuki was still trembling uncontrollably. She cried that little hiccupping cry and clung to herself. "I'm sorry." She said quietly.

Kyoya ran a hand through her wet hair. "Shhh..." He kissed her head. Seeing her like she was hurt him more than losing his child. Silence elapsed. After what seemed like hours, Kyoya turned the water off. He wrapped his wife in a towel and carried her out of the bathroom. It reeked of sorrow.

He put her on the end of the bed and kissed her forehead. Yuuki's hair was stuck to her face and he peeled it off and tucked it behind her ears. The girl held the towel like a shield and watched him disappear for a second into the closet. Kyoya came back, still sopping wet, holding his black sweater.

Yuuki smiled inside, but it didn't make it to her face. Her husband slid it over her head and kissed her nose softly when she reappeared through the neck hole. He kissed her hands when they slid out the folded-back sleeves. She was still trembling.

The man folded the covers back before sliding his wife under them and taking his place at her side. He hadn't been there, but he was now. He held her, still absolutely soaking wet but not caring at all.

Yuuki gripped his shirt and felt the water from it fill her palms. "You'll get sick." She managed to say. "You'll get sick..."
"Shh..." Kyoya shed his shirt and pulled her into his damp chest once again. "I don't care. I don't care, Yuuki."

"I care...I can't lose you again." She'd lost half of him in their child. And it pained her. It was excruciating.

"You won't. I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise."
"I promise."
"I'm so sorry."
"Stop saying that."
"But I am. I'm sor..."
"No. Yuuki. Stop it. I'm not sorry. Yes, it hurts, but it's not your fault. Okay?"
She didn't move. "It feels like a bad dream. I just want to wake up. I just want you to forgive me."

"You're impossible. How can I put this so you'll believe me? You're not asleep. I'm here and I love you. I have always loved you and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away."

She didn't make a noise.

"I love you, alright? You can't change that. You can't stop loving me. Alright? It's not going to happen."
"Al...alright."

"Really?"
"No." Pause. "But it will be."

"Good girl." He said softly. "Go to sleep, hummingbird." She'd last longer than a butterfly, even if she was just as fragile.
"I'm afraid to."
"Don't be. I'm right here."

Her shaking started to subside. He was there. He was with her. They were alright. They were. They just were. It hurt. But they were together, holding the other. Helping them not to fall apart. Helping them. Honouring them. Respecting them. Mourning with them.

-

I'll always remember

It was late afternoon

It lasted forever

And ended so soon

You were all by yourself

I wanted to hold you

I wanted to make it go away

I wanted to know you

I wanted to make your everything, all right

I'll always remember

It was late afternoon

In places no one will find

In places no one will find

All your feelings so deep inside

It was now that I realized

That forever was in your eyes

The moment I saw you cry

Baby cry

The moment that I saw you cry

I think I saw you cry

The moment I saw you cry

(Cry, A walk to remember)

-

-------

Not entirely happy. Or at all. But we'll see. Wont we. :) I think you've all realised by now that I dont write anything depressing without cause.

So. If you want the whole biological explanation of how that happened, ask. I wouldn't write it if I couldn't back it up scientifically and realistically. I did a study into assisted reproduction technologies and infertility where I wrote an entry for a scientific journal. It's all backed up.

I think I may extend this story a bit. I've hit a few muses. You're not bored? If you want to wind down, tell me. I'd hate to be long-winded.

The Kyoya/Doberman thing fits with the story. You'll understand if you have one or have met one. I have a Doberman, one with an undocked tail and un-spiked ears. Beautiful dog. Like the sports car of the canine world. She's incredibly affectionate and doesn't trust easily; but when she does, when she finds someone she loves – that's it. You're stuck. You let her inside and the first thing she does is run to you and make sure you're alright and that you're happy to see her, if you're not, she will promptly sit on your foot until you are. :) Stubborn, in a way only those she love's understands.

I know that wasn't the happiest chapter in the world, but you can't live on fluff for long. This is a life story, not a love story. If no one noticed, the shower scene was inspired by Casino Royale.

So please, I really value your input. Tell me if you liked it, loved it, hated it, whatever. What you think is important to me.

Blessings,

-pp