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Chapter 30
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Kyoya was laying, stomach down, on the bed. Typing. It was early evening and he had work to do. The sounds of the shower carried through the ever so slightly ajar door and brought with them a warm smell of rose. The was a short cry of pain from inside.
The man pushed up his glasses. "Yuuki, stop using my stuff."
"You're not my brother." Came the echoed reply.
"That razor is made for faces, not legs." Pause. "I'm not taking you to hospital for blood loss. Please desist."
There was a long silence. A very long silence. "Okay. I've desisted."
"I meant before you finished."
"Well, you should have said so." Yuuki's head appeared out the door so she could look at him. "Darn." She disappeared again. He was wearing the black sweater. She reappeared in a towel and then vanished again, this time into the closet.
Kyoya glanced up, an unreadable expression on his face, before turning back to his work. His wife was defiantly interesting. "Don't touch it."
Her head popped out from the walk-in robe. "Please specify."
"The blue one, the cream one, the brown one, the grey one, the red one, the beige one, if I own something pink, then that too. And I mean all forms of these colours. No mixes, no middle colours, no multicolour's..."
She came out wearing a green button up and her sleeping shorts and sat beside him. "You never said green." Smug pause. "This is because I gave you two minute noodles for dinner, isn't it?"
"No." Kyoya smiled anyway. She'd burnt whatever it was she was originally cooking to the point of non-recognition. "This is because I have to order a stockpile of stuff I'll have to end up selling." Big party. Big function. Lots of rich people.
"Huh." Yuuki lay on her stomach beside him and let her head fall on his shoulder. "That one." She pointed at the screen. With the sleeve covering her forefinger, it was impossible to tell which one 'that one' was. She pulled it back and tried again.
"The colour scheme is black and white. It's a masquerade."
"Yes, but the mask is of any colour. It makes a really cool effect. If you have totally black and white ornaments, then it just defies the point."
"The point of a masquerade is to be someone no one knows you are, just for one night."
"So...you're going to be like this for one night, in public?"
"No. I'm the host. It's my duty to be the host and nothing more."
"Good. I wanted to hide behind my mask too."
Pause. "Where would you put that one?"
"Well...if it's spilling flowers, like it is, then the doorway. Maybe even before the bathroom. Just a splash of colour in a place no one is actually looking at but is always looking for."
"Huh." It seemed to be a good idea.
Yuuki reached back and pulled her book of the bedside table. When she came back, she put it in the middle of her husband's shoulders and used them as leverage to read off.
Kyoya paused. Slightly displeased. "What are you doing?"
"Reading."
"My back isn't a table."
"No. It's just at the right place, right level...hold on..." She grabbed a pillow and put it under her elbows. "Perfect."
Kyoya stared at the wall for a second. His expression stoic. "Glad to be of service."
"Thank you." Yuuki smiled. Outside, it was snowing again. They had been married four years that September. They were still young. Very young. The age most people get married at, let alone celebrate an anniversary for. But it was perfect. For them anyway.
Their youth had caused scandal in the upper classes. People had bet on how long it would last. Little did they know, she and Kyoya had lived and experienced more than any of them would in fifty years. Physically, they had been young. Mentally, they could have destroyed empires as occupation, not fantasy. They had both skipped the rebellious, drinking, partying faze. They had both started university and got accelerated courses to end before their peers. Kyoya had even inherited one of the largest Business Group in the world before his twenty fifth birthday. And they'd already tried for kids. They wanted children. And it hurt not being able to have them. But they had time, fortunately, they had time. A lot of time. Even so, age didn't matter much. They'd said eternity and they'd both meant it. Forever and a day. They were not the sort who would get married twice, have big anniversary parties; once publically was enough. They were private people and found private enjoyment in the other. More than any party would provide. Most people found it odd. They saw the couple as boring. But they were hardly such. They were poignant. Something the world was deprived of.
Yuuki ran her thumb over the bottom of her wedding band and engagement ring. "Hey, Kyoya?"
"Mmm..." Typing.
"Are we really young?"
He paused and thought a moment. "I guess so. But so are our friends."
"So...Mori and Hunny and the twins not being attached or reproducing is normal?"
"Perfectly."
"And us...?"
"Normal for us. We did what was perfect for us."
"Okay."
Curious silence. "Why?"
"Just contemplating the gossip of a magazine I read in the grocery line."
"Mmm?"
"You and I were photographed, hand in hand, leaving the ballet last weekend."
"Ah. And?" Still typing.
"They called it 'young love' and 'spontaneous marital bliss'."
"There was nothing spontaneous about it."
"No. You lack that gene entirely."
"Did it bother you?"
"No. I was just thinking about it. How, we're one of the very few who can marry young and make it old."
"We're not dead yet."
"Yes. But I'm not dying anywhere except in your arms."
"That's....ever so slightly macabre."
Yuuki laughed quietly. "If love has power, then it will take us away together. When we're old and wrinkly." She looked at her fingers and held them out beside him, not obstructing his view but letting him see them. "You'll adore me when I look like that?" The skin was slightly wrinkled from the shower.
"I adore you and you look like that right now." He looked away from the offered phalanges.
Yuuki did something unprecedented and unladylike. She balanced herself on his back spontaneously and rested her chin on his shoulder. Just to be closer without impeding his work. "Am I crushing you?"
"Of course." He said sarcastically. It was more a stable, firm hug. He liked it. It was steady. Just like them.
"You can breathe?"
"Yes, Yuuki. You don't weigh enough to crush anyone."
"No...my feet don't even reach yours." She glanced back. They stopped just above his ankles, which was partly cause to their position.
Kyoya bent his knees and lifted his feet into the air; in a manner only a young person could, allowing his wife to wrap her feet around his calf. "Better?"
"Uhuh." She was watching what he was doing. There was a long silence as they just lay together. Kyoya worked. Yuuki read. "Mm." Something caught her eye. "Get that."
"I was about to."
"In red."
"Why red?"
"The flowers you got earlier are red."
"They were blood red. This is cherry red."
"Can you actually pick the difference?"
"Yes."
"That was a stupid question."
Kyoya smirked. "What about a red and gold set?"
Pause. "I like that."
"Mmm...me too." He wouldn't have considered it if she hadn't asked. "What are you reading?" Kyoya purchased the last thing.
"Pride and Prejudice."
"Again?"
"I'm just meditating upon the very great pleasure that a pair of fine eyes in a pretty face can bestow." She loved Kyoya's eyes. Like smoke, a veil to something deeper and an indication of fire.
Marvin powered down and went to sleep. The Ootori went to put his laptop away but knew he would have to move. Yuuki silently unwrapped her feet and rolled onto her back, her book raised above her head. Her husband put the device in the drawer beside the bed. "What's happening?"
"Mr Collins. That's what."
"There's one in every family."
"Except yours and mine." Yuuki said haughtily. She turned her head to look at Kyoya. "My dear Mr Bennet, have you heard that Netherfield Park is let at last!?" She mocked Mrs Bennet and pulled a face.
Kyoya smiled. "He replied that he had not."
"How on earth do you know how to quote Austen?"
"How do I know the difference between blood red and cherry red?"
"Oh yeah. You're immaculate breeding."
"You mean, oh yes, you're immaculate breeding."
Yuuki closed the book and hit him lightly with it. "Whatever."
Kyoya took the novel and put it in the drawer with his laptop.
His wife was sorely offended. "A plague on both your houses!" She quoted Shakespeare.
"If you just plagued both our houses..." Kyoya let the sentence hang so she could work out who she had just cursed.
Yuuki scowled at him, she was smiling, it didn't work. "Just give me back my book. And say sorry."
He didn't. He just pulled her down to him and kissed her. She accepted it as sorry and kissed him back. Sometimes his novel ideas were just...novel. And one could always forgive for a good idea.
-
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you
whenever I'm alone with you
you make me feel like I am free again
whenever I'm alone with you
you make me feel like I am clean again
(Love song, Anberlin)
-
Tamaki seemed to love having two children. One in diapers and one just learning to run. The blonde chased his daughter around the patio while his wife bounced their son. His name was Kenji and he had his mothers smile and his father's easy nature.
"Hello baby." Yuuki lifted the boy by his armpits and sat him on her lap. "You look like you're dad."
"Ah!" Tamaki caught Aimi. "Handsome huh?" The girl giggled. She was forever laughing.
"I wouldn't push it that far." Kyoya pushed his glasses up and crossed his legs casually.
Haruhi hadn't told her husband about their friend's miscarriage. They had wanted to keep it private and she wouldn't have even known if she hadn't gone looking to see if Yuuki was alright that evening. "This one doesn't sleep." She smiled at her friend as she blew a thin line of air into the boy's tuft of dark hair. He tried to clap, but wasn't that developed yet. Six months only. All he could really do was sit up.
"Was Aimi good?"
"Aimi is going to be an awful teenager. All she does is sleep."
Yuuki laughed. "That's a normal teenager."
"Yeah...well..." Haruhi looked tired. "He'll get better. Kenji has a cold, so don't hold him to close."
As if on cue, the boy sneezed. His whole body shook and he gave himself a fright. His eyes went wide and his face displayed his shock. Yuuki, still not completely fond of children, held him an arm's length away.
Haruhi took her son back. "Don't worry, it's just a baby cold. You shouldn't catch it."
"But my baby might." Suki arrived with Jasmine. The little girl shot off to Aimi and pulled Tamaki's shirt until he put her down to play.
"Eager." The blonde said, setting his daughter down. He knelt in front of Aimi. "Now, stairs are for...walking down? Right?"
The little girl put a hand over her mouth and looked embarrassed.
"We don't fly down stairs. If you want to fly, ask daddy. Okay?"
Aimi nodded and then laughed before grabbing Jasmines hand and running into the house where her new dollhouse was set up.
Suki laughed. "She tested gravity?"
"Mmmm." Tamaki smiled as he watched his child hand her friend her newest doll to play with. They were raising her well. "Jumped off the stairs after watching Peter Pan."
"Oh...I did that once." Yuuki said flatly. "Except, I was four and I'd just seen Batman. Even though Batman can't actually fly..."
"Yes, well, she's two and obviously more advanced that you are." Suki said, sitting down. "Where's that little blonde boy?" The twins were in the lounge, playing dolls with Aimi. Mori and Hunny had gone overseas with their families.
"Hunny?" Haruhi sipped her tea.
"Yeah...I know he's you're ageish, but seriously. That's the sort of kid you want Aimi falling for. At the moment anyway. Safe, fun, kind, sweet..." She laughed. "If she's testing gravity, surely she's testing love."
Tamaki leant on the chair his wife was sitting in. "Well, all you two..." He nodded at the Ootori couple. "...need to do, is have a daughter. Then Kenji is set to go in the prince department."
"Oh. Hook-ups already." Yuuki said, her tone lost a little of its brightness.
"Ah." Tamaki ran a hand through his hair. "Well. We are the Host Club."
"Uhuh." The Ootori, female, leant back. "Because that was romance at its finest."
"Oh! But it was!" The blonde was very suddenly inches from Yuuki's face. The girl got a small fright. "We sought to make ladies happy, and surely that is the core to romance? Is it not?"
"Umm...Tamaki..." It was like her first day at Ouran, only closer.
"Of course, we all saw it differently to how you do. Even you're husband saw it differently. Kyoya only got into the actual 'host' scene after you left. Not the sort we condone, rather the opposite. With raised eyebrows. But he was so broken..."
Yuuki glanced sideways. Her husband had paused, his demeanour closed. "Oh?"
"Why, there was a lovely girl, the daughter of the French Ambassador, Rose. Ah. She was beautiful. Remember her Kyoya?" To Tamaki, doting on other women was just a habit. Haruhi knew he didn't love any of them, he just wanted to make them happy. But he didn't realise that his way wasn't the only way.
"Yes." Kyoya pushed his glasses up, his expression cold, his tone very hard. "But that is in the past." And a time of life he would rather forget.
Yuuki glanced at him again. "You never told me about...Rose?" She tested the name. It felt bitter. There had been another woman?
"Now is not the time."
Tamaki looked between them. "You never told her about Rose?" He turned to Yuuki. "Oh, it's such a tragic story. When you left he just...disappeared. Metaphorically of course. He was still there, just detached. There was a business meeting in France and he was so blind, so lost, that when he..."
"Okay. Tamaki." Kyoya stood up and picked his friend up off his wife. "Not right now."
Yuuki stared at him. "So you went to France and had a fling with a rich girl while I was gone?" He had been confused and hurt. So...it was alright? Still, the girl felt her throat close up a bit. He hadn't loved the other girl. Had he?
A small laugh came from the door. Hikaru and Kaoru leant on the frame. "Fling is probably not the right term."
The girl glanced at her husband he still had Tamaki by the collar. His whole demeanour was dominant, menacing.
He could do nothing about the twins though. "They knew each other in a...how would you say....uh...intimate manner." They finished with roguish grins.
Yuuki's heart stopped for a second."I'm sorry. What?"Suki had disappeared with Haruhi to their daughters. Her friends knew. She didn't know. She turned her gaze on Kyoya. Of course the guys saw nothing wrong with it; he had been single at the time. She had been hurting over him, wanting to see him. And he'd gone off with some other girl.
"It was so long ago. You were out of the picture." Came the twin's reply, in unison. "I wouldn't dwell on it. I mean...you flew out on him. Did you expect him to have a pity party forever? He can miss you and try to move on. Duh."
Tamaki put a hand on his forehead dramatically. "But oh! How Kyoya pined for you!"
"Yeah. He pined greatly." Yuuki growled. The girl stood up, glared at her husband and walked inside; she grabbed her bag off the counter and the car keys, before saying a curt farewell to her female friends and slamming the front door.
When she got in the car, Yuuki realised she had no idea how to drive a manual. At all. There were three pedals. And a weird stick thing in the middle. In frustration, confusion and anger, she threw the keys in the passenger seat and marched straight into the side door of the Suoh garage. There were three sets of keys hanging on the wall. The first had a Porsche symbol on it, so she ignored that. The second was a Jeep; she'd had bad experiences with that. The last was a VW golf.
Yuuki paused a moment. She didn't know whether to be mad or hurt. He'd told her that the year she was gone was the worst of his life. Apparently there were a few high points to it though. Getting to know the French Ambassadors daughter in a biblical sense was not really a sign of his yearning for her. Sure, he'd probably known someone before he met her. He'd 'taught Haruhi a lesson' in the most frank of manners. But she hadn't known him them. They hadn't met then. Thinking about it made her uncomfortable. Yuuki didn't know if she was happy with that either. He was her husband and having him with another woman caused a strange emotion to flare up inside her. Something between anger, hurt and jealously. And betrayal.
The girl climbed into the little car and slammed the door. There was a remote to open the garage. When the world came back into view, four familiar looking men were standing around the Mercedes. She'd somehow managed to lock the key's inside and baffle them as to her whereabouts.
Yuuki looked at her feet. Pedal on the right. Maybe. She tried it. The car lurched forward. She slammed on the brakes. That got their attention. The girl put the window down.
"If I crash it, get the smart man to buy you another." Pause. "With interest. Maybe he could throw in a couple rich girls to. Just to pass the time while you pine your losses."
With that, she floored the car, got a fright, didn't stop, took out a giant pot and disappeared through the gates.
Within five minutes, there was a black Mercedes beside the VW. Kyoya had the window down. "Yuuki!"
She kept the window shut, she could still hear him. She had to think a bit.
"Yuuki! Wrong side of the road!" No wonder he was driving normally beside her.
The girl hit the brakes. Hard. She almost took herself out with the seatbelt. Kyoya's car kept going on the empty road. Slowed properly and then stopped. Yuuki stared at it. Wondered how to reverse. Floored it past the black car and pulled into the lane in front of it. There is one thing everyone should know about VW Golf's. Their zippy. And fast. A Mercedes often handles like a brick but it has longer legs. Kyoya followed at a distance, probably to make sure his wife didn't kill herself accidentally. There were a few hairy moments; like when she ran a stop sign and almost got side swiped by another vehicle, when she fish tailed taking a corner to sharply and when she broke the speed limit in every single area. Yuuki couldn't drive. What she was doing was more like a strange balancing act.
Thankfully, she went straight home.
Kyoya stopped his car on the corner and clenched his fist in frustration. Tamaki and the twins each had big mouths. He'd met Rose while in Paris, he and her father had been discussing the efficiency of Ootori medical equipment. The French had been trailing it and had decided to buy. The Ambassadors daughter was tall, blonde, curvy and flirty. The complete opposite of Yuuki. He had pleasantly spoken to her, gone to the orchestra with her and her father...just played Host. Nothing more. Her name was too familiar to a scent he missed. Despite his business demeanour, Kyoya had developed feelings and hadn't lost them. He also hurt for the person who had put them there. Rose had followed him back to Japan.
The man looked up and saw Yuuki fighting with the front door. The keys to the house were with his car keys. He watched as his wife found an open window and pushed it wide enough for her to fit through. She climbed into the house and shut the window with a bang before closing the curtains. She'd seen the car.
Of course she was upset. He'd have been upset if she'd had a 'fling' with some guy in London. Rose hadn't just been some girl. After meeting Yuuki, no other girl could have compared. But he had wanted to forget. He thought he had lost her forever.
After an hour, sometime near sunset, Kyoya drove into the garage and locked the car. He let himself into the house and took his jacket off. Just like every other day. Except no one came to greet him. There had been a vase in the dining room, but it had been tipped over. The flowers scattered on the floor. He'd bought her roses a few days ago, his proof of spontaneity. The man stood over them and watched the water seep into the carpet.
"You did have a spontaneous bone before I met you. You just used it to 'drown you're sorrows' with some French bimbo." Came a sharp voice from the door. "I was in London, tearing myself apart, and you were in bed with some...blonde with more silicone than brain!" Yuuki had googled the girl.
"No, she didn't have much of a brain." Kyoya tried to lighten the mood.
"I guess that made her easy to seduce, right?" His wife paused. Tapped her fingers uneasily against the door frame. Disappeared.
The Ootori sighed and pushed his glasses up. "Yuuki..." He walked into the hall to see her turn a corner into the library. "I had no interest in her."
The girl stopped. "Obviously." She spat before marching into the room. "Here." She pulled a book off the shelf. "This one's called Fidelity. Maybe you should read it." She paced a bit, tapping the book against her palm in agitation. And discontent. And disease."Was she very pretty?" Yuuki stopped her rampage.
Kyoya paused. She had been pretty. "Not as pretty as you."
"Oh. Don't use you're host joke on me. Please. Not now."
"Look, Yuuki, it meant nothing."
"Well...how am I supposed to know that?" She opened her arms in a hurt manner. "How am I supposed to even respond to that? I know you hadn't waited before me...I mean...you practically raped Haruhi to teach her a lesson...but you were supposed to after. You were supposed to...for me."
"I thought I'd lost you."
"So you went on the rebound?"
"It was stupid, Yuuki."
"Yeah. Coming from you, that was the biggest act of idiocy ever. I knew you used to be a money grabbing jerk, but geez Kyoya. How do you think she felt?"
"What do you mean?"
"You just...had a one night stand? I mean...she might have been in love with you." Not like she had been at the time, nothing could have been like that. But she could have enough to be broken hearted.
"Ha." Kyoya said flatly. Rose had totally been in love with him. "Enough to fly out the next day because her boyfriend, who I didn't even know about, had to have her on his arm for some ball." If she'd been used, he'd been used too. Seems they all had been.
"Then...why? ..." Yuuki put the insulting book down. She was hurt. Obviously. Anyone who had what they had would be. It was like being deceived. She had been deceived. "You should have told me."
"How am I supposed to tell you that?"
"I don't know. But you should have." She crossed her arms self consciously and stared out the window.
"You were gone, Yuuki. I couldn't even think straight except for business. What was I supposed to do?"
"Put yourself on a plane and found me." She looked at him. "You know, it sucked for me too. I never stopped loving you, at all. But you obviously took the time, just a few hours, to not be in love with me anymore."
Kyoya took a step towards her. Yuuki raised a hand to stop him. An Ootori can't be stopped. He hugged her. She stiffened. She wondered what the other girl had smelt like. If he'd liked it. "I never stopped loving you."
Yuuki didn't reply straight away. "...were...were there others?"
"No."
"I..."
"I know. I'm sorry. Why do you think I didn't come after you?"
"Because you didn't feel good enough..." He'd told her that. Then she realised what he was saying. "Oh." She had no idea that 'that' was why.
"Oh indeed."
"But...in London for the games...you..." Her words had an edge to them.
"Because I respected you. I didn't respect Rose. At all. She didn't respect me either. There was nothing special about anything that happened. It just happened. I was angry and upset and confused and she was there."
"But she's so beautiful..."
"No. She's not. Really. Yuuki, I mean that. She just wanted it for herself."
"And you? What did you want it for?"
"I was a selfish bastard."
"Yes. You were." Her tone was still sharp.
"I'm sorry. I always have been. I felt...cold and dirty for a long time. I was sorry. I am."
Yuuki didn't relax as he squeezed her."Bet you weren't at the time."
Kyoya sighed. "Don't fight with me."
"What am I supposed to do? What if I told you I found some hot...Spanish...guy called...Peppermint and..."
"Peppermint?"
"Shut up, he's Spanish."
"Okay." He let her continue.
She tensed up again. "...I can't even see myself doing that. I feel...betrayed." Yuuki pushed her husband away and leant on the back of an armchair. "I waited. For you. Actually, for marriage. But you were the only person I could see myself marrying. Why do you think I'm hurt?"
"How can I make it up to you?" Kyoya was at a loss.
Yuuki stared at him and then walked past him. "You can sleep on the couch. There are blankets and pillows in the linen closet." She didn't know what to do. So she did what she had done for a year when she had been at just as equal a loss. She went riding.
Suppose that she'd got over him. Suppose that she'd stopped listening to love songs to break her fall. Suppose she'd found someone sweeter to kiss and a heart that loved her more.
Impossible.
Yuuki sat on the floor of Zero's stall. The horse stood, steaming, beside her. It was cold. She needed him to cool down a bit before putting his blanket on though. He'd get a skin infection otherwise. The girl put her face in her hands and cried. She'd never loved anyone more or been loved so much. Which is why it hurt. He hadn't respected himself or the other woman. They'd just...
She didn't want to think about it. He was sorry, obviously. But she was still annoyed. He'd obviously repented. And she'd forgiven him, but she was still hurt. She wondered how she faired compared to the Ambassadors daughter and then chided herself for thinking it. He loved her. He had loved her while she was away. He had been hurting enough to be stupid for the first time in his life.
Yuuki wished Kyoya had told her.
Zero's breath was soft on top of her head. "Hey..." The girl looked up and tickled his nose. "Don't worry boy. I'm fine." She paused. "Maybe Rose could give him a child." The girl said bitterly. "We should call her up then, huh?" Yuuki sniffed. She felt short, slight, dark haired and infertile. Especially in contrast. "It's not...well, it is his fault. But..." She breathed. "It was a long time ago...I mean...Tamaki must have had a whole string of lovers...and...the twins..." Yuuki leant her head back. "Why do women love men when their so stupid? Is it because they have the power not to be? Because he's the right one? And so perfect? Even though he messed up royally. His blood must be blue now. Just like Prince Charles and Camilla. There. I'm being British. If I hadn't gone too Britain....Gah. How do you deal with that? Why am I even offended?"
Zero snorted.
"Of course I forgive him, but I can still feel betrayed and hurt. I need to...think a bit. And talk to him. As awkward as that will be." Pause. "Yeah..."
-
The phone in the house rang. Kyoya picked it up and didn't say hello. He just stood there with the device to his ear.
"Hello?"
"Tamaki, I'm not paying for your car." The man hissed down the line.
"What?! Its not even my car! Its Haruhi's car!"
"I don't give a damn at the moment. Actually, I fancy coming there right now and driving it straight into you."
"Would you have rather she found out some other way?"
"YES!" Kyoya slammed his fist on the counter. "You knew I hated what happened."
"Would you have rather it been a secret?"
"...no. Probably not. I should have told her."
"Is she very mad?"
"Hurt more than anything else. Especially after..." He ran a hand over his face.
"After what?"
"Nothing." Tamaki needn't know the root cause of her feeling terrible.
"Ah. Women are amazing, are they not?"
"Hn. "
"You we're pretty stupid."
"Yes. I know."
"I mean...you were so in love with her. And so hurt."
"I know."
"And then BAM! There is someone who wants to give you an expression of what you lost."
"I know."
"Only, she was there for selfish reasons...well...so were you. Sort of. I mean...you totally hung out of a car for her and then just sort of...screwed up."
"I KNOW!" Kyoya shouted. "Damn it Tamaki."
"She'll come around."
The light in the stable lit up part of the garden. "I know...but now we both have to live with my mistakes."
"As you said, you would have told her anyway."
Kyoya clenched his jaw.
"You didn't make the right decision. But you can make a decision right."
The Ootori leant on the kitchen counter.
"Just think about how much men suck in comparison to women. We're like...the hairy, smelly draft. They have a complex thought pattern, attractive hair, the curve of their neck is beautiful and the small of their back soft." Pause. "We can't do anything but love them, Kyoya. Only, we were made with a built in moron drive that makes them think otherwise. We were gifted with the greatest creatures on the planet, and we were gifted with the ability to be jerks. They learn from that. Which is why people like Rose exist. They climb down the tree and make easy pickings, when it's the ones up top, the ones that fly away, that you really should go after."
"How was I supposed to go after her?"
There was a short laugh. "With the truth."
"It's not that easy."
"Or maybe it's easier than you think."
"Yuuki probably feels...insignificant now."
"Then show her she's not. You're both not going to forget and she probably lost some trust for you, but she loves you Kyoya. She couldn't stop if she tried..."
Kyoya hung up on Tamaki. He didn't need Dr Phil right now. He was penitent, regretful, but he needed to be hers. He always had been, even before they met, and always would be. Just like she to him.
-
I am the patron saint of lost causes
A fraction of who I once believed
It's only a matter of time
Opinions I would try and rewrite
If life had background music playing your song
I have got to be honest, I tried to escape you
But the orchestra plays on, and they sang
Oh, things are going to change now for the better
And oh, things are going to change
Hands, like secrets, are the hardest thing to keep from you
Lines and phrases, like knives, your words can cut me through
Dismantle me down, repair
You dismantle me
You dismantle me
Give me time to prove
Prove I want the rest of yours
Call this a prelude to a lifetime of you
It's not that I hang on every word
I hang myself on what you repeat
It's not that I keep hanging on
I'm never letting go
(Dismantle Repair, Anberlin)
-
Yuuki only came up to the house around midnight. The snow had fallen in the hours she'd spent sitting and thinking. The girl stood on a piece of ice and lost her balance. She landed on her palms, the cold bit into her skin.
Yuuki hissed and stood up again. She made it to the house, but she was soggy. Every other time she'd fallen in the snow, it had been a good experience. Kyoya wasn't on the couch. A light spilled from the study and a soft tapping could be heard. Yuuki paused before going up to bed. She wanted to say goodnight. She turned the shower on hot and stood under it. She didn't feel dirty. Just hurt. If she hadn't left, it wouldn't have happened.
Yuuki pulled herself out of the steam and into a pair of track pants and a hoodie. Her clothes. She wondered if Rose had liked his...the girl clenched her fist. Who was she really upset at? Both of them, but...She sat on the end of the bed and ran her feet over the carpet. They said the loss of her baby was just human error. Humans made mistakes. And they were sorry for them. Yuuki wondered if Kyoya was that sorry. Surely not. She was beautiful. It wasn't infidelity, Yuuki hadn't been in the picture, but it still rubbed her backwards. He was her lover; he had been from the very beginning. She was his.
There was a picture of them on their wedding day on the sideboard that ran across the far side of the room. Yuuki looked at it. He was so honest. He didn't lie, but sometimes he just didn't tell the truth. But she was glad she knew. She wanted to know everything about him, even if it made her upset. The way of the modern world was to discard the value of virtue. It was pleasure seeking, hurt defying. Make merry, for tomorrow we may die. The extremes of joy and the extremes of despair. Both ended up destroying. Especially the former if not used in the right context. And he'd suffered for it. Long before she'd gotten mad at him.
When Yuuki went back downstairs, Kyoya was laying on the couch. Staring at the ceiling. She sat by his feet. He didn't move.
The girl locked her thumbnails together. "Was...was it...um..."
"No." He said flatly. "It wasn't." It had been selfish.
"Then...why?"
"Because I hated myself for driving you away and I needed to remind myself of why."
"So you did it to someone else?"
"And got it in return." He put a finger to the bridge of his nose out of habit. "I needed to be used to know what you felt like."
Yuuki stared at her hands. "So you weren't...attracted to her?"
"No."
"Why?"
"She wasn't you."
"But, she could give you a..." She swallowed. "...what I can't."
"You think I don't love you just because you miscarried? Don't be stupid Yuuki."
"Don't call me stupid." Yuuki picked the sleeve of her hoodie. "Am I supposed to...compare myself now?"
"No." He felt like a jerk.
"How can I not. She's the opposite of what I am."
"And I hated it."
"Surely she ..."
"No. Yuuki. She wasn't. All she wanted was for herself. What you want is for me."
"I don't follow."
Kyoya sighed and sat up. "She took pleasure. You give it."
"I...didn't know you could take it."
The man smiled. "And that's why I love you. You don't take anything. Not even for yourself. You give and get given in return. You taught me that."
"Ky..."
"No. It's the ABC of you. And I don't deserve it. I know."
"No." Yuuki shook her head. "I really appreciate you telling me all this, but what I am supposed to do?"
"What do you think you should do?"
"I've already forgiven you."
"Why?"
"Because I love you. If God didn't forgive mankind of their sins, and he knows they're worse than yours, then we would all burn in hell. But I love you enough not to let that happen."
"If God wanted man not to sin, then he wouldn't let him."
"And banish free will? That's what I love about you. You don't mess up because you chose not to. But you're only human and thus...are a little stupid by nature. Just like me. I got on that plane, it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't."
"Don't say that."
"I mean...after deviation there has to be a rainbow, right? A promise?"
"I promise you. I couldn't do that to you again. I'm sorry."
"I know." Yuuki smiled a little and looked at him. "What merit was there anyway?"
Kyoya frowned, not quite understanding. He'd explained this to her.
"I mean...she'd had that surgery where you put fat from your butt into your lips to make them plump. So...essentially, for the first and last time ever, you were kissing someone's arse."
Kyoya laughed. "When you put it that way..."
Yuuki smiled. "You don't...compare us?"
"There is no comparison. You're perfect." He ran a hand through his hair. Her flaws just made her worth his while. "I'd never loved nobody fully, always had my feet on the ground. But you took the time to come down and stand beside me."
"Just protecting my heart truly. It hurts to fall." She tugged his foot. "You broke my heart you know?" Yuuki looked at him. Her face melancholy. "But you put it back together afterwards. I guess you just wanted to see how it worked."
"I still have absolutely no idea."
"Well, it wasn't a waste of time." He'd left an imprint on it. "Suppose I'd never met you. Suppose we'd never fallen in love. Suppose...I never ever saw you. What sort of life would that be?"
"Incomplete. Without realising it."
Yuuki looked out the window. "Yeah."
"Come here." Kyoya opened his arms for her.
The girl stood up and squeezed one of his hands on passing. "I'm still mad at you."She smiled haughtily. "Will she be at the masquerade?"
"Unfortunately, yes." He hadn't seen Rose since she'd left for her boyfriends...whatever. He doubted she'd remember him. But her father had to be invited, and it extended to family. Every other time, it had just been spouse and partner invites, this was a bigger event. Children were invited. All because Tamaki wanted his little girl to see a masquerade.
His wife smiled roguishly. "Fantastic."
Kyoya decided to keep her away from sharp objects that evening. "Goodnight, Yuuki."
"Goodnight, Kyoya." She let her hand linger in his for a second. "Sleep sweet." On the couch.
Kyoya watched her disappear up the stairs before pinching his nose. He felt ashamed, despite her acceptance and forgiveness of what had happened. He'd never failed at anything until he'd met her. He'd never had anything worth hanging onto so much.
-
The moons to bright. The chains to tight. The beast won't go to sleep. I've been running though these promises to you that I made and could not keep. Oh. A man never got a woman back, not without begging on his knees. So I crawl to you baby and I fall at your feet. I howl at your beauty like a dog in heat. And I'll claw at your heart, and I tear at you're sheet. I say 'please; because I'm you're man.'
(I'm you're man, Michael Buble)
-
Kyoya woke up the next morning with a crick in his neck and a headache. Yuuki was sitting in the kitchen eating toast; there was a glass of water and Advil on the counter. She offered them to him.
"Good ride?" The man downed the offering.
"No." She stared blankly ahead. Obviously a little grumpy.
"Why?"
"The snow melted and then froze in the arena. It's like a mini skating rink."
Kyoya noticed that she was a little soggy. She'd obviously gone down to see the conditions. He then noticed that she had a bruise in the corner of her jaw. "What happened?"
"I slipped and the post decided to catch me. It's very talented."
"Ah." He took her coffee and drank it.
"Hey. No. I needed that."
"Coffee's bad for you."
"So you drink it?"
"If I'm going to hell..."
"Don't say that. You're not going to hell."
"I was a jerk. I'm sorry."
"I know. But don't say that." Yuuki stared at him. "If you're in hell then I am too."
"No. You could never go to hell."
"Anywhere would be if you're not there, we both make mistakes. So don't go damning yourself."
Kyoya smiled slightly and sat on the stool beside hers. He pushed Yuuki's ponytail off her shoulder and kissed the bruise on her jaw. "Better?"
"It will be." She smiled demurely. "How's your neck?"
"No comment."
Her smile turned smug and she bit her toast. "I thought so."
"And you're head?
He grimaced.
"Headaches can be like rainbows. They exist to remind you of something important."
"It really didn't mean anything, Yuuki."
"I know. It's just...it was...us...it was. Um." Still an awkward discussion. "Extraordinary."
"It is to me too."
"I don't even know why it bothers me...we weren't together."
"Physically. I would have been disconcerted as well."
Yuuki pressed her finger into the crumbs on her plate. "You should have come for me."
"I couldn't. Not after what happened. For both of us. We both made mistakes. Huge mistakes. Life impacting mistakes."
"You could have before. I was only one continent away, sitting in the rain. I waited for you. The whole time. To call, or look me up and send mail...anything. You still existed to me, but I thought I didn't to you." Pause. "But you wanted to purge your sins by making them worse and building them up without viable justification."
Kyoya laughed. "You have a very interesting perspective."
"So do you."
"You're alright?"
Yuuki sighed. "Yes. I'm fine. We weren't together at the time. It was your choice and I should respect that, even if it was to disrespect yourself." Pause. "But if you ever, ever, ever, even think about..."
He put a finger on her mouth. "I won't."
"I will kick you all the way to Mori and then he will kick you over China, and then punch you. Really hard." She pointed a finger at him. "Really, really hard."
"As long as I don't have to suffer you're driving."
She glared.
"Yuuki. I have you and you give me more than anyone else could. Why would I desire anything else?"
"Because you're a man."
Kyoya though about this a second. "I'm a man of my word."
"You're in hospital management."
"So, I have to be a man of my word, or people die."
"I will seriously kill you..." Yuuki threatened.
"Well, you'll have to take my word then."
She paused and then let her anger from the day before dissipate. "Okay."
Tachi walked into the room. He had a habit of letting himself in. "Hello Yuuki." He turned to Kyoya. "Jerk-wad."
"Tamaki?" Kyoya enquired.
The instructor poured himself a cup of coffee. "Believe it."
"Alright, Naruto." Yuuki scowled at Tachi. "Chill."
"Hey, you should be burning him up."
"He slept on the couch."
"For the rest of his life I hope."
"Its okay. I mind, yes, but...I cant change it."
"Because he loves you?"
"Yes."
"Because you love him?"
"Yes."
"That's moronic."
"He didn't cheat on me. He just...went on the rebound."
"Yes. Well, if he rebounded anywhere near me, I would have hit him incredibly hard and watched him rebound away again." Pause. "And then I would pulverise that insufferable ego. And then I would hunt that woman down and do the same. Then return to him and make it so that his ancestors wept in their graves."
"Tachi." Yuuki scolded. "If I can get over it, then you can."
"I don't want to."
"Do it."
"How?"
"Build a bridge."
"Can I build a catapult and smack him in the face with it?"
Yuuki sighed.
Her instructor went to the fridge for milk. "I mean...seriously. Who does that? Especially if he still loved you like he said he did. And does. Or whatever." He took a sip of coffee. "I mean...gee. How hard is it to stay faithful to you."
"He wasn't with me."
"You didn't go sleep with anyone."
"Gosh. Tachi."
"What? Yuuki." He shot back. "You're husband is a jerk for what he did. I don't care how long ago it was."
Kyoya pushed his glasses up. "I am sitting right here."
"Uhuh." Tachi dismissed him.
The Ootori smiled smugly. "What about you and Yue?"
Yuuki stared. "Oh my gosh. Tachi! Yue? As in the daughter of the guy who you sold a horse to?"
"It was a long time ago. My wife had just died." He shot the last sentence at Kyoya. "How do you know that?"
"Her father owns the factory that produces our supplies." Kyoya leant back.
"I guess you're as bad as each other." Yuuki stood. "So...you should both contemplate the meaning of infidelity, kiss and make up." Pause. "And Tachi, stop being a hypocrite."
"It wasn't infidelity." Tachi said in defence.
"Then, neither was his." She said in her husband's. "Doesn't mean you won't betray someone through it, even if you're seeking comfort through purgatory. However the hell that works." Yuuki left the room shaking her head and muttering about men.
The older man turned to the younger. They stared at each other a moment and then into their respective mugs in contemplation.
"I'm not kissing you." Tachi said flatly.
"There's only one person I plan on kissing."
"It better not be me."
"Much better looking."
"She'd better be your wife."
"You're really terrible at picking up on what I mean."
"You did mean Yuuki?"
"Yes."
"Good." The man scowled and finished his coffee.
"Why are you here anyway?"
"I came to punch you in the nose. But..."
"It was a long time ago."
"Exactly." It had been for him too.
Kyoya smiled. He still felt like a jerk. He bet Tachi now did too, but at least he understood some. But Yuuki had forgiven him. She was his angel. In more ways than one. She'd known how sorry he was, and knew he'd done it out of his loss from her. To fill the hole and punish its emptiness at the same time.
The man leant on the table and put his head in his hands. "I am such an idiot."
"I know." Tachi said flatly. "We all are to some extent though." He poured himself more coffee. "You're lucky she's willing to forgive you and see it as a past and never future sort of topic."
"Mmm."
"Just...don't expect to be sleeping anywhere except the couch soon. You know how girls are. They get all touchy and offish. Its rivalry to them. If a girl goes around, she's a slut. If a guy goes around, he's a stud. It's a different world man. But she gets it."
She understood him. Not much else. He felt...tarnished. He would have told her. He should have told her. She'd never kept anything from him. Kyoya put a finger to the bridge of his nose and wished Tachi had hit him. Only...a few years in advance. When he really had needed it. But the past was past. It was there to remind him, like history, of previous mistakes. The future gave him the opportunity to not to it again. Now gave him the chance to do it directly. That's why it's called the present.
-
I was lonely, I was tired, now I'm bound
My head is off the ground
For a long time I was so weary, tired of the sound I heard before
Knowing of the nights I'm out the door
Haunted by the things I did
Stuck between the burning light and the dusty shade
Said I used to think the past was dead and gone
I was wrong--so wrong
I know there's no place to hide
Stuck between the burning shade and the fading light
I was broken for a long time, but it's over now
It's over now.
Yes, and you--yeah, you walk these lonely streets
Where people stand--people standard some people just can't
I pretend I'm free from all the things that saved my friends
I was there until the end and I know I can take the moon
Stuck between the burning shade and the fading light
I was broken for a long time, but it's over now
Over now, it's all over, it's over now.
(Broken, Robert Pattinson)
-
Yuuki looked over the balcony at one in the morning and saw Kyoya still staring at the wall. He'd been staring at the wall for hours. There was only one thing that could bring a man to such a level, and that was his own mistakes. She knew exactly how he felt. Except, she'd been staring at the bathroom ceiling, praying he would still love her. And he had. And she was so thankful, but she still felt guilty.
The girl slipped down the stairs and sat at the bottom. She wanted to go to him and tell him it was okay. It was okay. It had always been okay. To a certain except. His acts in that year belonged to no one but him and he'd obviously suffered enough from them. It had been one week. A week where all he could think about was her and how much he'd messed up to let her go. Yuuki just didn't know if she could go and not feel judged to a certain extent.
In the end, she crawled behind him and lay down. She put an arm around his torso and buried her face in between his shoulder blades. Kyoya shifted slightly and brought a hand up to hers. Yuuki held it. "It's okay."
"It's not okay." He said back.
"You paid the price. And you don't ever pay that sort of thing twice. I know you."
"Can you trust me again?"
"I never stopped. When you met Rose, I was out of the picture. Just a painful memory. You needed a break."
"It made things worse."
"I'm glad." Yuuki smiled. "I really am. You're still a jerk for doing what you did."
"Mmmm..."
"I love you."
"You really shouldn't."
"Why?"
"Because it brings you no merit."
"I'm not a girl scout. I don't need merits."
Kyoya felt her breath seep through his shirt and into his skin. Every single bit of it was still for him.
"You know," Yuuki shifted slightly. "Like a headache, what happened exists to remind you of something."
"What is it reminding me of?"
"That you loved me enough to try and let me go." Pause. "You failed. Epically. Thank goodness."
"I never tried to let you go."
"You wanted to forget."
It was true. "So did you."
"Yes. But I knew I never would. You left a Kyoya shaped hole. Actually, there always was a Kyoya shaped hole, it had just never been filled before."
"It's not empty now?"
"Is you're Yuuki hole empty?"
"Overflowing."
"Ditto. For...you. I don't have a Yuuki shaped hole. That would just be selfish."
Kyoya laughed. "Don't ever think you have to be compared to Rose. Ever. You're the only person I ever think about."
"Even with her?"
Pause. "Yes."
"Wow. You are a jerk." She pinched him.
"Why do you care about her?"
"Because, she's a people too."
"A people?"
"Yes. A people." Yuuki was getting sleepy. "And people make mistakes. If she hasn't learned from it, then I might have cause to really, really, really, really not like her. But she didn't know about me. She's a modern girl. Modern girls aren't like us traditional girls."
"Sadly."
"Mmm?"
"What you thought was special, is. You can never get it back. You can never give it to anyone else. Which is why it's the perfect gift. Thank you."
"Happy birthday." Yuuki said drowsily.
Kyoya smiled. "Happy Anniversary maybe?"
"Whatever."
"Good night, Yuuki."
She mumbled something. "Sleep sweet." Was all that was actually coherent.
Kyoya considered himself blessed. Blessed that she loved him with a love undying, and that she gave him the chance to return it. Without taking back the keys to her secrets. She was still his. Completely. Flaws and all. Flaws that fit into his and locked them in place. That made their bond stronger, as long as they could accept and forgive them.
The girl shifted. She tangled her legs around his. Kyoya closed his eyes. He'd not told her because he was afraid. Afraid she wouldn't love him as she had. Just as she had been afraid of telling him she'd miscarried. But they'd both underestimated the extent that forgiveness reached to when given through love. If God could forgive all mankind, so long as they asked and were truly sorry, if he could give them a clean slate; then so could they. They could do it. He found ran his thumb over her rings. Just two rings. Forever and a day. They had said eternity after all; you can't do it with a grudge and a haunting past. The only way to fight a haunted past is by holding someone else's hand. Kyoya ran his thumb over his wedding band. He couldn't change the past, but he sure could use it to guide his future. Mortality make beauty that much greater; everlasting; eternal.
-
Is this the whole picture
Or is it just the start?
Is this the way you love me?
You're capturing my heart
I used to try and walk alone
But I've begun to grow
And when you tell me just to rest
I'm finally letting go
I let go
And I'm here to stay
Nothing can separate us
And I know, I'm ok
You cradle me gently
Wrapped in your arms.... I'm home
I'm seeing so much clearer
Looking through your eyes
I could never find a safer place
Even if I tried
All the times I've needed you
You've never left my side
I'm clinging to your every word
Don't ever let me go
Don't let go
(Wrapped in your arms, Fireflight)
-
------
To be continued...with the party.
Based on a true story. I wasn't just making all that up. I know a pretty awesome couple. Except, they were married at the time. So...his mistakes were actually completely relevant, not just emotionally so. Some decisions are right, and sometimes you have to make your decisions right. Call me old fashioned, but it worked for them. I was talking about them the other day and just how hard it must have been. If I was Yuuki, I would struggle. They wern't together, but they both knew they should have been.
Because everyone knows that the host club is full of 'themes'. Be mature about it. Even if, like me, you want to dissapear.
Please tell me what you thought. I'd like to improve this story according to your opinions, wants, needs...I take all you're reviews seriously and I appreciate each.
Blessings,
-pp