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Chapter 33
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The host club liked Spring. A lot. They conducted themselves like individuals in an amusement park for a large majority of the season. The cherry blossoms came out and tea parties in the garden were imminent. Or, grand parties during daylight hours where women wore pastel dresses and men played polo.
Yuuki sat under a giant umbrella and watched the game. A large majority of the players had no idea how to ride. They were dropping like flies and needing medical assistance to reinflate damaged egos and bruised backs. The girl lost interest quickly and dropped her nose back to her book. Tachi was riding Zero and the pair were basically the only players. Tamaki had adopted a huge white stallion that was to full of itself and testosterone to actually do more than prance proudly in circles and chew the bit while its rider yelled from the saddle. Mori was doing reasonably well, but kept having to catch Hunny as the landed gentry kept trying to rid the blonde from the field as he kept yelling their tactics. Of the twins not much could be said. They were riding chestnut warm bloods, playing some game that only they knew the rules to.
"Men..." Suki said flatly. Her husband scored a goal and had pulled his shirt over his face and tried to gallop away like that.
Haruhi put a hand behind her head as a gust of wind threatened to throw her hat from her head and into the rose bushes behind. "Let them have their fun."
Everyone was at the house of a man who had inherited a great deal of money and threw magnificent parties. Something like Gatsby, only less conspicuous and with a much higher IQ. He was also Kyoya's sisters husband and very well respected. Kyoya was riding with his brother in law and friends; only he could predict the motions of a long golf club and get his head out of the way in time. To him, polo was a giant, physical, game of chess with no rules.
Yuuki glanced at the game. "Who's winning?"
"Who knows." Suki sighed and put a hand on her swollen stomach. She was seven months.
The Ootori put her book on the table that held their tea. Haruhi picked Kenji up from where he was playing in the grass. "I bet you could do better than they are." She pointed out to Yuuki.
The girl stirred a silver teaspoon through the now cold liquid in her cup and smiled idly. "I bet I could too."
"Oh!" Suki sat up. Her friends got a fight. Pregnant women should not make loud noises. "You and Kyoya vs...the twins."
"Eh?" Hikaru and Kaoru took that moment to ride past and pulled their borrowed horses up abruptly. "What's this about us?"
"Just saying." Suki smiled warmly. "That Yuuki here, and her hubby, could kick your butts at a two on two game of polo."
"Is that so?" Twin one.
Twin two raised his eyebrow. "I'd take you up on that bet."
Yuuki wasn't ruffled. "She's joking. I have no interest in the matter."
"Is it because you're wearing a dress?"
"That would be a large factor in my decision."
"What if we could say...get you some riding clothes?"
Yuuki raised an eyebrow. "No."
"Why?" The pair seemed very happy indeed. Very pleased and very proud. They needed to fall off and land on their egos. "Fuyumi, surely has a pair of jodhpurs for you."
Kyoya's sister was standing under a large cherry blossom tree, laughing gaily at something one of her friends had said. Suki looked over. "Yeah, I'm sure she does."
"It's irrelevant." The Ootori picked her book up again.
"Aw. Please?" The woman begged, leaning over the side of her chair. "Please?"
The squadron of men had been interested by the sudden non-motion of two of their players and abandoned their game. "What's going on?" Tamaki breathed, turning his head to look over his shoulder as his mount moved annoyingly in a circle.
"Yuuki's going to team up with Kyoya and play us at polo." The twins said mischievously in unison.
"I have no interest in 'prison rules' thank you very much." Yuuki looked up against the glare of the sun.
"Aw." Fuyumi's husband rode to the front of the mob. "Come on dear, my wife has riding clothes you could borrow. She's taller than you are though."
The woman sighed. "What's in it for me?"
Kyoya decided to take that moment to be a plotter. "Let's say, if we win, the twins buy my new car."
"And if you lose?" The Hitachiin's said in unison.
"Irrelevant." The man said with the devils smile. "We won't lose."
"If you lose, then...we get exclusive rights to use Yuuki as a model for our swimwear collection."
"No." The girl protested. "No. I refuse. No."
"If you don't compete, it's like losing." The twins said smugly.
Yuuki knew where this was going. Tachi petted Zero's neck from his place in the saddle. "Want mommy to ride you? Yes. Me too." He grinned at his student. "Come on Yuuki."
The girl glared at Suki who shrugged.
Kyoya's brother in law rode over to his wife and she came over and smiled broadly at Yuuki. "Oh. What fun!" Her voice was like a bluebird. "I've always wanted to see you ride up close."
The younger girl was picked up by her elbow and led towards the house. She protested quietly, not wanting to cause a scene, but half an hour later was pulling on a pair of leather gloves and fixing stirrup lengths.
The club was the right length and the girth tight enough to keep her in the saddle. Kyoya was smiling roguishly. Yuuki stared at him. "You don't even like riding."
"No. Maybe not." He pushed his glasses up. He had somehow worked out how to keep them on. "But I like beating these two."
"Uhuh."
"You won't have to buy me a car."
"And if we lose?"
"We won't."
"Be a little open minded Kyoya." Yuuki was not happy. People had gathered to watch.
"I won't mind." There was a certain amount of profit in the worst bet for him. His wife smacked him lightly with her club. He laughed. "You like riding. Just have fun."
"I like my dress. It was all pretty...and pastel yellow like sunshine...and my hat was all lovely race wear...and..."
"And you can wear it again when we're done here. It's not sunset yet."
"Heels down." She snapped at him. "If you fall off, it will be on your head."
"Uhuh." Kyoya smiled slightly as he rode beside her to the middle of the field. This game was going to end their rocky relationship with the Hitachiin empire. It was a friendly match with benefits.
Hikaru and Kaoru looked very Ralph Lauren Polo as they waited for the opponents to meet them. "Ready?" The chorused.
Yuuki shortened her reins. "Do you even know how to play? Looked like you were just hacking grass earlier."
"Then...pray. Do tell us." Twin one said sarcastically.
"Alright." Yuuki sighed. "You score by driving the wooden ball into the opposing team's goal using a long-handled mallet." She waved her club casually. "The traditional sport of polo is played at speed on a large grass field up to 300 yards in length, this will have to do. Team should be four riders, but obviously we're getting egocentric here..." She looked at their blank faces. "Okay, whatever. Gentleman's rules."
"Now that, we get." The twins said happily and dropped the ball on the ground and began riding away for the start.
Yuuki scowled at her husband and turned Zero away, stopping at the end of the field. They were playing rough prison rules. And it pissed her off royally.
Kyoya looked incredibly smug as he rode beside her. "Think of the merit..."
"Shut up." She snapped.
He laughed quietly.
"Shut up." Yuuki didn't look at him.
"You're very moody."
"I am not." She said flatly.
"Then smile."
His wife flashed him a fake grin and turned around to wait. "Stay on the horse."
"I love you too." Kyoya managed to say just before the game began.
Zero took off. The twins did the same from the other end of the field, but Yuuki got to the ball first. She smacked it down the grass and sat upright again as her horse raced after it. The twins had to turn sharply as she shot past them and smacked the ball again. After a minute, she'd scored the first goal. Kyoya hadn't even moved. He'd just sat at his end of the field and watched contentedly. Yuuki decided that he could sleep on the couch that night.
"Best to three." The twins said flatly.
Three was quick. The Hitachiin's lost in less than half an hour. Yuuki dismounted as soon as the game ended and led her horse to a water trough. A tide of watchers crowded around her and petted the girl's back and her horse's shoulder. Thanking her. It seems someone had bet on the Ootori team and come into a large amount of money as such. This didn't help Yuuki's now almost foul mood.
Kyoya was standing on the other side of Zero, tying his mount up. "You just made a lot of people happy." He said, surveying the happy group as they separated away from the sweaty horses and found patches of cooling shade.
"So that was that was the point? Making people happy and making enemies out of the twins?" She tugged her helmet off.
"Why are you upset?"
"I didn't want to play polo. I hate polo. It's a gentleman's sport and I am a gentleman's daughter. I also don't like being used."
"You made Tamaki happy." Kyoya said.
"How?"
"You just saved the Suoh Empire."
Yuuki paused. "How?"
"My brother in law is a gambler. Very good one two. But he's a little stupid. Didn't know you'd ever ridden in Beijing or London and bet against Tamaki."
"There was betting?" She was not impressed.
"Yes. Of course. This is the landed upper class. Betting wont impact their lifestyle if its occasional and for leisure. Tamaki won the money needed to kick the life back into his business. AKA; rehire all the people that got 'let off' as a result of the recession." Kyoya walked around Zero until he stood near his wife.
Yuuki stared at the blonde as he put Aimi on an empty saddle and pretended that she was on a real horse. "Dare I ask, how much was bet?"
"Do you want to know?" Kyoya said lightly.
The girl hesitated. "No. Not at all."
"Are you happy now?"
"No."
"Why?"
"You forced me to ride in front of all those people when I didn't want to." It's not like she could have not ridden, it would have put a little stain on the Ootori reputation.
"You like riding."
"Yes. But, why do I not like competing?"
Kyoya paused. "Ha." He mused.
"Ha indeed." Yuuki loosed Zero's girth. "You didn't even score."
Her husband rested a hand characteristically on his hip."No. You needed to let some steam off." He was joking, but obviously serious.
"Oh indeed." Yuuki's tone lightened at his comment.
"I was keeping my head out of the way."
"Yes. Good idea." The girl threw her helmet at him.
Kyoya caught it just before it made impact with his head. "Why is it that you can't aim until you're angry?"
Yuuki shrugged. "I can't aim until I'm angry."
He handed the item back over. She pretended to throw it. He didn't flinch. Kyoya just raised an eyebrow.
His wife picked at the satin edge of the helmet. "I was going to miss."
The man put an arm around her waist and pulled her into him so that he could kiss the top of her head. "I'm glad."
Yuuki turned out of his grip and headed for the house so she could change. "You're still sleeping on the couch." She chimed over her shoulder.
The twins overheard this last statement and gave Kyoya hell for the rest of the afternoon. That evening though, they found the couple laughing under the trees near the porch. The light from inside made the situation warm, the darkness made it demure, mysterious. A Yin and Yang setting. They were wandering like shadows while the party upstairs extended into dinner. It was like they themselves were a secret. Like the locked room in tall tower. Everyone knew it was there, it was tangible and touchable and breathable, and yet completely unknown. Unless you knew how to get inside.
Hikaru leant on the balcony and stared out. "Kaoru? Do you think we can still tease Kyoya?"
"No." His brother sighed. "I don't think we can."
They watched in silence. Like ghosts that saw everything and told it to the wind. Some would call them rumor starters; they would say the Brothers Grimm. Yuuki was brushing the falling petals off her husband's shirt. He picked them out of her hair. The wind kept thwarting the clean-up efforts and in the end the girl stood on tiptoe and kissed her husband gently in an act of adoring spontaneity. He wrapped his arms around her waist and joined himself to her.
The twins put their chins in their hands at the same moment and for a second didn't mind having to buy Kyoya a new car. Seeing a creation that fought and hurt and cried but found love and hope and cherishment through it all made it alright. There was a moment that they had to turn to each other. As if pleasantly repelled from the sight. As if they were intruding and unconsciously needed to back away. The shadows were glowing and it could never be understood, and never seen. They had their walls, their secrets. And for a reason. It had always been like that. And always would be.
Yuuki pressed her lips to the corner of Kyoya's jaw before slipping back to her feet. Even in the dark, it was obvious she still blushed. Even still, everything was new. Like time had not worn them down. Not in the least. Like nothing could break through the barrier and shatter them. They were the bulletproof glass of the world. One could see into it, but never comprehend how everything on the other side stayed so adored, so honored. Bets said it didn't make sense. But it was such that the gamblers didn't know the full story.
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It fits in your hand like the water in rain
It unlocks our two different selves
And shows we are the same
It is as if
I knew you before we spoke
Do our hearts know something we don't?
Conspiring, converging
without giving us any say
You sing me to sleep,
talk down my walls
Look through my windows as I wait
You could be the thief
I give the key to
(The Thief, Brooke Fraser)
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Yuuki caught Hunny as he threw himself at her. She had just been shopping and had just got mugged.
"YUU-CHAN!" The blonde beamed. "I haven't seen you in like...two days! Let's go get some tea and catch up."
The girl stopped the spinning. "Hello." She looked up. "Hey Mori."
The bear-like figure said a pleasant hello.
"What are you doing here?" Yuuki put Hunny down and let him climb up his cousin.
"We went to the movies...and then had cake...and then..." Hunny recounted their day. The Ootori listened. There had never been friends more inseparable than Mori and Hunny. There was a peculiar attachment, based completely on loyalty, between them. It was pleasant to see.
"Sounds like fun." The girl smiled.
"What have you been doing?" The blonde peered down from his cousins shoulders.
Yuuki held up a few bags. "Shopping."
"What did you buy?"
"Oh. Um." She thought a moment. "I bought a new pair of shoes, a shirt, a shirt for Kyoya, uh...Aimi's birthday present and a candle."
"What did you buy Aimi?"
Yuuki held up a bag and indicated that there was a giant panda plush inside. It was the cutest toy she had ever seen and wanted to hug it herself. Hunny wanted to see and grabbed the bag. Pretty soon, Mori had to pry the man off the gift and hand it back while the blonde wailed in dismay.
Yuuki swiftly dug into another bag and pulled out a packet of candy. She knew that Kyoya would never eat it and she would take ages to get though it or do it all at once and spent the whole day jittering on sugar. Hunny would have no such problems and promptly stopped his wail when offered the bag.
"For me?" He took the candy.
"Yes. I guess so." The Ootori shrugged. "I wasn't going to eat it anyway." Pause. "Oi. Share with Mori."
"Oh. Sorry Takashi." Hunny offered the bag. Yuuki smiled and told them she had to go.
After a cheery, dizzy goodbye, she finally got free and stumbled into the nearest store to gather her bearings. It was a pharmacy. The girl looked around and wondered if she needed anything from there. They'd run out of Advil. Or probably had. Work had been busy and both she and her husband had been downing it like oxygen. Eight hours after the previous dose; of course. Yuuki picked up a new bottle and wandered through the shoulder height aisles.
There were mountains of hair-dye, a lot of pain relief tablets, manicure sets, make-up, more pain relief; the world was obviously in a lot of pain, and then the last aisle. Yuuki paused and glanced at the pregnancy tests. She just stared at them for a minute. The last one she'd bought had come up negative. And the one before that. And the one before that. Her cycle had become so irregular that she couldn't tell what was going on anymore. It was unnerving for a woman, to not know the intimate details about herself and have to use guess work and cross her fingers.
"Hello." A happy voice called. "How may I help you?" A shop assistant appeared at the girl's side.
"Oh. I'm just browsing, thank you."
"Can I take those and put them on the counter?" The woman held her hands out for the items Yuuki carried.
The Ootori handed them over and said thank you, yes she could do that.
"Are you the girl from the Chanel advert? The one for that perfume?"
"Um. Probably." Yuuki smiled warmly. Now that people knew who she was, she had to fulfill a role model image.
The woman seemed a little awed. "I bought that perfume because of that ad!"
"Really?"
"Yes. Repentance. I mean...wow. It was fierce."
"Oh. Thank you." The girl nodded politely.
"Anyway. I should go put these down." Pause. "Do you need any help?"
"No. Thanks. I'll be fine." Yuuki smiled sincerely at her. "Actually, I need to go."
She paid for her purchases and left the store. Her mind still half on what it had been taken with before the shop assistant had disrupted her thought pattern.
A baby. Yuuki knew deep down that falling pregnant was worth it, she just didn't know if it was worth going through the uncertainty of her pain again. If she was ready to spend the first four months on edge, wondering if everything was okay, and then the next five praying that it was okay. Pregnancy was supposed to be joyous, and she'd know that to a certain extent. But it had hurt her to the point where she was cautioned against it; even though it was something she ardently wished for.
The impasse was confusing. Yuuki stood on the curb and waited for a cab and tried to push the thoughts aside, knowing that sometimes that her troubles would lead her away from them if only she listened to them. But she wanted to be happy. Another impasse. A bus passed by. On its side was the symbol of the Ootori group and the words to make it worthwhile. It was the advertisement catch-cry of the season, making private healthcare worth someone's while.
Yuuki juggled her shopping and hailed a cab. Worth her while. Was a baby worth her while?
Yes.
Was she prepared to go through with it?
Yes.
Was it even possible?
The Ootori told the driver where to go and sat back. It could be possible naturally. It could be. It was impossible to predict when the right time to conceive for her was, but sometimes kismet happened. Yuuki prayed kismet would happen. Maybe. She felt a few butterflies in her stomach. Her own butterflies, not those caused by a child moving inside of her. She missed that. She felt a pang of loss knowing that she would never meet the first being that made her feel like that. Like someone telling her a secret that no one in the entire history of the universe would ever, ever know. A best friend who trusted. And who had then been destroyed. By her. Even if she didn't do it directly, Yuuki knew her body was responsible. If the embryo had successfully implanted, she would have a child that day. She would have a daughter. With Kyoya's grey eyes and her cheekbones.
Yuuki ran a hand through her hair and sighed. Her phone went off. The Ootori didn't even look at caller ID.
"Hello?"
"Yo." Suki. She was probably satisfying a craving of some sort. "What you doing?"
"Driving home."
"I'll see you there."
"Is something up?"
"I'm at suicide risk." Her voice was incredibly humorous.
"Okay. Why?"
"Because. I can't find Jasmine. We were playing Hide-and-seek and now I'm sick of seeking."
"Tell her I'm on the phone."
"Not yet."
Yuuki laughed. Jasmine had just started trying to hold discussions. Most of which were made up of the words 'ma', 'da' and 'cow'. "Honest, you lost her?"
"She's...probably on the couch someplace."
"Then look at the couch."
Suki dropped her voice to a whisper. "No. She is on the couch. She's just got her hands over her eyes and is giggling like a daisy. I haven't found her. Hint, hint."
"Is Riki there?"
"Riki is in Switzerland with her parents."
"Oh. That's right." Pause. "If you're pretending that you're trying to find her, why are we talking about you being a suicide risk?"
"Jazz doesn't know."
"What does she know?"
"That I'm on the phone, talking to someone about her."
"Ah."
"Oh. I've been meaning to ask you. And the only way is to be blunt."
"No. I'm not pregnant."
"Darn it. How did you know I was going to ask?"
"Because half the world, especially the half that is dominated by Kyoya's parents, keep asking."
"And you say..."
"No."
"And the reason is?"
Yuuki hadn't told Suki. She hadn't told anyone. "Um. Just..."
"Don't start a question with 'um'. What happened?"
"Another time."
"Something happened to you and you're acting shockingly caviler about it."
"Yes. I'm fine. Where's Jazz?"
"Peeking." Pause. "So, Yuuki..." There was a happy squeal as Jasmine discovered who her mother was talking to. "Oh. I see how it is."
"Yes. Yes. I'm the one who spoils her rotten."
"And shouldn't. You're ruining my child. She's demanding." Pause. "Found you! Want to talk to aunt Yuuki?"
The Ootori waited. A little voice carried down the line. "Hey girlie."
"Yuu..."
"That's right."
There was a delighted laugh and Yuuki could see the child putting her fingers in her mouth in joy at her correct answer.
"Having a good day?"
There was silence. Jasmine was nodding, thinking Yuuki could see her.
"That's good. Look, I have to go." The house had come into view. "Tell your mommy goodbye, okay?"
"Nu!"
"Jazz, I have to go. Go hug mommy."
Suki came back onto the line. "I have a growth."
"Hugs?"
"More like...attachments."
Yuuki laughed. "Okay. I have to go." Pause. "I'll see you sometime."
"Okay. Chow."
"Bye."
Click. Yuuki paid the driver and pulled herself out of the cab. Jasmine was an amazing little girl. So bright she basically glowed in the dark. She loved everything and everyone. Even Kyoya. One evening at Suki's, the child had latched onto the Ootori's leg and not let got for half an hour. Jasmine was smitten. All he'd done was high-five her when she held her hand up at him. To the baby, it was as if he'd given her the world. In the end, she'd fallen asleep and Kyoya had to catch her before she took herself out on the floor. Children have a talent of being able to hurt themselves on flat, smooth surfaces.
Yuuki wondered what Sayuri would have been like. If her laugh would have been like bells or chimes. And then if her cry sounded like a train wreck or bus smash. The Ootori unlocked the door and closed it behind her once inside. She sighed. Children were joy. Her own child would be an extension of her and her husband's love as well as that. It would be their personal story in one little being. Yuuki put her purchases on the bed and tied a big gold bow around the neck of Aimi's birthday gift. Kyoya's shirt would become a new favorite of hers. After he wore it a few times and made it smell like him. It was navy blue, three quarter sleeves and button up. Rodd and Gunn perfection made from sixty percent Merino wool.
Speak of the devil and he shall come. The door downstairs clicked and then clicked again before opening. Kyoya was greeted by his wife, holding a big, black and white panda plush.
"For me?" He put his briefcase down. "You shouldn't have." His tone was humored.
"No. It's for Aimi."
"Oh yes." Kyoya crossed the foyer and kissed her lightly hello. "Good day?"
"I went shopping." Yuuki adjusted the bow on the toy. "How was Dividing and Conquering?"
"Successful."
"You're home early?" Pause. "I'm not complaining though."
"The hospital in Britain was finished yesterday. So our current project got handed over to London today. Give them a week to set up. There was not that much to do."
"In other words, everyone else would have drowned in paper work, but you make it home easy."
Kyoya pushed his glasses up. "Basically."
"What did you learn today?" Yuuki followed him to the kitchen and took a cup of coffee from her husband before climbing onto the bench top.
"That emotional girls should wear mood rings so we know when they're ticked off."
"Ooo. Sounds evil."
"Dakota," His new secretary. "...decided that my office was a mess and cleaned it." Yuuki flinched. She'd learnt that lesson. Kyoya smiled oddly. "Yes. Well, I asked her where my mouse was. The cordless one. And turns out she'd thought it was a hand massager and put it in the ensuit. It got wet. I told her she was paying for the next one and she quit on the spot." Pause. "After throwing an exceptionally spectacular tantrum."
"So you spent the whole day without a secretary?"
"Basically." He took a sip of coffee.
"An Ootori without hired help!" Yuuki pressed her hand flat against the side of her face in mock horror.
Kyoya smiled. "Mm. Shocker." He put his mug down in the sink. "Are you going to hang onto that panda all afternoon?"
"No. Just for now."
"You're about to get coffee on it."
Yuuki intelligently put the plush down. "Yes. Probably, knowing my track record." She looked out the window. Zero was grazing in the paddock. When she looked back, Kyoya was very much in her face. Literally. Yuuki started. "Oh my gosh. Don't." She had almost fallen off the bench top and spilt coffee all over herself.
Kyoya laughed deeply. "You never expect a thing, do you?"
"No." The girl put her mug down and scowled at him.
Her husband leaned on his arms which were placed on either side of her. "Maybe you should learn to."
"I like surprises."
"But not the build up."
"No."
Kyoya pressed his mouth to hers in a lovesome manner. "Surprise."
Yuuki blinked. "Yes. I like that."
Her husband stood straight again and stared at the panda. "That's not from a toy store."
"No. It's from a little boutique that hand makes teddy bears."
Kyoya considered the idea.
"I was thinking today. About children."
"Yes?"
"I don't want another negative test."
"How many have you done?"
Yuuki counted in her head. "A few."
"A few too many. If it happens, it happens."
"I know...but you're not the lady here." Pause. "Obviously."
Kyoya put a hand in his pocket and scrutinized his wife.
"What?" She asked.
"Just thinking."
"Dangerous past time."
"Mm."
"What about?"
"How to make you stop worrying."
"Why aren't you worrying?"
"I'm expecting."
"Easy for you." Yuuki crossed her arms.
Kyoya pushed his glasses up. "This is exactly why we don't try like other people. It's stressing."
"And you're all about happiness and stuff."
"And stuff. Yes."
"I kno..."
"Uhuh." The man put a finger over her lips. He thought a moment.
"Ky..."
"Uh." Pause. "No."
"Wh..."
"Yuuki. Stop talking."
She grabbed his hand and pulled it away. "Why?"
"I'm thinking."
Yuuki shook her head and slid onto the floor. It was less dangerous on the floor. It wasn't so far away. She grabbed the panda in case he tried anything; plush shield. Kyoya stared out the window as his wife washed their coffee cups and put them away. "You can't stop me worrying." She said leaving the room. "Just like I can't stop you thinking."
The man leant on the bench top and watched her leave. Yuuki had a point. He couldn't stop her worrying, but he could lessen it. He understood her, but there were many things that were a mystery. It's what had drawn him to her to begin with. Yuuki was different. She didn't stand out or blend in. She just was. The product of her upbringing and experiences. The exact fit to her personal mould.
His phone rang.
"Ootori." Came the flat answer.
"Kyoya?"
It was his sister. "Yes, Fuyumi."
"Just wondering what you're doing tomorrow night?"
"I'm going out."
"Really? Where?"
"To the Suoh's."
"Oh. Come over to our house and invite Tamaki and Haruhi."
"I wasn't aware that we were dining at your house."
"Well, you are now. I'm inviting you. This very moment."
Kyoya sighed. He already had other plans.
"Oh. Please Kyoya? Mom and Dad are coming over and I need you."
"Is that the only reason you asked?"
"No. Of course not. You're the brother who I was closest to. You're very special Kyoya."
"Invite Tamaki. If he wants to come, we will too." Yuuki was going to kill him. But Fuyumi and he had always been close. With Tamaki and Haruhi, his wife could ignore his parents.
"You're amazing Kyoya. Thank you."
"Okay. Bye."
"See you tomorrow!"
"Possibly."
"Definitely."
Kyoya laughed lowly. "Good evening."
"Night!"
Click.
There was a soft, almost indistinguishable rumble from behind the wall that the sink was in front of. Yuuki was in the shower and was draining the hot water supply, even though it was spring. Odd soul. Big soul. Kyoya shook his head and collected his briefcase from the hall and deposited it in the study before heading upstairs and finding his new shirt spread in a manner that cried for viewing.
Navy didn't suit him that well. It suited her though. He'd encouraged her to wear it.
If it was the thought that counted, Kyoya could guess where Yuuki's were when she bought the shirt.
The girl appeared from the bathroom, wearing sleeping shorts and waving a towel through her hair. "Do you like it?"
"For me, no."
She smiled. "Just wear it a few times."
"For who?"
Yuuki threw the damp towel into a laundry basket just inside the bathroom. "Oh. No one." She waved her hand dismissively. I thought it was a nice cut and color.
"Hm. For who?"
"You."
"Uhuh."
"Just...wear it." She said flatly and picked her new shirt up and hung it in the closet. Along with the black one she'd bought earlier.
Kyoya pushed his glasses up and watched her flit about the room. "We're very probably going to Fuyumi's for dinner tomorrow."
Yuuki paused as she sprayed conditioner in her damp hair. "What about Tamaki?"
"He's coming."
"Okay..." Pause. "Wait." She stared at her husband. "Your parents are going to be there. Aren't they?"
"It's quite the possibility."
Yuuki sprayed the detangle spray at him. "Quite."
Kyoya waved the mist away. "Haruhi will be there."
"With her children." Her tone was ever so slightly resentful.
"You like the kids."
"Maybe. But I still don't like children overall. Especially after the boy's latest incident. Remember that?"
He did remember. Sort of. Kyoya had been incapacitated for a few days as a result. "Yes. I remember."
"Mm."
"You'll get thrown up on by your own child one day."
"Joy."
Kyoya sat in one of the armchairs by the window. "You say that as if you don't see it happening."
"Perceptive."
"Annoyed."
Yuuki thought a moment. "Why?"
Her husband watched the night begin to seep into the deeper parts of the day. "You're a pessimist. But only regarding this topic."
"Well, what do you expect me to be?"
"Neutral if anything."
"Would you be neutral?"
"I would try."
"Would you succeed?" Yuuki waited for his answer.
Kyoya paused to ponder the question. "No. Probably not." Pause. "But you're still not justified."
"Does it upset you? My being...a pessimist?"
"It bothers me to see you torturing yourself. It was not your fault and you can get pregnant again."
"Not according to statistics. And it was my fault, I didn't carry right."
"Statistics never once applied to us. If we were dictated by statistics, we would be divorced and one of us would have already remarried."
Silence. "...true...but somewhat irrelevant." Yuuki ran her fingers along the top of the panda, it lay on the corner of the bed. Staring with unseeing eyes.
"You're saying that because this is physical, not mental, it applies?"
"Yes." She filled in hesitantly.
"I think you're wrong."
"Well, aren't you Mr Brightside."
Kyoya was a little annoyed. But not at her. The song was not stuck in his head. "You wouldn't keep buying the tests if you didn't think it was possible."
Yuuki dug her toes into the pale carpet. "Maybe."
"Am I ever wrong?"
"Sometimes."
Raised eyebrow.
"Okay. Rarely."
Smug grin. "Come here." Kyoya opened his arms.
Yuuki crawled into his embrace.
"Do you trust me?"
"...yes."
"Then do."
Silence.
He pressed his hand firmly against the back of her ribcage.
"Okay." Yuuki twisted. It was uncomfortable. Not unpleasant, but uncomfortable."Okay, I'll take your word for it."
"Good girl."
She pinched his arm. "Blackmail."
Kyoya's lips turned up in evil agreement. "You'll do it though."
His wife stared out the window. "Yeah."
"Yes."
"Whatever." Yuuki took his fingers and let them slip through hers. Like water. Water could get trapped. By doubt. Fear. But it could create a new path. It could escape. She had him. He had his angel. And when God was involved, all things became possible.
-
Like a child having nightmares
I will run into your arms
I'll give you all of my cares and
This world will do me no more harm
I want to stay longer.
I made you a place within my heart
With you I'm so much stronger
That's why I'm glad we'll never have to part
(When you're around, Relient K)
-
Halfway through dinner that night, the phone rang. Yuuki picked it up. Kyoya listened, wondering who had disturbed them at a time when everyone was doing the same thing. Probably a telemarketer.
"Hello?" Pause. "Slow down. Slo...Yes. He's here." She glanced at her husband. "Yes, I know." Dead silence. Yuuki's voice faltered. "W...what? No." She kept looking at Kyoya. "No. It's impossible. How?" Pause. "When? No. Yes. I'll tell him. Okay. See you there." She hung up and held the phone, her fingers clenched so hard around it that her fingers went white.
Kyoya waited. "What?"
Yuuki started to speak; she looked him directly in the eye. "That was your sister."
"Yes?" He didn't seem all that bothered, just expectant.
"Kyoya, your father had a stroke." The man halted and stared at her. Yuuki was banging the phone against her palm. "We have to get to the hospital."
The man breathed audibly. "Now?"
"He...your sister...he's on life support."
"What type?"
Yuuki put the phone down so she didn't break it. She didn't say anything. The type that means their already gone, except they still have a working body. That type. The type that lets relatives say goodbye before washing them wash of color and completely abandon the body.
Kyoya's jaw was clenched tightly. He nodded solemnly, slowly. "Alright."
"Alright?" Yuuki watched him. "Kyoya..."
"What?"
"I'll call a cab."
"No." He said firmly. "I'll drive." Yuuki put a hand on his shoulder as he walked past her. He paused and looked at her fingers out of the corner of his eye before moving out of the room. "Get changed."
Half an hour later they were exactly where they never expected to be. The retired king of the Ootori Empire was lying in pale blue, toneless sheets, a monitor beeping steadily. They had been the first ones there. Even before his wife. Kyoya, the third son come first, stared at the man he should have called father but never did. Not truly. Yuuki stood ever so slightly behind him, giving him space.
The door slid open and Fuyumi rushed into the room and stopped abruptly beside the bed. Her brother watched her arrive from the other side and then slid his eyes back down to the man in question.
Fuyumi put a hand over her mouth and started to cry. "No...dad..." She gripped the bed railing but didn't dare to touch him. No one would dare to touch him. Not without his consent. It could never again be given.
Their mother strode into the room, her chin dropped slightly. She was wearing all black, already. She didn't go first to her husband, but her son's wife. "This is family only." Came the flat statement.
Kyoya didn't look at her, but he radiated a stern form of anger.
"Get the little witch out." The woman hissed.
"Mom, don't..." Fuyumi said unsteadily.
"No. Don't tell me what to do, daughter. There will be nothing but respect here. If she wants to wait for her husband, let her do it outside. If she wants to mourn, let her do it there."
"You speak as if he's dead." Came a deep voice. The second brother stood just inside the door with a little blonde woman beside him. She clutched her handbag and looked like a scared rabbit.
Yuuki put a hand on Kyoya's elbow and squeezed gently before slipping past his mother at the end of the bed and into the hallway. He watched her go silently. Knowing she would wait for him and come back in if he wanted her too. But part of respecting those about to depart was the ability to respect those who needed to say goodbye. She wanted to say goodbye to the only legal father she really had. A father-in-law. But she wanted to give the family space.
The first son appeared at the end of the hallway. His leather shoes clicked on the floor of the hospital. He slid the door to the suit open, glanced sideways at Yuuki and then entered. He didn't shut the door entirely, letting his sister-in-law in on some of the happenings.
After an hour of murmurings and sobless silence, a continual beep took over from the steady intervals. Yuuki closed her eyes and felt a drop of moisture ski down her cheek and into her lap.
It just happened.
Just like that.
Only, there were no angels to guide this man home. If he'd ever had one. Yuuki knew, deep down, that Kyoya would have been like that.
Half an hour later, the door slid open and the mother exited. She stared at her son's wife before taking her mobile out and calling her driver to come pick her up. Her make-up hadn't budged.
After two hours, the three eldest siblings slipped into the darkness of near-midnight.
Yuuki stood at the door to the suit and looked in. Kyoya was standing as he had been three hours before. The beeping had stopped. Someone had pulled a sheet over the hard, emotionless face.
The girl opened the door and stepped inside before closing it fully behind her. She went straight to her husband's side and delved her fingers into his. His grip was like a vice on her knuckles.
"He never once asked me how my day was." Came the flat reply to her act. "And, I never cared."
Yuuki let her spare hand rest over their locked ones. "You loved him ,Kyoya. I know you and I know you did."
"Did I love him for him, or for what he allowed me to become?"
His wife stood silent. "Does it matter?"
Their voices were like whispers, only unhushed. Kyoya sighed. He was cold. "I can't even cry for him." Fuyumi was the only one who could. She'd left the hospital with little hiccups. "I could have been him."
Yuuki stared at her husband. "I could have been my mother. But I wasn't. We could have been our baby. But we weren't."
Kyoya loosed his grip on her hand. "Thousands will be at the funeral. Not one will cry."
"Would he have wanted them to?"
"He would have said they were all weak. Everyone died. Dynasties ensured men didn't."
"Then honor him." If it was all he could give his father, then he should give it.
The man felt the sharp pang of loss, but it didn't move him. "Let's go home."
Yuuki nodded and waited for him to move. He didn't. They stood there for a long time before Kyoya melted again and left the suit without looking back.
Mr Ootori had fallen coming in from the golf course, slipped on a step and hit his head. The stress of fifty years caught up like a freight train and caused him to stroke. One life, gone. Like a candle snuffed out. No one knew where the wind came from or why it had come. All they knew was that it had been and passed and left only a cold, thin trail of smoke to mark the fact that a life had once dwelled in a flame.
Kyoya's father had been strong, he had been healthy, he had been smart and cold. He had everything he had ever wanted; he'd never wanted love. He'd wanted heirs. And greed. And now he was gone, leaving behind no family, no wife and no children.
Yuuki glanced back when they left and wondered if the man had been scared when it happened. If he would have re-done anything. The answer she came up with was 'no'. He would not have done anything different. And she was glad. Mr Ootori had died with the assurance that his life was exactly as he had planned it. But at the same time, she was disturbed. It meant that he never thought he'd made a mistake, which meant he'd never corrected it. Never got the change to love. To love another person is to see the face of God. Or so the saying goes. Yuuki wondered if that's who's face the man was seeing.
-
Feels like you're miles from here,
in other towns with lesser names.
Where the unholy ghost doesn't tell
Mary or William exactly what they want to hear.
You remember the house on Ridge Road
told you and the Devil to both just leave me alone.
If this is salvation, I can show you the trembling.
You'll just have to trust me. I'm scared.
Tommy, you left behind
something that will mean everything right before you die.
What if you gained the whole world?
You've already lost four little souls from your life.
Widows and orphans aren't hard to find.
They're home missing daddy who's saving the abandoned tonight.
Wish your drinking would hurry and kill you.
Sympathy's better than having to tell you the truth.
That you are the patron saint of lost causes.
All you are to them is now a lost cause.
All you are to them is now, causes.
(Fin*, Anberlin)
-
It was early, early morning when they arrived home. No one said anything. The only noise was the constant drip of pattering rain on the earth. Pathetic fallacy.
Kyoya sat on the end of the bed and stared out the window for a long, long time. Yuuki sat beside him. She took his shoes off and waited for him to come back to life.
He didn't. Not until the sun had come up. The man ran a hand over his face and blinked. He turned to Yuuki.
She stared at him with wide eyes. "You need to sleep."
"Will it help?"
"It does." She'd been through this before.
"Okay." Kyoya lay back, his feet still on the floor.
His wife encouraged him to move. He did. Slowly. The moment he laid his head on the pillow, he was gone. Yuuki followed him there. Different people mourned in different ways, and the way she supported him through that was perfect for him. He needed to think, but he didn't need to be alone.
-
A six year old girl sat in a pew. Her feet didn't reach the floor. They were adorned with little black flats. She stared at the front of the church, at the silver rails of the coffin, at the pastor, but never at her father. She didn't cry. She'd done that already.
The pallbearers came forward and picked the box up, hoisting it above their shoulders they carried her mother out of the church. She slid to the floor when they were halfway gone and ran after them. Her brother followed. Their feet made happy noises on a sad floor. They followed the procession out to the green and then stood with the sea of unfamiliar faces as they turned to stare back at the church.
A chimney reared its head into the sky. It began to let off plumes of ash. A strong east wind caught it and carried their mother home.
Yuuki watched it. Suddenly she was not a child anymore. She was not at her mother's funeral. That had been years and years before. Without looking, she slid her hand into that of the man beside her. Kyoya's fit well over hers and that gave him comfort. He stared at the smoke and loosed his jaw.
-
When you live, others will die. It's not an uncommon occurrence, but it is not a painless one either. Kyoya knew this. He knew that his father dying so suddenly should pain him more than it did. But it only felt like a second cousin had passed, not the person who had created half of who he was and entirely of what he had become.
It felt like a business partner had died. And that's why it hurt. Because it should have felt like more than that.
When Kyoya woke up he found his wife close by. Her hand loosely wrapped around the top of his. She was still asleep. He watched her and wondered if she'd been the first person to truly love him, not just the first to see him as he was. He wondered how she'd felt when her mother had died. If she'd felt the same when she cut herself off from her father, or realized that he was no such thing. Surely she was an orphan in her own right, but she didn't see it like that. She never had. She'd never adopted the title. He wasn't an orphan, but he'd never had parents. When he went away, he didn't miss anyone buy Fuyumi. When he worked, it was for his father; a fight for something. But not his love. Just respect. It is not disrespectful to say a dead man is dead, but is it so to say a living man is?
Yuuki stared at her husband. He was looking at her, but not quite seeing that she'd woken up. "Morning."
Kyoya blinked. "Afternoon."
The girl rubbed an eye. "Really?"
"I don't know."
There was a clock right behind her. "Okay." The silence wasn't uncomfortable. "Are you alright?"
"I had a really bad dream."
"Want to tell me about it?"
"It got good when I woke up."
Yuuki thought a moment. "Did it go away?"
"No."
She smiled an encouraging ghost at him. "What are you thinking?"
"What did you do?"
"For which parent?"
"Both."
"I cried." Yuuki slid closer to him. "But that's just how I dealt with it."
"Was it effective?"
"I got a headache."
Kyoya smiled. It felt...wrong.
His wife sighed. "You don't have to feel anything Kyoya. Just because people expect you to, doesn't mean you have to. It was so sudden. I don't think anyone saw him dying. Your father seemed so invincible. But he was no superman."
"He wasn't my father." Kyoya said it out loud. He didn't often say thing out loud regarding himself.
"Is that why you feel bad?"
Silence.
"And your mother?"
More silence. You could be made entirely out of two people and feel entirely disassociated from them if they don't bind themselves to you emotionally as well as hand out physical characteristics.
Yuuki put an arm around his torso and created lazy circles on the side of his ribcage with her fingers. "It's okay."
"Is it?"
"Tell me the definition of displacement."
Kyoya paused. He didn't see the relevance. But then again, few saw the relevance in acts he started until they were done. "A one-dimensional quantity representing the separation between two defined points."
"So...like a cross country event. Or a marathon?"
"If the start and finish are the two points, yes."
"So...can you see the start and finish the whole time?"
"No."
"Then how do you know they're there?"
"Because, that's what the point of the race is."
"So, we're born. We die. There are your points. Are we supposed to understand or see everything that goes on in the middle?"
Kyoya closed his eyes. "I want to."
Yuuki smiled. "Of course you do. But you can't. I know that's not a work in your dictionary. But it is a reality."
"You're saying that just because I feel...guilt, now, doesn't mean it's without purpose?"
"Exactly." Pause. "If that's how you want to take it." She rested her spare hand on his sternum and put her chin on it so she could look at him. "There is no set way to feel right now. No offense, but your dad sucked as much as mine. He wasn't your father."
Her husband ran a hand through his hair and then let it fall to the middle of her back. "That seems wrong."
"It is."
He'd put her though that without support or understanding. "I'm sorry."
"Don't say sorry. Displacement, remember?"
"I don't want to be like that to any child we have."
Yuuki shook her head. "You won't be."
"I am my father's son."
"Just because you inherited some giant pile of bricks and a few computers and then built some more piles and added some more computers, doesn't mean you're his clone."
"But there is him in me."
"You are your own person. He just conceived you."
Kyoya stared at the ceiling. "I think I know where you're coming from now."
Yuuki paused a moment. "It's okay to mourn him, even if you don't feel connected to him. He was still, essentially your father."
"You said he wasn't."
"I can't argue with science or God. When they go hand in hand, there is no winning. He was not your father, but he did create you. You're allowed to miss your creator and everything he did for you. The opportunities he gave you and the life he provided."
Silence. Kyoya exhaled, long and low. Yuuki let her cheek rest against her palm and stayed with him.
-
Hey Dad, where you been for so long?
Why won't you look at me?
Is there something wrong?
Do you remember me, the son that you conceived?
Why won't you look at me?
A son that you deceived
Where he is, I don't know at all
I don't even remember
The last time he called
How can we start all over when we never began?
How can you be a father
When you're not even a man?
Oh God, what did I do to deserve this?
A man I never knew
A man I cannot miss
(Good Charlotte, Hey Dad)
-
The funeral was a giant affair. Every staff member, every relative, friend, acquaintance; ever single person who had ever dared to breath the same air as the leading Ootori was there. All dressed in black and most standing in the aisles while the service was conducted.
Yuuki sat at the front, beside Fuyumi. Kyoya was a pallbearer with his brothers and a few close associates. No one smiled. Everyone knew that the man inside the box had lived his life according to his standards. He wouldn't change a thing. Maybe that was a reason to smile, but being indestructible didn't let anyone understand the reasons for your grin.
Kyoya's mother sat on the other side of her daughter and sobbed quietly throughout. When they were in the lawyer's office for the reading of the will, she tried to banish her daughter-in-law once more. This time her son stopped her.
"Don't defy me, not today, Kyoya." She seethed.
"No. Don't defy me today." He threatened back. The youngest had become the head of the household.
The woman emanated a dark storm cloud and tried to fill the room with it.
The lawyer walked in and sat in front of them all. "I'm sorry for your loss."
Silence.
He cleared his throat. "Well. It appears that everything that Mr Ootori, senior, has given his assets to the Ootori group."
"All of them?" The first son said flatly from the back of the room.
"All of them." Pause. "Which one of you is in charge of that?"
"I am." Kyoya pushed his glasses up.
"Then distribution is up to you."
His mother stared. "He didn't give anyone in his family anything?"
"No ma'am." The lawyer put his hands over each other. "You'll have to ask your son."
Everyone looked at Kyoya. He looked through them. "Take what you want." He turned and began to leave the room. "I inherited, you inherit." If his father had left nothing for those he should have loved, then he would leave all to those he did. Deep down, you couldn't not love those who trained you.
Yuuki smoother her skirt and caught the door as it closed. She nodded goodbye to Fuyumi who smiled forcibly back before shutting the door. Kyoya was waiting for her, his hands in his pockets. She stood beside him, her feet together. "It is done."
Silence.
"Forgive him, Kyoya. Give him at least that."
Her husband put his forefinger on the bridge of his nose before standing straight and putting an arm around her waist. He hadn't cried. No once. His father had not been a bad man, he had just been a man, a rich and powerful man. But nothing more. He had not loved. He had not learned. He had not faltered. And thus, he had not lived until the day he died. "There is nothing to forgive."
Yuuki put her hand around his hip and matched his step as they left the offices. In the distance a chimney poured out black smoke. "The sky is perfect today." It was a pristine blue. Not a cloud in sight.
"No, it's not."
She looked up at him questioningly.
"It's only perfect when there are a few clouds. You taught me that." He smiled ever so slightly as he walked on.
The girl smiled in reply. It is possible to attain perfection through flaws. All you have to do is look at life if you want an example. Perfection is flawed. But it corrects itself, thus, it is complete. Everything that had happened to them had not created a storm cloud, but rather a few puffs of smoke to adorn their story. Ones that hurt to breath at the time, but were important and somehow wonderful when one looked at them from afar. They reminded them of something important.
Yuuki knew that her miscarriage was not her fault. Kyoya knew that his father and his' relationship was not his fault. There were things they could have done to prevent the outcome; but things had happened how they were supposed to and all one could do was move on from that point and hope that when they saw the face of God, he was smiling and telling them what a wonderful picture they had painted in the sky.
-
I've given up on giving up slowly, I'm blending in so
You won't even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away
I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
And I'm begging You, I'm begging You, I'm begging You to be my escape.
I'm giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I've failed and I'm ready to be shown how
He's told me the way and I'm trying to get there
And this life sentence that I'm serving
I admit that I'm every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair
I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I've made
And all I'm asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can't ask You to give what You already gave
I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You
So were You
(Be my escape, Relient K)
----------
Apologies to the lateness of this post. I spent all day to post but couldn't get the WiFi where I was to work. So...it should have happened but it didn't. I'm really sorry. I've also had the line 'okay, so. Who doesn't own a cell phone?" stuck in my head all day, many thanks to the song 'chapped lips, chap-stick and things like chemistry' by Relient K, and it just reminds me of Kyoya. Which is annoying because I haven't been able to post and the song keeps reminding me of the fact.
I'm also very, very sorry I haven't replied to any of your reviews, I've really wanted to but I just couldn't find the time to do it. I love you all for giving me such long reviews and I really appreciate it. So thank you. So much. Please don't stop. I am exceptionally interested and appreciative of what you have to say. If you want to ask me any questions, don't hesitate to send a PM; or even if you have a suggestion for another fic. I should be able to reply in a day or so.
I'm not dead. Yet.
^-^
So, sorry again. I hope you're all still interested in this fic.
Blessings,
-pp