Chapter 24 –Do You Hate Me?

Disclaimer: Not mine, never going be mine – but they sure are fun to play with.

Castle told her everything, the new leads, the mysterious phone calls, the meeting in the garage. He let it all out. An enormous sense of relief washed over him when he was done.

He sat there waiting for a reaction, any reaction. He had braced himself for to raise her voice, maybe yell and scream, even throw things….something, anything. There was nothing. A couple times he saw her swallow deeply and her chest rise and fall a bit faster. Other than that she was a statue, not even a blink as she stared at him.

Kate's first movement was to rise out of her chair. Castle felt powerless as she walked to his bedroom. Moments later she returned carrying her leather jacket and purse, her feet were incased in her boots. He rose from his seat, reaching for her. Castle felt hopefully, she hadn't flinch from his touch. The words crushed him.

"I need to go."

"Do you hate me?"

"I could never hate you, Rick." She stood up on the tips of her toes and softly kissed his lips, a new type of kiss. Kate didn't need to say it, her kiss said it all.

He clutched his chest, the look in her eyes said she was going to say it anyway. The words weren't needed, but she still said them. "Good-bye Rick."

Of course Kate had wanted to yell, scream and even throw things – but what would it change? What good would come from it? Castle made his choices, now she had to make hers. In a trance like state she reached his front door, on auto pilot she arrived at her apartment.

At her front door she searched her purse for her gun. Kate had stopped sweeping her apartment when she came home, only cleared it before bed, but in this moment her heart raced uncontrollably and sweat formed on her brow. She felt a desperate needed to clear her apartment. The threat to her life that she tried to wrestle to a state of something that just was, rather than something that consumer her came crashing at her like waves pounding the sand on a stormy day.

A final search of her purse reminded her that she had left her gun behind. Damn.

Her phone buzzed, he said to ignore it. Of course she couldn't she was on call. Lanie snatched the offending phone off of the nightstand and saw it was Beckett texting.

Beckett: Favor. NOW.

Lanie: Anything. In all the years they hand known each other Beckett rarely asked for a favor and never demanded 'NOW.'

Beckett: Left my gun at Castle's. Please go get it NOW. Lanie quickly double checked the time; it was shortly after 9am. This couldn't be good, why Beckett was fleeing Writer Boy's early in the morning.

Lanie: Address? Only been there for a party or two.

While Lanie waited for the address she reluctantly swung her legs out of bed. A hand reached out and curled around her "Chica where are you going?"

Lanie screwed up her face; she just knew that Beckett wouldn't want Javi to know what was going on. Hell she didn't know what was going on. "Umm my mom needs me."

"You don't even like your mom."

"Yeah, well family is family." Lanie felt terrible about lying to Javi but she knew that sometimes the bonds of sisterhood came first.

Kate nervously paced the hallway outside her apartment. She made a final futile attempt to force herself to go in without her gun. She couldn't do it. How long was Lanie going to be? Screw it. Kate headed towards the elevator, sending Lanie a text.

Beckett: Meet u at diner 4 blocks N of Castle's, same side of the street.

Lanie tentatively entered the foyer of Castle's building. She had forgotten how imposing it was. He really was that rich. No one else she knew lived in digs like this. Her first challenge was getting past security, she felt better about going up to Castle's loft with the element of surprise on her side. She hated to do it, but she flashed her ME credentials and kept on walking.

Lanie arrived at Castle's door, knocking quietly. Secretly hoping he wasn't home or Beckett would text her and say 'just kidding.' Unfortunately the moment, Martha swung open the door, and her face fell, Lanie knew there would be no 'just kidding' text coming her way.

Martha prayed the timid knock had been Kate, even her acting skills couldn't hide her disappointment that it was Dr. Parrish. Lanie stuttered "Hi, um Castle here? Kate asked me to pick up something that she left here." She was dying to ask what happened. "Did Kate leave in a hurry?" Martha didn't give an inch, "I see Beckett sent the Calvary. I'll go ask if he will see you." However, the disappointed on Martha's face grew more pronounced.

Lanie stood alone at the doorway. She hadn't even been invited in. She decided to step across the threshold and shut the door.

Martha returned alone. "He said for you to go on in."

Lanie retraced the path Martha had just taken to find Castle furiously jamming at the keys on his laptop. She cleared her throat several time before he acknowledged her, still not looking up. "Whatever she wants is in there." He gestured with his head to go through the doorway. Lanie entered Castle's bedroom, she so did not want to go looking through his things for a gun. She quickly retreated to the study almost knocking Beckett's guitar over and tripping on the sleeve of what appeared to be one of Beckett's hoodies draped over part of the case. Her stuff in his bedroom, guitar and clothes in the study too, these two were in deep. Lanie swiftly sent a text to Beckett.

Lanie: Guitar&Clothes too?

Beckett: JUST MY GUN!

Lanie: Got it.

Lanie called Castle's name several times before he looked at her. "Please just get me her gun and I'll be gone." she placed a hand on his shoulder. "This isn't any fun for me either."

He scrubbed his hands over his face "She told you?"

"No, just wants her gun." Lanie took note of his red rimmed eyes.

Castle staggered to his feet, disappearing into his room. He paused to stare at the bed, to remember the night before so much joy and poof it was gone. The way their bodies brushed up against one another. How her breath played on his neck right before she kissed it. How he had to swat her hands away from the cuff of his boxers only to have her not so innocent finger tips dance across the back of his thigh as she peered over his shoulder as they put her gun to bed. How he had turned and pinned her to the closet wall to take possession of her mouth.

The moment his hand touched the hard steel of her gun, his mind snapped back to the present. Castle ducked into his bathroom to splash cold water on his face. He caught a glimpse of his image in the mirror, great it looked like he had been crying. How much mileage would Lanie get out of that? Would she tell Beckett?

He returned to his study moments later holding the gun as if it would bite him. Lanie silently approached him, taking the gun from his grasp. Emptied the clip and dropped it in her purse.

The ME was almost out the front door when she heard Castle call after her "What about the rest?"

"Hang on to it, it might come in handy."

Lanie stood outside the diner studying her friend's manic behavior of methodically ripping open a sugar packet, empting it into her mouth and shredding the packet into little pieces only to pick up another sugar packet and do it all over again. After a cycle of 5 packets Lanie knew she couldn't stall any longer.

Kate jumped when she saw Lanie slid into the booth across from her. Lanie wished she could turn back the clock to earlier in the morning when she was wrapped in Javi's arms. Life was so delicious an hour ago and now she felt as if she was held captive on a runaway train.

"You got it?"

"Yes. But Honey what is going on?"

"Let it be."

"Sorry, can't."

"Yes, you can."

"Kate Beckett you might be able to strongarm Writer Boy, but this is me you are talking to. I'm your friend and you look like you need one."

Kate chose to ignore Lanie's comments about Castle. "You are great friend. Who else would fetch a gun for me?" She forced a smile. It fell flat.

"This isn't about a gun." Lanie reached out and stilled Kate's hands with hers. "This is about your heart."

"It's complicated.