I'm so sorry to have been absent for so long. i really hope some of you are still interested in this story? A lot of shit has happened lately and Uni has been crazy so.. I know it's no excuse but i guess i had no inspiration either. I hope you like this chapter. It deals with Brittany first so that i can enter Rachel now next chapter. You might not understand why just yet but it'll all become clearer next chapter.

R&R please?

Last time:

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!"

Suddenly the room went quiet as Santana stood on the leather chair screaming at the top of her lungs.

"We gots plenty of rooms so no worries."

The silence lasted for a minute before they each picked up some duffle bags that I hadn't even noticed until now and ran up the stairs trying to beat each other to the rooms.

"And you're supposed to learn from those kids?"

Santana raised her eyebrows. I shrugged and Nate sighed heavily before sinking down in the cushions of the sofa mumbling something like 'vampires, kids, childish, modern days' under his breath. I just smiled. The house was full at last, I felt good about this. I didn't know why but I felt like a member of the family already. I nudged Santana and grabbed her face with both my hands as I kissed her deeply. She didn't complain and when I pulled back she immediately dived back in for another.

Yeah this was going to be alright.

It was going to be just fine.

I should not have thought that, I seriously just jinxed it. The past days had been going good, no great actually. Each and every one of the vampires had pledged their loyalty to me and said they wanted to help find out what happened to me as much as I did. I learned a lot from them as well.

Nate handed me his advice the way he always did, kind and gentle, served with breakfast in the morning. He had started testing my abilities by telling me to spend time with each vampire. They would often start by telling me what they could do and then they'd show me. The next couple of hours consisted of me trying to learn their abilities, even though I could never quite get the hang of it all. Nate told me that it was to be expected, I was young after all and we still hadn't found out what my "gifts" were. I wondered if we ever would.

Nate surprisingly was well in everything. I thought it had to do with his age but Lucas; Mr. Bitter as I had named him, had chuckled darkly at my suggestion. The rest had gone quiet and told me I'd find out soon for myself why Nate seemed to possess every ability they had and many more.

Before I knew it a month had passed and I was seemingly getting my life back in order. Under the influence of Nate and the persistence of Santana I had reapplied to Yale. Nate had falsified a doctor's report which had me diagnosed with a sort of complicated, rare disease. It explained everything as to why I was absent for three months as well as why I had not been able to inform them.

I had told them I already had a degree in Law, I didn't have to go back to college to finish the writing studies I had been doing prior to my 'accident'. But they would have none of it. I told them if it was alright, that I wasn't exactly keen on picking up my old job at the law firm again. The hours were terrible, the workload was borderline mental and the bosses were big shitty pricks. I was a woman so I always had more to prove than the others and even though I loved it when I stood in court I knew I had quite the years to go before I would be able to make a name for myself. Now that age was no longer an issue I wanted to wait with that step until I was sure I could put in the time and effort for it. San had kissed me affectionately on the cheek and said she was glad I made that decision, since that meant I would be spending more time at home with her. Home had sound so good to me.

I told her I would like that and Nate cooed at us while the rest, who had just coincidentally walked into the kitchen all at once and had fake gagged or rolled their eyes. Except for Jade, she seemed to be more of Nate's approach as she made kissing faces towards us that were not at all sarcastically. She really reminded me of Brittany sometimes. But I liked Jade better. She hadn't broken San's heart I guess. San however seemed less keen to Jade, to Jade's biggest disappointment. I guess the resemblance was not only obvious to me.

It was another morning of vampires running around like little kids on a sugar high. I understood that now that being stuck in this town, not going hunting or on an important mission or anything else that would help them release that pent up frustration meant basically that they would find other ways to do that. In reality that meant Lucas sitting in a corner brooding and making phone calls. Nate said he was more the "administrative" person of them all since his love had died many many years ago. Jade was a bubbly free lance painter, she actually made quite wonderful art. She said she wasn't well known in New York but apparently she was appreciated in the hearts of London and Paris where she had a couple of collections showing in little galleries. Currently she was working on a new series called: Newbie. Appropriate I had thought when she informed me that I was the inspiration to her newest work. Not that I identified myself in it. She was a rather abstract painter. Oh well, as long as she was happy I supposed it wouldn't hurt. Artists did tend to grow on me.

Ashley, she was the one who went and came whenever she pleased, making appointments in the big city to make sure everything was alright while they were gone. I suppose she was the force of things, the one who confronted people and did the threatening and all. She reminded me of the much younger Santana. That strong personality explained why Jade had went to her after losing her lover a while ago needing a rock, although from what I heard Jade never stayed too long with someone. Always flying from flower to flower Nate had said. But Ashley kept her grounded most of the time. They just worked.

However Ashley had a couple of lovers on the side as well, both vampires as humans. She referred to them as fuck buddies which yes made me laugh like hell since I could only affirm what I had thought before; she was a High School Santana. But yet all of them were still so much unlike said friends that before I even realized it, found that they had quite grown on me.

Life was good.

I totally just jinxed it. I should've known better other than to say that it would be alright. Half of the children –as Nate calls his group of vampires- were still debating on what food they were cooking tonight. If it wasn't the fact that there was enough option to satisfy them it was about how they didn't like this or that and there was always something they preferred and so on. They were in a way, like little children.

But that was not what had gotten me so riled up. It was the fact that the minute I let go of Santana, with cups of steaming coffee sitting on the counter, there was a call coming in on her iPhone. And I immediately recognized the ringtone that blared through its speakers. She looked at me all frightened and I grabbed the phone from her. I accepted the call and waited for the familiar voice to come through while San was watching me with a pained, horrified expression. I could already see the tears welling up in her eyes and the soft shake in her hands as she balled them into fists by her side.

"Hey San, I just... I called because well..."

"It's not San."

My voice was cold and leveled, after all these years I just couldn't find it in me to forgive. Maybe because I myself was still to hurt.

"Q..."

I could hear her sigh; it felt like a slight breeze to my ears. God how I could picture her sitting there, crossed legs and pained expression just like the spicy brunette in front of me.

"Yeah B. It's Q. Now what are you doing calling San?"

I tried to keep the anger out of my voice as much as I could. I had once promised Santana when we were younger I would never work out my frustrations on Britt. That was why I and San always bickered. We had been each others verbal punching bags and to any stranger we had always seemed like frenemies going at each others throat but honestly we just said the things we couldn't say ourselves. All my self-hate about the pregnancy, all her secret love for Britt, all of it.

"I...Euhm...Well I was calling to ask about you Q. She called me a couple of days ago you know to ask me if I had seen you. I tried to ask Lord Tubbington but he wouldn't..."

I punched the counter in anger. I hated how she would try and act like the little innocent blonde I knew almost all my life. Like I didn't know any better! Finally the world had gotten to her and turned her into a despicable poor human just like us. Jealousy and anger, irrational demands and clinginess. It had all come up to haunt us when she finally grew up. She never looked at the world through pink glasses again. Gone was that sweet, bubbly blonde.

"Don't. Just don't B. Don't try and act like you are not different from the Brittany I used to know. Because the Brittany I used to know would've never done what you did."

I heard her sigh painfully and already I could feel her impatience growing. She used to have tons of those.

"Q., look I know you're mad and all but I don't want to lose our friendship, I still care about you and I obviously still care about S..."

"How DARE you even say that!"

I screamed at her. All humanity leaving my mind once more, I just wanted to pull her through the phone and rip her throat out. The nerve!

"It's true, look I know I messed up but I need Sanny in my life on way or the other! I can't function without her, she was my best friend and I want that back."

I scoffed at that and leveled my voice as I tried to control the venom cursing through me.

"Yeah well we can't always have it all can we B."

I heard her sigh again. She never did that when we were younger. It made her sound so old.

"I thought you would..."

"I would what? HELP you? No chance in hell B. You lost San as a lover that night and I know for sure she can't be just a friend to you so yeah... No."

"But Q..."

For the umpteenth time I interrupted her.

"No just stop alright? I can't even begin to think of anything you could say to me right now that would make any of this okay! You left her! You fucking left San, Britt and you swore to me! You swore on Lord Tubbington's head that if you two were to ever drift apart it would be because she loved someone else or both of you just lost that spark or whatever. But you lied Britt! You broke your promise to me! Fucking pinky swear and all of it!"

"I know Q! God I know! But what do you want me to do? I made a fucking mistake!"

She sounded exasperated, like she wanted so badly for me to get her point of view, like there was something I was not seeing.

"No, you didn't. A mistake would've been fucking that guy once. But you cheated for months! And then you packed your bags and just left? No word of explaining, nothing but the sorry excuse of you falling for another. You broke her Britt. You, just – I can't even explain to you what you did. I'm sure you know it all too well."

There was a couple of seconds of silence on the other end of the phone. The hairs on the back of my neck rising in anticipation.

"I had to leave her Q. There was no other way."

The sentence sounded final, resigned. All the things you'd never expect coming out of Brittany S. Pierces' mouth.

"Maybe not but you could've done it differently."

I offer her a branch. Maybe a sorry would ease up all the hate I felt right now.

"No, not really."

But she didn't take it so explode once more.

"Why then? Why did it have to go like that?"

I could hear her hand going through her hair in a frustrated manner.

"I can't explain to you why I did what I did. I can't tell you why I cheated because honestly that's something I need to tell San first. But I need you to know I couldn't have done it any other way that night or I wouldn't have gone through with it."

That threw me for a loop.

"What does that even mean Brittany?"

"I had to leave because, I was pregnant Q. I found out that day, when I went to tell him we were over the doctor called and...The rest is history."

Well that was a confession, just not the one I had been thinking of.

"Shit."

It sounded so stupid coming from my lips. I had no idea what to say. Images of Brittany with a pregnant belly appeared before me. How? When? Was it born? Did Britt have a little girl running around? Or was it a boy? How long had it been? How old would it be? Shit.

"Yeah and I know it's no excuse but I couldn't do it. I already hurt her by leaving her I never thought she'd think I cheated and when she did I just – I couldn't bring myself to break any of that love she still had for me. There was still something left of it and I guess I was selfish and I didn't want to fully destroy it."

"You already had done that."

My voice was emotionless. Britt had a kid.

"No I hadn't."

I felt distanced from myself. Was the child there? Could it hear her?

"Yes you did! You did when you left her! When you cheated!"

Would my screaming voice be the first time it heard me?

"She still loves me Q."

What about San? God did the kid even know about San? About us?

"Why on earth would you think that?"

I felt nothing anymore. I had to find a way to break this to Santana gently. How could I bring her this news? It would even break her more or just make her resigned to a future without Brittany. I knew she still hoped one day Britt would crawl back to her, begging for forgiveness on her knees.

"Because I still do."

I wasn't going to give her any satisfaction. Nothing she said had any value left. She fucking kept something this huge from us. From San, from me. For years.

"Wow really and your words means what now?"

If San hadn't called would we have ever known?

"Ouch Q. Just as much as yours. You still love Rachel too don't you?"

The name shook me out of my thinking and I could feel my defenses pulling up once again. Walls were rising around my heart as I steeled myself for the next word as I gritted them out between my teeth.

"No I don't."

Did rachel know about any of this? The cheating? the child?

"Don't lie to me pretty little lamb. I know you do, just like san still loves me. We all still love each other but we made mistakes and fucked it all up. That's the only reason we're not together right now."

I seethed.

"San never made a mistake. You did and as far as me and Rach are concerned, yes I made the mistake there. I made the mistake of trusting her, me, us. Thinking we had something, that's my biggest mistake. Should've known Finnocence was meant for her not me."

I hissed the words spitefully, the venom triggering my teeth once more as my fangs descended with the hiss rolling off my tongue.

"You're wrong Q! There was something there, god you're just like me and..."

The wrong words hit my ear and I combusted right there.

"Don't you fucking END that sentence right there! Me and Rachel were never like you and San. You had it all and you threw it away whereas me and Berry never had anything so there was nothing to throw away except for a couple of hopes and dreams on my part."

"No it's not Q, Rach she loves you I know she does! You need to.."

I didn't want to hear any more about that crap. She didn't love me. Rachel never loved me. It was all just friends being frisky, there was nothing there. I hadn't turned away from something real. I had imagined it all. I couldn't begin to think I had let Rachel push me away from a future of us together.

"What take your word for it?"

I bit back.

"No! I need you to forgive! Me, Rach, yourself! Fucking forgive us,, Q.!

She sounded so desperate. I could feel my resolve weaken. I knew there was nothing I wanted more then to just forgive them. I missed Britt, I missed Rachel so much and I knew these divisions we had created were killing us. We all belonged together. The four of us were supposed to be living next to each other with our kids running around the backyards, best friends just like us. But it never happened. I shook myself from the silly daydream and I knew it would never happen. Never.

"Not a chance Britt."

I hung up and glanced around the room. Everyone had come down the stairs and all of them were scattered around the hallway and the kitchen. Not one of them didn't look worried or pained. I'm sure I must've yelled my share of the conversation and when I felt a thumb wipe away a stray tear I knew I had been crying as well. My cheeks flushed in embarrassment. I hated myself already for showing weakness. Why hadn't I just ended the call sooner? Why did I have to torture myself like that? And San as well! Oh god! San!

I turned around to look for her when I felt her arms wrap around me so tightly I felt like my lungs were crushed in my chest. I gripped onto her just as hard. I could feel her heartbeat beating out of its chest, the goose bumps on her arms, the ragged breath against my neck. Her shaking body in my arms as she was sobbing with all she had. I lifted her up in my arms and moved out of the kitchen. Everyone parted for us and for a second I felt like we were back in the halls of McKinley making our way through the crowd. I remembered the cold HBIC and her strong guardian making sure that threats were clear to those who even thought about undermining us as well as her very own angel keeping them reminded of their soft side. But this was nothing like it. Gone was the cold façade and instead I became the strong but emotional guard, no longer human I was now and the once proud bulldog in my arms now a broken and destroyed small girl. Nothing about us was still the same, I figured. Nothing ever would be.

I climbed the stairs slowly but surely and laid her down on our bed. I felt her whimper when I detangled myself from her and went to pull a small blanket over her shivering form. I sat up against the headboard and as soon as my body hit the mattress he was crawling to me, curling up at my side as ii cradled her in my arms and rocked her gently back and forth, silent tears running down our cheeks. And I cursed myself because Brittany was right, we still loved them an only them would make us whole again. Shaking slightly with anger I was once again reminded of my no longer human state when San groaned in pain. I lessened my grip and tried to be gentler as I soothingly ran my fingers through her hair.

"Can we ever forgive them San?"

A sharp intake of breath.

"I don't know Q. I just know that I want to, oh I want to so desperately."

"I know Sanny, I know."