Chapter 30 - Desperately

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Esposito frantically texted Lanie – Beckett has a hickey, Castle is out for a week. Who the hell is Bruce?

Lanie wanted to tell Javi the truth, but it wasn't her secret to tell- Javi, it's none of our business.

Esposito frantically jammed his fingers on his phone – You know something.

Lanie kicked herself, Javi knew she loved gossip. Suggesting he should back off had let him know she knew more than she was letting on. – Nope. You want them in our business?

Esposito knew Lanie was holding something back, but she had a point. Still, Esposito slammed down the phone when he saw the response. It was so his business. Castle and Beckett are his people.

Long after she hung up Castle continued to hold the phone to his ear. It was a lot to process. He agreed to wait for her text, not call or come to the 12th and meet her Sunday. He would clear his calendar through Tuesday morning. He struggled to convince himself that she had actually said 'back an overnight bag'.

It was only Alexis' tugging at this sleeve that roused him from his haze. "Dad, the call, the call from Detective Beckett, it was a good thing right?"

Castle's heart hung on her words 'I trust you.' From Beckett that was huge, because he knew she didn't mean with her life on the job, she meant her heart."I sure hope so Sweetheart."'

Alexis slid off her stool, rounded the counter and wrapped her arms around her Dad. No words were needed.

Castle pushed his daughter away. "The dress, the dress."

Alexis' eyes grew big "What dress?"

Castle was too preoccupied with scrolling through the contacts on his phone to respond. Good there it was. He paced anxiously as he waited for someone to pick up. The sound of a friendly voice at the other end of the phone brought him instant relief.

Alexis looked on with a puzzled frown; she was only able to hear one side of the conversation:

"Hello, this is Richard Castle; I bought a dress from you the other day."

"Yes, yes that's me."

"I need to ask that you hold off on shipping the dress."

He wiped a hand a across a furrowed brow. "Yes, No I understand. No problem."

Alexis knew it was a problem "What can I do?"

"Short of waiting at Detective Beckett's apartment all day and intercepting the delivery, not a lot."

"I'll do it."

"Honey, I was kidding. It is what it is." Castle knew if it was immediately returned whatever Beckett had planned for their meet up involved 'good-bye'. If she accepted it, there was hope.

Kate checked her reflection in the mirror and gave herself a wink. 'No stopping now girl.'

Esposito's eyes followed Kate as she returned to her desk. Kate never wanted a body to drop so badly. A fresh case to dig her teeth into was the only thing that would get her through the week. Kate busied herself with pretend paperwork, anything to avoid eye contact with Esposito.

Kate's shuffling of paperwork was interrupted by the thump of a coffee cup on her desk. "Thanks Castle" before she was able to take in who was delivering the coffee. The flashy red nail polish should have been a dead giveaway that it wasn't Castle. Old habits die hard.

Kate's eyes trailed up from the precisely manicured hand to come eye to eye with Martha. Beckett jumped out of her chair banging her knee on the underside of the desk as she sputtered out "Mmmmartha what brings you her?"

"Got a minute?"

Briefly closing her eyes Kate hoped she was day dreaming and that Martha was a mirage. As she slowly opened her eyes only one word came to mind 'Shit.' Kate she stuttered out a "Sure" and prayed it didn't sound like 'shit' because that was still the only word she heard in her head.

The break room was occupied, inviting Martha to Kate's 'unofficial office' the ladies room was unacceptable. While Kate struggled with where to take Martha, okay it wasn't about where to meet it was really about having to talk privately with Martha, her, her, her – what the hell was Castle anyways? Her best friend, her partner, her almost boyfriend or her soon to be ex-everything's Mother.

A look of confusion took over Kate's face as she watched Esposito give Martha an affectionate squeeze of the arm "Hey Ms. R. good to see you again."

"You too Javier, it's been too long. I am sorry I missed you at Richard's last poker party." A twinkle hit Martha's eye "But you know us old dames need to take advantage of it when it's offered."

Esposito shook his head in mock disgust "TMI Ms. R. Don't let it happen again. Your son cheats when you're not there."

Martha gave Esposito a motherly tap on the chest "Oh my dear boy, Richard cheats even when I am there."

Kate made a mental note to find out when Esposito and Martha had become so chummy. Their exchange wasn't just about being poker pals.

Esposito returned to the business at hand, "Beckett sorry to interrupt, but we got a body."

Kate nodded her head "Give me a minute."

"Sure, I'll check out with the Captain and pull the car around." And with a little wave to Martha "Later Ms. R" Esposito had abandoned Kate to face Martha.

Kate turned to Martha "There isn't a lot of privacy around here and…" Martha cut her off. She knew Kate had to leave. "Don't worry dear we can talk on the way down. It won't take long."

For Kate, the walk to the elevator felt like a walk to her own execution. The awkward silence echoed loudly as Kate swayed from foot to foot waiting for the elevator doors to open. She wondered if this is how people felt before they entered the interrogation room, especially when knew they were guilty.

Once on the elevator Kate hit 'L' and Martha hit the close door button, stalling the elevator in its tracks.

"I'm not one to mince words." Martha's eyes had the same piercing blue quality as her son's. It was freaking Kate out a bit.

Kate's lips curled into a feeble smile - "Bet not."

"Your silence over the summer almost killed my son. I know this time the silence is partly his own doing."

Kate opened her mouth to speak. Martha held up her free hand and signaled to Kate to say quiet.

"I know you called this morning. I know you two have plans to meet. I know you told him to stay away and not to call until you meet. I know that he will do as you ask. I also know that each day he doesn't hear from you, the self-doubt that he will never be what you want or need…WILL eat away at him. If any part of you loves my son, you won't shut him out."

Kate ran her hands through her hair, slumped against that back of the elevator and whispered "Desperately. I love him desperately."