Going back to his regular life after what had happened the past few days was harder than anything Tony had ever done before. He sat in meetings at Stark Tower barely listening, his whole body on alert and wondering what was going on without him.
It was three days after Nick had told him about Bucky that he received a visitor.
He was sitting in his lab, trying to work on a new bow for Hawkeye in between upgrading the newest model of his armor when there was a buzz and Jarvis announced, "Visitor, sir."
"Turn down music by thirty percent. Who is it?"
"Clint Barton, sir."
"Let him in," Tony said, going back to work.
There was lots of noise as Clint entered the house and Tony smiled to himself, trying to put the finishing touches on the bow before his guest could see.
"Tony!"
Tony covered the table he'd been working at with a cloth and turned, taking off his face cover. "What's the news, Barton? Fury fire you?"
Clint smiled, tossing an apple he must have taken while he was upstairs and catching it in another hand, taking a bite. "Nope. You missed everything, man."
Tony frowned. "You went after Bucky already?"
He nodded, leaning against the table next to Tony. "Yep. Everyone got pretty scrapped up, Cap nearly got his arm broken and Natasha is bed ridden, I got," Clint pulled up his t-shirt exposing a bandaged stomach, "A souvenir."
"Why didn't you wait for me? I was gonna be back tonight and I would've…"
"We couldn't wait, man, didn't wanna lose him. Everyone's recovering though and they got him locked up, he's pissed as hell and they're trying to deprogram him but it's harder than they'd imagined. Black Widow's a wreck, though. That's why I'm here, she needs you, and Steve does too."
Tony swallowed. "I don't…"
"Tony," he grabbed Tony's arm, surprising him, "We all need you. I know you don't think we do, but honestly," he pulled him closer taking his hand tightly, "We really do."
Tony looked down, feeling his face redden at the contact and letting go mumbling, "Okay, I'll be there tonight."
Clint was silent, watching and waiting. He sighed, running a hand over his face.
"It's that bad?" Tony asked, turning to look at him.
Hawkeye raised an eyebrow. Tony sighed again heavily, "Alright, I'm right behind you. Let me suit up."
They were there in less than twenty minutes with Tony carrying Clint the whole way silently without any more questioning. When they arrived they were greeted by a sullen faced Fury who just nodded once at their arrival and let them pass while Tony immediately broke away from them both to go to Natasha, who was downstairs keeping a vigil on James Barnes's cell.
When he entered she looked up, her eyes watered and she nearly fell into him, holding on tightly and leaning in to kiss his cheek. When she did there was a loud growl from behind him and he turned, noticing the daggers being thrown his way by the prisoner.
Natasha sighed, smiling. "He does that. It seems that my Lapochka still does not like to see me in the arms of other men. Do you, my James?"
Bucky sprouted off a stream of Russian that Tony did not understand and Natasha just winced at, biting her lip. Tony put his arm around her again tightly and whispered, "Let's go somewhere else for a change, okay?"
She looked back once, then nodded and they headed upstairs to the meeting room where they found Steve sound asleep at the table. Natasha came over to him, running a hand through his hair. "It has been hard on him, these few days. He saw him once since we found him and the hurt is too great."
Tony nodded, swallowing a lump in his throat. "What are," he coughed, "What are they doing to snap him out of it?"
She leaned down and kissed Steve's cheek and he did not stir, so they sat down at the opposite end of the table and she explained, "The process is very deeply ingrained inside of his head, they are not sure if they can," she paused, sighing, "If they can fix it. If not they have requested that I terminate him."
Tony yelled out, "WHAT? How can they even think to make you DO that? You of ALL PEOPLE? THAT'S JUST…"
She grabbed his arm, looking over at Steve who had been awakened by Tony's yelling, "The order was made for his termination and I have requested to be the one, my Tony. No one made me do this."
Tony leaned in and kissed her cheek, hugging her and she nearly broke again but Steve's voice cut through before that. "He'll make it through this, 'tasha. I know it."
Natasha nodded, taking a deep breath and smiling. "Well darlings, I need to get back down to," she began but Tony cut her off this time.
He grabbed her hand, standing and beginning to pull her out of the room.
"No way, not until you get some sleep. C'mon."
She sighed and allowed him to, leaning in to his arm. As they left he shared a look with Steve, nodding once and hoping that when she was asleep he would be able to come back to speak with him.
They went into her room and she climbed into bed quickly, curling up with heavy eyes.
"I used to dream of him," she whispered, her voice thick.
Tony took her hand and she closed her eyes. "You met during World War 2?"
She smiled, nodding. "I was a terrible spy then, Mother Russia would have been insulted how quickly I came under American charm."
Tony laughed a bit and she sighed. "When they told me he died, my heart died with him," she said, opening her eyes, "It hurts to feel, doesn't it?"
Tony squeezed her hand, nodding. "Not used to it, are we?"
She shook her head. "It is worth it in the end, my Tony," came the sleepy reply.
He let go of her hand and stared at her, wondering how quickly they had become so close in less than a year. It was a strange thing, getting attached to someone.
Tony stood and walked out of her room, turning to head back to the situation room. When he walked in and saw it was empty he sighed, running a hand over his face.
"He's downstairs," came the voice, startling him.
Clint stood leaning against the open doorway, smiling knowingly. Tony felt himself blush and hated it, moving to walk by. He was surprised when Clint grabbed his arm, turning them around and pushing him against the wall.
His eyes were wide when he was kissed within an inch of his life and it was over so quickly he couldn't even respond. Clint sighed. "I'm not even in consideration, am I?"
Tony blinked. "I…"
Clint shook his head, laughing bitterly. "It's okay, I get it. I just…wanted to put it out there. For you to…consider."
Tony nodded, still dazed as the younger man turned, waving once with his back turned and leaving Tony even more confused than before. He touched his mouth, licking his lips and tasting cigarettes. He smiled.
As if tonight couldn't get any more complicated.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then made his way downstairs finding Steve sitting vigil over Bucky's sleeping form watching. He coughed and Steve did not turn.
"So you do come down here. Natasha didn't think you did."
Steve was silent and Tony grabbed a chair, sitting down next to him. "So…"
"As much as I appreciate what you're trying to do, I know you don't particularly enjoy my company so I will not hold you to staying." Steve said stiffly, not looking at him.
Tony swallowed a lump in his throat and whispered, "That's so not true."
Steve turned and stared at him, doubt written all over his face. He didn't speak.
Tony hoped to God his voice didn't croak when he spoke again.
"I...," he coughed, "I enjoy your company Steve. A lot," he silently added to himself, more than I should, sighing.
The smile that broke through Steve's stone cold expression was blinding and Tony felt his insides turn to mush at the sight of it. Steve reddened, looking down and running a hand over his face before grinning slightly up at him. "That's….good to hear."
Tony smiled and then looked at Bucky, who seemed to have woken while they were talking. He spouted out three Russian words that he had heard earlier before when Natasha had been down with him.
"I wonder what he's saying," he said, staring into James Barnes's stone cold gaze.
"Kill me please," Steve whispered.
Tony quickly looked at him, shocked. "What?"
Suddenly Steve's face was covered in tears and he got up from his chair, trying to leave. Tony grabbed his arm and Steve angrily grabbed him, pushing Tony into the wall. They stared at each other, Steve's breath coming out in gasps.
"He…he wants to die. They…it is ingrained inside of him and he…he knows. He…he doesn't want us to fix him."
"Oh god, Steve I'm sor…"
Steve let go of him, wiping his face and shaking his head. "Don't. Just…I can't…it's too much right now."
Tony swallowed once before asking, "You…you and him…?"
Steve laughed somewhat maniacally, shaking his head. "No, no….it…no. Natasha got that right. I was…his brother. I…"
"You wanted to be more, though."
He quickly looked at Tony, his expression angry. "That is none of your business. And why do you care, Tony? You hated me a month ago! What changed? Did Nick threaten you again? Is that it? I don't understand!"
Tony closed his eyes and sighed. "I don't…I can't…
Steve grabbed his arms, shaking him. "WHY? What's so damn important that you…"
Tony suddenly kissed him, quickly throwing him off balance enough that he let go of Tony's arms. Tony grabbed for his face and Steve pushed him away, breathing heavily and staring at him in shock.
Tony laughed, shaking his head. "Yeah, so…yeah. Pretty damn important, huh? I'll just…"
He turned to leave and Steve's voice stopped him on the stairs.
"Why?"
Tony didn't turn. "I don't know. It just…is. Can't help it."
He shivered when he felt Steve's breath on the back of his neck and the whispered, "Oh," that accompanied it, "I thought you and Natasha were…"
He turned, shaking his head. "No, never."
Steve's cheeks were flushed and red, and he refused to meet Tony's eyes. "Oh."
"Yeah."
They were silent for what felt like forever when Steve finally said, "Can we do that again?" looking at Tony.
Tony was shocked, nodding mutely as Steve touched his cheek, leaning in closely to kiss him. The kiss was so slow it was almost methodical, their lips meeting and tongues licking just barely enough for Tony to whimper for more when they pulled apart. Steve leaned their foreheads together, letting out a breath.
"That was nice," he whispered softly.
Tony laughed shakily, "Yeah, I…thanks."
Steve laughed and kissed him quickly again. "I've never been thanked for kissing someone before."
"Well you've never kissed me before."
Steve smiled. "No, I haven't. But I plan on kissing you again."
Tony bit his lip once before his reply, "I sure as hell hope so."
They stood there together a moment before Steve let him go, stepping back. "Goodnight Tony."
Tony could not stop smiling. "Goodnight Steve."
He got back to his room after a long walk and flopped onto the bed down on his face, laughing into a pillow. He felt like a teenage girl, he felt like an idiot, but damn if he'd ever felt so alive.
Tony Stark woke up to the sound of someone singing in what could only be Russian. He blinked, opening one eye and seeing Natasha sitting at the edge of his bed singing out loud.
When she saw he was awake she grinned. "Good morning lubimyi malchik !" (Lover boy)
Tony glared at her. "You know, don't you?"
She grinned. "Know what, my Tony?"
He groaned, throwing his face into the pillow.
She continued, "Do I know, as do nearly every person in this building, that you and Steve shared an intimate kiss last night? Or do I know that Clint Barton kissed you as well?"
Tony sat up, staring at her. "Tell me Steve doesn't know."
Her smiled faded. "Do you want me to lie?"
He quickly stood, trying to get dressed. "I have to, I…I gotta explain to him that I…"
Natasha stopped him with a hand on his arm. "You need not explain, my Tony. Clint spoke to Steve."
Tony sighed. "And?"
"Everything is settled."
Tony relaxed. "Thank god."
She smiled. "You are welcome. I told Hawkeye that I would hurt him if he did not."
Tony put on his clothes, grinning at her. "Did I tell you today that I love you?"
"No."
He finished and kissed her cheek. "I love you."
She smiled. "I love you too, my Tony."
They walked out into the hall together and when they got into the situation room Tony was shocked to see Hawkeye in full costume with a black eye and a sour expression sitting at one end of the table and Steve at the other. He looked back and forth between them, sitting on Steve's other side. They shared a smile and Tony felt a foot touch his.
He never would have imagined being turned on by someone's foot touching his own.
Hawkeye sighed dramatically, rolling his eyes. "Are we gonna just sit here while the two of you have sex under the table or are we gonna have a meeting?"
Natasha glared at him and Steve spoke. "We have a problem."
"Besides the maniac downstairs?" Hawkeye asked.
"Would you shut up?" said Bruce Banner, walking through the door and sitting beside him.
Steve cleared his throat. "Like I said, we have a problem. There has been strange activity in the southwest region; random sightings and several people have seen the…people that Bucky was… "
"Going around killing people with?" Clint interrupted, a grin on his face.
Tony glared at him and he sighed, staring back down at the table and playing with the computer.
"I suggest that we send out Natasha, since she knows how these people work," Tony said, running his foot up along Steve's under the table, "And Clint, though not sure his attitude is the best for this mission."
Steve nodded, "I agree. Clint, Natasha, here is a projection of the area and…."
Tony zoned out, staring at Steve's lips as he spoke. He remembered the feeling of his kiss and instantly warmth spread from his mouth to his toes, making him just a bit hard. He squirmed and Steve looked over at him, his eyes smiling but his face still a mask of leadership.
He had been staring so long that when everyone left he was surprised and Steve was the only one who remained, looking at him and smiling openly.
"Hi," Steve said softly, leaning over and kissing him on the mouth.
Tony was surprised but kissed him back eagerly, grabbing on to Steve's face and pulling him closer. They kissed for what felt like seconds when Steve pulled back, laughing.
"You will be the death of me, I think."
Tony grinned. "I can guarantee it."
Steve held out his hand and Tony took it, standing. They stared at each other for several moments before Steve asked, "I want to check on Bucky, come with me?"
Tony nodded and they went down to the cell together, finding Bucky sitting on the floor with his head in his hands and sobbing.
Steve ran over to the medical staff. "What's happened? What…."
The doctor looked worried, not meeting Steve's eyes. "Well, we experimented with several different ways to…."
Steve grabbed him and threw the man into the cell, yelling, "TELL ME!"
"He's…cured. We've….he knows. He remembers everything," the man said, terror in his eyes and on his face.
Tony looked at the cell again, saw James Barnes's shoulders shaking and whispered, "How?"
"Mister Stark, it was one of your creations, the neural disrupter. It caused great pain but in the end we…"
Steve punched the man in the face and he slumped to the floor. Tony watched as tears ran down Captain America's face. "Steve, I…"
Suddenly Bucky looked up, his eyes red and angry. "I told you to KILL ME!" he yelled, spitting out the words, "And you didn't LISTEN! I BEGGED YOU, STEVE!"
"Buck, I didn't….I couldn't…you….I knew they could fix you and…"
James Barnes got on his feet and he threw himself at the bars, snarling, "For what, Cap? To join up with you again? You think I want to be at your fucking side while you stare at my ass? Is that it? Your little crush on me that hard to get over? IS THAT IT? You want me to suck your dick, Steve? Will that get you to crush my windpipe and…." Bucky was crying, sobbing as he spoke, "Let me die in piece? I….I'll do anything….I….how…."
Steve broke down, running out of the room and leaving Tony to stare at the remains of the man next to him, who spat at him, "You do it. They say you're a metal man of some kind. Do it. Please," he whispered, grabbing the bars and plastering his face against them as he cried.
Tony shook his head. "I…I can't. Natasha…she…"
Bucky shook his head, "No, no….no. Not her. Don't bring her down here again. PROMISE ME."
Tony nodded and nearly ran up the stairs after Steve, who was nowhere to be found.
He ran to Steve's room, finding it open and empty and then ran towards the situation room, nearly banging into Natasha and Clint as they came back from their reconnaissance mission.
"Tony, what is it?" Natasha asked, grabbing his shoulders.
He shook his head, trying to catch his breath. "Steve…I…it…."
Clint sighed. "What now? Did the killer downstairs finally come to his senses?"
Tony swallowed and looked at Clint angrily as he nodded.
Both Hawkeye and Black Widow froze.
Natasha's face went white and she whispered, "Lapochka. Oh James," she closed her eyes.
Clint swallowed and looked at the floor sheepishly. "Jeez, I didn't…I mean….sorry. I've been a dick and I just…"
Tony sighed. "I know. I just…Bucky…he's still…and he said things that really upset Steve and I don't know where he ran off to."
There was a cough from their side and they were surprised to see Bruce Banner raising his hand behind them. "I saw him leave."
"Where did…?"
Bruce sighed. "He took off running, I know of a few places he could have gone but he deliberately didn't take any of our cars to avoid tracking and…. well it's been nearly a year since he was unfrozen and no one knows the man all that well."
Natasha let out a breath and opened her eyes, tears falling down her cheeks. "I do…and James does. I will speak to him."
Tony grabbed her hand and squeezed. "He made me promise to keep you away."
Natasha grinned through her tears. "You have known me for less than a year, my Tony. When have you been able to keep me from anything?"
"Touché." Tony mumbled and the three men followed her back down the hall, down the stairs, and to the area where Bucky was being kept.
When he saw Natasha leading the team he glared at Tony, then at her. Tony saw his gaze look the woman up and down appraisingly, then away.
"Lapochka," she whispered, and Tony saw Bucky flinch at the endearment.
"Don't call me that," he whispered, still avoiding her gaze and turning his back to the bars sitting with crossed arms.
"You will listen to me, James. Steve is missing, we need your help."
He was silent and she sighed, getting down on her knees and pressing her palm against the plastic cell they kept him inside. Tony saw her shoulders shake and he went to her, putting his hand on her shoulder.
James caught the movement and he turned, eyeing Tony dangerously. "Don't touch her."
Natasha took Tony's hand and squeezed, smiling. "My James, you are very possessive, yes?"
She stood, turning to Tony and kissing him softly. Tony, terrified stood frozen and when he saw a crack in the plastic holding Bucky back from them he pulled away from her.
"Not funny, Natasha. He'll kill me."
She smiled and looked back behind her. "Tell me, James. Where is our Captain hiding?"
He glared at her. "I don't care what you do, blyad. I hope you both rot in hell." (Whore)
Natasha flinched but her smile didn't waver and she turned and walked away, the boys following her. They made it up a few stairs when she faltered and fell too fast for Tony to catch her in his arms.
"Natasha! What's wrong with her!" Clint asked as Tony and Bruce stood over her, the doctor looking her over.
Bruce felt along her body and when his hand came away wet with red he glared at Clint.
"She's been hit. How could you not know? She was…"
"She wasn't with me the whole time! I didn't…she said she was fine!"
Tony went to grab her and Bruce shook his head. "I don't have the equipment for this down here," he said, tearing apart her suit and causing Tony to gasp at the wound's size, "And I don't know why she isn't healing."
"Let me out! NOW!" Bucky yelled, getting all their attentions.
The attendants on call all came to attention at his outburst and Clint ran over to one of them. "DO IT! He knows what to do!"
"Mister Fury said not to free the prisoner on any circumstance! Mister Barton, please!"
Clint pulled out his phone and dialed a number before yelling, "Pick up, pick up, c'mon!"
There was banging on the cell and the attendants all nervously ran around as the censors went off.
"JUST LET HIM OUT, DAMNITT!" Tony yelled, running over to the computer and typing in quickly.
The doors opened and Bucky ran towards Natasha, looking her over. He lifted her in his arms like she was a feather and ran to a bed, finding a needle and plunging it into his own arm, drawing blood.
"Mister Barnes, you cannot be sure this is going to work! The…" the doctor started and Bucky glared, stopping and then putting it into Natasha's stomach.
Within seconds, the wound began closing. He took out the needle and reached out, touching her face and letting out a breath. Tony watched as Natasha opened her eyes and smiled, opening her arms and pulling James Buchanan Barnes into a tender kiss.
They pulled back quickly, foreheads touching. "My hero."
Bucky closed his eyes, the tears beginning to flow. "Sorry, so sorry, love you so much," he whispered, kissing her again.
Natasha's face was equally wet and Tony couldn't look away, though he knew he should.
When they pulled apart, whispering in Russian so quickly that he could not catch even a word, Natasha grinned over Bucky's shoulder at him.
"Steve is in a safe house, very old, in Brooklyn. Clancy Street. James used to live there before the war."
Tony whispered, "Thank you."
She looked so content that Tony found himself coveting her happiness. "No, darling, thank you."
Bucky growled a bit and she laughed. "Stop it," he mumbled.
"Oh lapochka, my Tony is only a very close friend."
Bucky moved closer to her so Tony saw his face and he felt a cold chill at the icy stare. He put up his hands. "I promise. I…it's Steve, for me."
Bucky nodded. "Go. Now."
He did.
Clint had wanted to follow him, as did Bruce but Tony refused, knowing he had to go alone.
The address that Bucky gave was pretty vague but he knew the building when he saw it, though to call it a building was debatable.
Falling apart was an understatement.
The place was easy enough to get through, due to the giant holes and missing walls. He found Steve perched on the top floor, sitting with his head in his hands.
"Steve?"
"Go away, Tony."
"No."
He looked up, his face red and eyes angry. "There is nothing here for you. Hell, there's nothing here for me! I don't know what there is left for them to take from me! I can't…god I can't lose you too, not even before I've had you."
"You haven't had me yet."
Steve laughed, though it came out like a sob. Tony set the suit down beside him and sat down on his left. Steve sighed. "He's right, you know. I still, it's still there. The fantasy. I loved him more than I should."
"But, it's not about that. He just wanted to hurt you, Steve," Tony said, careful not to touch him, "And obviously he did."
Steve closed his eyes. "I deserved it."
"Steve…." Tony said, reaching out to grab Steve's shoulder. Before he could Steve pushed him away angrily.
"I DID! When they found him, I thought about all the fantasies I'd had, all the times I wanted to know what it would be like to be with him and I selfishly wanted them again. I can't….I…"
Tony sighed, running his metal gauntlet through his hair. "I don't know what to tell you. You're selfish, you want what you can't have, hell, you're HUMAN! You don't know the things I've wanted, then things I'VE did!"
Steve glared at him. "Have you ever killed anyone, Tony? Have you ever watched a man die and enjoyed it? Because I have. I've killed people because I wanted to, not because they deserved it. I…"
"What does this have to do with Bucky?"
"I DON'T KNOW! I just," Steve yelled, punching his fist into the wall and leaving a large hole.
Tony took off his metal gauntlets, and then started to take off the other pieces of his suit.
"What are you doing?" Steve asked.
He ignored him until he was finished, setting the pieces aside and walking over to Steve. Tony put his hands on Steve's shoulders, surprised when he wasn't pushed away.
"It's been a grueling few weeks, I know. I can't even imagine what it would be like to have someone I thought was dead that I loved come back and then get the shit with me thrust on you like…"
Steve grabbed him with both arms, squeezing tightly. "Don't. It's not…with you, it's…it's not…"
Tony smiled, raising his eyebrows suggestively. "Careful there Cap, I might think you really like me."
Steve bit his lip, laughing nervously. He went to let go and Tony put his hands on Steve's. "Don't." Tony whispered, wishing he didn't sound so desperate.
Steve suddenly seemed so much older than him, eyes red and aching, and he gasped even before their lips met. The kiss was soft at first, and then quickly descended into a frantic claiming that Tony found himself desperate for.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The scene I wrote as was is against the site's guidelines so I've posted it to my LJ and the editor for the site will not allow me to post a link though there is one in my author profile. My LJ name is kinneytaylor. There will be MANY scenes in this story I will have to do the same to, but I don't want to try and CENSOR them INTO SOMETHING MORE tame so this will have to do. Sorry.
"If I'd known gay sex felt that good I would've been with guys A LOT sooner!"
Steve laughed, throwing a hand over his eyes and then rolling over so he was on top of Tony again, kissing him possessively before whispering, "I'm glad you didn't then."
Tony grinned. "Yeah me too."
Tony ran his hand through Steve's hair and watched as Steve's eyes closed, humming his approval and leaning into kiss him again when Tony winced.
Instantly Steve pulled back, eyes worried. "You're hurt."
"Not the way you think, I ache. I'm pretty sure it's a natural side effect of this, or of any good sex."
Steve let out a breath Tony hadn't realized he'd been holding. He tried to get up and Tony pulled him down. "No, you're not gonna run off because I winced, Steve. I'm human, a normal non-super powered human. I'm gonna get hurt when I have really mind bending sex on the floor in an abandoned building with a superhuman."
Steve blushed, looking away. "I'm not…"
Tony put his hand on one of Steve's biceps, which was about three times larger than his own. "You are. And that's okay, I love you anyway."
Steve's eyes shot to him, wide and shocked. Tony laughed nervously, looking anywhere but at the blonde's face. "Oops, cat's out of the bag. Just…nevermind," he mumbled, trying to stand up but firmly pushed down before he could.
"Tony."
"It's ironic, really. I've fucked over so many people that when I finally did fall in love it was like a sucker punch to the gut. And it hurts a lot more than I…"
He was cut off before he could finish, kissed within an inch of his life leaving him breathless before Steve pulled back and said, "Idiot, I'm in love with you too."
Tony remained skeptical, "Why? I'm no good for you, you know? I'm loud, obnoxious, I never stop talking though I do have lots of money and too much on my mind a lot of the time so…"
He was cut off again with a slow, steady grinding kiss and any other thoughts were gone till his brain was left a pile of jelly as Steve pulled away and whispered, "Believe me, it's against my better judgment."
"You must be going senile in your old age," Tony mumbled against his mouth.
Steve grinned. "Must be."