...to see a distressingly-huge, protruding bulge still straining against the inside of her underpants.
As I clapped my free hand over my mouth, suppressing a sob of fear and dismay, Sam stirred restlessly in her sleep; and, after lowering the covers once again, I walked - unsteadily - over to my desk chair; and, sitting down...
...I stared at her in despair from across the room.
It hadn't worked.
After everything I'd just been through, it hadn't worked...
...and worse, there was no reason to believe that Sam beating people up would work either; since she had been doing that for years, and yet still had - up 'til now - remained a girl.
And worst of all, according to Mr. Oswell, even if she subjected herself to painful surgery, it still wasn't going to work.
Completely distraught and fighting back tears, I lowered my head into my hands; asking myself how all of this had happened...even though I was well aware of the answer. But then, as I wrestled to keep my emotions from running rampant, a new thought occurred to me:
Maybe my wish wasgoing to happen. After all, it had taken a few hours for Sam's original wish to begin coming true...
...and, therefore, maybe I just needed to wait things out for a while.
And so, I continued to sit at my desk, distracting my mind from impatience and apprehension by focusing on the most positive thoughts I could summon; trying - through mental exertion alone - to will Sam's body to change back...
...while she lay in my bed...deeply asleep and oblivious to it all...
...until, nearly two hours later, unable to wait any longer, I crossed the room again and (fearfully yet hopefully) lifted the covers off her again.
Fuck!
She hadn't changed back...not in the slightest.
But then again, I thought, lowering the covers once more, maybe I still hadn't allowed enough time to elapse; and so, I got undressed to my T-shirt and panties and crawled into bed, next to Sam...
...and got into my usual, favorite position - on my right side, with my arms wrapped around my pillow...
...and lay there, eyes closed, listening to her breathing - deeply and evenly - behind me...
...but, even though I was way beyond exhausted, it was a long time before I fell asleep.
XXXXX
Nearly three hours later, I awoke with a start...gasping for breath.
The dream had been a bad one.
One that had involved Sam...
...and suicide...
...and suddenly, even though I was aware that it had only been a nightmare, I felt more afraid than I'd ever been in my entire life. I know Sam well, but I had no idea how she was going to react to the knowledge that she'd never be the person she used to be, even if she underwent extensive and painful surgery.
What if she really did want to kill herself?
Try as I might, I couldn't get this horrifying thought out of my mind; and, now highly distressed, I began to pray fervently...spending nearly half an hour begging that I'd get my wish...and that Sam would be a girl again...
...and then, focusing every last shred of energy on believing that my determination had transformed back into her old self, I lifted the covers off her body once more...
...but nothing had changed.
I had failed.
I had failed her completely.
And completely broken, I turned over, buried my face in my pillow, and sobbed.
Why hadn't it worked? Mr. Oswell had told me that unselfish wishes were the most grant-able kind; and I had wished for Sam's happiness, rather than for my own...
...so why hadn't it worked?
WHY?
After about ten minutes, it occurred to me that crying was both selfish and unproductive; and so - with effort - I forced myself to stop. Drying my eyes on the sheet, I turned over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling...
...feeling completely, utterly, hopelessly beaten...
...but then, as I lay there - physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted - I had an epiphany:
During our discussion of the likelihood of wishes being granted, Mr. Oswell had mentioned something else...in addition to unselfishness.
He had mentioned personal sacrifice as well...
...great personal sacrifice...
...and what had I actually sacrificed in making this wish?
Nothing.
Not a single thing.
But then again...what would be expected of me?
What thing of that magnitude could I possibly give or do, that would demonstrate my absolute sinceri-
Before I had finished asking this question...
...I had my answer.
And it was one that I didn't want to acknowledge.
Not in the least.
No.
I had never wanted that...
...not for either of us.
I never wanted it to happen that way.
But, as hard as I tried to justify my resistance...
…I finally was forced to admit that I had no choice.
She wanted it...
...she had wanted it badly...
...for a very long time...
...and I had denied her...
...indefinitely...
...with vague promises of 'someday'...
...but now I realized that, if there was ever going to be any chance for Sam to get her wish and to be a girl again, then I had to be completely unselfish...right now...no matter how I felt.
Nevertheless, I still spent the next twenty minutes wracking my brain, trying to find another...any other...alternative.
I failed.
And so, upset and petrified, but also resigned, I climbed out of bed and walked slowly to the bathroom...
...to get what I needed.
Returning to the bedroom, I carefully but deliberately pulled the covers down on my side of the bed...
...and, with much trepidation, I laid the twice-folded, navy blue towel on top of the mattress...
...down where my hips would soon be.
I stood there staring down at it...for a very long time.
In fact, nearly fifteen minutes elapsed, as I hesitated...
...before finally - and fearfully - lying down on top of it; and reaching over to uncover Sam.
As I did, she rolled over onto her back...
...and the sight of the huge protrusion of her morning erection, straining forcefully against the front of her already-too-tight briefs, confirmed that it was time.
Still, I continued to hesitate.
I knew I absolutely did not want to...especially not this way...
...but I also knew that nothing meant more to me than un-granting Sam's wish.
Nothing.
And so, I reached over - with a trembling hand - and gently pushed her hair off her face.
"Sam?"
Everyone who's spent even a short amount of time with Sam knows that waking her up is always a Major Production; and so, I was more than a little surprised when her eyes snapped open immediately.
"Carls?" she murmured, looking back at me, unexpectedly wild-eyed and near tears...
...but before I could ask her what was wrong, she continued, "I...I know why this h-happened to me."
"Why, Sweetheart?" I replied, completely confused.
She bit her lower lip.
"It...it's because my Mom wanted a boy. She's always been so disappointed in me for...for everything...and she's right! I'm..I'm nothing but a total fu-"
"Is that what you think?" I asked, cutting her off before she could beat herself up any further...
...but also unsure if I should tell her what I now knew...
...the real reason for her transformation.
At once, she nodded...
...yet, for reasons that I can't fully explain, I decided against it. Instead, I reached across again, putting my hand on her shoulder and pulling her over toward me. Moving my hand to her cheek, I turned her face to mine and answered, "Sam, don't be upset. I'm sure that's not what happened. But...whatever the reason is, I love you."
There was no response...
...as she turned her head away from me...
...and so, I sat up and leaned over her.
"I swear that I love you...so much...you do realize that, don't you?"
I was expecting her to nod her agreement.
I was disappointed.
After nearly a minute of deafening silence, I put my hand under her chin and gently turned her eyes back to mine.
"Do you know how much that is?" I asked.
In response, she lowered her gaze and shrugged; so I leaned down, tilted my head, to align my lips with hers...
...and I kissed her.
Less than a minute later, moving my mouth close to her ear, I whispered, "So much."
I thought she would try to stop me from kissing her but she didn't; and when I pulled back and my eyes met hers, I clearly saw the infinite sadness in them...
...and, unsure of what to say next, I leaned down and resumed kissing her instead...
...but suddenly, and thankfully, our kiss, was now no longer one-sided...
...as I felt her lips begin moving - tentatively - under mine.
Nearly a minute later, her hands reached up and clasped around the back of my neck...
...and, as she pulled me to her, I balanced myself on my elbows, turned my head to one side, and ran my cheek up and down against hers...
...but she soon turned my face back to hers and began kissing me again.
With a silent sigh of relief, I lay my body down - diagonally - on top of hers...
...and her body shivered under mine, as my lips slowly began caressing her neck...
...and I felt myself shivering too as her hands moved upward, into my hair.
And then, despite knowing full well what was about to happen...
...I slid my arms around her back and pulled her as close to me as I could...
...and my lips parted.
Less than a minute later, she made a low sound against my open mouth, something like a moan; and shifted under me on the mattress; in a way which left no doubt that her body was starting to become aroused...
...everywhere.
Ignoring my rapidly-escalating fear, I shifted my weight to my palms and rolled off her; and then, holding my breath, I ran my right hand slowly across her chest, and over her right breast...
...which now seemed alarmingly smaller than normal...due to her continuing transformation.
At my touch, she arched her back and gasped and, as I slid my quaking hand under her T-shirt and then slowly upward, she moaned - from somewhere deep inside herself - a single word:
"Yes."
Trying to distract my mind from what was most certainly about to happen, I turned my full attention to her breasts; sensually caressing first one, and then the other...
...alternating between them – over and over...
...until the sounds she was making assured me that she probably wouldn't resist what I was about to do next...
...and I slowly - yet determinedly - pulled her shirt off.
Even though she didn't try to stop me, she whispered, alarmed, "Carls...I don't...w-we shouldn't-"
"Shh."
She shook her head.
"But...but you said you weren't r-ready-"
I laid my fingers across her mouth.
"Shh. It's okay. Everything is okay," I whispered back. "Do you like it when I...when I kiss you like this?"
"Y-yes," she replied, moving my hand away from her lips, "but-"
"Do you know why I'm kissing you?" I interrupted.
She frowned. "Well, actual-"
"Sam, it's because I love you so much...so much that I want to be really close to you...right now," I answered softly.
She looked both uncertain and uneasy as she replied, "I...I don't...know..."
Despite her reluctance to continue, I began tugging at my own T-shirt, finally managing to pull it over my head with one hand, while replying, in a low, reassuring voice, "Shh. It's okay, Honey. I know how much you want to...and it's fine. Don't say anything else," I added quietly, lowering my body back onto hers...
...but the instant our bare chests made contact...
...she panicked.
"Carls, no!" she exclaimed; her entire body suddenly stiffening. Seconds later, she squirmed, trying to slide out from under me...
...but only managing to move an inch or two before I pinned her. I maintained my grasp, fully expecting her to continue struggling, but she only lay with her body under mine, looking up at me fearfully.
I somehow managed a smile.
"Don't you want to...to be with me?" I asked gently...
...and, after only a few seconds' hesitation, she decided to be honest...
...and nodded slowly...
...but still, she continued to resist.
"B-but you told m-me that you didn't ever want to have sex with a guy...and besides, I don't even have any cond-"
Before she had finished, my lips found her neck again; and I answered, between kisses, "Sam, none of that matters. You're not a guy...you're a girl...you're my girl...and I love you. I know how much you want this...and it's okay that you...d-don't have any."
She moved her hands to my shoulders, and pushed me up a few inches as she protested, "But you said you don't ever want to have k-"
"I don't," I admitted, "...but I love you."
She nodded. "Well then, I'll...I'll just run down to the corner store and buy some cond-"
As I tightened my arms around her neck and shook my head; she stared up at me, unconvinced...
...and more than a little fearful as she argued, "But what if we...what if I...what if you-"
"Don't worry," I replied softly. "My period just ended, so we should be safe."
She disagreed by shaking her head, and I clearly saw the uncertainty and confusion in her eyes before she closed them...
...apparently wracking her brains, trying her hardest to find a way to stop what I had so deliberately started...
...and, as she did, I used the opportunity to raise myself up a few inches and glance down.
Her penis now appeared to be swollen to twice its usual size, and her white cotton underpants were stretched tightly - and obviously very painfully - over it...and it was easy to imagine how much physical and emotional pain she must currently be in.
And I realized that I needed to help her relieve that pain...
...but how, when she continued to fight me every step of the way?
There didn't seem to be an easy answer to this, and so I lay there, bracing myself for another onslaught of arguments and resistance, but - much to my surprise - she didn't speak or move...
...and so, I decided to move forward once again. Trembling but determined, I bent my elbows...
...and, shifting until I was directly over her, I lay my nearly naked body against hers again. As I did, I felt her rigid erection pushing upward...
...directly against my crotch...
...and, with a groan, she shifted under me...obviously aching even more, as the additional pressure tormented her genitals...
...and, as it did, I swear I felt her penis shudder in response against me. It was obvious that she was incredibly aroused, but when she spoke, I could still clearly hear the extreme conflict in her voice.
"Cupcake, you're not ready for this yet...I know you're not!"
Well aware that she could (always) read me like a book with only one glance, I looked away quickly...
...but immediately, she reached up and gently turned me back to face hers.
"...and I don't know why you're doing this right n-"
Afraid that, despite her heightened state of arousal, she might still somehow find the strength put a stop to what I had started, I leaned up at once, cutting her words off with my lips...
...and, before long, I felt her entire body trembling under me as I kissed her.
She was wavering...badly...
...and she knew that I knew it...
...and so, to prevent her from making another attempt to escape, I tightened my arms around her, and continued to kiss her...
...deeply...
...and, less than a minute later, I felt the change in her body, as it went limp in my arms.
She had given in.
Still, she turned her face aside, until our lips broke contact; and when I stared down at her questioningly, she looked up into my eyes and said, with utmost sincerity, "Carls I really, really wish we could wait...like you w-wanted to."
"Shh," I replied, sliding downward and beginning to kiss her chest...
...which must have had a profound effect on her, because she murmured, "Carls, no!" sounding incredibly panicked, making a last-ditch effort at resistance, as I shifted my hips to one side...
...and slid my hand down between her legs...
...but her final protest morphed - almost immediately - into a loud gasp...
...as my hand came to rest on the outside of her underpants...
...which I could feel were stretched to their absolute limit under my palm...
...barely able to contain what was inside them...
...and I gasped too, as I felt the feverish heat of her penis through the cloth.
At that moment, she made an odd sound - somewhere between a groan and a squeak - and I felt her erection begin to pulsate noticeably - and repeatedly - in response to my touch...
...and, suddenly apparently unable to take the unbearable pain of her restrained arousal any longer, she moved her hands lower, and tried to pull her underpants down.
I didn't let her.
Instead, I began caressing her powerfully-throbbing erection through them...
...while she moaned, obviously aching badly...
...until, suddenly, she reached up and grabbed my forearms.
"Oh, God, Carls!" she gasped. "I'm...I'm gonna...!"
"No you're not!" I exclaimed, immediately panicking...
...worried that she might orgasm right then...
...which I absolutely could not allow to happen.
"Please!" she yelped, clamping her thighs together tightly. "I can't stop it from hap-"
"No, Sam...you can't! Not yet!"
She squeezed her eyes shut. "It hurts! At least let me...I...I need to take them off!" she argued, jerking her hands free from mine and reaching down, trying once again to remove her underpants.
I pinned her wrists.
"No. I don't want you to take them off yet."
Her eyes snapped open. "I have to!" she insisted. "They're too tight!"
"That's good," I replied, struggling to restrain her arms "...because they'll help prevent you from releasing too soon."
She moaned again loudly and closed her eyes.
Oh, God, I'm gonna...I have to!"
In response, my right hand flew down between her legs; and, roughly pushing her own hands aside, I cupped her cotton-covered bulge tightly...
...wrapping my fingers around what seemed to be the base of her badly-swollen penis...
...as I replied - firmly and decisively, "No. You can't. Not yet."
"I have to!" she wailed.
"Sam, don't do it! Hold it back!" I demanded...
...watching tears of pain and helplessness welling up in her eyes, as she struggled to regain control over her body...
...and seeing how much she was suffering, I added, much more gently, "Good girl. Now, just breathe for me."
Her breathing was ragged and shaky, but she nodded; and I watched her closely, while she fought hard against the painfully-compelling urge to ejaculate...
...finally managing, nearly two minutes later, to master the impulse...
...and then, I continued to wait, in complete silence, until her breathing had evened out...
...realizing, while I did, that I wasn't the least bit upset with her; because, according to what I've heard, guys like to engage on a fairly regular basis in...in what Sam likes to refer to as 'whacking off'...and, therefore, they learn - through practice - how to prolong their erections...
...but Sam had never had the same opportunity to practice - alone - with hers...
...and, well aware of this, I was determined to be patient with her.
It took nearly another five minutes before she looked up at me and nodded, silently answering the question I was too afraid to ask...
...but, even though I knew she had her body under control for the moment, I also knew that she wasn't going to be able to hold out forever...
...which meant that foreplay was now out of the question, and that I needed to focus on us having intercourse...
...as soon as possible...
...before she - prematurely and completely - lost control. And so, without further delay...
...while holding my breath - in a failed attempt to slow my insanely-rapid heart rate - I deliberately slid my hand under the waistband of her briefs, and far down inside them; and then, for first time in my life...
...I touched a penis.
As I did, I began shaking violently...
...frightened at how huge it was...
...and how hot...
...and how hard...
...quickly becoming aware of how badly she was about to hurt me...
...but also well aware that there was absolutely no other alternative. At that moment, I was snapped back into the present...
...as Sam gasped and then moaned; and, realizing that I had no idea how much longer she'd be able to 'hold back'...only that it definitely wouldn't be for much longer...
...I grabbed her underpants with both hands and pushed them down just past her hips...
...until I had exposed her genitals completely. And then, as I reached down again, with a now-badly-shaking right hand...
...and began to gently caress her testicles...
...I looked closely at her penis...
...and watched as a tiny, slightly whitish-colored dribble of pre-ejaculate escaped from its head...
...balancing for a moment on its very tip...
...before sliding rapidly down the left side of its shaft...
...and, at that moment, it took everything I had not to stop, and to run from the room in tears.
I never wanted it to be like this.
I wanted us to make love...
...all night long.
I wanted us to engage in foreplay first...
...spending as much time as necessary, both of us becoming aroused gradually, with a reassuring slowness, as we held each other...
...both of us feeling absolutely safe and secure in each others' arms...
...each of us knowing that we could - and would - stop at any moment...if the other felt scared...
...and if that happened that we would, by mutual agreement, wait until some other day...a day when we both felt completely ready...
...but Sam had already waited for me...for such a long time now...and I knew that there was absolutely no way she'd be able to hold back for much longer.
And I realized that, more than anything, that I needed her to hold back...
...for as long as she possibly could...
...because, if my wish was going to come true, then it had to involve powerful sacrifice on my part...
...and what could be more powerful than her first time with me?
And what could be even more of a sacrifice than letting her be inside me for as long as she possibly could, before she lost control of her body?
There was only one answer to this question..
...and so, resigned - yet very, very frightened - I rolled over onto my back...
...onto my towel again...
...and pulled her over and across me...
...and, before she could reply or resist, I reached lower and, curling the fingers of both hands into the waistband of her briefs...
...I pulled them down to her knees.
Seconds later, she was clumsily kicking them completely off.
But then she hesitated.
"I...I"m going to...we're going to need a-"
"I know...and I t-took care of that. There's a t-towel under m-me," I murmured...
...attempting - and failing - to hide my badly-shaking voice.
Looking slightly relieved, she nodded...
...and then, as I held my breath...
...she slid her right hand between my lower thighs. I knew exactly why she was doing it, but still, I was too scared to move. She must have realized this, because she thrn reached down with her left hand, and I soon felt her gently pushing my legs far apart...
...and, even though I was now terrified...
...I let her.
Seconds later, she knelt between them...
...and I gasped as she lay her body against mine...
...and I felt her stiff, throbbing penis pressing directly against my crotch...
...and I clearly felt the heat of it through the thin silk of my panties, which were now the only barrier between her massive, swollen erection and my vagina.
We lay there, both of us breathing fearfully...
...and I knew fully well that there soon would be no turning back.
But even though Sam had to be just as aware of this as I was, she bowed her head; and, closing her eyes tightly, she said, with her voice betraying her tremendous internal conflict, "Just...say the word and...and I'll sto-"
Not wanting to hear the rest, because I was now dangerously close to changing my mind, I leaned up and kissed her...
...and, as she kissed me back, I reached down and, sliding my hand between our bodies, I gently began to caress her immense, engorged penis.
Less than a minute later, I felt her raising herself up off me and tugging frantically at my panties...
...and, as I saw them disappear over the edge of the bed, I realized that she was now rushing things because she was having a hard time 'holding back'.
Breathing shakily, she shifted her body to one side and lay down again, and I flinched as I felt her huge, marble-hard erection pressing against the soft skin of my right thigh...
...as she reached down and began to finger me...
...soon noticing how dry I was.
And then, she stopped moving completely, and closed her eyes...
...and quickly shifting her weight onto her knees, and moving her hand from my body to her own, she grabbed tightly onto the shaft of her penis, and began breathing heavily...
...and several long minutes went by as she battled again against the urge to 'let go'.
I lay there fearfully - silent and motionless - letting her take her time.
Finally, opening her eyes again, she reached over to my nightstand and snatched my bottle of almond-scented moisturizer off it. After unscrewing the cap with unsteady fingers, she raised herself up fully; and, sitting back on her heels...
...she spread a generous amount of moisturizer on her penis...
...beginning with the tip...
...and then all the way up its shaft.
Dropping the bottle, she reached down, and I felt her damp hands sliding under my knees...
...and pulling my legs up into a bent position...
...until my feet were flat against the mattress.
And then, she spread my thighs far apart...
...and reached for the moisturizer bottle once again.
As she squeezed a large pool of it onto her right hand, I closed my eyes...
...knowing what was coming next...
...and seconds later, I gasped as I felt her fingers - smelling strongly of almonds - slipping between the outer lips of my vagina, and spreading their slickness liberally and thoroughly up and down the entire length of my vulva...
...as she lubricated me.
Even though my heart was now pounding in my ears, I still heard the dull thud as she set my moisturizer bottle back over on the nightstand...
...and soon, I felt her warm, naked chest touching mine again.
And then, as I lay under her, fearfully aware of the way her hammering heart was causing both of our chests to vibrate...
...she reached down between her legs...
...and took hold of her swollen, well-lubricated penis...
...and, after a bit of searching and fumbling, she managed to press its tip firmly against the entrance to my vagina...
...and at that moment, I swear that my heart stopped beating.
She sounded near tears as she said...again, "Carls...are y-you sure you don't want m-me to stop? Just t-tell me to and I wil-"
I shook my head...
...and opened my mouth to answer...
...but my words were pre-empted by a loud gasp...
...as I felt the very tip of her penis's large, throbbing, wedge-shaped head slowly begin to enter my tight, unyielding vagina...
...but my gasp soon turned into an loud, involuntary squeak...
...as it met with massive resistance...after sinking in only a fraction of an inch.
"Breathe, Carls," she directed, "...maybe it will help-ow!" she finished...
...as she pushed forward again...
...but failed to enter me further...
...and, as she did, I swear I felt her penis bend - sideways and with a snap - against my leg.
With her face contorted in pain, she bent down and rubbed it, moaning loudly.
"Oh, God...I can't...it won't go insi-"
Now way beyond terrified, I reached down, and covered her hand with my own...
...and then, I said the most difficult words I've ever said in my entire life.
"Just do what you h-have to do."
And then, suddenly, she was staring down at me...
...like she absolutely could not believe what she'd just heard.
"Are...are you sure?" she asked unsteadily...
...and I nodded.
She still wasn't fully convinced.
"Are you absolutely sure?" she repeated...
...and I bit my lower lip...hard.
"Y-yes...but please go sl-ow!" I cried...
...as, without warning, she thrust her penis forward forcefully...
...and, as she had caught me off guard, it quickly, successfully...and agonizingly...penetrated the entire length of my vagina...
...and at that moment, I felt something deep inside me rip...
...and, due to abundant, warm wetness that followed...
...I realized that I was bleeding...badly...and threw my left arm up over my mouth, barely suppressing a scream.
"Oh! Oh, God!" I shrieked against my forearm.
It was, without a doubt, the most excruciating thing I've ever experienced.
Squeezing my eyes tightly shut, trying with only partial success to hold back hot tears of indescribable pain, I wrapped my shaking arms around her..
...desperately wanting her to ask if I was okay...
...and to ask me again if I wanted her to stop...
...but she didn't.
Instead, without a word, she slid both her hands under my back...
...and then began, with difficulty, pushing her penis up inside me...over and over...
...but, even though I could tell that she was trying to be gentle...
...I began crying silently anyway, because it hurt so badly...
...so badly that it took everything I had not to shove her off me...
...and to scream that I was never going to let her touch me again.
But I didn't...
...because I realized that I had to be unselfish...
...and, as I looked up at her face...
...it was easy to see that she didn't realize what she was doing.
Her eyes were half closed, and she looked like she barely knew where she was...
...and it was obvious that she was focused on nothing else but on holding back...
...because I had commanded her to.
I know that, due to her lack of attention on me, it may sound as if Sam was being completely selfish...but I assure you that she wasn't.
After all, I was the one who had initiated this...
...despite her frequent and effusive protests...
...and I was the one who had forbidden her to end things quickly...like she had wanted to.
And now, I had to be the one to make sure we finished what I'd started...
...but only after she was completely physically unable to continue.
And so I lay there, not protesting, even I badly wanted for it...and for her...to stop...
...but, more than anything else, I badly wanted her to return to her old self...and so, out of love, I submitted...
...and let her continue to hurt me..
...lying in silence under her, clearly feeling each and every forceful, stabbing thrust of her penis...
...as she buried its entire length inside me...deeply...in an agonizing, unsteady rhythm...rubbing painfully against my vagina's highly sensitive inner walls...
...over and over.
After I had endured several minutes of sheer hell, a look of panic suddenly crossed her face; and, fearful, I asked, "Sam?"
Her eyes snapped closed, and there was no answer...
...but I could tell that she was getting close...
...and, even though I desperately wanted this to be over...I also knew that I absolutely had to demonstrate how badly I wanted her to get what I'd wished for...
...and so, as her breathing suddenly became very shaky and shallow, and I exclaimed. "Sam, no! Hold back!"
"I can't, Carls!" she gasped, grabbing onto my shoulders tightly.
"You have to!" I yelled.
"No! Oh, God! Oh, please...I can't!" she wailed.
"Yes!" I insisted. "You will! Don't you even think of letting go!"
"I have to!" she bellowed.
Immediately, I slid my left hand under her chest and pushed it up slightly off mine; while sliding my right hand even lower, fumbling around until I found the base of her penis, which was protruding a few inches from my vagina...
...just far enough for me to wrap my fingers around it tightly.
As I did, she cried out in pain; and, leaning up, I looked directly into her eyes; and, fighting back tears, I yelled, "No! You're not going to! Not until I tell you!"
"Why are you doing this?" she sobbed. "Why are you making me wait when you know that I can'-"
"Don't question me, Sam! Just do it!"
And then, as I watched tears of desperation, helplessness, and agony welling up in her eyes, I managed - despite the raging pain between my legs - to gain some control over my voice; and I continued, more softly, "Come on, you can do this. Just a little while longer, and then it's going to feel...so good!"
"It alr-ready d-does," she gasped with effort...
...reaching down and pulling my hand off her penis...
...and both of us lay there for a minute or two, breathing heavily.
As we did, I moved my hands to the backs of her shoulders...
...the muscles of which were so tense that they were standing out like mountain ranges...
...and waited, while she somehow managed to regain control over her erection once again...and once she had...
...she lowered her body back onto mine...
...and began thrusting into me again...
...quickly and even more painfully than before...
...until, several minutes later, unable to take it any longer; and just as I thought I was going to scream from the agony...
...her body suddenly stilled...
...and she pulled me against her.
And, as she lowered the full weight of her body onto mine, I felt her penis penetrating me as deeply as it possibly could...
...and, as its shaft buried itself all the way up inside...
...completely filling the entire length of my highly-sensitive vagina, and stretching it out, excruciatingly, in all directions...
...I clearly felt its tip pressing - directly and tightly - against the slightly indented opening to my cervix.
And then, suddenly, I realized the full magnitude of what she was about to do.
And that she wasn't wearing a condom.
And I had never been so scared...
...because, even though my period had just ended, nothing about this whole ordeal made any sense whatsoever...
...and so, how was I to know that I really was 'safe'...
...and that my unselfishness wasn't going to be tested again?
In a huge way?
Nine months from now?
No sooner had this thought occurred to me, then I felt her grab onto me tightly...
...and at that moment, terrified, I completely lost every shred of my resolve to finish this...
...and began to struggle frantically...
...desperate to prevent her from ejaculating inside me...
...desperately trying to get away from her...
...but it was too late.
She was too strong.
And she was holding onto me too tightly.
She was going to do it...
...and I knew that, no matter what I did now, I couldn't stop her from doing it...
...but I realized that, for me to be truly unselfish, that I had to submit to her; and so...I did the most difficult thing I've ever had to do in my entire life:
I stopped struggling.
And then, with a groan and a sigh, she completely lost control of her pelvic muscles...
...and I closed my eyes...and grabbed onto her as tightly as I could...
...as, with her entire body shaking violently, she released months - possibly years - of pent-up passion...
...and had her first orgasm with me...
...and in me...
...and the look of utter bliss and euphoria on her face was indescribable, as she closed her eyes...
...and at that moment, despite the fact that I wasn't feeling aroused in the least, my vaginal walls contracted once...
...suddenly, involuntarily, and tightly...
...clamping down on her penis and trapping it within my body as she ejaculated...
...spasming over and over...
...and I gasped, as a torrent of hot, thick juices gushed powerfully from the end of her swollen, pulsating erection, deep inside of me...
...welling up and drenching every part of my vagina, which began to sting painfully, as her semen made contact with its badly abraised interior...
...and then overflowing from it...
..finally leaking out of me and spilling onto the towel I was lying on...
...as, completely spent - in every sense of the word - she fell down on top of me...
...and I lay there, unfulfilled and terrified, with her now-limp penis still buried deep inside me.
I opened my eyes as she kissed my forehead; and I saw her looking down at me...
...with a face full of conflicting emotions...
...as, trying my hardest not to cry, I put my arms around her.
Neither of us spoke.
It was almost two minutes later when she finally pulled out...
...and I looked down - in horror - at the amount of blood that wetly streaked the entire length of her penis; completely covering its head...
...and smeared all the way up its shaft.
And then, I looked up at her face, to see that she was staring at it too...
...equally shaken...
...and, without a word, she propelled herself off the bed and hurried - unsteadily - to the bathroom.
And at that moment, despite my overwhelming pain, I desperately wanted to sit up...
...no, actually to jump up...
...and to let her semen drain out of me...
...or, better yet, to run into the bathroom and use the hand-held shower head to douche...
...trying to wash every last bit of it out of my vagina...
...even though I knew, from Health class, that douching isn't a valid form of birth control...and that it can even be counter-productive...
...but I also knew that, if I did, I would be compromising my decision to be completely unselfish...
...and that there was absolutely no way I could do that...
...and so, I continued to lie there, messy and dripping, allowing most of Sam's cum to continue clinging wetly to every part of my vagina's interior...
...while fighting my hardest against the nearly overwhelming urge to get up and try to shake it out of me...
...and fighting equally hard against the urge to pray that none of her sperm had penetrated my cervix...
...and that I wasn't ovulating at that moment...
...instead, promising myself that, no matter what happened to me now, I would accept it - obediently and without question - because that's how much I love her...
..and that's how much her transformation back - and therefore her happiness - means to me.
Sam soon returned from the bathroom, her genitals now clean; holding an ovenight pad in one hand and a dark, damp washcloth in the other. Stopping at the dresser - and completely ignoring(!) the sizable display of Easter candy that I'd left there for her - she soon returned to my side of the bed, wearing a clean pair of her new underpants...which, despite her having just ejaculated, were still way too tight on her...
...and holding a clean pair of my panties, in addition to the items that she'd brought back from the bathroom.
Hot tears of pain stung my eyes, completely blurring my vision, as I felt the warmth of the washcloth touching my vagina; and, even though I could tell that she was being as gentle as she could...
...the sharp, agonizing spasms between my legs left no doubt that I was going to be incredibly sore for the next several days. I wiped my streaming eyes on my left forearm and then looked up, into her expressive eyes, which said it all...
...and, from what I saw reflected in them, there was no question that she absolutely hated herself for what she had just done.
Managing a slight, sad smile, I shook my head...
...and then closed my eyes, as I continued to submit silently to her ministrations.
Once she had finished cleaning me up, she removed the towel from under me and, after tossing it across the room and into the hamper, she lay down next to me...
...without touching me...
...while I waited in silence.
Finally, she spoke.
"I...d-don't know wh-what t-to say."
I turned on the pillow to face her...
...and, without answering, shook my head again...
...and then, I held out my arms.
After a moment's hesitation, she moved into them...
...and I watched as she closed her eyes...
...and lay with her upper body trembling against mine...
...as I lay under her, reflecting on what had just happened.
It had been horrible.
Every single aspect of it...
...with none of the closeness that I had craved - and had dreamed about - ever since I first realized that I was in love with Sam...
...not at all the way I had hoped and dreamed that our first time would be.
And, to my great disappointment, Sam had barely spoken during the whole thing...
...not even to tell me that she loved me...
...and, worst of all, even though she'd told me that being inside me had felt good, there was absolutely no assurance that any of what had just happened would even help...despite the fact that I'd just sacrificed my happiness for hers...
...and my virginity...
...and, as I lay there, unable to ignore the harsh, persistent ache that was traumatizing my entire pelvic region...
...and the abundant, sticky wetness - from both of our bodies - that continued to ooze and dribble out of me...
...I realized that there were so many things that needed to be sorted out...
...by both of us...
...which meant that I had to talk to her - immediately...
...but before I could, the slow, even sound of her breathing told me that she'd fallen asleep...
...and, despite my determination to discuss the present...and the future...with her...
...hoping to make some sense of it all...
...less than five minutes later - way beyond exhausted, and despite my overwhelming pain - so had I.