Chapter 44 – An Upgrade

Disclaimer – ode to Titanic, don't own the characters.

Pressing her faced against the window, Kate sighed. She pulled her face from the coolness of the window and blew out a breath, deliberately fogging up the window. Using her index finger she wrote, "I'm a mess."

With one big puff Castle fogged up the window beside her and wrote "Beautiful Mess." Castle circled his arms around her, resting his head on her shoulder. "Five minutes, three hundred seconds, one more I love. You know what I spent the summer dreaming of?"

Kate stiffened. Her mistreatment of Castle over the summer didn't sit well with her; if she had the opportunity to do over the summer of 2011, she would. She wished she'd been a stronger person, more honorable person for the seven months it took her to tell him she lied.

Castle's hands skimmed her biceps to her wrists, "I dreamed of recapturing 7.2 seconds, the 7.2 seconds it took me to react from the first glimmer of the sniper's barrel to the time you were shot. I'd like that time back. We all have regrets Kate, it's how we weave them into our lives to build from them, not have them tear us down."

Kate curled an arm around his waist, relaxing into Castle's side."I need to get out of here."

"You?"

Sliding around him to rest against the window, Kate tipped his chin to look at her, "Us." She ran her tongue along the edge of his mouth, light hot flicks that created a tingle down his spin and a burn in his belly.

Castle exhaled into her mouth, moaning softly, "Thought you wanted to leave?"

"I do, just wanted to make sure you wanted to come with me."

Feeling the banter back in the air, "I love coming with you."

Kate mischievously pressed up against him, rolling her eyes "How long have you been saving that line?"

"I say it all the time."

Challenging him, "You do not."

Slipping his arms around her, he grinned. "In my head every-time you tossed a saucy grin my way and said 'You coming Castle.'"

"Hmm." Her eyes lit up, shiny with delight rather than tears. "Up for a trip to visit Lady Liberty? The ferry runs every hour on the hour from 10 to 2."

Castle wasn't clear on what the catalyst was for the sudden urge visit Lady Liberty, but he had a feeling he would find out. "Let me shower?"

Kate tentatively peered around the corner into the bathroom, "Can I borrow your phone? To book tickets? Mine is in lock down."

Castle was in mid-soap and desperately wanted to drag her into the shower with him, instead he restrained himself, her eyes still held a haunted look. "Sure, in my back pocket."

Picking up his pants Kate slipped Castle's phone under her arm and began to fold his jeans.

Castle smiled to himself, trying to decide which was sexier…watching a naked Kate Beckett sleep beside him or watching her fold his clothes.

Noticing his suspicious grin, she asked, "What are you grinning about?"

Quickly changing the subject "My password is 5-2-8-3."

Tossing back her head, Kate roared with laughter, "You are such a girl!"

An indignant Castle replied, "Am not. Hand me my razor."

Perching on the side of the tub Kate punched in his passcode. "I like the scruff."

"Scruff it is." Castle catapulted himself out of the shower, making a wasted attempt to rescue his phone from her hand. She held on tight her knuckles turning white. Shit, it was too late she saw it.

Castle stuttered and stammered, "I can explain."

Clutching the phone to her chest and tossing him a towel, "I sure hope so."

He was doomed it was 'Beckett Eye Roll Number One.'

"I can delete it – right now. No one ever has to know."

"Someone was going to know?"

"No, no – I didn't mean it that way. It was for me." Kate walked out of the bathroom, she had to or he would see her smile.

Wrapping the towel around his waist he fought to stay on his feet as he slipped across the marble floor in his attempt to race after her, "Wait! Wait! Please don't leave!"

Safely landing on the carpeting he was greeted by Kate's grinning face, poking his chest with her finger, "You, Rick Castle are adorable." Tossing his phone to him, "Now change your wallpaper and show me where you hid your apps so I can order the ferry tickets."

He was shocked, "I am adorable?"

Crap. Did she say that out loud? "Change it."

Kate plopped on to the bed to wait and watch as Castle dressed. How was he just as sexy getting dressed as undressed? "About that picture…"

"Do we have to go there?"

"Yes."

"I changed it."

She leveled him a look that told him it was easier to confess now then deal with it later. "Umpf…you were sleeping on your side, tangled in the sheets, hair curly and wild, splayed across the pillow and you had the most delightful little private smile. A smile I had never seen before. I wanted to keep a memento of our first…"

"That was after our second…."

Bowing his head and giving her a sideways glance, "Second sex, first love making."

Kate crawled off the bed, wrapped her arms around him, "No more pictures like that on your phone. Understand?"

Doing his best imitation of a sad puppy, outwardly he pouted "Understood." Internally he was stifling a 'Snoopy Happy Dance'…Kate hadn't said anything about his night stand.

Walking hand in hand, fighting the wind as they wound their way along the Battery Park Pathway, Castle pointed at the white caps forming on the Hudson, "You sure you want to go out there?"

Shifting her body to bump her shoulder with his, "I always find it to be cathartic… being out on the water, feeling the force of the wind and watching the skyline go by."

"Liberating?"

"Exactly, a reminder of how small my problems are compared to the vastness of the depths of the water. Plus my parents were into the history of Manhattan. Every year we took hidden architectural tours of the city and over Thanksgiving weekend we would take the 'Circle Line' and visit Lady Liberty."

Castle took a hesitant look at Kate. "First time since you lost your mom?"

Using her free hand to squeeze his bicep, "Yes and I've missed going out there. It was too much for Dad and me. Not too much for you and me."

"I like the sound of that."

Giving Castle a quick hip check, snuggling further into his side, Kate shot him a satisfied grin.

Castle saw his opening. "Earlier you called me adorable."

Feigning ignorance, "Don't recall that."

"Oh yes you do. You said it and your eyes went all "OMG" on me. You surprised me, I thought you might be contemplating killing me or leaving."

"It crossed my mind. Photos like that could really compromise my job."

"How?"

"Really? You don't think, in an emergency, Espo wouldn't try cracking into your phone using that passcode? And then see that picture."

Rick responded with an impish shrug and a flash of his baby blues.

"Do you know how hard I have worked not to be seen that way?"

"Kate, you're a gorgeous woman. All men see you that way."

"Not exactly the answer I was looking for."

"Let's go back to talking about why you find me adorable."

It was hard to be upset with Castle when his brilliant blue eyes were working overtime to flirt with her and when he called her gorgeous and it wasn't a come on, but just how he saw her. "Hypothetically, if I tell you why you might be adorable, can we move on?"

Castle tucked her arm in his, "Only if you tell me why YOU find me adorable."

"Words are your thing," spinning to face him. "I'm more of action kind of girl." Kate began a delicate assault on his mouth, a kiss that quickly turned urgent with the prying of his tongue between her lips. His hands worked their way inside her coat, resting on her hips, his new favorite place for his hands. She pressed her body to his, urging him to respond. He knew he had her when she slipped a hand inside the waist of his pants. It was her tell, a sign that she was unraveling.

Castle gradually broke off their kiss, slowly stepping back he playfully asked, "So we agree – I am adorable."

Leaning her head on his shoulder, hiding the arousal in her eyes, Kate whispered, "Um, Yeah."

Standing inside the ferry, safe from the wind, wrapped in each other's arms soaking in the retreating skyline, Castle nudged his head over her shoulder, waggling his eyebrow, "Let's play Titanic."

Not waiting for a response Castle began dragging Kate towards the bow, casting a skeptical look, "You want to the ferry to sink?"

Offering his hand to her, "Ssh, give me your hand – close your eyes."

Kate shared a brief smile and shut her eyes.

Containing his excitement at Kate playing along he crooned, "Hold on to me and don't peek."

Kate's smile widened as she turned her head towards his voice. Castle murmured in her ear, his voice barely a whisper, "Trust me, don't look."

"I trust you." She hummed as he guided her forward. Her stomach felt the cold smooth metal of the rail, her back felt Castle crowding in to hold her.

With great flare he commanded, "Open your eyes. You are Queen of the World."

Kate opened her eyes to the vast expanse of the Hudson, her calming force. She twisted her body to face Castle.

There he stood a glowing, Kate wasn't even positive men glowed, but if they could, then this is what it looked like. "You're hopeless."

"Yes, I am." Waiting a beat to speak, locking eyes with her, "Hopelessly in love with you."

"And I with you."

"Coffee or Cocoa?"

"Half and Half?"

Caressing her face, "You think your mom would've liked me?"

Kate was taken aback "Wow. Where did that come from?"

"I think I have always wanted to ask, curious if you brought me home for Sunday dinner what she would think. After this morning it transitioned from curiosity to a need to know if the woman who defines so much of you would approve of me."

"I'd like to think so. Mom would have appreciated that you don't have any tattoos, greasy long hair and aren't in a grunge band."

"Seriously?"

"Yep. I was finishing off my rebellious stage. He was a real winner." Kate started to chuckle, "Drove my parents insane. They would ask him a question and he would grunt."

"Where is he now?"

She answered with a snicker, "Not sure, last time I saw him I arrested him while working vice."

"You're making that up!"

"Told you…a real winner."

"I see myself as an upgrade."

Kate shared a shy smile with Castle.

The depths of his eyes held tight to the need for reassurance, "Past boyfriends aside, would she like me?"

He watched as she took a sip of coffee-cocoa a smile slipped across her lips, the same smile she wore when she slept, when she was a peace.

"Yes. "