Wait, what? Pearly, updating in less than a week? Stop wondering who I am and what I've done with the real Pearly. It's me, I swear! Like I said, since the uploader thing wasn't uploading, this chappie was almost finished by the time I got it to work. I'm kinda proud I usually suck at updating. (:

Recap: Snowpaw battle trains with Olivepaw, then they head back and learn who's going to the Gathering that night. Snowpaw is thrilled that she's going, but her sister, Frostpaw, who isn't going, complains. The Clan goes to the island, and as they pass by the dock, Snowpaw thinks about the stories she's heard of Graystar, and how she was found to have drowned after disappearing for a week. The cats arrive at the island; WindClan and RiverClan are already there. Snowpaw notices that the RiverClan deputy, Antnose, isn't present. She sees Ratpaw staring at Gingerpaw, who they'd seen on the patrol earlier that morning. ThunderClan soon comes in, Sagewhisker leading the group. Minnowstar asks her where Honeystar is, and the deputy responds that she was caught up in personal issues and couldn't make it, though some cats are obviously skeptical. Minnowstar starts the announcements, saying that Reedfur is dead. Greenstar, the WindClan leader, goes on about things that no one really cares about. Blossomstar, the RiverClan leader, says that Antnose has retired, and that her new deputy is Blacktail. Snowpaw notices that Willowfall reacts strangely to this news. Snowpaw later talks to some WindClan apprentices, and then ShadowClan leaves, and Snowpaw wonders what's up with Honeystar and Willowfall.

That was a really long recap I don't even.

Chapter 4

Little Secrets

[Willowfall]

Two days had passed since the Gathering. Two days that Willowfall had spent waiting anxiously for the promise she would think about before going sleep every night. But now, the sun was setting, and it would only be a matter of time before she went to that place. The place. Their place.

She stepped outside the medicine den; it was snowing, the thick clouds blocking out the last moments of the sun. Snow quickly clung to her whiskers and long, light gray pelt, and she blinked softly, observing the nearly empty camp. Only a few warriors remained outside, as well as Cedarpaw, who sat alone on the far side of the hollow, staring into nothing as he had been doing every day since his father's death.

The she-cat looked over at where the freshkill pile was, seeing that there was only one scrawny sparrow left. Her stomach growling, she stepped forward, paws sinking a little in the cold snow as she made her way over.

She stopped when she got there, her eyes glued to the prey, when suddenly an orange paw appeared, covering the bird. Willowfall looked up to see Emberheart standing across from her, pale green eyes cold and narrowed as she pulled her lips back slightly.

"Oh, were you going to take this sparrow?" she asked the medicine cat, whiskers twitching. "Sorry, but it's mine. Only the ones who actually do their jobs are allowed to eat." She pulled the sparrow towards her, her claws sinking into it.

The medicine cat lashed her tail, eyes narrowed just the slightest bit.

"I have been nothing but kind to you," she said slowly, watching the warrior impatiently. "Nothing. What happened with Badgerkit was a year ago."

"He would have been a warrior now," Emberheart hissed, though still careful to keep quiet and not attract the attention of anyone else. "It makes no difference how much time has passed. The fact remains that you murdered my son-"

"I made a mistake," growled Willowfall, lips pulled back a bit. "I know that."

"It was a stupid mistake," retorted the ginger she-cat, claws sinking deeper into the sparrow. "Even a kit could see that those weren't the symptoms of a fever."

"Then why couldn't you, Emberheart?" shot back Willowfall, her voice rising. "I'm not perfect like you, alright? It was an accident. You're blaming this all on me-"

"Because it was your fault!" hissed the other, voice ringing through the air.

"You think you're the only one who lost something because of this?" yelled back Willowfall. By now, their argument had caught the attention of a few cats, who were now staring at them, heads tilted in confusion. The she-cats looked around, lowering their voices, and when Emberheart looked back at Willowfall, she whispered, "And you have the nerve to call yourself a medicine cat." She lashed her tail, and before the other could reply, she added, "I hope you know that I will never forget what you did to my son, and I will never forgive you."

Without another word, she picked up the sparrow in her jaws, swiftly turning away before disappearing into the warriors' den. Willowfall swallowed as she watched her leave, her fur a bit fluffed up as she now tried to ignore the growls of her stomach. Digging her claws in the snow, she stood there for a few moments, finally shaking her head as she murmured something inaudible under her breath.

A cold chill swept by, and the medicine cat shivered, lifting her head, watching as snow silently fell from the thick clouds above. It was dark, now.

Glancing around, she trotted over to the edge of camp, silently making her way up the shallow slope. She really didn't care if anyone saw. They were probably all assuming that she was going to find food or whatever herbs were available during Leafbare. Taking a deep breath, she began through the dark forest, hoping she wouldn't get lost. But how could she? She'd gone this way so many times that she could do it with her eyes closed.

She felt like she hadn't seen him in... moons. And at the Gathering two nights before, when Blossomstar had announced that he was the new deputy... And the way he'd stepped up onto the snowy root with the other deputies... It had caused some sort of pang in Willowfall's chest. She wanted to see him. She needed to. And he agreed.

So she walked through the snow, trembling just slightly as she tried to forget what Emberheart had said to her. And it certainly wasn't the first time she'd confronted her like that. She used to feel sorrow and pity for this she-cat- Badgerkit had been the only family she'd had left. But now, after so many moons, those feelings seemed to have vanished. Because dealing with accusations and glares and yelling can really only be endured for so long.

That incident felt like years ago, but at the same time, it also seemed like just yesterday. That kit ended up leading to so many things... like the "mysterious disappearance" of Graystar.

Willowfall shivered, keeping her head bent low. As much as she would have loved to curl up in her nest, she knew that she wouldn't have been able to sleep. She didn't seem to get much at all anymore.

She went on a bit longer, alone and cold, but trying not to think about either. She didn't really know what she was expecting by meeting him here. She just needed to see him again.

The scent of RiverClan was getting stronger. She was bluntly aware that her heart was beginning to beat faster, but she tried to ignore it. She took in a deep breath, stepping out of the pine forest and onto the small Thunderpath.

Looking around, she could see hardly a thing. The clouds were too thick. She could see, faintly, as snow quietly fell, and she could hear the wind swaying the trees. Holding in a breath, she scampered across the road, continuing at a steady trot through the snow and wind and towards the dock that sat nearby.

She took her first step onto the halfbridge, squinting her eyes. He wasn't there, yet. She walked to the end of the dock, sitting down with a shiver as she wrapped her tail around her paws. All she could see was a dark, misty gray haze and thousands of snowflakes. She blinked softly, remembering the last time she'd come here. It was a long time ago.

A familiar scent wrapped itself around her, and her eyes widened, slightly. Before she could turn around, a deep voice murmured. "Hello... Sorry I'm late." Willowfall saw a flashback going through her mind. This was just like that time last year, when she'd come here with the news that she was expecting kits. But this time, it was colder.

Slightly hesitantly, she turned around. There he stood, his head and tail lifted high, his green eyes gazing at her, flecks of snow clinging to his black fur. He somehow had a different... air to him, now that he was deputy. But maybe the medicine cat was only imagining things.

"It's fine," she breathed, shaking her head softly. "You're hardly late at all."

He looked at her, a small frown on his face, his expression blank. After a moment, he let out a long sigh.

"Why did you want to see me, Willowfall?" he murmured.

She stared at him, slightly hurt from his blunt question. But she managed to whisper, "I just... I wanted to congratulate you on becoming deputy."

"Thank you," he said quietly, lowering his tail as he turned his head away. "I appreciate it."

"...How's RiverClan?" Willowfall rasped, her voice scratchy. She tried to hide her emotions, but she wasn't sure if it was working. "Are you-"

"Willowfall," Blacktail cut in, looking up at the sky and blatantly trying to avoid her gaze. "Why did you really want to see me?"

She stared at him, mouth open slightly. She swallowed, looking away. Not turning to face him, she murmured, "I just feel like I haven't seen you in so long. I missed you-"

"I told you before that we have to stop meeting like this," he said, looking at her. "It's for the best."

"How can you say that and not think about what we had?" Willowfall murmured, finally lifting her head to face him. "We loved each other. We had kits-"

"That's in the past, Willowfall," he said, his voice a bit harder this time. "And I know that we had something. Something special." He flicked his tail, his voice dropping to a low mumble; "But everything comes to an end."

The medicine cat stared at him, shaking her head slightly. And suddenly, the word "Why?" slipped out from her lips.

"Because it wasn't right," insisted Blacktail, voice getting louder. "StarClan, you killed Graystar because of all this-"

"It was for us!" breathed Willowfall, her voice squeaking, eyes huge. "If I hadn't done something, our kits would have died!"

"Well, none of this would have ever happened if we'd ended it much sooner," murmured Blacktail.

Willowfall's whiskers twitched, and she again turned away, watching the snow fall. After a moment, she murmured, "Have you told anyone about her?"

"No," he muttered. "I promised you I wouldn't. And that's a promise I intend to keep... Even if we can never see each other anymore."

She looked at him. "You expect us to just keep living our lives like none of this ever happened? Like we never even knew each other?"

"Yes," he said bluntly. "I do." He shook his head, taking a step back. "Willowfall, I have to go. You should, too." When the she-cat didn't responded, he added, "Have a good night, Willowfall. I'll see you at the next Gathering." And then he turned, padding away and quickly disappearing into the snowy darkness.

Willowfall stayed sitting there for a long time, staring at the place where her former mate had disappeared, hardly even feeling the cold anymore. She really was alone, wasn't she?

She turned, taking a few steps to the very end of the dock. She looked down into the black water, too dark to see her own reflection. She closed her eyes, letting out a shaky breath. All this time, she'd justified Graystar's death by saying that it was for the good of her kits, and for the good of her relationship with Blacktail. But it turned out that none of that even mattered. Both Blacktail and her kits were practically gone.

And the minute she realized this, the burden of Graystar's death suddenly came upon her shoulders with a force so great she let out a weak gasp. She'd killed her leader. And yes, no one ever talked about it anymore, but it would still be something she'd have to deal with for the rest of her life. One of her many little secrets.

She found that she was shaking. Looking down at the water, she wondered if she should jump in, too. Wouldn't it at least be fair to give herself the same fate she'd given Graystar?

No one needed her. Especially not Blacktail. And he was all that she had had to hang onto. Now, she had nothing.

She sucked in her breath and clenched her eyes shut. And before she could let herself think another thought, she stepped off of the snowy dock, felling nothing around her for half a second before she landed, with a splash, into the lake.

The water was so cold that she immediately opened her eyes with a start, beginning to wildly look around. Everything was black, everywhere she looked. She let out a breath, sending out bubbles. She thrashed her legs around, a sharp pain hitting her chest as air escaped from her lungs. She felt faint, her head pounding, heart beating in her chest as she fought the urge to swim to the surface. She let herself fall, clenching her eyes shut and desperately trying not to think about Blacktail.

A few seconds later, she could barely feel anything at all, and everything went dead silent. She pricked her ears, wondering if she was already dead. That was fast. Faster than she'd expected, anyway.

But when she opened her eyes, she was still floating there- but it didn't seem like she was floating in water; rather, she was floating in darkness, floating through nowhere. And before her she could see, very faintly, the small shape of a black and white cat. Willowfall narrowed her eyes. It... was getting closer. She didn't try to move. She wouldn't have been able to even if she'd wanted to.

From the darkness, very slowly, a cat marched towards her. No, not just a cat, but... a kit. Blue eyes wide, its pelt was glowing, slightly, neatly groomed. When it was only a few foxlengths away from the medicine cat, it sat down, wrapping its tiny tail beneath its paws, its fur seeming to sparkle.

"What're you doin'?" asked the kit curiously, tilting its head at her. Willowfall stared back, jaw hanging open. She shook her head the slightest bit.

"B-Badgerkit," she finally managed to stutter out. "Badgerkit, is that... Is that you?"

The kit nodded, blinking at her. He smiled a bit, showing tiny white teeth. "Hiya, Willowfall."

"I don't understand," Willowfall breathed, looking at this kit with awe. "What's going on? Am I dead?"

Badgerkit frowned, his ears flattening a little. "Well, no, not exactly. You're sorta... in between life n' death, I guess." When the medicine cat stared at him, nonplussed, the kit continued. "You were tryin' to kill yourself," he murmured, looking down at his paws. "But I didn't want you to."

"Badgerkit, it's my fault you're dead," whispered Willowfall. "It's because of me."

"Yeah," he said, lifting his gaze, eyes sparkling. He tilted his head. "But I don't blame you anymore. Everyone makes mistakes!" He smiled lopsidedly, before it immediately faded. He looked at his paws again, his voice dropping. "'Sides, I'm not like Mom." Willowfall looked at him, an image of Emberheart flashing through her mind.

The medicine cat sighed, closing her eyes for a moment before opening them. Staring at him, a question suddenly occurred to her, and she asked quietly, "Badgerkit, how exactly did you find those berries? The... 'bad red berries?'"

"Oh," he said, looking down. "Well, someone gave 'em to me and told me they were good."

Willowfall stared at him, eyes widening. "What?" she breathed. "Badgerkit, everyone learns that those are poisonous! The cat who gave them to you..."

"Wanted me dead," responded Badgerkit, his voice suddenly grave, his gaze hard. The medicine cat looked at him, a chill going through her spine, heart racing faster.

"But why?" she breathed, trembling slightly. "You're just a kit! Who could possibly... Badgerkit, who was it?"

The kit flinched a bit at this question and immediately turned his head away, looking out into the darkness.

"I... I'm scared," he whispered. "I'm scared that if I tell you, they'll find me."

"But you live with StarClan!" protested Willowfall. "You're safe there!"

"It's not that simple," he murmured, looking up at her. His eyes were wide, and for the first time, the she-cat could detect fear and desperation in them. And that made her scared, too, because Badgerkit was too afraid to tell her, even though he was already dead.

"I gotta go," he suddenly murmured, looking down before quickly glancing back up. "Willowfall, I stopped you from dying 'cause you need to keep living. No matter what happens, you can't give up! That's... what Mom used to tell me." He flicked a tiny ear, getting to his paws. A small smile crept onto his face. "Besides, you're important. I... overheard some older StarClan cats talkin' about it. I don't really know what they meant, but you gotta live."

"What do you mean?" Willowfall pressed. "What did they say...?"

But by then, the tiny, starlit kit was already beginning to fade. He was grinning a little, waving his tail.

"Bye, Willowfall," he squeaked, growing fainter and fainter until he had vanished into the darkness from which he'd appeared. The medicine cat blinked in awe, completely surrounded in blackness. She closed her eyes, and the next minute, they flew open.

The feeling of cold water rushed through her, and she quickly looked around, thrashing her legs. Glancing up, she could faintly see just a little bit of light at the surface. The image of Badgerkit burned into her mind, she began to swim upwards, using the last of her strength, ignoring the pain in her chest, the ache in her head, and the utter chill in her bones.

A moment later, she broke the surface. Flailing and splashing her paws, the medicine cat hungrily sucked in a breath before violently coughing and spluttering, struggling to keep her head about the surface. She fought to swim back towards land, now underneath the dock, frigid cold surrounding her. A few moments later, she felt land beneath her paws, and she managed to drag herself to the shore. Right beneath the halfbridge was a bit of land, and she collapsed there.

She took a few moments to cough and pant, shivering as the water peacefully lapped against the ground a taillength away. She lifted her head, but she couldn't find the strength to bring herself to her paws. So she stayed there, hidden beneath the dock, trying to figure out what had just happened.

She felt more confused than she ever had in her life, and honestly, she didn't know what to do.

So she just lay there, curled up in a tiny, trembling ball, until morning finally came.

Everyone, welcome back Willowfall. (;

Marsipan, you were right- she most definitely has a POV in this story (;

Awkward for her that Blacktail doesn't like her anymore.

Speaking of which, you'll get a Blacktail plushie if you review (: (;

Till next time, mes cheries,

Pearly Whites (looool.)