Sorry for the delay. Real life can be a bitch some times. I hope it's not that bad and it wouldn't hurt to write a few words and tell me if you like it or not. :)
"This film sucks. How come is your favourite?"
Hermione rolled her eyes in frustration. She couldn't care less at this moment for the film, but she made an effort to answer Ron's question with honesty.
"It's one of my favourite films, because these two belong together. It was never easy and they had to overcome many obstacles and lost too much time away from each other, but their love was strong. They have their fights here and there, but it's their thing. They wouldn't want it any other way… it reminds me of us actually."
She had no intention to say the last sentence out loud, but she couldn't keep her tongue in control. Ron was now staring at her with a look that she missed seeing on his face for many years, but it lasted only a few seconds before he turned his head back again to the film.
She was in needles waiting for Ron to bring up the talk they were suppose to have, but after they returned to his flat he made them some tea and just sat to watch the rest of the film. Maybe he was stalling the inevitable talk or maybe he just wanted to pretend that nothing changed and they should simply watch the film and then part their ways until next time.
Well, she wasn't going to wait forever so she decided to initiate the talk. Afterall, her feelings were out there and Ron now knew everything about, so the ball was clearly on Ron's court.
"Ron, can you ignore the film for a moment and talk to me?" she pleaded.
Ron sighed heavily. He picked the remote and turned his TV off. "What do you want to talk about?"
Okay, he was playing the dumb card, but now that Hermione had his attention she wasn't going to waste it.
"Did you ever wonder… about us?" she asked nervously.
"If I wonder what would happen if you and I got together?" Ron asked for confirmation and Hermione nodded.
"You know, Hermione, I used to think about us everyday for years; probably since third year. I wondered what would happen if I grabbed and kissed you. What your reaction might be and stuff. Would you slap me or kiss me back?"
She wasn't surprised by this. She knew that at some level, Ron had feelings for her but the problem was that he never did anything about it and she assumed that at some point he simply stopped having romantic feelings for her.
"What made you stopped thinking about it?"
"I don't know, Hermione. Wrack your brain. That will take you a…. or better yet don't do it. I can't wait a month for you to finish," he tried to lighten the mood with his joke but Hermione wasn't there for laughs.
"Answer me, Ron," Hermione insisted. The pleading sound of her voice did the trick.
"Before the war it was my insecurities. I never thought I was good enough for you; might as well as admit that now. We also had a war waiting us, and I just never found the right time," Ron begun talking while Hermione had to agree with his logic of waiting until all that mess was gone.
"When the war was over I thought that I might have a chance with you. I proved my worth in the field of battle and maybe proved my worth to you. But you left so soon to find your parents and when you came back you had to leave again and go to Hogwarts to finish school."
Hermione was screaming inside her. She couldn't believe that Ron thought that he had somehow to prove his worth to her, when he already had that since that day with the troll.
What bothered her more was that her decision of going to Australia had an impact on him. Finding her parents and restore their memories wasn't the easiest thing, but she always found time for him. She sent letters without forgetting to tell him how much she missed him and hoped he was there with her; just him, not him and Harry. She couldn't have made it more clear how different she was thinking him from Harry.
When she and her parents came back, she wasted no time and visited the Burrow and him. They hugged each other for so long that she felt that Ron was going to ask her out now.
Only, he didn't, she thought sadly.
She heard Ron talking again.
"That didn't discourage me though, Hermione. I thought to myself that eventually school would be over and then I can tell you everything. I didn't want to mess with your head knowing how important the NEWT's exams were to you and it helped that I was busy with helping George with the shop and training to be an Auror."
He paused for a moment as if he was trying to block some unwelcome memory.
"I came to Kings Cross when you finished your 7th year. I had prepared this lame speech confessing my feeling to you and then you came out of Hogwarts Express hand in hand and sharing lovely kisses with no other than Draco fucking Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret; something that you failed to inform me in your letters by the way."
Hermione felt the painful lump in her throat. She saw how everything became her fault. Ron still had feelings for her, but waited until the right moment, while she wanted right there and now. How stupid she was in retrospect.
She never regretted her decision to befriended Draco. She saw that he was trying to make up for his mistakes and she wanted to help him. And since they were both top students they could talk about things she never could with Ron or Harry.
It was Valentine's Day when it happened. She had sent a letter to Ron a week before asking him whether he would come along with Harry to visit her and Ginny. In a subtle way she was asking him out on Valentine's Day, but Ron sent a reply telling her that he had to stay in the Academy for the month and wasn't allowed to leave. He also informed her that Harry would come, as if Hermione really cared witnessing the boy-who-lived snogging her best female friend.
Alone, she wandered the Hogsmeade when she found Draco also alone outside Zonko's. He invited her to spend the day together and have fun, and by the end of that day, she found herself kissing him. She wasn't sure how it happened. One moment they were talking about Potions and the next he was kissing her and she was kissing him back.
That night she cried herself to sleep. She felt like she had betrayed Ron. In the morning, she realised that Ron wasn't her boyfriend and that he didn't fancy her back. If he did then he would have done something by now. So, she took a decision. She decided to accept Draco's proposal of starting dating officially and to give this whole thing a chance.
She wasn't keen on public display so they kept it as discreet as possible, although everyone at Hogwarts knew they were together. Ginny's negative reaction was expected. She kept talking to her, but every time Draco came to view, she would excuse herself and leave. She also received an angry letter from Harry telling her it was a mistake, but she didn't care. She never objected to their romances, so they had no right to criticise hers.
As for Ron's reaction, she honestly thought that Ginny or Harry had told him, but right now she was stunned that he had no idea and that he learned it like this.
"I never saw you there that day... or any of the next days now that I think about it," she said remembering how she couldn't find Ron anywhere. She wanted to talk to him, see him, touch him. Even then, she couldn't stop thinking about him.
First time she saw him, was when Harry gave her his address about a week later. When that pretty girl opened the door wearing just a shirt, she understood that decisions have been made from both sides. It wasn't just her. Ron also took a few decisions as well, like moving out and dating that girl.
Back then she cried really hard for a week. She thought that the girl opening that door was the reason of Ron's disappearance. But now she realised she was just a way to drown his pain.
"Sorry for not wanting to stay and witness you sucking Malfoy's tongue," said Ron in a snide remark.
Hermione felt sick to her stomach. She couldn't imagine how Ron must have felt when he saw her with Draco. If she felt a pang in her heart when she saw that unknown girl opening his door, then his pain must have been ten times worse.
"You should have, you know; grabbed and kiss me," she told him in tears.
"I suppose we have to live with the choices we made, and the ones we didn't," Ron said making Hermione angrier for acting all mature.
"I was waiting for you, after the battle, you git!" she screamed smacking with force his left arm.
"The summer past and you didn't make a move; send me an owl, asking me on a date, something! But nothing happened and then I had to go back to Hogwarts and you still didn't do anything!"
Ron was taken aback by her outburst but she needed to get that out of her chest. She softened her tone after this.
"Draco and I get to spend a lot of time together and I saw that there was another side of him that I didn't know about and that he wasn't all that bad, and one thing lead to another, and…" regretfully said, but couldn't finish her sentence.
"And you tripped and fell into his arms," Ron said sarcastically.
Of course she couldn't retort to that so she swallow her pride. "Why you didn't say anything after?"
"You've made your choice. What was there for me to say?"
"Anything, Ron! If you were in love with me as you claim, you had to fight for me!" she cried.
"Well, I never thought about you as a prize and perhaps that's the reason I decided to not fight for you as you say," argued Ron.
"You know what I mean. I asked you on a date at the Slughorn party. I showed clearly how jealous I was when you went out with Lavender. I held your hand to sleep in Grimmauld place, I sent you letters while I was in Australia telling you how much I miss you; I practically asked you out on Valentine's Day! I did something," she exclaimed passionately.
"Why you didn't do anything after you saw that you were losing me?"
"I'm not going to answer that, because you're not going to like what I have to say," answered Ron avoiding looking at her.
She had no idea what that meant, but she needed to know. "I can take it. I'm stronger than I look."
Ron seemed as if he had an inside battle about whether it would be good to tell her or not. Hermione's pleading eyes won that battle in the end.
"When I first saw you with him in King's Cross, I was in shock. I thought that he put a spell on you or something. Before making any move, Ginny caught me. She told me that she was afraid to write to me about what was happening and that it was better if I saw it and learned the truth on my own. She knew about my feelings for you and she thought that if I learned it the hard way, then I could move on."
Hermione should have guessed that Ginny's behaviour wasn't due only to her dislike to Draco but there was another reason behind it.
"I was heartbroken and felt lost for months after that day thinking that somehow it can't be true. My mind, that small comparing to yours, couldn't possibly accept the fact that you willingly touch or kiss the guy that his stupid plan to kill Dumbledore almost killed me instead and marked the life of my brother Bill forever."
The anger in Ron's voice was clear. How she could blame him though? He simply stated the painful truth. For the first time during their talk, she felt shame for herself.
"I also started reminiscing all those moments in the past that I foolishly thought I defended you from whenever he insulted you, and realise that in the end, those moments meant nothing to you."
This time it wasn't anger. This time it was pain. This time it was sadness. This time she really wanted to slap herself.
"You're wrong, Ron. Those moments meant a lot more to me than you can imagine," she managed to say in sobs.
"Yes, the fact that you spent the last three years sucking every inch of his body is the proof of that," said Ron sarcastically once again, hurting Hermione to no end. The problem was that Ron was right and Hermione had no way to defend herself in that statement.
"To answer to your question, Hermione, I never fought for you because I had no reason to. Because whether it's for life or for a second, the fact that you chose Draco Malfoy as the one you want to be with, changed everything about you. You were not the girl I thought you were and definitely not the girl I would imagine myself to be with, for years to come."
Hearing Ron saying those words pained her like nothing else. She would welcome crucio any moment, instead of that.
"So, I get together with Draco and that makes me dirty? Not good enough?" she asked in fear of confirmation.
Ron then did something that surprised her. He placed his hand in her cheek and caressed her gently while his gaze was a lot softer now. "No, Hermione, you're perfect. You were always perfect; to my eyes at least and not even a slim git like Malfoy can change that."
Hermione closed her eyes and leaned forward to kiss him, but Ron stopped her. "I can't, Hermione. I made a promise to myself to forget my feelings for you and move on. I'm sorry," he whispered.
Hermione opened her eyes and saw Ron sadly looking away, ready to move away from her, but she grabbed his hand to hold him there. "You shouldn't give promises you can't keep," Hermione said and with that she crushed her lips to his.