Ughh, I know it's been so long since I've updated. I'm so sorry. I've been so busy and I know I always say that but I really have been busy this time. Being a high school senior sucks, man.

Recap: Snowcloud and Ratpaw are walking in the woods together. She thinks about a dream she had just had; the she-cat she always meets with had told her some important information that had shocked her. The two cats find Jaguarpaw, a medicine cat apprentice who had originally been in WindClan, at the RiverClan border. He's sick; they bring him back, and Willowfall says he has a bad case of greencough. That night, Snowcloud has another dream; it's revealed that the cat she'd been meeting all this time is Emberheart. Emberheart reminds Snowcloud of what she must do at the next Gathering. Emberheart thinks Snowcloud's really dumb.

Chapter 28

Alone

[Cedarpaw]

By now, Cedarpaw had become quite familiar with the nests of dried moss in the medicine den, to waking up every morning to have Willowfall check on him and to give him food when there was actually food available. And to have Olivepaw visit him everyday, even with Willowfall's constant reminders that he had to rest.

As the days had passed by since he'd woken up, more and more memories came back to him. Images would flash through his mind, causing him to cringe and shut his eyes, which would always alarm Olivepaw, who'd look at him with worry. That night... What had happened, again? He'd seen Waterkit. Cedarpaw frowned as he tried to remember what happened. No. That wasn't right. That hadn't been Waterkit. Waterkit didn't have those amber eyes.

But his memory was hazy, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't remember everything that had happened. He remembered everything growing dark and being lost in some strange, unfamiliar place. Or had that just been his imagination? Maybe.

And the pain. He remembered feeling intense pain coursing through every vein in his body. It was unlike anything else he'd ever experienced before.

And the last bit he remembered, which was the part that somehow worried him the most, was that Olivepaw had been there. She'd found him there, hadn't she? He vaguely remembered saying something to her, and though he wasn't entirely sure what it had been, he had a pretty firm idea. He flattened his ears, squeezing his eyes shut as he let out a shaky breath.

It was the middle of the night; Onespot, Willowfall, and Frostpaw were all asleep. Jaguarpaw, who had been found two days ago and who had been under the care of Willowfall and the others, lay sleeping in his own nest, shivering and coughing every now and then.

Cedarpaw silently got to his paws, making up his mind. He needed to talk to Olivepaw. Since Willowfall had been keeping her constant eye on him, he hadn't the chance to talk to her in private. He swallowed, his heart, for some reason, beginning to pound. But he knew he had to do this. He had to tell her the truth. He had to tell her everything. It was only fair to her.

Taking a deep breath, he stepped outside, half afraid that he would see the glowing shape of Waterkit again. But the clearing was empty. As he made his way over to the apprentices' den, he found that he was only a little bit sore. Olivepaw had told him what had happened. That StarClan had healed him. That he'd be alright.

Quickly glancing around, he slipped into the medicine den.

Inside, Ratpaw and Olivepaw slept close together, as did Littlepaw and Brokenpaw. Grasspaw lay by himself at the back.

Sucking in a breath, Cedarpaw carefully made his way over to where Olivepaw lay. He prodded the dark brown tabby with his paw until she shifted slightly, finally blinking open her eyes and looking up at him.

She stared at him in surprise.

"Cedarpaw?" she mewed sleepily. Cedarpaw flinched, glancing around to make sure no one else had woken up. But they all slept soundly.

Olivepaw lowered her voice. "Cedarpaw, what's wrong?"

The tom frowned before turning away, waving his tail and beckoning her to follow him. Understanding, she immediately got to her paws; the two of them quietly exited the den together.

As they crossed through the clearing and towards the slope, neither of them said a word. Olivepaw seemed to sense that this must have been important if he had awoken her in the middle of the night. Cedarpaw kept his gaze in front of him, ears flattened as they marched up the slope and entered the dark, cold forest.

Knowing now how dangerous it was to go too far into the woods, they only walked for a few minutes in silence before he flicked his tail and came to a halt. Olivepaw stopped, too, looking at him. The only noise to be heard was the wind rustling the trees and the occasional sound of an owl flying overheard.

He looked at her, and she looked back at him, waiting for him to speak. But he couldn't. He opened his mouth slightly, but no words would come out. But he had to get through this. He had to tell her.

Finally, he was able to open his mouth and say, in that light, gentle voice, "...You saved me."

Olivepaw looked surprised by his words, but she nonetheless managed a small smile.

"I'm just glad you're alright," she murmured, glancing shyly at her paws before looking back up at him with a relieved expression.

But Cedarpaw didn't smile back. Instead, he asked very quietly, "Did... I say anything to you when you found me?"

Olivepaw tensed up, her smile vanishing, thus confirming Cedarpaw's suspicions. He held his breath, waiting for her to say something.

"Y...Yeah."

He took a step forward. "What did I say?"

Olivepaw shifted her paws uncomfortably, closing her eyes and letting out a long sigh. She then glanced up at the sky.

"Olivepaw..."

"You told me that you killed your father," the she-cat murmured, clenching her eyes shut again before opening them and looking at him with a frown, ears flattened.

Cedarpaw blinked softly. So that was it. That's what he had told her.

He turned away, sitting down and closing his eyes. He wasn't quite sure how to react or what to do. So he just sat there for a few moments in his own thoughts. Apparently he had remained like this for quite a while, because eventually Olivepaw mewed quietly, "Cedarpaw...?"

The tom got to his paws and turned around, looking at her. Olivepaw looked back at him with worry and something similar to fear. "Cedarpaw..."

"I want to tell you," Cedarpaw said quietly, voice pure and sweet as always. "About what happened." He frowned, looking away. "But I... don't want you to leave me."

His words seemed to have hit Olivepaw unexpectedly hard; she looked at him with an expression like horror and began shaking her head fiercely, eyes wide as she took a few staggered steps over to him. He turned to face her; she was standing quite close, now.

"Don't say that," she whispered, ears flattened as she looked at him pleadingly. "Cedarpaw, you're my best friend. Nothing you say, and nothing you ever did, will change that."

As he looked at her, Cedarpaw suddenly felt a wave of emotion wash over him, so much so that he found it hard to speak. Olivepaw seemed to notice; she took a step forward and briefly pressed her muzzle to his. He blinked a few times before closing his eyes and letting out a deep breath, giving a small nod. She backed up and looked at him silently, waiting for him to speak.

Cedarpaw looked past her, out into the dark, cold forest. Even the trees seemed to be listening, watching. He flicked an ear, a large part of him not wanting to travel that far back into his memory. Especially not that part. But he pushed that feeling away and looked back at Olivepaw.

"Remember... Remember when Waterkit died?"

Olivepaw blinked, a little surprised, but nodded.

"Of course..."

Cedarpaw frowned, the scenes he had witnessed beginning to flash through his mind.

It was gorgeous that day. The sun was high in the nearly cloudless sky, sending down a calm, peaceful warmth on the forest below. The trees were full of green, their leaves rustling in the cool wind as robins and bluejays chirped to each other. Everything was so serene.

Through the ferns and bracken, a small kit was creeping. He was a light brown tabby tom with one white paw and wide, bright amber eyes. He blinked a few times, looking around, ears pricked, tail lifted.

"Waterkit?" he called out quietly, glancing about. His brother had said he would play with him, but when Cedarkit had gone to look for him, he was gone. He'd asked his mother, Swallowflight, who said that maybe he had gone out with Reedfur for a walk and would be back soon, that he should stay where he was, that there were foxes out there. But Cedarkit wanted to find him. He didn't want to be stuck in camp all day long. And he just thought that Swallowflight had told him there were foxes to scare him. He couldn't be in any real danger, right?

But he couldn't find a single trace of his brother, no matter where he looked. He was growing anxious; he felt as if he'd been out there for hours, even if it was only a matter of minutes. He kept looking around, determined not to get lost but scared that he would.

"Waterkit?" he called out again, his voice hoarse and high-pitched as fear began to settle in his stomach. "Water-...?"

He broke off when he heard a rustling of bushes up ahead. He froze, ears pricked; were those voices he heard?

Yes! That was Reedfur's voice! Relief swept over the tiny kit. Waterkit had to be with his father.

He happily took a step forward, ready to burst through the undergrowth to see them, but he suddenly stopped in his tracks, one paw still hanging in the air. His father... Why was he yelling? Was he angry? It was unlike him. Then he heard Waterkit's voice, which was high-pitched in what sounded like fear. He was saying "I'm sorry..." At least, that's what it sounded like. Cedarkit flattened his ears, trying to listen to what was going on.

Soundlessly, he crept forward a bit further until he could peer at them through the undergrowth.

Reedfur's back was turned to Cedarkit; he was standing with his tail lashing and his fur fluffed up. Cedarkit caught a glimpse of his brother, who was facing Reedfur. He looked scared.

"I'm sorry, Dad!" rasped Waterkit, shaking his head fiercely and looking at his father pleadingly. "I... I didn't see anything!"

"Worthless kit!" Reedfur hissed, his light brown fur bristling. "That's all you've ever been, isn't it? A waste of space!"

Waterkit took a step back, trembling, continuing to shake his head, eyes wide and shining. Cedarkit watched, not daring to move an inch. What was going on? What were they talking about? What could have made his father so angry...?

"Dad..."

"Shut up!" hissed Reedfur. "Don't call me that! You're no son of mine!"

Waterkit stared at him desperately, and then took a step forward. And that's when it happened.

Reedfur suddenly lashed out a paw, striking it hard across Waterkit's face. Cedarkit let out a gasp and stood, paralyzed, watching as drops of blood splattered onto the leaves. Waterkit let out a loud squeal in pain, which only seemed to infuriate Reedfur even more. He lashed out again, the force of his blow so strong it sent Waterkit crashing to the ground. Reedfur kept attacking- it was hard to see what exactly was going on from the bush in which Cedarkit was watching, but he caught glimpses of red and heard shrill yells of pain.

Cedarkit didn't know what to do. He tried to think, but even the ability to make a cohesive thought seemed to be lacking. His paws were planted to the ground, and he couldn't move them, no matter how hard he tried. What should he do? Try to save his brother? But how? Wouldn't he only get hurt himself? So he kept watching, mesmerized, mouth hanging open slightly, eyes wide.

An ear-piercing shriek shot through the trees, sending chills coursing through Cedarkit's spine. He stood frozen, fur raised, tail lifted in alarm. He pressed forward slightly, trying to see through the leaves...

He let out a weak gasp and scampered backwards, his feet suddenly mobile. Waterkit was lying on the ground in a mangled heap, blood seeping out of the many wounds that had sunk deep into his tiny body. He wasn't moving. Not even an inch.

Cedarkit, not quite understanding what was going on and feeling almost as if he were in a dream, watched as Reedfur slowly took a step forward. His own fur had been spotted with blood, though it likely wasn't his. He looked down at the cat- his son- who he had just killed. He didn't make a sound. After a few moments, he simply lashed his tail and flicked his ear, leaning down to pick up the lifeless kit by the scruff. And with that, he turned and padded off into the forest, carrying Waterkit with him.

The next thing Cedarkit, knew, he was running through the forest, eyes wide, his breathing loud in his ears. His heart was pounding and he could barely even see straight. What he had just witnessed kept replaying over and over in his mind, and even then, he still wasn't sure if that had really happened or not. But even so, he didn't dare look back. He just kept running into he burst into camp.

And that was when his mother had come over, at first scolding him that he shouldn't have gone out in the woods alone because there were foxes, and then growing more and more alarmed by his strange behavior.

"Cedarkit, what's wrong? Please look at me..."

But before he had time to respond, a shape appeared at the top of the clearing. It was a light brown tabby tom, his fur ruffled as he panted. Cedarkit pulled away from his father, a feeling of dread washing over him as he watched his father stand at the top of the hollow. Cats were asking him what was wrong. Oh, Waterkit vanished... I told him to stay there while I hunted a chipmunk... When I turned around, he was gone... I looked everywhere for him...

Cedarkit had said nothing. He didn't know what he could possibly do, what he should do. So he did nothing. And as cats were sent off to search for Waterkit, Olivekit had come over to try to comfort him. Cedarkit had told her that it was no use, that Waterkit was gone.

"...Dead...

"...D-Dead..."

They had sat together until the patrols had come back, announcing that Waterkit had been killed by foxes.

Olivepaw was silent for a long time. So was Cedarpaw. He was looking away, unable to meet her gaze. A freezing cold wind swept by, and an owl hooted in the distant darkness.

"So it wasn't foxes after all, then?" Olivepaw finally spoke, her voice quiet. She was looking at her paws.

Cedarpaw didn't respond right away. He slowly looked over at the she-cat, a soft frown on his face. He didn't want to continue what had happened. It had been hard enough retelling what he had witnessed as a kit.

But he knew he had to, so he opened his mouth and continued to talk, voice soft.

"I was the only one who knew the truth," he murmured. "And I had to live with that every day. I was so scared of my father. But I guess... that fear began to turn into hatred." He paused again, looking up at the sky and feeling Olivepaw's intent gaze on him.

It was early in the morning. The sun was bright that day and there wasn't a cloud in the sky, but the air was still freezing. Two toms were walking side by side through the trees, both of them with light brown tabby pelts and glowing amber eyes. Neither of them were saying a thing.

Cedarpaw walked silently beside his father, He had been surprised when Reedfur had agreed to take this walk with him. He must have suspected something, though, because Reedfur kept sending glances at his son, his mouth twitching into an unpleasant frown. Cedarpaw had told him that he had to "talk to him about something." Which was true. But anxiety gripped at the apprentice as they padded through the snow. He wasn't sure what was going to happen, but he had decided that he couldn't keep on living like this, knowing that his father had killed Waterkit. Being the only one to know. He was going to tell his father what he had seen. And should Reedfur attack him, he'd be prepared.

Soon, Reedfur stopped walking. He stood there, light brown fur blowing in the faint breeze, the light of the rising sun in his narrowed eyes.

"Enough," he growled with a lash of his tail. "We've gone far enough. Tell me what this is all about."

Cedarpaw looked into his eyes; he saw himself in their reflection. He swallowed, lifting his head up higher and determined not to break their gaze. He closed his eyes for a brief second and let out a shaky breath before opening them and saying in a loud, clear voice, "I know what you did."

He could have sworn he saw his father flinch, just the slightest bit, but the older cat's eyes narrowed even further and he lashed his tail again with impatience.

"What are you talking about?" he demanded. "Is this some kind of a joke? I don't have time for this; I'm going-"

"I know that you killed Waterkit."

There was a silence. Reedfur looked at him, slightly stunned, before Cedarpaw added in a quiet voice, "I saw it. I saw everything. I was there."

Reedfur's eyes darkened and narrowed to slits, his lips pulled back into a snarl before he growled, "I don't know what you're talking about. Waterkit was killed by foxes."

"Don't lie to me!" snarled Cedarpaw suddenly, his voice loud, his fur bristling. "I was there. Seven moons ago. You were yelling at him because he saw something he wasn't supposed to see. You started attacking him. You killed him. I saw you pick up his body and take it into the woods. I saw everything, Reedfur."

Reedfur was apparently surprised by his son's sudden hostility, because for a moment, he had a somewhat blank expression on his face as he stared at Cedarpaw, a little baffled. Cedarpaw stood there, tense, waiting for his response.

A moment later, Reedfur's frown slowly curled up into a small smile, and a light laugh broke from his lips.

"What's so funny?" hissed Cedarpaw, claws digging into the snowy ground.

Reedfur shook his head softly as he laughed. "Who would have guessed?" he mewed, seemingly mostly to himself. "Who would have guessed that anyone would find out...?" He then rested his eyes on Cedarpaw, a smirk on his face. "But that doesn't matter, does it? Because who would ever believe you...?" His smile grew and he shook his head again. "I'm the most respected, well-liked cat in ShadowClan. Those cats will believe anything I say. But you, Cedarpaw...? You're nothing. No one has ever cared about you, and no one ever will. We're done here."

And with a flick of his tail, he turned and began to pad away, still laughing quietly to himself.

Cedarpaw stood there for a moment, disbelief written on his face. He felt numb, and his head pounded painfully, suddenly so angry that he could hardly even see. His heart began to race, and before he knew it, he was darting after his father. With a snarl, he leaped into the air and lunged at Reedfur, knocking him to the ground despite his small size.

The larger cat let out a loud hiss of surprise and, with ease, shook his son off of him and got to his paws, turning to face the smaller cat. His fur was now bristling, amber eyes blazing and narrowed to slits, lips pulled back and teeth glistening in the early morning sun.

"Worthless runt!" he snarled, taking a step forward. Cedarpaw held his ground. "Do you know who I am? Do you know who you're dealing with? I'm the strongest cat in ShadowClan! Do you really want to start picking a fight with me?"

Cedarpaw glared at him, eyes narrowed and tail lashing. He didn't say a word. And yet, this only seemed to make Reedfur angry, because the next minute, he lashed a paw out, hitting hard against Cedarpaw's head. His claws hadn't been flexed, so there was no blood, but the force of his blow was so powerful that it knocked the apprentice to the ground.

Everything went blurry for a few moments, and a dazed feeling came over Cedarpaw. When he managed to lift his head, Reedfur was standing over him. Before the apprentice could do anything, his father raised a paw and lashed out again, this time with flexed claws. He sliced them across Cedarpaw's shoulder, and the young tom let out a strained gasp, clenching his teeth together in an attempt not to try out.

Reedfur raised his paw again, but Cedarpaw was ready this time. He rolled out of the way as the blow came down, narrowly avoiding it. He leaped to his paws, jumping out of the way as his father attempted another strike. The larger tom hissed in frustration and lunged for Cedarpaw, claws flexed and teeth bared.

Thinking fast and feeling as if he were in a sort of dream, Cedarpaw leaped to the side, and when Reedfur landed on the ground, the apprentice lashed out at his legs, tripping up the larger cat and causing him to fall to the snowy ground.

In a daze, Cedarpaw looked wildly around. What could he do? If he tried to make a run for it, Reedfur would surely catch up with his much longer legs. But if he wanted to do something, he'd have to act fast, before Reedfur was back on his paws-

The apprentice's eyes fell on something. Several emotions shot through him all at once- fear, disgust, worry, sorrow... But when he saw Waterkit flashing before his eyes, all of those feelings were replaced by a dull yet burning hatred.

So, without even knowing quite what he was doing, and still feeling rather like he were in a dream, like someone else was in his body, or he was in someone else's, he stumbled over to where his father had fallen, his shoulder dripping with blood, and took hold of his scruff. Reedfur hissed as he tried to roll over onto his paws, and he would have been able to get right back up to his feet in a matter of seconds if Cedarpaw hadn't tightened his grip on his father's scruff and smashed his head, as hard as he could, into a jagged rock nearby.

There was a loud thud as the top of Reedfur's skull hit hard against the rock, and almost immediately, he dropped to the ground, his scruff breaking free of Cedarpaw's jaws. The apprentice blinked, not exactly sure what had just happened. He took a step back and stared at his father; the older cat was lying in a mangled slump, blood seeping out from where he'd been struck, staining the rock and the snow beneath him red.

"I didn't quite know what had just happened," Cedarpaw explained quietly as he surveyed the night sky, whiskers twitching. He felt Olivepaw's gaze on him, never leaving. "Even now I can't remember it quite clearly. But after about a minute, I realized he was dead."

Cedarpaw stood there, panting, his own fur marked with blood, his shoulder stinging from where his father's claws had struck him. He felt dizzy and dazed. For a few seconds, he expected Reedfur to get up and keep fighting. But he lay there, perfectly still.

And then the words "He's dead" suddenly popped into his brain.

The apprentice blinked softly, leaning forward a bit to see if it was really true. But he wasn't moving. His sides weren't heaving with breath. He wasn't twitching or growling or groaning or anything. He didn't even look like a cat anymore. It was so unnatural.

So... he was dead.

No, he wasn't just dead. He'd been murdered. By me, the apprentice thought.

Cedarpaw's whiskers twitched and he lashed his tail, looking around. The sun was getting higher in the sky; a patrol would be coming this way soon. He had to do something.

Still feeling as if he hadn't woken up from a dream, the tom gingerly grabbed his father by the scruff and began to drag him through the snow, leaving behind a trail of blood. He wasn't quite sure where he was taking him, but then a thought popped into his head. The stream.

Though he wasn't entirely sure where he was, he soon heard the soft gurgling of the water nearby. Breaking through a dead bush, they reached the stream, the water catching the golden light of the sun.

Cedarpaw dragged the dead cat into the freezing water, which caused a shiver to go down the apprentice's spine. With much effort, he hauled Reedfur up the stream. He wanted to cover his tracks, and he knew that the water would easily wash away the blood and Cedarpaw's scent. Plus, he wanted Reedfur to be found as far away as where he'd been killed as possible.

During this whole process, Cedarpaw's mind was quite blank. He wasn't thinking about anything except for the fact that he had to hide Reedfur's body. Though it was in the back of his mind, he really didn't think about the fact that he had just murdered his own father and was now dragging his dead body through the stream.

After a while, when Cedarpaw was satisfied he'd taken him far enough, he released the tom's scruff. With a grunt, he turned Reedfur over so that his head lay beside a particularly large and jagged rock, making it look as if he had slipped into the water and hit his head against it. Looking up, the apprentice saw that dark clouds had quickly covered the sky, blocking out the sun. He silently made his way back along the stream.

He soon found where he had come from; there was still a trail of blood on the ground. But just a few seconds later, he felt a snowflake land on his nose. Raising his head, he watched as snow began to lightly fall from the sky. It would cover up the blood. Cedarpaw smiled faintly.

Just as he was beginning to make his way back to camp, he halted in his tracks, blinking. Had he just heard a voice...? Maybe he was going crazy.

"Cedarpaw..."

The apprentice froze. That time, he was sure of it. There was a voice, saying his name. And it sounded quite like...

"Cedarpaw...!"

The apprentice whirled around, fur bristled, claws flexed. But no one was there. It was completely silent. Ears flattened, he uneasily made his way back through the woods, checking over his shoulder every few moments.

. . .

It was the next day, the sun having just set, a light snow falling.

Everyone was gathered together, situated in a semi-circle around the limp body of a light brown tabby tom. He lay in the snow, his amber eyes half-closed and a dark red mark on the top of his skull where he had been struck. He was dead, of course, and his name was Reedfur, one of the most respected warriors of ShadowClan. Naturally, everyone was shocked and horrified by his death. It was just so sudden. They say that he had slipped into the stream at the edge of their territory, hitting his head on a rock and drowning. They'd found his body a day later after sending out a search party.

A she-cat stepped forward, slowly approaching the warrior's body. Tall, slender and beautiful, flakes of snow hung from the cat's silver fur. Her light blue eyes scanned the clearing before they roamed down to the dead cat at her paws. She then leaned down, resting her chin on the warrior's head before silently backing away.

In the crowd, Cedarpaw sat beside Olivepaw, who kept sending him worried glances. The apprentice watched the scene silently, his eyes locked on his father. He said not a word, but his mind was churning.

Yesterday morning, he had killed Reedfur and taken him to the stream. He had returned to camp unnoticed and nobody had ever suspected anything. Not even his best friend. But he had been uneasy the whole day, and when someone had announced that Reedfur had gone missing, he had begun to panic. Search parties were sent out the next morning and had been gone for what seemed like forever. And when they had finally returned, Reedfur's body slumped over their backs, Cedarpaw had thought for sure that they knew the truth.

"We found him in the stream," Harestep had announced to everyone, who stood there in shock and horror. "He seems to have hit his head against a rock. We think he must have slipped and drowned."

A somewhat sick sense of relief had washed over Cedarpaw. He was safe.

But that wasn't what he was worrying about. Throughout yesterday and today, strange things seemed to be happening. He kept hearing a voice, but when he'd turn around, there'd be no one there. He kept seeing shadows that didn't seem to belong to anyone, and he kept seeing flashes of a dark forest, of sparks of fire, of a cat stretching over him, amber eyes blazing.

Maybe he really was going mad, but he kept seeing traces of his father, signs that he was still there, beside him, watching him, whispering to him, haunting him.

Other cats were going up to mourn for Reedfur, now. He really had been extremely popular throughout ShadowClan. Olivepaw looked over at Cedarpaw, a sad, sympathetic, concerned look on her face.

"Are you going to go up there?"

Cedarpaw blinked and looked at her, suddenly feeling a surge of guilt shoot through him. Olivepaw was sitting there, looking so upset and concerned for his own well-being, thinking that he must be shocked and depressed and scarred from all of this when in reality she hadn't a clue that he was the reason Reedfur was dead in the first place. It made him feel horrible. Not because he had murdered someone, but because he was keeping it from Olivepaw.

Later in the night, as Cedarpaw sat alone, Olivepaw walked up to him, ears flattened as she looked at him with worry.

"Have you eaten recently, Cedarpaw?" she asked quietly. He made no response. He didn't even look at her. He couldn't. Because if he did, he would only feel guilt. He had gone through these past two days with the same feeling that he was still stuck in a dream, that this was all unreal, that he'd be waking up soon. But he hadn't. And yet, he didn't feel an ounce of remorse for his father. He had come to realize that he was happy he was dead, that he had deserved it all along. And yet, when Olivepaw looked at him like that...

She sat down beside him, trying again.

"Cedarpaw, you need to eat. Please. At least take-"

"Dead," came the soft voice of the other apprentice. He wasn't quite sure why he had said that; he'd just opened his mouth and the word had come pouring out. It had been the first word he'd said all day.

Olivepaw stared at him, blinking slowly. "What?"

"Dead," Cedarpaw whispered again. He wondered, vaguely, why, but he didn't really care.

Olivepaw frowned and lay her head against his shoulder. Cedarpaw felt emotion well up inside of him; he clenched his eyes shut.

"I'm so sorry," she was rasping. "And I know that there probably isn't anything I can do to make you feel better, but I hate seeing you like this, and-"

"Dead," Cedarpaw said, once more, causing Olivepaw to stop talking. And then he remembered. This is what he had said all those moons ago, right after he'd witnessed Waterkit being killed. These were the words that had come out of his mouth. Dead...

Waterkit...

They stayed that way for a long time.

. . .

Olivepaw was silent. So was Cedarpaw; he had finally stopped talking. As the night air ruffled his fur, a gentle smile fell on his face, though he didn't know why.

"Do you hate me?" Cedarpaw whispered after a long time, finally looking over at Olivepaw, their eyes meeting.

"Cedarpaw-"

"All this time," he whispered, "I was afraid. I was afraid that if you knew the truth, you would hate me. You're the only one I have, Olivepaw. I didn't want to be alone." He closed his eyes, shaking his head softly and letting out a shaky breath. "But I didn't realize that I was so scared of you hating me that I starting pushing myself away from you. This past moon I've felt more alone than I ever had before. And it's all my fault."

"Cedarpaw, stop!" Olivepaw begged, ears flattened, eyes shimmering with intense emotion. She looked as if she were about to break down. "It's not your fault!"

"Yes, it is!" Cedarpaw shot back, taking a step back from her. "I murdered my own father! How can't you hate me for that?"

"Cedarpaw, I told you already," Olivepaw said, quieter now, her tone sincere. "I told you you were my best friend. That nothing you did or will do will ever change that. That's still true."

The tom didn't know what to do, or what to say. He just stood there, shaking his head softly, feeling a mixture of emotions buzzing through his mind. Before he realized that she had even taken a step forward, she was now pressing herself against him again, comfortingly wrapping her tail around him. He buried his face into her fur, for some reason his legs beginning to shake. He couldn't speak or do anything. He didn't have the strength. He just wanted to sit there with her forever, wanting to be sure that she wouldn't leave him, needing to be sure that he wasn't alone. And she was just beginning to convince him that he wasn't.

Sooo, you finally find out what the deal with Cedarpaw is. There a few things that'll become clearer later on, like why exactly Reedfur killed Waterkit and what happened the night Cedarpaw was attacked by "Waterkit's" ghost. If you haven't figured it out already, xP

I love y'all so much.

Till next time,

Pearly!