Okay, Author's note time!
I just want to thank everyone who has faved or reviewed the first chappy! I have had the warm fuzzies like a disease.
Just to solidify one fact though, this is going to be a very SHORT story, just around 4 chapters to 6. Unless one of you wonderful readers/fellow authors can come up with some more plot-age…. hints broadly
Also, this story is based on a song called 'The Game,' which is Triple H's (one of my favorite wrestlers') entrance song.
(Hey, no dissing hot guys wrestling in spandex, choreographed or not. Got it?)
Hopefully this story makes a few people laugh. This story is my first stab at any sort of humor, so feel free to drop me a tip sometime!
I'd like to thank Rasne, Pasta Shark Okaa-san, Friglit and Kuro no Kokoro for their encouraging and kind reviews!
Huggle
Disclaimer:
I do not own Naruto, only the original characters in this story.
Because if I did own Naruto, Kakuzu would be better looking. He needs some love.
Chapter 2: Enter Crazy Ex-Boyfriend
Seriously Satsu, you need to rest. Kakuzu isn't going to find you here.
I slowed to a halt, turning into an alley so as to sit on a bench in the shade. The sun was creeping slowly to the horizon, so I guessed it was around six in the evening.
"Wow, it's almost supper time. I'm surprised I haven't felt..." I was cut off from my reverie by a large growl courtesy of my stomach. I grimaced in pain and clutched my torso as my stomach acids ate at me from the inside.
"Hungry yet. Damn!" I whispered, hoping the old lady walking towards the parallel bench didn't hear the thunderous noise from my monstrosity of a gut.
"Dear, are you hungry?" The kind old lady asked, peering at me with a look of pity over her wire-rimmed glasses. I blushed, and subsequently so did my henge. She chuckled and beckoned me over to her bench across the alley.
I didn't know what to expect from this seemingly harmless old lady. My paranoid side said that she was Kakuzu in disguise, but her chakra level was too small to be his, unless he was masking it. With a leap of faith I decided to walk over to her, sitting softly on the farthest recess of the bench possible.
"Here, you can have some of mine." She said, offering me a piece of bread and cheese. I looked at her for a while, confusedly and allowed her kindness to seep in.
"Arigato, Obaa-chan." I said, accepting the food with a slight bow of my head. I sniffed it when she wasn't looking, finding nothing awry, and ate it quickly.
"You're a hungry konoichi, aren't you dear?" The old woman asked, chuckling. I froze, at a loss for a response. What I wanted to ask was 'how the heck do you know I'm a konoichi?' but I figured that just be admitting the fact so I opted to blush again, bowing in embarrassment.
"I could tell you are a ninja by your chakra signature, sorry to scare you. I was once a medic nin myself…" The woman apologized, drifting into the land of memories. I smiled, glad that 1) she wasn't a spy for Kakuzu, and 2) she might be able to heal that knife wound on my shoulder that I got nearly 3 months ago.
"Obaa-san, thank you very much for the food. I-If it wouldn't be too much trouble, would you also look at my wound? I'm more than willing to pay for your services." I stuttered, shifting uncomfortably in my seat. Her gaze seemed to look straight through my disguise, and I was unnerved that she could stare so intently, almost like Kakuzu except, of course, without the creepy neon-green eyes of doom. Thank Kami.
"Sure dearie, I'll let you stay at my home for as long as your injury takes to heal. I have to warn you though, I'm a little rusty!" she chuckled kindly. I sighed gratefully. Who better than a kind old lady to hide me from a crazy stalker?
I grabbed my bag and silently followed the withered creature as she led me to her house, which was in the middle of a forest. Leave it to me to room with an old hermit!
The outside of her house was old and decrepit, but it also had a cozy feel about it as I took my shoes off on the veranda and silently followed the kindly woman inside. I was greeted by an elaborate entry room with beige walls with dark mahogany trim, Green and pink floral rugs, and a comfortable table in what I guessed was the dining room. The old lady closed the door behind us and began a series of zooming races around the small home to clean non-existent dust and make a proper meal for an apparently starving konoichi.
"Obaa-san, the meal really isn't necessary, you've already fed me! Don't feel the need to overwork yourself on my account." I insisted politely, trying to keep the woman from having a heart attack or something else that kills decaying old people.
But Satsu, should really think that way when you're just as old if not ol-
At that point I decided that my conscience needed to shut up, crawl in a hole somewhere, and die. Thoughts like those where traitorous and off-limits.
--X--
I stayed at the old lady's house for almost a week. Checking my calendar one morning showed me that my three-month reprieve was then over, so I masked my chakra flawlessly, and prayed he didn't show up. Unfortunately, the old woman noticed my edginess.
"Setsuna-chan, what's bothering you today? You seem uncomfortable, or if you don't mind me saying so, a little scared." Damn her perceptive old lady blind eyes with big glasses. I looked up from the shirt I was patching up for my getaway run when Kakuzu showed up and faked a smile.
"Oh, it's nothing. Just something my ex-boyfriend promised me a while back is bugging me, that's all." I lied, blushing and looking to my work again.
Don't pry. Don't pry. Don't pry!
"Oh, young love is so full of troubles nowadays. Tell me, what happened between you two?" Not only did the conversation have to be ruined by the only lie I could think of, but she was forcing me to expound upon said lie? Seriously, Karma must have felt like pimp-slapping me in the face at every turn.
"Well, he was way too possessive over me, and didn't like it when I went on missions with my squad because they were all men, and didn't let me wear what I felt like wearing… So I told him I wanted freedom and broke up with him." I lied, sounding just like a suspense horror thriller in the making.
"How sad! To think a young man would be so inconsiderate to his girlfriend. Shame on these boys lately." She grumbled in an elderly way. But just when I thought I could avoid a grilling, she threw a new question at me.
"What was the promise?" I scrambled for a cover, but could think of only one thing.
"He promised that in three months he would find me and bring me back to our village and prove that he is the only person for me. The problem is, he's a really powerful shinobi, and a little psychotic, so I don't think he would have forgotten his promise." I improvised, sounding believable to even my ears. I mean, it's not that far from the truth, right?
"Oh dear. I see why you're worried now. Is there anything I could do to help?" She asked, placing a hot cup of tea beside my shirt on the table. I set my work down and drank some of her trademark 'Relaxed and Comforted' herbal blend of tea which she sold at the local market. The perfect tea for this situation, if you ask me.
"No, Obaa-san, I don't think you can. When I see him again we'll just have to work it out like responsible adults. Or, we'll likely have a battle worthy of the Great Ninja Wars. I'm not sure which." I laughed nonchalantly, waving a dismissive hand in the air at the notion. No need to talk about this anymore, anyway.
--X--
Two days. Two agonizing days of unrest and anticipation. Not the "I'm going to the Sakura Festival!" kind of anticipation, the evil "I'm going to the gallows" kind. It sucks. Big time.
I sat in the ornate and cozy kitchen, Miso in one hand, spoon in another, eating like a madwoman. I mean, who knew when my last meal at Granny's would be?
Kakuzu might.
Alright, seriously, can someone shoot the voice in my head? She gets on my last nerve.
Dingggggg-Dongggggg
My head shot up from my food at the sudden noise. I sat in fear, double checking that my chakra was masked and my henge was intact. I heard a familiar "I'll get it!" from the old lady, and a shuffling in the hallway heading towards the front door. I rose, carefully putting my dishes on the try left for me, and followed the old lady to the door.
Oh God, oh God, oh God! This isn't happening!
And there they were, the Devil and the Grim Reaper, at the door. Yay for me. Obaa-san was standing in the doorway, obviously a little perturbed by the overpowering dominant presences in her doorway.
Slowly she turned to me, whispering into her hand.
"Crazy ex-boyfriend indeed. Scary bastard isn't he?" she whispered futily, and by the oblivious look on her face, she must not have noticed the surge of murderous intent from the doorway.
"Grandma, I'll be going now. Please take care of yourself!" I said, grabbing my travel pack and walking out the door. I closed it quietly and turned to face them both.
And ran.
I got into town 3 miles away and was in a back-ally before my hopes of escape were crushed, as was I. I felt multiple strings twirl my body around and slam it against a brick wall, holding my limbs tight all the while. Kakuzu stalked toward me, while Hidan leaned against the opposite wall with his eyes closed.
"How rude of you Satsu-chan. I only wanted to say hello." Kakuzu joked, standing a foot in front of me. I looked up into his piercing eyes and shuddered involuntarily, refusing to grace him with a reply.
"Ah, now now! Still so rude. Maybe you just haven't learned your manners yet." He said, the strings tightening around me and forcing me to wince in pain. To my dismay, a small "Eep" escaped my lips as well.
"You should be the one talking about manners, especially since you're so gentlemanly and charming." I retorted, straining at my bonds. His eyes flickered in rage and my blood turned to ice.
"The way I see it girl, you have few options. One: I kill you and turn you in" I scoffed at that point, and he noticed. He grabbed my throat harshly, choking most of my airway.
"Two: I turn you in alive. Three: You work as a subordinate of the Akatsuki, namely me. of course, if you don't like those options, I'm sure there are… Other things you could barter with." He said smoothly.
Oh no he did not. He didn't just suggest that I…
"Are you insinuating that I would offer myself to you for an easy escape? No way buddy. You must have been born at the top of the ugly tree, and hit every branch on your way down." I said, exuding a malicious aura as I portrayed an insane smirk. His hand tightened around my throat fully as Hidan began laughing himself to death.
"Wrong choice." was the last thing I heard before he shattered my windpipe and spine in one move, throwing my body at Hidan in the process.
--X--
I sat by the tree, desperately trying to soothe the muscles in my neck as I stared warily at my captors, their backs toward me as they faced the fire. Seriously, re-adjusting injuries that would leave a normal person dead was uncomfortable. Not that I'm complaining about being abnormal, not at all.
I stood as quietly as I could, which wasn't very quiet at all as I had to catch myself multiple times on the rough bark of the tree and adjust my feet on top of crunchable leaves. But, all that trouble was worth it for the looks on their faces.
"N-nice try there, but –huff- I'm not going to die that ea-huff-sily." I panted as I smirked, hunched over and definitely looking grotesque with my head at an odd angle and the left-over scratches and bruises littering my limbs from my so called 'death' earlier.
"Now, Hidan, would you be a gentleman and find me a few painkillers?'
--X--
Cliffhanger!
Bear with me on this one, I won't be able to update until
mid-August.
Hope you enjoyed!
Yuki