A/N: I'm so angry. I received an anonymous review (since deleted) that flamed my character for being a Mary Sue. He/She/It also accused me of screwing up Itachi's character terribly and said and I quote: "how dare you insulte his memorie by putting him in your Mary-sue sorty?!?!" I tell you now; I prefer flames with proper grammar, Thankyouverymuch! Although, I do still feel like I screwed him up a little…
At least getting the review inspired another fanfic plot! I hope to get it down soon, and its name will be Mary Sue-per Powers. It'll be about a girl named Marissa Susan Moonlight-Brightman, who realizes she is the epitome of Mary Sue, and tries to change herself before she screws up the Naruto world beyond recognition. Yay for crackfic-y goodness!
Anyway, thanks for all the great favorites and alerts, as well as the encouraging reviews! (I got too many to write all of your names down! Squee!) They help a ton, no matter how small. I'm also very sorry about the terrible updating on my part… Tell me your opinions, ideas, and guesses for the next chapters! You might just give me an idea!
Favorite Line contest! Paste or type your favorite line from any chapter in your review please!
No recap today! I'm too lazy.
Chapter Five: Of Good and Bad Cops, Part Two
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One thing I've noticed in my many years of life is that you can tell a lot about somebody by the way they walk and their average posture. And what I gathered from my new interrogators seemed to fit their wanted posters perfectly!
Deidara walked in first, his head held high and a smirk on his face. 'Audacious' and 'Cocky' are the words most people would construe his behavior as, but not me. most people use arrogance as a façade to hide behind when they feel unimportant or overlooked, but some people, such as Deidara, have every reason to look down on the majority of the world's population: Power, fame (or in his case, infamy,) money, fairly good looks, etc. the perfect ingredients to cook yourself up a dangerous and arrogant nutcase who'll always be ready to blow your head off.
Moving on to Kisame, I noticed his detachment from Deidara's personality right away. His muscles in his shoulders and neck looked stiff and battle-ready, partially hidden from the bulk of untrained society. His eyes searched first me, then the rest of the room, cool and calculating. In Kisame, at least, a few intelligent streaks showed his skills. It really is too bad that I can't take him seriously because of his unusual appearance. I mean come on, blue skin and gills? Was his mom a guppy or something?
Neither took a chair on the other side of the table, and both looked confusedly at each other for a moment. An unspoken battle of eyes and glances ensued, lasting for a whopping total of three minutes.
They were deciding who got to talk first. It was painful to hold in my laugh as I pretended to be nearly dead (although, with the way I'd been treated in the past few days, I was pretty close to dead and theoretically speaking, didn't really need to act.)
"Shakkin-san, um…. Well…. Um…" Kisame began tentatively, staring at the floor as if it was the most interesting object in the world. A giggle clogged my throat, and tears started to fall down my bruised cheeks. I hid the giggle, but my pent up emotion was getting the better of me. Deciding that laughing hysterically was a little out of character at the moment, I decided to go with the innocent, sad approach. I was small enough to be an adorable teenage girl anyway.
I let out a false sob, sending the two guys in the room on edge. After all, no man knows how to handle a woman when she cries. Looking up with wide, tear-laden eyes, I stared at the two hopeless men imploringly. I imagined that I was the picture of a poor, pitiful, beaten up hostage/captive. That's when I dropped my first bomb.
"Please, get me out of here before he comes back! Please!" I begged, putting on one hell of a show. I began with sniffles, and their faces began to grow worried. As I worked my way to uncontrollable sobbing, their faces grew to an expression of utter panic.
"Wait, calm down, yeah! He's not coming back in here! I promise, yeah!" Deidara fumbled, waving his hands in frustration and alarm. I quieted my sobs a little as Kisame half-heartedly patted me on the back in consolation. Like I said, men are terrible with crying females.
"Y-you promise?" I asked hopefully after a few more choked sobs. I turned the full force of my golden puppy-dog eyes on him, throwing him even more off balance. Kami was this fun!
"We promise! Just please calm down!" Kisame said, sighing in vexation. I was trying his nerves terribly, I could tell. The two finally sat down on the chairs opposite me, now feeling that I was no longer mentally unstable.
"Shakkin-san, we just want some information, and if you give us what our leader wants, you'll never have to face Itachi-san again. Understand?" Kisame asked, addressing me with the cautious (and somewhat derogatory) tone a teacher uses on a rather dull child. I nodded, sniffing my last false sad sniffle. Smiling a little, I looked into their faces again, a deceptively innocent façade still in place.
"Okay then, yeah. How old are you?" Deidara asked, throwing one of his arms over the back of his chair nonchalantly. Kisame puckered his face up at the bluntness of his current partner's question, preparing for another female mood swing. I do have to add as well, a puckering Kisame is hilarious to see.
"You jerk!" I shouted, crossing my arms and pouting with my head turned at an angle that made me look impish and pouting. I heard Deidara practically grinding his teeth to dust in frustration.
"You never, ever, ask a woman's age." Kisame said through clenched teeth and drawn lips. Deidara whirled on his partner.
"And how would you know how to talk to a woman, yeah?" He shot impetuously, making me feel a twinge of sympathy for Kisame. It's gotta stink looking as strange as he does when relationships are involved, after all.
"I didn't ignore my mother, and at least my looks are completely natural. Unlike you, I'm not a teenage girl who opted for a sex-changing surgery." Kisame returned evenly, not even a hint of amusement, hurt or sarcasm expressed. At that moment I decided I liked Kisame just as much as Itachi, simply for his crude comebacks and adherence to basic rules of chivalry (without going overboard on the 'I don't fight women' thing.) Plus, he was a lot closer to my age than both Deidara and Itachi.
"I'm twenty." I said, stopping the argument in its tracks, no matter how amusing it was. I decided to ask a question of my own to screw with their heads a little more.
"You said that your looks are natural… does that mean… Are you a…. Merman?" I ventured, sounding believably innocent and curious even to my own ears. Deidara howled with laughter and Kisame looked suitably flabbergasted. I glared at Deidara in my mind.
"And I didn't know they allowed girls into the Akatsuki!" I added sincerely, smiling at Deidara in what I knew would be a deceptively earnest and irritatingly cute face. It was Kisame's turn to fill the room with bellows of mirth as I came up with something else, another brilliant torture device: the secret pocket that only women have.
I reached into my shirt, between my breasts, and grabbed a lollipop I kept there for just such an occasion. I ignored the sudden silence and astonished stares as I unwrapped the lollipop and inserted it into my mouth. I looked at them with one eyebrow raised, tucked the candy into my right cheek, and asked them what they were staring at.
"Wha… What the hell was that?" Kisame stuttered, eyes wide. Deidara just looked at me with an infuriatingly condescending male looked that was supposed to make me feel like and idiot.
"If I keep things there, most people are guaranteed to not steal it, duh." I slurred, the lollipop obstructing my speech a little. Kisame just shrugged, accepting the thought. Deidara, however, haughtily shook his head and sniffed arrogantly, like the male sexist pig he was. I ignored him as best I could as I prepared what I predicted to be the last bomb of the day.
"So, are you a merman?" I asked again, receiving a clipped no. I shifted in my chair a little, looking confused or ponderous.
"Oh, I get it now! You were so upset when Zabuza and Haku died that you turned blue to match the sadness you felt!" Kisame flew out of his chair, dashing it against the cement plastered wall and storming out of the room. A laughing Deidara followed him out, closing the door behind them with a bang.
I began to laugh hysterically, running out of breath. I stopped, and listened as Deidara continued to laugh.
"Damn, Kisame. Who dunked you face in an ugly-ass shade of purple?" Hidan asked, inciting another burst of laughter from the blonde man. Shortly afterward, the laughter stopped as I heard a loud crashing sound. I assumed that Kisame had smashed Deidara into a wall, which turned out to be correct. Next thing I knew, Itachi walked back into my makeshift cell, and rewarded my performance with a cruel smirk. That was short-lived, however.
"I have informed our leader of what you answered, and he would like to see you in a half an hour. Kakuzu will escort you to him" He stated monotonously, unlocking the chains at my ankles and waist with a hand seal that I didn't recognize. We walked towards the door, but before he opened it, he uttered one word.
"Good." Was all he said, but from a genius, it was the only compliment I knew was available for distribution.
"I have already gathered all the information necessary, and reported to Leader-Sama. Kakuzu-san, escort Shakkin-san to him." Itachi ordered. I saw Kisame and Deidara's jaws hit the floor in shock/anger. As Kakuzu, Itachi and I walked into a long, dim hallway, I swear that I heard the blonde man mutter the word 'bastards'.
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"So, you accept the terms of being a subordinate of the Akatsuki?" the dark silhouette known as Leader-Sama inquired. I sighed, annoyance overriding my respectful fear of this powerful man.
"Yes, but it doesn't sound like I get much say in the matter anyway." I reluctantly answered, crossing my arms loosely. The leader of the Akatsuki chuckled darkly.
"Impertinent, aren't you? I thought that being a basic and relatively unrestricted traveling informant was a pretty generous deal." He said, sounding very much like a manipulative street-gang , mob, or mafia ringleader. I shrugged in response.
"I was taught to value freedom of the press, and freedom of speech. Changing an ingrained habit such as my own will should prove to be frustrating." I replied calmly, with blasé indifference to whatever this leader guy had to say on the matter.
"Well, In any case, you'll have to fix that problem on your own. Let's see, I'll need to assign you an overseer. You will be assigned to…" Leader paused for dramatic effect. I decided huffing in insolence was probably stepping a little out of line, and remained silent as Kakuzu, Itachi and I awaited the announcement of my new manager.
"I believe you would work best with Zetsu. You'll wait here at the base until he returns from his current mission in two days, when he will find you and instruct you on your duties." I nodded and bowed, muttering a thank you to the shadow behind the imposing desk. But despite my annoyance at a forced job, all I could focus on was what I knew was directly behind me: Two intense neon-green eyes burning a hole in the back of my head as Itachi and Kakuzu showed me around the base.
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Next chapter: Jealousy is a Green-Eyed Monster (And so is Kakuzu)
Also, by request, the old lady will be playing an important role later on! No, Kakuzu and Hidan didn't kill her.
If you guys want updates more often, send me candy-canes and English breakfast tea. I always write better with them sitting next to me at my perch in the kitchen! Reviews are love!
Gin-Yuki-Dokuro-more names that I don't feel like writing