TO MY DARLING GRANDSON, THEO:
I can't believe that you would leave your poor old lonely grandmother hanging for THREE MONTHS. Sitting by the window for an hour every day in hopes that something would come by owl- hell, I'd even accept by cow! But I got NOTHING. When you come back for the winter holidays, you are going to GET IT, worse than your silly father ever did. You'd do well to wear a half dozen pillows under your robes, though I doubt that that'd be much defense against me. Seriously, how hard is it to jot down even a quick note? You're lucky they were out of howlers, or you would have gotten it. Badly.
Very badly.
In case you hadn't noticed- hell, you probably didn't, you're so absentminded, either that or a damn jerk for ignoring me- I've been giving you the silent treat,emt for about, what, two months now? Well, screw that. I was talking to your friend Draco Malfoy's parents the other day, and it's come to my attention that the boy's been engaged. Has been for about three years now, to that young Astoria Greengrass. Now, I've heard that that boy's been fooling around with that Parkinson slut- I mean girl. Hell, it's the same thing nowadays for most of you Slytherins. Anyway. This Pansy thing between her and Draco needs to end, and you need to do it. Hook up with her yourself if you have to. Just get it done before the boy's parents catch wind of it.
I expect an immediate reply. Please, please don't have waited a day to open this thing because you're a chicken-boy. I'm waiting.
Your Grandmother, Marie Nott.
...
And, another letter, this one from just now...
THEO! I HAVE OMH! -Headmaster Dumbledore
Now, what the hell does that even mean?
-Theo...