Chapter Four: In the Dark

Nikita's P.O.V.

I'm running. I don't know where and I don't know from what. "Nikita!" I heard my name being called. I figured we were in a battle. My head was still trying to regain consciousness as if I had been beat up. "Nikita." I heard the voice again, this time much clearer. It was Alex and we were in Division. The moment I saw her I wanted to run to her and hug her. Her expression of fright suddenly turned into hurt and anger. "How could you?" suddenly I remembered what this was all about. I started to recollect images; fire, a father and a little girl. I killed Alex's father. I turned her into this; a bloodied young woman which so much to hide from.

I was so caught up in those memories that I didn't see her in front of me holding a gun up to my face. In my heart I wanted to talk her out it but I knew that that would not work so my mind told me to move out of the way...but I just can't knowing I deserved it.

I braced myself for pain and death but instead I was pushed to the ground and a man knocked Alex out. It was Michael. He came back. I wanted to tell him everything but it I can't, my mouth simply won't allow it. As I tried to stand up and go near him he took a black box from Alex's pocket. He simply handed it to me...or in better words; dropped it at my feet. He looked at me for a split second with an apologetic look as he ran away from me. I tried to look where he was going but all I saw was a little boy…a little blonde boy and his mother...now in Michael's arms. I lost Alex and now Michael.

Only now have I realized what just happened. How real it all was. I was so lost in thought until I heard two male voices. I looked around but I was alone in a corridor. I just kept on running nto knowing where my legs would take me. This wasn't like me. Actually, it didn't even seem as if I was Nikita. It felt as if I was watching myself make all of these mistakes and ruin their lives. I still saw no one but then I realized I had an earpiece in my right ear. Someone was communicating with me. I finally recognized their voices; Ryan and Birkoff…the both of them. They were yelling something and then there were gunshots, then screams and then our connection was dead, first Alex, then Michael and now Birkoff and Ryan...all because of me.

I can't even bear that thought. I still kept running. My heart was racing and I just wanna rest for a minute but I can't knowing that I can't assure myself that I won't put a bullet through my head for all of the things I've done wrong, the consequences I got with it and the people that got hurt because of it...people I love.

I reached a dead end until lights started to upon on each corner. I was trapped in a room. The light wasn't that bright but the area I was running in a while ago was very dim. A place I never wanted to visit. A place called reality. I never ever want to go back that place ever again. I cacn't believe that only now, I'm starting to experience it all at one time it hurts the most. This is the second time I've let it all out like this. This place is dark...really dark.

There was silence. I didn't know if I was entering heaven or hell. I was certain it wasn't somewhere in between. As my eyes searched the place I saw a figure casted a shadow. I don't know where that person could've come from. I can't see a door or a hallway then again I should ask myself where did I come in? As the figure's shadow starts to enlarge I saw that it was a woman. Amanda. She didn't say much...actually she didn't say anything she just looked at me as if she was looking at my bare soul; in my position right now, lost, scared and vulnerable. It was very much unlike me but I cowered away to lean on a corner. As she raised a gun and pointed it towards my direction I heard a gunshot. I wasn't shot and neither was Amanda but the lights. I was back in the dark again. In a matter of seconds I felt a hand grab my arm. It was forceful but gentle. It was man. Even though how much I tried to figure out who he was I can't put a finger on it but it didn't matter. He joined me in this cruel place and started to lead me out the darkness that's swallowing me in. We ran and we ran and we also heard a pair of stilettos sounding on the floorboards. Amanda was still hot on our track. I heard a couple of gunshots and it hit the wall just right beside me. I heard a couple more until my partner was down on the ground. I tried screaming and I was panicking I didn't even know this person. He held my hand and whispered my name. I still can't focus but as I got a look in his eyes...his beautiful blue eyes I knew who he was and he wasn't letting go.

The exact moment he let go of my hand I felt a bullet pierce me body that transferred me back to reality. I was still alive and I searched for that person who seemed to affect me more than I could imagine. It turns out I was in his arms and he was in mine. He was still with me even though I know he will never always be.

A/N: Just a trivia about the earpiece being on the right; Maggie suffered from temporary hearing loss in one ear; which is her left ear due to a stunt explosion gone wrong. Anyways, I hope you got the point that the dream mirrors the conversation Nikita and Owen had on 2x10. And on the 'dark, really dark' part it was connected to the song. (I know I'm stating the obvious but what the heck?) And also about the 'my partner' part 'cause they are partners in which was confirmed by Nikita in 'we're not partners' 'we are' ugh sorry… I'm FANGIRLING so much and about the line; 'the second time I've let it all out like this' is because the first time was with her same conversation with Owen, my favorite scene in Nikita ever.