A/N: Thanks a lot, my marvelous defenders! You guys sure told that flamer! Bacchikoi (Bring it!), stupid flamer! (Gotta love the Eighth Naruto Shippuuden Ending, Believe it!)

Okaa-san, I promise you that this chapter doesn't pick on Kisame. I love Sushi-kun too. I apologize to my fellow Zetsu-fans, but Zetsu doesn't get much screen time this chapter, but I'll give him a good section of chapter seven. To Sasori fans, I apologize. He's a jerk in this chapter, but it couldn't be helped. I like all the members of the Akatsuki, so his portion of the chapter was difficult to write.

If you want a good soundtrack for this chapter, listen to "Somebody's Watching ME" remake by Mysto & Pizzi. Gotta love those Geico commercials, no? Or, you could listen to "Criminal" by Fiona Apple, Satsu's theme song (sort of.)

For the reader who asked what Satsu looked like, I'll be posting a link to the picture that inspired this fic on my profile page! Feel free to check it out. While you're there, take a look at my other fics!

And on the note of romance…. It is coming soon Sandra-san! (Winks slyly…)

Chapter Six: Jealousy is a Green-Eyed Monster (And so is Kakuzu)

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"Is there a particular reason you're staring at my feet, Deidara-chan?" I asked testily, wiggling the items in question. I was currently laying upside-down on one of the couches in the 'Akatsuki Break Room,' which consisted of four couches, all arranged in a square in the back half of the room, and a table near the entrance. All of the walls were covered in bookshelves filled with books and scrolls.

"If you have something to ask the lady, spit it out blondie." Kisame muttered from the

furthermost couch, the one facing me. I smiled and continued cleaning the pile of kunai on my stomach, marveling at the respect I was receiving from Kisame. I suppose apologizing helped him warm up to the real me.

"What's immortality like, yeah? I mean, some of the others in Akatsuki told me, but…" Deidara trailed, sounding for the moment like an insecure teenager. Although, I had to wonder what his other answers were, who from, and what prompted this questioning.

"Well, immortality is a drag." I deadpanned, and I heard Kisame grunt in something akin to amusement. Silence reigned behind my couch, and I could imagine Deidara staring incredulously at my feet as they stood straight up in the air.

"Psht. What kind of an answer is that, yeah?" Deidara scoffed, and I glared at the space above the back of the couch.

"Would you care to have me elaborate?" I asked stiffly, feeling a little impatient. After all, I had time to kill, and I didn't feel like giving my life story to an idiot who wouldn't appreciate it.

"Now you've got me curious." Kisame muttered, setting down the scroll of (forbidden) jutsus he was reading. He looked at me expectantly, and I sighed. At least one person around here was sane, even if he did look weird!

"Well, immortality, in general, is an over-idealized theory." I stated, waving my hand in a gesture of dismissal. I traded kunai and continued.

"To live forever, in itself, is wonderful. For a shinobi or konoichi however, embracing immortality, or living longer than most even, grates against the way we are trained from the minute we enter the academy to the minute they let us out and on missions. We are trained to expect a short life, after all." I threw my cleaned kunai to imbed it in the ceiling, startling Deidara in the process.

"Why do you ask, Mr. 'Life-Is-Fleeting?'" I added sarcastically. It wasn't that I didn't like Deidara; it was just that I didn't like him. He annoyed me with his smugness, and treated me with very little respect. Even after the revelation that I had totally schooled him and Kisame in the interrogation, with a little help from Itachi, the fact that I was female and only an A-ranked nin lowered my respectability in his eyes (sorry, eye and scope).

"Well, I don't know, yeah. You just seem different from the other immortal or really-damn-old-and-still-kicking people I've met, yeah." To that observation, I gave him credit. Even a retard could notice that I was different that Hidan and Kakuzu!

I suddenly felt another presence enter the room, and saw Kisame look up towards the door. Setting the weapons I was working on aside, I grabbed the back of the couch and sat up, folding myself in half so I could see our intruder.

"Oh, hey Uchiha-san!" I smiled, waving as I lowered myself back to my work, my hair brushing the rug as it hung off the couch.

"Hn."

"Well, aren't you the poet today." I muttered, grinning. Kisame's face contorted and I could tell he was having a helluva time holding in a laugh. I mean come on, how many times did people get away with insulting the Uchiha prodigy in his company?

"Wanna play a game of Go, Uchiha-san?" I ask, sounding chipper and happy as I rolled over backwards to get off the couch. Grabbing a Go board off one of the bookshelves, I walked over to the table and sat down across from him, next to an irked Deidara. Oddly enough, Itachi helped me to sort out the black and white markers. Even more amusing, he gave himself the black pieces, ensuring he got the first turn. Clever bastard.

"You said I seemed different, how so?" I asked my impromptu Go partner as he pointed at where he thought my piece should go. He shifted and began to tap the table.

"I mean… well… you seem, well, sort of…" I laughed, slapping him on the back.

"Well, you seem…. You seem younger than the others, yeah." He finished tentatively scooting away from me as Kisame sat across from him next to Itachi, holding his scroll.

"That's because I keep with the times, rather than letting myself fall into old-fart-itude." I said sardonically, freezing and looking out the open door. Kakuzu was standing in the doorway, staring directly at me. I glanced to the side, and noticed the hostile stares from my companions, and looked back at Kakuzu in confusion. He narrowed his eyes, still directing his glare at me, and then left.

"That was…. Odd." I mumbled, feeling awkward. Deidara nodded, resuming our game against Itachi by capturing three of his black pieces and effectively turning them white.

"Do you guys know what all that was about?" I asked, gazing resolutely at the game board. I registered another monosyllabic grunt from Itachi. How helpful was that?

"I don't like him, yeah. Anybody who forces someone into the Akatsuki deserves to be hated, yeah." Deidara mumbled to me, placing a well-aimed glare in Itachi's direction. I nodded my silent agreement. I preferred being a free-agent, and would have gladly allied with Akatsuki. Resentment gathered in my heart for the man that forced Leader-Sama to employ me full time as a terrorist organization's private investigator.

"Well, Satsu-chan, don't worry too much about him. You're assigned to Zetsu-san, right?" Kisame asked, suggesting a move for Deidara and me rather than teaming with Itachi. I glanced at the board and sighed. This game was hopeless. After all, I was facing a genius.

"And I don't like him either, I mean, if he can kill a girl," I raised an eyebrow at Kisame, "Ahem, lady, without caring and planning on turning her in for a bounty, he doesn't deserve my respect." The blue man told me, leaning back a little to reopen his scroll.

"Plus, he beat the shit out of a konoichi who isn't even at his level, yeah." Deidara added, poking a bruise on my exposed shoulder. I winced and shied away from him a little as he smirked.

"Do I really look that bad?" I asked, surveying my arms for wounds.

"You look like the living dead, pardon the pun." Kisame grinned a broad and sharp-toothed grin.

"Point taken." I grumbled, rubbing my neck.

"Back to immortality, yeah. How old are" Kisame reached across the table and whack Deidara on the head. Deidara pouted irritably, rubbing the side of his head.

"As I was asking, yeah. How old are you frozen at?" He asked, watching for another meaty arm attack. I wanted to laugh at his grammar, but answered him instead, staying Kisame's arm as it threatened to swing again.

"I am frozen at the tender age of twenty." I said, placing my last piece on the board, finishing the game of Go. I yawned, stretching with my arms in the air. I grabbed another lollipop from my bra, eliciting a curious look from Itachi and muttered annoyance from the other two. I popped it in my mouth gleefully, giggling.

"How many of those do you have?" Itachi asked, his partner and Deidara looking at him quickly in surprise. They probably got whiplash from turning their heads so fast.

"A lady is entitled to her secrets, Uchiha-san. Would you like one?" I replied politely, proffering another one from my shirt and holding it out to him. I could have sworn I saw Deidara roll his eyes. Itachi merely shook his head, and I returned the lollipop to my stash.

"Does anybody know where I could take a nap and clean up a little? I'm starting to get a little crusty." I inquired cynically, itching at a scab on my wrist. Flakes of dried blood and caked dirt fluttered to the floor, and Kisame wrinkled his nose.

"One last question, yeah, and I'll lead you to the subordinate's wing. Zetsu-Sama will know where to find you; he'll probably just send his other sub Tobi to get you, yeah." Deidara offered, and I nodded my ok to his proposal.

"Whenever I read the Bingo Book, I pictured you differently, yeah. You were like a shadowy-ish person, kinda like Leader-Sama, who controlled and manipulated people to get information. Why did you describe yourself like that in your entry, yeah?" He asked as I stood to grab my weapons pouch and newly polished weapons. I thought for a moment, and stood on the couch to get the kunai I had embedded in the ceiling down.

"Because, I thought if everyone viewed me as a mystery, maybe people wouldn't question me so much. If I told them I was a fun-loving lollipop lover or something, I'd seem too human. Too mortal. Too… real." I answered, jumping onto the back of the couch and landing in an a-typical ninja crouch.

"And, like I said earlier, immortality isn't worth… Holy shit!" I tried to twist away from the kunai that flew into the break room, but managed to have it puncture my left lung through my back. I gagged on the blood the rushed into my throat, dropping like a fly off the back of the couch.

Deidara and Kisame shot up so quickly that they knocked their chairs over. Itachi, however, managed to stand just as quickly without knocking over his seat. Kisame went to grab me, sitting me up so I didn't drown on my blood. Deidara and Itachi simply stared through the doorway, presumably at my attacker.

"I dislike your knew take on the immortality issue, Satsu-senpai. Weren't you the one who told me, and I quote, 'how wonderful it was to go into battle without being afraid of death, to wake up every morning knowing that today will be today, and tomorrow is always an option?' I heard a deep voice recite, completely devoid of emotion. Kisame helped me to sit up, and I looked at an older version of the Sasori I had once been a substitute teacher for at the academy.

"Well, Sasori-kun, it seems that the mistakes of my youth have caught up to me lately, and I could care less what your opinion on the issue is." I gurgled a little, swallowing some blood back down. Slapping Kisame's hands away from me, I leaned on the back of the couch and stood up.

"Would you care if I mentioned, then, that that kunai would likely have killed you, had you not become an everlasting being?" Sasori replied dryly, crossing his arms as he continued on down the hallway. I practically boiled with rage.

"How dare you presume to understand my thoughts, you upstart?! Get back here and face me, you pretentious bastard!" I shouted, lurching to follow him out the door. Itachi threw his arm out in front of me, stopping my progress towards the hallway. I glared at him, my eyes locking on his crimson ones. He simply motioned to Kisame, who came up behind me to pick me up by the armpits like a little kid. I slumped like a kitten in his hold. It's not like I stood a chance against a man three times my strength and twice my size, anyway.

"Take her to Kakuzu." Itachi muttered, breaking eye contact with me and transferring it to Kisame. Deidara practically threw the Go board at him in fury.

"You can't take her there, not after all the shit he's already done to her, yeah!" Deidara protested, moving to block the doorway with his arms outstretched on either side. Kisame stopped, regarding the younger man's glare with a touch of trepidation.

"If you wish, you can accompany her there and watch them." Itachi dismissed, sighing in muted exasperation. I looked curiously at Deidara as he lowered his arms and moved to take me from Kisame. I was deposited gently in his arms, bridal style. Deidara walked resolutely out the door and down the dank hallway. I wished that I could talk without choking on the blood welling up to my mouth, but I settled for a nod and blushed.

"Don't mention it Satsu-senpai, yeah. You'll get blood on my cloak." He smirked. At least by the 'Senpai' I could tell that I finally merited respect from the mad bomber of the Akatsuki.

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"Happy birthday to me." Kakuzu deadpanned as I spat up blood in his bedroom's trash can. Deidara stood sentient in the doorway, watching Kakuzu carefully like he was a volatile chemical ready to blow up a laboratory somewhere. Kakuzu was throwing a thick brown blanket over his bed to avoid getting blood on it.

"Sit, and bring the can with you." I did as I was told, glad that the trash can was small enough to fit on my lap. I hacked up another clot as Kakuzu removed the kunai in my back.

"You're lucky this isn't poisoned. Knowing Sasori, you could have been his next test dummy." Kakuzu muttered, examining the entrance wound. He stood from the bed and went into his bathroom to grab some peroxide or rubbing alcohol to disinfect the wound before sewing it up.

"You're going to have to take off your shirt and lay down so I can sew you up!" Kakuzu barked from the bathroom. I saw Deidara blush, and I motioned for him to turn around, smiling confidently to reassure him. I pulled my shirt off, and dumped the rest of my lollipops on Kakuzu's bedside table. Lying down on my stomach, I thanked the gods that I was wearing a tank top as well as a bra.

Kakuzu emerged from the bathroom, laughing at Deidara's back. I personally couldn't see what was so funny about propriety, but didn't bother to speak up.

"This will hurt you a lot more than it hurts me." Kakuzu drawled as he cut a slit up the back of my tank top to clear some workroom. I jumped as a cold washcloth dabbed at my wound, and winced when the peroxide started to eat away at my damaged, dead skin. Setting the dirtied washcloth aside, I watched as he applied chakra to the worst part of my wound, the area that the kunai pierced my lung.

Kakuzu gently placed his other hand on my forehead, endorphins released somewhere in my brain, and I relaxed into what I assumed was a chakra-based mental anesthetic of Kakuzu's design. Alarms went off in my mind, saying that I was too exposed to him, to comfortable, too unprotected. That thought barely registered, however, as my chemically manipulated conscience reminded me that Deidara was indeed at the doorway, and he would help me, should the need arise.

I closed my eyes and felt every movement of his chakra, the warm grounding of his hands, and (against my better judgment) a warm, tingly feeling winding around in my stomach, reaching up to constrict my heart. I recognized, with some trepidation, that the feeling felt an awful lot like a schoolgirl crush. And in my stupor, I found myself unable to fight the butterflies that come with the warm fuzzies.

All too soon, it seemed, Kakuzu removed his hands and I felt myself wishing that he would put his hands back on my back, feeling suddenly cold. I felt my skin burn with a blush as my full consciousness returned, and I pushed those traitorous feelings aside.

Kakuzu looked me in the eye, an assessing glance registering my blush. Slowly, he turned away silently, handing me a new shirt. It fit pretty well as I slid it on, and I wondered how on earth he came by women's clothing.

"Thanks, I really appreciate it." I said sincerely, grabbing my weapons pouch and lollipops. Deidara waved at me, and I followed him down the hallway a bit. Suddenly, something started to rise out of the floor, and I shrieked and hid behind Deidara, feeling very much in tune with my inner girl.

"You must be my new subordinate it's not like I need another one." The Venus-flytrap person said, his voice changing. I assumed this was my new manager, Zetsu.

"We have a mission with Hidan-san and Kakuzu-san even though I'd rather relax than work with those bastards." He intoned, his yellow eyes glancing at Kakuzu, who was approaching our group. I sighed. I should've known I would get stuck working with them! As I glanced at Kakuzu, though, I was more afraid of the rush of odd feelings earlier than actually.

And as Kakuzu passed me to follow Zetsu, I caught his eye for a moment, and my heart fluttered ever-so-slightly. What was wrong with me?

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Next Chapter: The Nefarious Band of Ne'er-Do-Wells

Thanks for reading! As always, reviews are love!

Gin