A/N: I'd like to first thank my lovely sister Kogamo for her storyline advice and putting up with my incessant babbling about plot bunnies. I must drive her batty. ("Why thank you, I love you very much!" –Kogamo)
I also want to tell you that I'm taking a quick break with this fic until I can write a few chapters of my new fic, To Be Labeled, a crack pairing extravaganza! Check it out, and please suggest crack pairings! I've posted an Itachi-Hinata, and am working on some other pairings/friend pairings, including Kakashi-Ino, Anko-Kisame, Deidara-Ino and Hidan-Jiraiya!
Alright, thank you for all the favorites, alerts and reviews, and thank you Kenna, since I couldn't reply to your anonymous review (too lazy to log on?)
I'm sorry the next update will be delayed!
Chapter Seven: The Nefarious Band of Ne're-Do-Wells
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"Why the hell do we have to go?" Hidan asked, sporting a surly-looking pout. I giggled, receiving a punch in the shoulder from said pouting man. Although it wasn't the strongest of punches, it still knocked me sideways quite a bit, and into another person. I looked up and blushed, staring into the mildly annoyed face of Kakuzu, and muttered a half-hearted apology as I gazed intently at the ground. Apparently Leader wasn't impressed by our (mainly Hidan's) antics.
"If you really need to know why your team is joining Zetsu and his subordinates on this mission, I'm sure he'll enlighten you." Leader dismissed, and Hidan and I left the room followed by Zetsu and his orange-masked sub. I decided to wait until Kakuzu was done talking so I could have a talk with leader about my work schedule and reporting criteria.
"Why won't you transfer her?" I heard an enraged Kakuzu shout trough the thick wood double doors. My curiosity piqued, I walked around the corner so I wouldn't be seen should someone leave. Putting my ear on the wall I listened.
"You know Satsu is far more suited to Zetsu's line of work, Kakuzu." Leader returned flatly. My heart started to speed up. They were talking about me! Pulling myself closer to the wall, I listened again.
"Then… I'll escort her and she can retrieve Orochimaru's ring. She's capable of being a member." Kakuzu plotted out rationally, and my heartbeat nearly stopped. Why was Kakuzu making such a fuss about my being Zetsu's sub? Cold fear gripped my heart and settled in my chest like a blanket.
"You know she is hardly able to battle a Sannin, Kakuzu. She's not a frontline nin." Leader returned, his voice still very level. I heard a shuffle, and willed my chakra to remain hidden even in my anxiety.
"Even so, if I did allow her to become a member, she would still not be your partner. She would still be a reconnaissance agent with Zetsu, only as his partner rather than subordinate." Leader added, and I heard a grunt of annoyance.
"Plus, Tobi is next in line for a place in our membership." Leader concluded, extracting a frustrated roar from Kakuzu as he stormed out of the room and down the opposite hallway. Turning heel, I ran down my hallway to the subordinate wing. Closing my door and locking it behind me, I walked into my bathroom, sinking down the wall and landing on the floor.
"Why? He hates me!" I mumbled as I hugged my knees tight to my chest. I was afraid, but at the same time, confused and flattered by Kakuzu's outburst. I caught my train of thought, forcing it to linger on the thought of flattery. It felt… Warm. I hadn't felt warmth like this since… I had never experienced this kind of warmth before.
I hazarded a guess that Granny would know, and be able to explain away my confusion.
With newfound resolve, I stood and headed down the labyrinthine hallways towards Leader's office. I was going to have to schedule a visit to the nice old lady and head there as soon as this stupid mission was over.
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"Nice digs!" Hidan said appreciatively as he settled into his and Kakuzu's motel room. I remained unimpressed.
"Meh, this motel is cheap, there's no soap in the bathrooms, the vending machines are broken, and the beds smell funny." I listed to him scathingly as Zetsu entered the room. I noticed a smirk on his face right away, but couldn't place why he'd be smirking.
"This hotel isn't that bad. You could sleep outside!" Zetsu remarked, closing the door as all five of us met to plan our infiltration of a high-end casino, and retrieval of a valuable map.
"Point taken, Zetsu-Sama. Although, I don't usually take into account a nefarious band of ne're-do-wells and their rest stop arrangements. I usually stay at a hotel, rather than a cheap motel." I answered, settling into a chair at the cheap table near the window that was covered by tacky sea-green curtains. Crossing my legs, I propped my head on my palms and awaited Zetsu's game plan. My orange-masked fellow subordinate, who I now recognized by the name of Tobi, settled into the table's other chair.
"Here's our plan. I have no plan." Zetsu announced from his place atop the counter/entertainment center. I saw Hidan reach for a pillow to throw at him, but Kakuzu stopped him by leaning forward and stilling his arm from across the space between the two beds.
"Satsu will be heading up this mission. You should see your faces." I felt every eye rest on me and every head turn in my direction simultaneously. I straightened my back and crossed my arms, looking hard at Zetsu. My face displayed the utmost in blatant dislike of Zetsu's plan. Tobi slapped my back and laughed.
"Tobi wants to lead missions, but Satsu-chan looks mad!" He laughed, and I huffed, slapping the hand resting on my shoulder.
"Alright, here's the deal. We need blueprints or maps of the building, and updates on any surveillance precautions, General area and object specific." I began, pulling a notebook out of my pack that was on the floor next to my chair.
"I've already procured those." Zetsu said, handing me the documents he had been holding.
"Okay, perfect. We'll need disguises and…." I read the map's defense description.
"And, we're going to need some explosives." I finished, pulling my lock picking kit out of my bag and placing it on the table next to the blueprints.
"Who's got the money?" I asked, glancing at the men in the room. Kakuzu raised his hand, and I felt a blush threaten to creep up my neck. Quelling it, I stood.
"Alright then. Kakuzu and I will be shopping in the civilian market for disguises. Tonight, we're going to find ourselves a map!" I finished enthusiastically, both Kakuzu and I transforming via genjutsu into civilian guises.
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"Alright, we're in." I whispered motionlessly into the radio transmitter as Kakuzu and I walked into the casino arm-in-arm. We looked, for all intents and purposes, like a wealthy couple. I fingered the fringe of my scarlet obi, smiling wistfully. I had almost decided to henge my outfit, but then discovered this beautiful black and scarlet kimono. All I had to do to disguise myself in this number was fix my hair and wear color contacts. I required absolutely no genjutsu to complete my ritzy look.
Kakuzu, however, had more issues with finding his disguise than I did.
He was wearing a fairly sharp black tux, complete with a bow that matched the red on my kimono's designs. He also wore nicely polished shoes. But his physical appearance happened to be a sore spot when he reluctantly confided that he didn't know what kind of henge to use.
I suppose saying, "Be yourself" cryptically and wandering into my single hotel room helped his mood much either. He took my suggestion literally and henge-ed into his original self of his youth, which was rather handsome.
He still had his unnerving neon-green eyes, but they had pupils and whites, like normal eyes. His skin was still tanned, but had lost its 'I'm comprised of dead people's skin grafts' mottling color. Along with his semi-shaggy brown hair, he cut a very handsome figure. Although I'm sure he was uncomfortable in his henge, I wasn't going to say anything about it.
Scanning the area, I spotted the ballroom's entrance.
"This is one weird casino, having a ballroom. You know?" I asked Kakuzu, making it sound like a polite conversation one would have on an awkward date. He merely nodded silently in reply. We continued on into the ballroom, still arm-in-arm.
Somehow, we snuck into the guarded room that contained our map's safe. I called the all clear to the other three as I sent Kakuzu to guard the entrance to the room.
"Time to get to work!" I mumbled enthusiastically, pulling apart and rewiring the control panels for the surveillance equipment. I set the cameras on a loop, and disabled the motion sensors before rigging the explosives.
"Don't say a word." A kunai was placed on my throat as a young man whispered into my ear. I assumed that Kakuzu wasn't dead, simply unaware of the intruder.
"Keep working, finish it up." Mr. Sharp Objects ordered, and I complied. At the last second, however, I gave him quite a surprise. Grabbing the kunai by the blade, I yanked it out of his hands (despite the fact that I sliced my hand open in the process). The boy yelped in surprise, alerting my lookout. Kakuzu rushed in just as my nemesis and I assumed fighting positions.
That's when I realized that my bomb was almost out of time.
"Holy-" Kakuzu dove at me, shielding me from all oncoming debris and flames. We skidded to the floor, and he landed with his torso on top o mine, his legs off to the side.
I couldn't move. Kakuzu propped himself up with his arms a little, and even with my eyes closed, I could feel his eyes inspecting my face. I slowly opened my eyes, (one of which lost its blue contact lens) and looked up into his piercing gaze. Our eyes glued together, and we were in another world, one where nothing else but the two of us existed.
Until, of course, Hidan chucked a broken table-leg at us.
"Get a room!" He muttered, his left foot pinning the young man to the ground by the chest. Stepping over the man with his foot still on his chest, Hidan progressed onward to the flaming safe, reaching in and retrieving the fire-retardant map tube. As Hidan's full weight rested on the young man's chest, I heard the air 'whoosh' out of his lungs and winced.
"Uh, sorry." Kakuzu said lamely as he stood and turned away, joining his partner across the room. I sat up, laying a hand to my forehead, feeling the heat I was radiating due to my tomato-esque blush. I hauled myself up with a sigh. Could this mission get any more awkward? I looked up at Kakuzu, who was talking to Hidan as he stuffed the tube in his pack.
"Tobi thinks we should get out of here before the guards wake up!" Tobi stated, hoisting me up by the uninjured forearm.
"Tobi thinks Satsu-chan burnt her pretty kimono, too." He added, pointing to my now soot-stained sleeve. I grimaced. I could clean it when I went to Granny's place later.
"Alright, mission accomplished." Kakuzu told Zetsu, who had just entered. As he passed me to inspect the surveillance panel I had hijacked, as well as our intruder, he stopped.
"You're injured, Satsu. You smell wonderful!" Zetsu commented, looking at my scorched and sliced-up hands. Thankfully, he reminded me of a very important issue: the blocks I had left on the security camera tapes. I looked down at my hands, knowing that they wouldn't be able to do the job. A thought occurred, and I looked over at the young man, sitting up and staring at my team with wide, frightened eyes.
"You, what's your name?" I asked, approaching his sitting figure slowly, wiping my bloody hands on a shirt I pulled out of my pack. He looked up and opened his mouth to answer.
"Arisugawa Kei." He answered, standing up and towering over my petite form.
"Kei-kun, I need you to help me out a bit, do you mind?" I asked sweetly, tilting my head towards the panel box. He scowled.
"Why would I remove the tape? It'll just get you guys caught." He informed me, crossing his arms in indignation. I smirked, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, aren't you just the petulant little boy? The tapes have your face on the too, I thought I should mention." I laughed, walking over to the panel, knowing that he was going to follow. I heard the clunking steps that followed me, and my smirk increased.
"Alright, you just-" I began, but was interrupted as he handed me the tape from the time of our heist. I raised an eyebrow at him and smiled as I slipped the tape into my kimono's obi. Then, I pulled out two lollipops.
"How old are you, Kei-kun?" I asked, popping a candy in my mouth. He looked at me quizzically before answering, and when he did, I was easily the happiest woman alive.
"Fourteen and a half, chuunin level shinobi. My birthday is in March," He answered, and my mind swirled with ideas. I unwrapped my other lolly, popping it into his mouth as he opened it to ask me why I needed to know.
"Oh, no reason really. Enjoy the lollipop, and I'll be seeing you around, say, the beginning of April?" I told him, punching him in the face (which happened to be really cute!) and lowering him down to the ground for a trauma-induced nap.
"What the hell'd you do to him?" Hidan asked, coming up beside me. I shrugged.
"Oh, nothing. I just punched his lights out. No harm done!" I answered. I didn't even get annoyed when Hidan asked why I was so weird (inserting a few words from his colorful vocabulary, of course.) and reveled in my impending success.
"What's with the lollipop?" Kakuzu asked he walked up behind us.
"All of my lollipops have pieces of my chakra in them so I can track whoever eats them." I answered walking out the door.
I had just found my future apprentice, and a damn adorable one at that!
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"So, I know I didn't really get to say goodbye or thank you last time, but… Could I bunk here with you for a month? I'll pay rent!" I begged at Granny's feet, putting on the full works.
"500 ryo a month, and you're in. I'll not be cleaning up any messes though!" Granny deadpanned, patting my head in mock annoyance. I could have kissed her, I was so happy!
Later that night during supper, I explained who I really was (minus the immortal part) and the trouble I was in. She dismissed it with a flick of her arthritic hand, mumbling something about kicking bad guy butt if they messed with her house or anyone in it.
Then, I told her about the strange feelings I had been having, all the excess blushing, the butterflies, Kakuzu's argument with Leader-Sama over my position as a subordinate, the more blushing, and our weird eye-lock thing from our mission a week ago. Sighing, I lifted my head off the table and looked at her expectantly.
She had the most annoyingly cryptic and patronizing smile on her face, I almost couldn't stand the suspense!
"Satsu-chan, I think you have…." She stopped, almost as if to consider how to word the next part. I scowled at her, impatient.
"A crush, and a bad one at that! You're in this one deep, really deep." She finished, my jaw hitting the floor in surprise. All that pause to think up the delivery, and she just threw it out like a bag of garbage or a hobo who didn't pay their rent!
"A crush!?!" I shouted in unbelief, picking my jaw back up. I stood, ready to storm off to the room I was renting at the other end of the house, but Granny stopped me with a raised hand.
"You told me all the basic signs of a crush: embarrassment, nervousness, unexplainable fascination with each other's eyes; that right there is your garden variety crush. Not to mention, from what you told me about his reactions, he's head over heels with you too!" Granny rationalized as only a love-experienced woman could, laughing hysterically at the immaturity of it all. I sat back down, stunned.
"Here honey, drink some of this. It'll help." She said, pushing some more of her patented 'Relaxed and Comforted' blend tea into my shaking (and heavily bandaged) hands. I drank, emptying my mind. After a little more useless chit-chat, I decided to turn in and mull over Granny's words.
But, I was stopped dead in my tracks when I saw a picture of me, without my henge, hanging on her dining room wall by the hallway door. It was a picture of the Suna reconnaissance division I once founded and lead, including three men and two women besides myself. Hiro, Touga, Tori, Keiko, and Setsuna, all lined up behind me (because I was far shorter than them.) The picture had been taken after our first major mission as a team.
"This is…" I started, still staring at our goofy faces and bunny ears from nearly fifty years ago.
"You, me, Keiko, and the guys. Or, rather, the mutated hairless monkeys." Granny finished for me, pointing at my face, and resting her finger on the body of Setsuna. I laughed softly at the use of our pet name, given affectionately to the men of our group.
"It's been a long, long time since the division disbanded, hasn't it?" I whispered, pulling my old teammate into an overdue hug.
"Thanks for letting me room here, Setsuna-chan." I smiled, releasing her and touching the picture's glass lightly.
"Anytime, Satsu-senpai." She replied, turning back into the dining room.
"So, how long have you known?" I asked, following her to clean up after our meal. Setsuna laughed good-naturedly.
"Since I saw your henge falter as you slept that first night a few weeks ago." She answered, handing me the teapot to set on the food tray.
"And, how long have you been a medic nin?" I asked, lifting the tray and walking with her to the kitchen so we could wash the dishes.
"Thirty-two years now, and I'm damn well one of the best and longest running field medics Suna's ever seen." She replied, an immodest smile playing on her lips. I laughed with her, and for the rest of the evening, my love troubles were pushed aside as my best friend and I recounted decades of separation until the sun was peaking over the horizon.
I grinned as I lay down at sunrise, feeling a bittersweet satisfaction at my reunion with my best friend. The feeling was hampered, however, when I looked at her arthritic hands, and saw the wrinkles dominating her face.
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(Is munching on candy canes) Just for fun, my dad works at a nuclear power plant (like Homer from the Simpsons) and the title for this chapter is what his group was called as they raided the office blocks for space heaters to keep the control room from shutting down. Their boss sent an email out to warn the office crew, I read it when he came home and laughed my butt off.
The name fits them well.
Although, can we call the 'Nefarious' when they prevented a nuclear explosion from destroying the American Midwest?
-Gin