A/N: holycrapthisstoryispopular! I can't believe it! (Faints) Okay, this is the second to last chapter, as I said last time. Don't make me elaborate, I'll start crying. After all, my baby is all grown up now…
I've never done a full-blown action/battle scene before, so tell me how I did. Tips and pointers are greatly appreciated!
On a side note, PLEASE READ MY OTHER FANFICTIONS! I have other stories you know! I've got quite a few going, so it shouldn't be that hard to find something to look at, ne? I have a few funnies, a few serious ones…. Etc. Check 'em out will ya? Oh, and to clarify things, THERE WILL BE NO SEQUEL, SO DON'T ASK! (Eyes flaming like Gai-sensei)
Last but not least, if you want a good song to listen to while reading this chapter, try 'Poker Face' by Lady Gaga. It is almost like a theme song for Satsu!
Chapter Nine: Karma's a Bitch
A large hand grabbed the top of my head, spinning me around to face an irate bunch of criminals. Deidara and Kisame in particular were the angry ones, with Sasori and Itachi playing it cool and aloof at a card table with some tea. Kisame's hand remained on my head as he glared down a retreating Kakuzu, following him with beady eyes until he was well on his way to Leader's office.
"What the hell did you think you were doing?" Kisame asked, switching his attention back to me. I tried to look away, but the hand on my head didn't let me. I simply shrugged, and Kisame threw his arms up in exasperation. Deidara crossed his arms, studying me critically.
"What did Kakuzu do to you senpai, yeah?" Deidara asked, shifting his weight to his left foot. I shrugged again, not wanting to explain. I mean, how many people want to discuss hugging with male criminals? This girl didn't, that's for sure. Deidara didn't seem to take that answer, though, and he pulled me into a different room.
"What did he do to you, yeah?" He asked again, watching my face carefully. He looked genuinely worried, and I was touched. But I had to clarify that I was unharmed, because it was obvious that Deidara expected Kakuzu to have hurt me somehow. I smiled, hugging Deidara around the middle. He stiffened, as I expected of an average male Nin whose main physical contact involved fists and feet.
"You are so sweet!" I exclaimed as I squeezed him tight. I heard him gasp for breath or mercy (he even said uncle once or twice) a few times before letting him go, just out of sadistic tendencies. He backed up a few steps, not looking happy about hugging.
"Kakuzu and I… we talked and came to an agreement," I told the blonde man, glancing anywhere but at his face. I noticed as he crossed his arms again, silently demanding I explain.
"It is a private agreement, but I'll be fine from now on. I promise," I tried to appease him, wanting to avoid the details. It was a long and embarrassing story, after all. Not to mention, if you were as old as I am, would you want to explain yourself to a twenty-something year old? I doubt it.
"Satsu-senpai, I'll believe you this time, yeah," Deidara muttered as he walked out of the room, intending for me to follow him to the others. I could tell he was mad at me, but couldn't think of a way to apologize. I figured with much trepidation that he would forgive me my silence eventually.
Soon I was ushered off to the subordinate wing to shower up and take a nap, and was informed I had a meeting with Leader the next morning via sticky note. A bright pink sticky note, at that.
"Satsu-chan, leader told Tobi you need to meet Leader tomorrow, it's important!" I read aloud, peeling it off my bathroom door. I was a little freaked that Tobi had come in my room, and surreptitiously locked my door.
"Well, I'll do that then!" I told the note, feeling like a sleepy lunatic as I went through my evening routine and fell asleep.
----------X----------
"Do you insist on messing up everything in your path, Shakkin-san?" Leader demanded, and I shrugged as I leaned against the back wall of his office, arms crossed. What an a-typical bad ass pose.
"What do you want from me?" Leader grumbled a little, slamming something on his desk to punctuate his point further. I simply laughed, carelessly shrugging forward and leaving the wall to confidently pace Leader's office. I heard an annoyed growl and stopped short as a shuriken flew past my nose.
"You do realize that the phrase 'on pain of death' doesn't exist in my reality, don't you Leader-Sama?" I asked, grabbing the embedded weapon and tossing it harmlessly onto the desk in front of him. Although I couldn't see his face, I could tell he was furious by the waves of killing intent echoing through the room.
"You know, you wouldn't have this problem if you never forcibly employed me…" I teased, waving a thoughtful finger in the air as I paused in my pacing.
"I'm not firing you," Leader growled. I laughed again, muttering an 'oh, bummer' and started up my pacing anew.
"Satsu, what do I have to do to get you to stay out of my hair short of firing you?" Leader asked exasperatedly, and I paused to think coyly.
"Well…. Maybe….." I wondered, goading Leader. He was not going to hold his patience much longer. I walked over to his desk, putting both hands on it and lowering my eyes to his level.
"Transfer me to Hidan and Kakuzu's team and you won't get a lick of trouble from us anymore," I said seriously, and Leader was silent for a few moments.
"We have a deal," Leader said, and I smiled and walked towards the door. Before I could open it, however, Leader spoke.
"Relationships are discouraged in our organization," he added, and I shrugged and left. I couldn't really call what Kakuzu and I had, if we had anything at all, a full-blown relationship anyway.
----------X----------
I closed my eyes, listening with my ear pressed against Kakuzu's door. I heard nothing and grabbed the doorknob stealthily. Turning it, I glanced through a crack at a darkened and decidedly empty interior. I slid in, locking the door behind me. For what I knew, Kakuzu was training with Hidan again, and would be gone for another hour. That was way more than enough time for my spontaneous mission.
I lit the room with the weak beam of my flashlight, searching the surfaces and furniture in the room for something specific. His table held a glass of some juice, and a newspaper. How boring. I swung my light to his bedside table, walking over to it.
The top surface was covered in an oily substance, some kind of wood furniture polish. Why would he need to clean the top of his table? I knelt down to open and inspect the drawers, careful not to move anything noticeably. If he noticed, would retrieving my prize be worth it? No, because my plan would fail.
"Now this is interesting," I whispered, finding some greenish discolorations on the wood around the handle to the top drawer. I reached forward, my gloved hand pulling it open. My face spread into a wicked smirk as I glanced at the contents.
Right on top, laying half covered in a piece of burlap, was my quarry. I gently picked up a syringe, lifting it to my eyes and tapping the barrel filled with a yellow-green liquid. On the label, it read 'Valerian Root.'
"Bingo," I swiped two more and closed the drawer quietly.
----------X----------
"Are you sure?" Kakuzu asked, lowering into a fighting stance. I nodded, trying to not look like a guilty woman. I smiled confidently, assuming my usual loose guard stance.
"If I'm ever going to get past A-rank, I'll have to train, right?" I replied with a question, my tone light and hopeful. Zetsu, Itachi, Konan and Sasori looked like they were trying to ignore our buddy-buddy antics, studiously training before their new missions tomorrow.
Hidan, Deidara, Tobi and Kisame, however, pulled up a spot on the wall and some snacks as if Kakuzu and I were going to duke it out in an epic battle. I felt a swell of apprehension when I realized that all four spectators were on my side of the battle, rooting for me. I didn't want to disappoint them. Fierce determination fired up my veins.
"I'm ready," said, hardening my stance. I shot forward, bending low to the ground, throwing a swiping roundhouse kick towards Kakuzu's knees. He jumped my leg like a jump rope, swinging his arm to clothesline me. His forearm caught my throat, knocking me backwards. I saved my butt by rolling backwards into a crouch.
"Is it just me, or did our audience grow?" I asked, laughing as I stood to assume a different stance. We both glanced over to the wall, where Sasori and Itachi had joined the other four. Kakuzu laughed quietly, renewing his defensive stance and preparing to counter my next attack.
"Our audience? How about my audience?" Kakuzu asked, and I could tell he was smirking behind that mask. I scowled, grabbing a few kunai with invisible metal wires tied to the ends. I launched them, running in a large circle around my target. I disguised each careful placement of my wires as a serious attack with a kunai. Soon, I was left with just one kunai, panting lightly as I stood in front of Kakuzu once again.
"You missed bitch! What were you trying to hit with those fucked up shots?" Hidan yelled from the sidelines, and I laughed as I watched Itachi glare at him through the corner of my eye. I had guessed Itachi could see the wires with his sharingan anyway, and had saved this technique for my grumpy superior.
"Whoops, my bad," I said as I rushed forward again, careful not to trip on or reveal my wires. I aimed a fist for Kakuzu's chest. He caught it, and I directed my momentum to swing behind him and onto his back. I wrapped my legs as tightly as I could around his neck, pounding on the top of his head.
"Satsu-chan is using a really girly move! Tobi think it looks funny," Tobi laughed, slapping his knee. I scowled as I continued trying to wrench my hand free while battering Kakuzu's head. After a few more moments of battling with Kakuzu's head, he let out a frustrated roar.
"SHIT!" I screamed as Kakuzu threw himself to the ground in an attempt to crush me. At the last second, his grip loosened so he could brace himself, and I pushed off his shoulders with my feet to gain some distance. I rolled sideways, sliding under my circle of wires and out of reach.
"Get the fuck back here!" Kakuzu roared, his mask gone. I waved it in the air like a banner. At this point, Kakuzu took a few seconds to massage his head, trying to ease the lumps forming. I glanced over towards the crowd, and grinned when I saw everyone else sitting along the wall. I even saw Leader standing, arms crossed and frowning darkly, in the doorway to the training grounds.
"Time to finish this," I whispered fiercely, setting my hands into a long sequence of hand seals. I whispered the name of the jutsu under my breath, and grabbed the ends of the wires tied to my belt loop. I closed my eyes, channeling chakra into the wires.
"What the hell?" Kakuzu growled as an octagonal genjutsu surrounded him, mimicking mirrors to reflect his appearance. My laugh echoed through my genjutsu chamber, and Kakuzu looked frantically around him to find me. After a few seconds, he seemed to regain some common sense and attempt a cancellation.
"Kai," Kakuzu shouted, his eyes closed. When he opened them, however, he looked dumbstruck. The genjutsu held, swirling like a funhouse full of motorized walls. Except this time, my image danced in circles with his reflections.
"Can't touch this! Nah, nah nah nah, nah ,nah…" I sang, laughing as he tried to catch me with his reflections. I twirled like a ballerina on crack, skipping and ducking from my spot outside the genjutsu chamber. My projected image did the same.
Itachi raised an eyebrow, Zetsu cracked a smirk, and most of the other spectators roared with laughter as Kakuzu goose-chased my image. After a few minutes of him flailing about or attempting to break my genjutsu, I decided I was bored of my game. I solidified my stance, casting a final seal.
"Let's end this!" I whispered teleporting behind Kakuzu, who thought I was somewhere else due to my genjutsu. I retrieved a syringe, stabbing him in the arm and injecting the Valerian root into his system. Kakuzu swatted at his arm as if a mosquito bit him, catching a glimpse of me out of the corner of his eye.
"Gotcha bitch!" I shouted as Kakuzu drifted into a drug-induced sleep. I released my genjutsu as well, dropping to my knees in exhaustion. My face was split by a gleeful smile, and my body shook from the urge to dance like a lunatic again.
Deidara seized me around the shoulders, lifting me and spinning me around a few times. He set me on my feet, and I wobbled a little before regaining my balance. I noticed Itachi approaching, and saw that his eyebrow was still raised.
"How'd Satsu-chan come up with an illusion that cancellation didn't work on, Tobi wonders?" Tobi asked, scratching the back of his head with his other hand on his hip. I waved a finger at him, shaking my head.
"Nuh-uh. I'm not telling until sleeping beauty over there," I gestured a thumb over my shoulder, "wakes back up!"
----------X----------
"I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be; A little gamblin' is fun when you're with me," I murmured a song as I played blackjack with Deidara and Tobi. All of us were in the commons, reading, talking or playing games until Kakuzu woke up.
"I hate you," Kakuzu mumbled as he sat up, groaning with a hand covering his eyes. I didn't doubt he felt like he had a massive hangover, complete with groggy limbs and stiff neck. I smirked, setting my cards face down on the table to pause our game.
"Are you awake yet?" I said loudly, holding back a laugh as Kakuzu moaned.
"Shut up," He growled, sitting up in his chair.
"Karma's a bitch, huh? Maybe, just maybe, you'll reconsider knocking me out with that damned drug!" I nagged, getting louder until the end of the statement, until I was practically shouting. Kakuzu launched a couch pillow at me, and I dissolved into laughter. Tobi looked at me expectantly, along with the rest of the gang. I waved a hand, quieting my giggles.
"Alright, I'll explain my genjutsu," I announced. "Basically, instead of casting an illusion on a human target, I surrounded Kakuzu with chakra-conducting wires. I projected my illusion through my end of the wires, making it surround him like a circular movie screen," I explained. Deidara looked puzzled still, and Kisame slapped me on the back in some form of congratulation.
"Wait, yeah. That still doesn't explain why kai didn't dispel your jutsu, yeah," Deidara said. I nodded, and went to continue.
"Since the genjutsu didn't disrupt Kakuzu's chakra, trying to correct the distortion didn't work because there was no distortion!" I finished like a maniac, throwing my fists in the air. Itachi 'hn-ed' in understanding, but Deidara still wasn't satisfied.
"But, how would you dispel a genjutsu like yours then, yeah?" he asked further, and I smiled. Maybe Deidara was brighter than I originally thought.
"Easy! You just grab a wire and use kai!" I said, making it sound like the simplest thing in the world. Kakuzu slapped his forehead in annoyance, only to groan as he set his migraine off again.