"Hello! Rick, did you get my message about Gina? She wants you to sign a new contract."
She sat down on the sofa while she spoke, pulling out several files they needed to review before their upcoming meeting. When she didn't receive a response, she looked up to see him staring out the window.
"Rick, didn't you hear me? I said Gina wants to renegotiate your contract." She stood to hand him the file in her hand, waving it practically under his nose until he turned to notice her for the first time. "Huh? Oh, Paula, you're here."
Paula had looked at him strangely. "Of course I'm here. Haven't you been listening to me?""
He took the file from her, but just set it down unopened on the corner of his desk. "I'm sorry Paula. I'm worried about one of the children."
She rolled her eyes. "Well, get that floozy nanny to take care of it and concentrate on what's really important."
Rick stood and practically ran her out of his office, threatening to send her on a permanent vacation if she continued to speak about Kate that way. Paula stormed into the living room after her unpleasant encounter with the author. "What did *I* do?..." she mumbled. She replayed her conversation with Rick over in her mind, but still didn't understand what had set him off.
"And, since when does he call her Kate?" she speculated.
Needing something to soothe her nerves, she wandered into the kitchen in search of a cup of coffee. She saw Martha standing at the sink and emitted an evil chuckle. My day is already looking up, she thought, then launched her first attack. Martha' only reaction to her jab and was a throaty laugh. Paula started to feel agitated. What is going on here today? She looked closely at her face and tried once more for a response. Perplexed at her unaccustomed silence, she sipped her coffee and watched Martha concentrate on her task.
She would never admit it to anyone, but she admired the woman. It takes a strong woman to be able to raise a child by themselves and an even stronger one with manage a career while doing so. It was why she also like Kate a little too; not that she would ever admit that either.
Setting down her mug, she took a step toward her when she heard Martha sniffle. Martha was crying?She opened her mouth to ridicule her, but something stopped her. A memory. Only one other time in their history had she cried in front of her. That was just after Kyra died.
Entering the kitchen one day a month after the funeral, she'd found Martha leaning against the counter weeping. Uncharacteristically, she had offered comfort and she'd accepted, taking solace from her own pain in return.
"Martha, what is it?"
"Are you still here?"
She ignored the jab and moved next to her and placed her hand lightly on her arm. "Martha?"
With her eyes closed, Martha contemplated what Paula would do with the information if she told her about Mackenzie. She didn't want her to use it against Kate. At length, she looked up at her. In answer, she questioned her abrasively.
"Miss Haas, have you ever lost someone you love?"
Her eyebrows creased with disbelief at the question. Saddened, she answered quietly. "Martha, you already know the answer to that."
She did. She knew better than anyone else. Kyra had been more than just her best friend; she'd been a sister and beloved confidante for over 15 years. Meeting at boarding school and sharing a room in college, they'd been inseparable until graduation when Paula had landed a job with the up-and-coming author, Rick Castle. But even that brief separation didn't last long.
Paula invited Kyra to the first signing she helped Rick with. She proudly introduced her best friend to her handsome boss. Martha smiled at the memory. They fell in love for each other practically on sight.
From the beginning, Paula had an arrogant boldness that propelled her forward in the business world, gaining her a 'dragon-lady' reputation in a very short while. She earned it. Once she decided what she wanted, she held on with a dogged tenacity that frightened normal folks. Paula had been smitten with Rick at the time, but neither he nor Kyra had known it. Only for Kyra would Paula have stepped aside.
She recalled how Kyra's death crushed Paula, cutting her off from the only loving source she'd ever had. She and Rick reacted the same, throwing themselves into work and avoiding all comfort. Paula had become brash and Martha her sworn enemy. Martha reached for a dish towel to wipe his hands, turning towards her.
"Yes, I know, Paula. I know that your heart still aches for her everyday."
The warm, pitying timber in her voice pulled her own grief to the forefront and tears stung her eyes. "It's about Beckett's daughter, isn't it? She's sick again?"
Martha nodded. "The doctor only gave her a few weeks to live."
Paula sighed. "Losing Kyra was so hard. I hate to think what losing a child will do to them. I hope Rick doesn't shut Kate out the way he pushed us away." Martha pulled away and stared at her, obviously floored. "Come on, Martha. I'm not that oblivious. I know they're in love."
"You're not angry? I thought you loved him?"
Paula stepped back to retrieve her briefcase from the counter and started for the door. "Of course I love him. He was the husband of my best friend and my business partner. But I'm not in love with him."
Rick leaned back in his desk chair and stared out the window at the falling leaves while he absently gnawed on the end of his fountain pen. He'd given up on pretending to work after canceling his appointments and sending Paula away. His mind kept racing from Mackenzie, to Kate, to Aiden's words, to Kyra, back to Kate in the kitchen last night, and then back to Mackenzie.
Martha entered the office, moving to lean against the edge of the desk. Rick continued to stare into nothing, methodically drumming his fingers on the desk and chewing on his pen. Martha reached out and plucked it from his fingers.
"If you're hungry, I'll bring you lunch."
Startled out of his reverie, Rick turned to face his mother. "I didn't see you come in."
"So I noticed. Something on your mind?"
Rick looked at his mother. He needed to talk about this or he'd go crazy. "I need your advice, mother." He reached into his desk drawer to retrieve a small black box and showed it to her. Surprised, she opened it and saw an engagement ring inside.
"Oh Richard," Martha said on a sigh.
Rick looked up sardonically at her, who now had tears in her eyes. He couldn't help but tease a little. "You do realize that I bought that for Kate, right?"
Martha glared at him, but feeling so jubilant, she couldn't hold the look. "Did you ask her last night?"
Rick shook his head and picked up his pen again. "I'm not sure I can, especially now."
"Why not?"
He indicated that Martha should have a seat. When she was seated, Rick asked tentatively, "Mother, how do you prepare to lose a child?"
Martha put on her 'Rick-gloves' before addressing his question with one of her own. "Kate told you?"
"Aiden, actually." He threw him an accusing look. "Where he learned to listen in on phone conversations, I'll never know."
Martha cleared her throat and continued on. "Do you see her as your own child?"
Rick nodded. "I do. I love her just as much as Aiden or Alexis. I love her exuberance and joyful spirit. I can't imagine our family now without either one of them."
"I think you already know what to do kiddo. If you'd known that Kyra was going to die, what would you have done?"
Rick sat thoughtful for a moment. "I'd tell her I loved her and spend every waking moment trying to prove it. I would try to make her happy, doing whatever she wanted."
"So, what does she want to do? What would make Mackenzie happy?"
Rick knew. After their late night stories, she'd always kiss his cheek and call him 'Daddy'. He already wanted to marry Kate, but he still felt the guilt rise up at the thought. "How can I? How can I break that promise to her?"
Martha saw the agonized look on his face and understood that the promise he spoke of, was his wedding vow to Kyra. Wanting Rick to connect the dots out loud, he forced him to explain.
"I'm sorry, Richard, but you just played several innings inside your head. May I have the instant replay?"
Rick smiled faintly. "Mackenzie already calls me 'Daddy'. Marrying Kate would make that official and permanent." Martha didn't say anything as she watched Rick's eyes glaze over. Sure his mind raced with thoughts of a certain sexy brunette, but she just waited for him to come back to earth. After a moment, Rick shook his head and continued. "I realized a while ago that I'd fallen in love with Kate. I've tried to keep our friendship platonic, but it's driving me crazy. When she's around, I can't concentrate. When she's not around, I can't stop thinking about her.
His eyes refocused on his mother. "I want to be with her, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm being unfaithful to Kyra."
Martha walked over to rest her hand on Rick's shoulder. "Richard, why are you tormenting yourself with this? Even God only requires that promise 'until death do you part'. Kyra would want you to be happy. "
She nodded as she watched Rick consider her words. Rick knew she was right and decided on a plan of action.
"We're both still afraid of the potential pain. What if it doesn't work out between us?"
Martha paused at the door, studying the grown man before her.
"Don't let the fear of loss cheat you out of a life full of joy."
Rick looked up at his mother, raising his eyebrows in wry amusement. "Pearls of wisdom from your life coaching class?"
Martha grinned. "Nope. Fortune cookie."
Rick stood staring at the plain, tan door. Not having been here before, he had obtained the address through unconventional methods. This must be it, he thought. Well, it's now or never... Fidgeting nervously, he took a deep breath, knocked, and then clasped his hands behind his back.
"Coming," he heard the voice from inside announce. The door swung open to reveal an older man.
"Um, hello," Rick stumbled. "Are you Mr. Beckett?"
Jim nodded. "Can I help you?"
"I'm Richard Castle. I was wondering if I could speak with you. May I come in?"
Jim silently stepped aside and allowed Rick to enter. Rick smiled his thanks taking a moment to look around. He scanned the collection of statues adorning the mantle and inspected at the old family photographs on the wall. Turning around, he wondered briefly if Kate had spent any time here recently. It looked as if there hasn't been more than one occupant for many years. Completely different from what he was used to, yet had a familiarity that he found unappealing. Jim invited him to sit down and offered him something to drink. Once seated on the couch, an uncomfortable silence descended.
Jim tried to initiate the conversation. "So you're the one who has been helping out my Katie and Mackenzie."
Rick nodded as he became nervous. He'd never done this before. "Please, call me Rick. Actually, Kate and Mackenzie are the reason I came." He reached into his pocket to retrieve the ring box.
"I came to you today because I wanted to get your blessing," Rick stated. "I've known your daughter and granddaughter for a few months now and I love them both immensely."
Kate's father still hadn't responded yet, other than to look intently at Rick. Jim crossed his arms and turned to Rick. "You know about Mackenzie?"
Rick nodded slightly. "I love Mackenzie." Tears appeared in his eyes before he could control them. "She already calls me 'Daddy' when we're alone together, I want to make it real while I have the chance."
Jim still stared at Rick as if trying to read his soul. "You want to do this, even knowing what Kate's gonna go through again?"
Rick nodded again. "I know what it's like to lose someone. I can help Kate. I want to be the comfort that she will need."
Jim leaned in a bit to convey his earnestness, his voice quiet and deadly serious. "She's been hurt before..."
"I know. She told me about Will. I don't take this lightly. I plan to love, honor and cherish only her for the rest of my life."
Jim didn't say anything but let his eyes drift down to Rick's wedding ring, then back to his eyes. Rick understood. He pulled off the gold band and held it in his open palm. Staring at it, he tried to explain.
"I will always love my first wife and the mother of my children. Loving Kate won't diminish that. In fact, she encourages all of us to express it. She's helped us learn to talk about her and share our happy memories. Your daughter has done so much for me, helping us to become a family again. She's teaching us all to be confidant, to have fun and to love each other."
He looked up at the man sitting attentively on the sofa. "I won't deny that I resisted falling in love with her because of the guilt, but I've accepted that my wife would have wanted me to be happy and for her children to have a mother's love."
He closed his fist around the wedding band. "I'm still afraid of opening my heart. I never want to feel the pain of losing another love again. But I can't help it. I think I started falling for her that first night in the hospital."
He looked down one more time at the ring, then silently slid it into his pocket. For the first time, Jim smiled and slightly nodded his head. Rick breathed a sigh of relief. Now he just needed to convince Kate.
"So, when are you gonna ask her?"
"Well, I hoping to ask her around 9 tonight. I want to take Kate somewhere alone to give her the chance to say no. Would you like to come over to my loft?"
"How soon do you plan on doing this? Katie's been engaged before and things didn't turn out so good."
"If she says yes, then by the end of the week."
"You can find a place that quickly?" Jim asked, astonished.
Rick shook his head. "Given the circumstances, I think we should just marry at my home. I'll talk to my priest today. Would you be able to come?"
Rick felt a little embarrassed asking the man to attend his only daughter's wedding, but judging how Kate spoke of their relationship and the relieved look on Jim's face as he nodded, he'd done the right thing.
"Is there anyone besides yourself that I should invite?"
"Katie's always wanted a large wedding, but that big party can wait."
Rick smiled his appreciation at his understanding. He looked at his watch and realized he needed to get going in order to pull this off. He stood, offering his hand. "Thank you Mr. Beckett, and please, not a word to Kate."
He stood and stared at Rick's hand for a full five seconds before gripping it firmly. Rick felt an incredible gratitude. He wanted this, craved it actually, for himself and his whole family. This experience only strengthened his resolve that he was doing the right thing.