Chapter 18

I Can't Do This!

[Jade's POV]

~Flashback~

I closed and locked the bathroom door before I opened the pink box and read the instructions carefully. I then took a small cup and peed right into it before setting down on the bathroom floor beside the toilet as I cleaned myself up.

I then took the pregnancy test and brought it to the bathroom floor with me as I sat crossed legged taking the small end of the stick and dipping it into my pee before gently setting it back down on the floor and waiting the 4 minutes it promised.

I should be scared, but I'm not. I should be ashamed of the things I've done, but I'm not.

Beck and I fuck all of the time okay. It's just what we do. Sometimes we use protection and sometimes we don't. But lately we have been lacking protection not for any for real reason…it just feels better you know?

But the past few weeks I've been feeling…not like myself. And it wasn't until I started throwing up in the mornings that I realize maybe…..maybe I'm pregnant!

This excites me so much.

I cover my eyes as I take a deep breath and look down at the pregnancy test that is on the floor beside me.

II Pregnant

My lips turned into a huge smile as I felt a warm loving feeling in my heart that I never felt before.

"Oh my god." I smiled and whispered to myself as I felt tears form into my eyes.

I know I know nothing about babies and I know I'm only 15 years old but I can do this. I already love it so much! This is so big for me because this baby is somebody I can love and someone who will love me back. Genuinely love me back. This baby won't judge me. It won't hurt me. It won't tell me I'm worthless, I'm stupid, I'm a waste of air. This baby is my love. And I love this baby. I'm already willing to die for it. I can't wait to tell Beck! Oh my god he'll be so happy!

I yanked open the bathroom door to see my Aunt Riley (my mother's sister that I've been staying with since the incident, but she's just like my mother. It must run in the family.) standing right in front with her arms crossed.

"What are you doing in there Jade?"

"Nothing." I say as I pushed passed her.

It wasn't until about 4 months into my pregnancy when I couldn't hide my baby bump anymore that I finally had to tell my mother.

"…Riley?" I asked as I walked into her room.

She grunted loudly as she sat laid out on her bed. "What Jadelyn?"

"I have to tell you something…"

"Look I don't have time for-"

"-I'm pregnant."

All of a sudden the room went quiet as she sat up and looked at me. "You're what?" She asked with so much disbelief.

"I'm pregnant."

She crossed her arms as she shook her head. "Fuck right?"

I sighed. "I'm keeping it okay. I just wanted to let you know. I can't hide it anymore."

I watched as she removed her cover and stood up. "What do you mean you can't hide it?"

I lifted up my shirt to reveal the small baby bump I've been hiding for some time.

"Oooh! So you waited to tell me?" She laughed as she crossed her arms.

I just nodded as she walked closer to me. "Who the hell do you think you are Jade? Your mother would be so disappointed in you! Going out having fucking sex? You're only 15 years old! You can't take care of nobody's damn baby! Who's the damn father?"

"Beck."

"Have you told Mr. Beck the news?"

I nodded. "He's excited and I am too. I can do this mom."

She shook her head. "You can't even keep your room clean! What makes you think you can take care of a baby!?"

"I can do it. Just leave me alone Riley okay. This is my baby and you can't do anything about that."

She shook her head and sighed as she looked away from me. "Have you told him the bad news?"

I shook my head. "What bad news?"

She turned back to me. "That you had a miscarriage."

I shook my head in confusion before it dawned on me what she was going to do to me. My eyes got wide as I turned and took off running with her right behind me.

I didn't barley even make it out of her room door before she grabbed my arm and yanked me around to her.

"Riley pleas-hmpppf!"

I lost all breath as I felt her fist punch me with so much force in my stomach before another one followed.

I fell to the floor as I screamed and cried for her to stop but she didn't. She kicked me three times in my stomach before she knelt down beside me and put a gentle arm on my shoulder and rubbed. "You should call him and tell him the news." She said simply before she walked back over to her bed and laid back down as if nothing happened.

I held my stomach and cried.

All the love in the world, the one and only person that would have loved me no matter what, my life, my love, my child…I know is gone and so is my life.

~End Flashback~

I wiped a tear that fell down my face as I gripped the stirring wheel harder.

I finally pulled into a nearby bar and didn't waste any time going in and taking shot after shot.

Fuck life right now. Fuck Cat, fuck Italy, Fuck Ikenzie, Fuck Isis, Fuck Tori, Fuck Beck, Fuck every fucking body and every fucking thing! I just don't give a shit!

[Monica's POV]

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK

"Monica!"

"Yes?" I asked through the door as I finished off tying the white loose ribbon to my ponytail.

Tonight I'm going out with my gi…Isis. It's still kind of weird saying that I have a girlfriend. And of course my parents knows nothing about it. I want to tell them…but I don't. I don't and it's not because I'm scared of what they'll think about me being with a female it's that they are not cool with her parents. So if I say that I'm going with their daughter my parents will most likely tell me I can't date her. So I'm just keeping all secrets aside.

"What are you doing tonight? Want to go out?" I heard Kaylee ask as she busted in my room.

"One, I never said come in and two, I'm going out already."

"Going out with who?" She asked as she crossed her arms.

"My friends from school."

She sighed as she waved me off. "You are always out with them! And plus you are getting meaner!"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not getting meaner. Kaylee we'll go out tomorrow. I promise."

"You promise, promise?"

"Yes." I stated as I kept my looking in the mirror.

"Yay!" She squealed as she exited my room.

Sisters….

[Isis's POV]

I checked myself in my mirror one last time before grabbing my bag and keys and heading out of my room.

"Hey, are you leaving?"

I turned around to the small voice that belonged to Cat before I crossed my arms and nodded. "Yeah, just for a little bit."

She nodded. "Okay, be careful okay?" She said sadly as she put her head down and headed back into her room.

What the hell is wrong with her?

I uncrossed my arms and walked the few feet to her room before opening her door.

She stood in front of her bed just staring at it and I could tell she was in a day dream.

"Cat."

She didn't budge.

"Caterina."

Still nothing.

"MOM!"

She jumped at my voice before she turned to me with teary eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I walk over to her and grab her into a hug. She buried her head in my chest (she's shorter than me) and started to sob lightly before I gently pushed her away so I could talk to her.

"What's wrong? What happened? Where's Jade?"

She shrugged. "She left."

"She left? She left why?"

She shrugged. "I don't want to talk about anything." She said as she wiped her eyes and stretched. "Go ahead and go with Monica."

I looked at her wide eyed. "What?" I shook my head.

"I know you are still hanging out with Monica. It's fine with me. If you love someone, you love someone, you will do anything to be with them and I don't mind."

I smiled at her as I gave her a kiss on her head. "What happened for Jade to hate Monica's parents so much?"

She waved me off and shook her head. "It's a long story. We'll worry about it later. Go be with your girlfriend okay. Have fun."

I nodded as I walked out of her room.

Damn nothing gets passed her...

[Cat's POV]

"Ceeeeattttt!"

Oh my god!

I hurried from our bathroom and started to turn off every light in our room before jumping under the covers and closing my eyes.

Maybe if I pretend I'm sleep, she won't bother me.

I heard our room door bust open as I closed my eyes tight in the darkness.

"Here kitty, kitty, kittyyyy. I, can't see shit! Who turned off the light?"

I know Jade has to be completed wasted. I could smell the stench of alcohol right when she entered the door. I hate the smell. I hate when she gets drunk. She's..a whole different person. Still abusive? Yes. Still loving. Sometimes. But she's just a monster.

I squinted my closed eyes as bright lights shone in my face.

"Kitty…are you wakea?"

I peaked through one of my eyes to see her in my face shining her phone into it.

I sighed.

"Jade, please go to bed okay?"

"Andddd misss this!?' She said dropping her phone and stretching out her arms.

Miss what!?

I threw the covers off me before I walked over to the lights and turned them on. "Baby, please go to bed.

"Damnn, Cataline you are so fucking sexy, you know that right?"

"It's Caterina."

"My name is Jade." She slurred pointed a crooked finger at me.

I faced palmed myself before throwing my head back. I so don't want to deal with her tonight.

"Jade, baby please. Just come to bed okay?"

She gave me a creepy smile as she walked slowly too me grabbing my arms roughly. "I'll come to bed, you come with me."

"Jade no. Not tonight. You need to get some rest okay."

She reached behind me and turned off the light before roughly smashing her mouth against mine.

"J…Ade…sto..op!" I struggled to say as she jammed her tongue into my mouth and pinned me against the wall.

"No kitty. It's just getting funnn."

She moved her kisses from my mouth to my neck and instantly gave the hardest bite she's ever given causing me to scream out in pain.

"Ahhhhh! Jade pleaseee! Stop!"

She didn't seem to care about my cries as her hands yanked down my pajama pants.

I tried to push her off of me but her body pressed against mine harder pinning my small body to the wall where I couldn't move a muscle under her.

"Awhhhhh! Jade! Please that hurts!" I yelled out again as she gave my neck another excruciating pain bite.

"Baby….don't teeeeelll me you can't take a smeeeall sexy ass bite!?" She said as she bit me once again.

She then let her fingers slide slowly up my thigh and to my center before sliding her fingers inside the fabric that is my panties.

"Jade…don't." I cried as I whispered in her ear.

"Shhhh." Was I heard before she jammed her dry finger inside of me. My head fell back against the wall hitting it with much force as a piercing scream escaped my lips at the burning to fire sensation of her finger jabbing in and out of me.

"Jadeeeeeeee! Stopp! Pleaseeee it hurts so bad!"

"Don't tell me Kitty can't take a little pain? I always take pain."

I started to hit her and punch her as hard as I could, but the pain below was too much for me so it weakened my strength.

"Why are you doing this to me!?" I cried as she slipped a second dry finger in me making the fire sensation ten times worse.

"Ahhhhh! Pleaseeeeeee!"

She leaned in and bit my neck again as she jammed her fingers in me harder.

I felt myself start to lubricate which made things fell slightly better but I knew this wasn't my normal lubricant. This had to be blood.

"Jadeee pleaseeeeee stopppp!" I cried but still no use. I just closed my eyes and tried to pretend I was anywhere but here right now.

"JADE! STOP IT!" I heard a small voice yell as the lights in the room went on.

All of a sudden Jade yanked her fingers from me as I slowly opened my eyes and looked over to where I heard the small voice.

I watched as Ikenzie leaned against the wall and cried as she looked over at us as tears fell from my own eyes.

"You! Howwww many times, do I have to tell youuuuu to fucking knock!? Jade slurred and talked in different pitches.

"Jade…stop." Ikenzie cried harder.

"Baby, everything is okay. Go to your room." I said to her as I wiped my eyes.

She just shook her head as she slowly turned to leave but turned back around to us. "I just don't u, understand!" She cried before she finally left.

All of a sudden I felt a burning slap go across my face.

"You stupidddddd bitycch! You are supposed to lock the door!"

"Ughhh!" I screamed as I tried to push out of her grip but she held me tighter.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"

"Jade just let me go!" I fought against her but she's stronger. She's always been stronger.

"You don't love me anymore Cat? Huh!?" She said as she looked me directly in my eyes and I can't even believe the tears that filled hers at the question.

I want to say that I love her. I want to, but….this cycle…it has to stop.

"Not right now I don't." I said softly and she instantly let me go.

"What?" She asked with a sad face. "Fine. I'll sleep downstairs!"

"Fine! Good! Do that!" I yelled back as she waved me off and headed out of the room after giving me a huge blow to the stomach.

I hunched over and slid down the wall to my butt as I just sat and cried.

I….ughhh I can't do this!

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