The only way I'm going to be able to get through today is to avoid Jess. We usually talk about things but what happened last night is something we'll just have to avoid for awhile. I got up this morning with every intention of talking to her but when I saw her face, I just couldn't. Instead, I panic moonwalked away, back to my room and back to my misery.
I had an escape plan. I was going to go with Schmidt and Winston to an Indian marriage convention because Schmidt is still on his mission of stalking CeCe. I don't know why I didn't think Jess would show up too. But she was there, as attractive as ever, maybe even more so. I freaked out when I saw her though, I panic moonwalked again like I did this morning. Winston caught up with me and asked what was up. He told me to apologize to Jess. Apologize? I guess that's my only option. It's the last thing I want to do. I wanted everything to go so much differently. But who am I kidding? She's got the doctor and I'm just a friend.
The whole rest of the day was weird. Weird is the only word I can think of to describe it. I made an effort to apologize for kissing her and telling her it didn't mean anything but she could only accuse me by saying it actually did mean something to me. Which is true but she doesn't need to know that. I can't possibly tell her it did because it wasn't the same for her. I thought it did last night but she was probably just caught up in the moment. We bantered back and forth about it all day. Something good did happen though-she and Sam broke up. I'm a little confused as to why she told him about what happened between her and I, but I'm not complaining. I guess Jess is just too good of a person to hide something like that from her boyfriend. I'm not exactly sure what she said to him but it was enough to make him end things. And hit me.
This evening was weird too. Maybe I should have just left her alone with her wine and Taylor Swift CD but I don't want things to change with us. If this had been someone else that had hurt her, I'd be there for her, talking to her, trying to cheer her up. I said some stupid stuff about being a homewrecker but then I finally manned up and really apologized to her. I didn't accuse her of it meaning something to her or any of that, but I flat out told her I was sorry and wouldn't do it again. I didn't want to say that because nearly every minute of my life, I want to do it again. But a relationship is never one-sided and as much as it hurts, I can't make her change her mind. I gave her an awkward hug goodnight and watched some TV with some beer to try to keep my mind off of everything, but she's all I can think about.