This chapter also features a short "300" parody
Chapter 34-Enough of the Sad Sh*t! Let's Get Back to the Story!
Lucario and his team traveled the ravages of the Northern Continent. It took almost 2 weeks to reach Czasuko City, but they finally reached it one sunny Friday morning. They decided to eat a breakfast upon the mountaintop bordering the city of Czasuko.
Lucario: Everyone! Ready your breakfast and eat hearty! Because, TONIGHT, WE DINE IN HELL!
Lilly: I brought Poffins! (holds Poffin box up)
Narrator: Her Poffins were immediately gobbled up by Absol, Houndoom, and Darkrai. Afterward, they decided to descend down the mountain until they reached the front entrence to Czasuko City. They were allowed in with very little suspicion aimed at them. The city seemed rather...what would be a correct word for something that doesn't look oppressed, but not utopian? Anyway, it looked rather healthy for a Communist wasteland. It was deceivingly normal—too normal.
Absol: This doesn't look very Communist to me!
Lucario: (shushes) Absol! We're trying to seem normal here! Don't bring attention to us! (to rest of group) Where is Mewtwo's Palace?
Darkrai: Perhaps it is that large building in the middle of the city. (points at large building)
Houndoom: That seems very likely, especially seeing the giant neon sign that says "Mewtwo's Palace."
Lucario: I see. But we cannot try and get in right now! We need to wait until night.
Lilly: What shall we do until then?
Lucario: Well, for one, put on some heavy makeup! Wear this cloak! (gets out cloak fetched from garbage and makeup) Chances are, there are wanted posters for us everywhere!
Lilly: Yes, Lucario! (jumps into alley to change)
Lucario: In the meantime, be on guard! Do NOT bring attention to us!
Narrator: So they stayed in town for the day. Lilly did what Lucario said without looking suspicious. Things went by as normal as they can in a Communist dump. Night-time fell, then came midnight. Lucario and the gang snuck toward the giant wall that separated the palace from the rest of the city. Houndoom found a peephole to see what was in front of the door. There were no guards in sight.
Darkrai: I do not sense any guards outside.
Lucario: That is not a good sign. They are planning something. I can feel it!
Narrator: Houndoom dug a hole opening on the opposite side of the wall, just like the one with the prison break. Again, no alarms were set off. It's almost as if Mewtwo wanted Lucario to come. They eventually reached the other side where Lucario gave a rousing battle speech.
Lucario: It is the battle we wage to destroy Mewtwo! It ends with this! We may not survive. I will not for certain, for it is my destiny to rescue the world from evil. Mewto will fall! But so will I. It is for the better of the world I do this. It is the only way.
Absol: Does this mean?—
Darkrai: You are right. It is up to you.
Houndoom: Who will be the next heir to the Aura Guardianship?
Lilly: Why, it will be the life growing inside of me! Lucario! You cannot let me be a single mother! Our child will need a father!
Narrator: Houndoom, Darkrai, and Absol were agasped. Lucario's jaw was on the ground. Nobody knew Lilly was pregnant!
Lucario: I am finally a father...(feels Lilly's face and abdomen)You will not be alone. You will have the entire village to help you raise this child. He will be the next Aura Guardian. (comforting) My friends will take care of the father duties!
Lilly: What if I lose him?
Lucario: You will not. There is an angel watching to be sure our child survives. (both kiss) I will always love you.
Narrator: Out of nowhere, Whitney Houston's song, "I Will Always Love You," started playing.
Houndoom: Oh, my f*ck! DO NOT SLIP THAT ANNOYING SONG IN AT THE LAST MINUTE! TURN IT THE F*CK OFF! (song stops playing)
Lucario: We shall commence Communist *sswhooping! WHO'S WITH ME!?
Narrator: The entire group cheered for a hopeful victory before entering the palace with very little struggle. Why was that door open for them?
It's almost over! But there will a cost to freedom