A/N: Okay guys, this chapter has quite a few songs in it in the second half. they aren't just random songs that have no meaning or use, they are songs that are actually describing their feelings, so try read them. I know alot of people just skip the music parts in these fics (Im guilty of that too sometimes) but they really are quite important and blend in with the story.
A/N: thank you for all the alerts, favs, reviews and follows. really appreciate it. we is a family, us Gleeks needs to stick together.
Chapter 6: How to cure loneliness.
The first 20 minutes of the car journey back to the Hudmel home was in an uncomfortable silence. Kurt didn't know what to say or do to the poor boy, after hearing his story, it left the paler boy feeling cold, empty and angry at the world for giving Noah such a shit hand. One of the many things he had picked up from Noah's confession was that the boy was incredible lonely. That's why he offered Noah to stay at his tonight because Finn would be there, that and he was petrified that if he left the house without Noah, he may never see him again. The thought in itself made Kurt nauseous. While Noah was packing an over night bag full of clothes (an easy feat, now that his clothes were sorted out) Kurt had called Santana asking her to stay the night as well. Of course she was dubious at first, considering Kurt and Santana had never had a 1 to1 sleep over before, but once Kurt mentioned that Noah would be there, she had begun packing her own over night bag before even hanging up the phone.
"You are Okay with seeing Finn and Santana tonight right?" Kurt finally said, trying to break the silence which actually seemed incredibly loud to his own ear drums. "It's just if your not up for company, we'll all completely understand."
Noah didn't reply, not for a long time. He just sat there in the passenger seat, shoulders hunched over, looking exhausted whilst staring at the scenery out the window. It must had been a good half minute (which felt like half hour) before he finally replied. "Yeah, it'll be good to have the Jungle Cats back together again, hasn't been us 3 in an intimate setting for months now"
"Jungle Cats?" Kurt asked cheerfully, preying to god that the laughter building up inside him didn't escape. It would be extremely inappropriate to laugh in a broken man's face and Kurt was more classy then that, although the name Jungle Cats sounded ridiculous.
"Yeah, Me, Finn and Satan came up with it when we about six or seven. Our own little crew, consisting of us three" Kurt looked over and sure a glimmer of a fond smile light up Noah's face. Ok now he was feeling a tiny bit guilty for finding it funny, considering they came up with it whilst young children.
"Why Jungle Cats?"
"Dunno, it's a fucking retarded name" Kurt had to agree with that, silently of course. "Finnessa came up with it, something about us being wild and energetic, protective of our own and shit. Suited us pretty well and because we were dumbass kids, we thought the name was epic. Then we all hit puberty and I was like 'fuck this shit, we're not babies anymore, the crew name sucks' but Satan thought it was nice to keep it, for memories and shit. Then we actually started falling into actual Jungle Cat roles"
"Like cleaning your assholes with your own tongue and eating dead animals?" Kurt blurting out, trying to defuse the tension in the car but by the way Noah was now staring at him, his eyes narrowed and jaw set, Kurt thought maybe it wasn't the best thing to say. And then… Noah laughed. Like proper chuckled, loudly and it sounded beautiful to Kurt.
"Oh my god, Kurt! That was fucking awesome. Jesus I don't remember the last time I actually laughed like that." Noah breathed, trying to compose himself from his recent giggly fit. When he did actually calm down, which took a good 5 minutes, he continues talking. "No as in, Santana became this feisty dark woman, prowling around and ripping people down who got in her way, much like a Panther. Finn became captain of all these shitty clubs and sports teams and everyone saw him as a leader, like a Lion. Then there was me, or Puck, or maybe a mixture of both that went around the halls of school, seducing the panties off every girl I could get, and I got loads. Became an expert in the bedroom, a right Tiger"
Kurt blushed furiously, and thanks to his pale skin, it was even visible to Noah in the darkened car, he gripped the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles went white and he kept his gaze locked forward.
"Ah shit, didn't mean to make it awkward talking about sex princess, I forgot what it's like to be a blushing virgin" if Noah was making a joke, it didn't sound like it. He sounded genuinely sorry and slightly worried.
"I'm not a blushing virgin, I was just caught off guard by your comment Noah" Kurt finally turned in his head towards the 'Tiger', as his car made the last leg on the journey, to find wide hazel eyes gaping at him. "What" he asked confused.
"Blaine fucked you?" Noah sounded genuinely shocked and Kurt didn't know if he should be insulted for 'appearing a prude' or complimented for 'appearing innocent'.
"Nope"
"Wait, What? You cheated on Blaine?" more gaping and eyes even wider apart. Kurt would have found it unnerving if it wasn't for the mans completely inaccurate assumption.
"No, I've only ever slept with Blaine"
"I'm seriously confused dud- princess, if Blainers never fucked you, how are you not a virgin? You do understand what a virgin is right?" Noah asked slowly as if talking to a toddler. Kurt throw back his head and burst into laughter causing Noah's face to scrunch up in even more confusion. He also looked kind of irritated with the sudden laughter and lack of answers Kurt was providing, so the paler boy stopped laughing and decided to bite the bullet and divulge a little of his sex life to the worlds biggest man whore.
"Blaine never fucked me because I was always too busy fucking him. Often. Multiple times a day if the occasion arrived" Kurt said, keeping his expression innocent and voice casual like they were discussing the weather -
"OH MY GOD! WHAT!" Noah yelled in surprise, his face looked a picture, a mixture of disbelief, confusion and, was that arousal and pride?
"We're here" Kurt said, surprisingly evenly. His voice never betraying him although the look in Noah's eye got him a bit hot under the collar. Before he could say or do anything stupid, well more stupid, he jumped out of his navigator. Just as he closed the door he swore he heard Noah muttering to himself, something that sounded suspiciously like 'totally explains Hobbits weird walk'
When he opened the door to his house, he ushered Noah inside first, which gave him a perfect view of the jewish teens tight round ass. What I wouldn't give to be inside that for a night. snapping himself out of his inappropriate thoughts with a violent shake of his head, he told Noah to go unpack his things in Finn's room.
"So, how bad is he?" Santana's voice came to the pale boys ear as she sauntered out of his kitchen wearing a night dress that left very little to the imagination. If Kurt were straight and a slut, he would've pounced on her, there and then. Luckily for him, he was neither of those two, so simply appreciated her beauty with his eyes and not his hands.
"Not good at all, like really bad" Kurt whispered, once the Latina was close enough to hear.
"Ok" Santana said slowly as she placed herself down on the coach in the living room, gesturing for Kurt to sit beside her. "On a scale of 1 to 100, 1 being Rachel didn't get a solo and 100 being Karosky after being outed. Where does he place"
Kurt sat beside her and looked her dead in the eye. "100" he whispered. Santana froze, dead. Her usual dark skin lost all its colour immediately and she began chewing on her bottom lip as tears flooded her eyes. "He had Pills and Vodka under his bed and when I got there he looked so defeated. I honestly believe that if I hadn't gone over there tonight, he would have taken them, and believe me, there was enough pills and drink to take down an elephant"
"I don't.. when.. How did it get so bad? Why haven't I noticed this crap. Fuck I'm such an awful friend, what can I do?" She looked like a frantic maniac, a frantic maniac who may be sick at any moment.
"Be here. He has so many issues, his main one being loneliness. Let him know your around. That's why I invited you tonight, he misses you but wont admit it because he doesn't want to have to split your time between him and brit- oh hey guys" Kurt stood up as his brother and Noah came hoping down the stairs. Finn with a dopey grin on his face. nothing new there then. and Noah looked equally as happy and he practically rushed across the room and dragged Santana in his arms.
"I'll go make us some drinks, Finn come and help please" Kurt quickly said as he dragged his brother towards the kitchen to tell him what he had just told Santana. Looking back over his shoulder, he saw said girl still clinging onto her best friend like her life depended on it, tears silently falling from her face, and Noah was none the wiser.
They sat talking for hours, Kurt mainly remained silent, due to the majority of the conversation was about the Jungle Cats adventures when they were younger. Kurt didn't mind, he actually enjoyed watching the three teens across from him. Finn kept bouncing up and down on the sofa when a story came up which he was fond of, waving his hands animatedly as he told the tale. Santana was cuddled into Noah's side, laughing and chipping in when she thought the conversation needed an insult, usually about a persons looks or behaviour. It was Noah who took most of Kurt's attention though. The handsome boy had his arm wrapped securely around the Latina and was smiling from ear to ear. A smile that didn't dim, not once. And it was beautiful.
"Kurt, you play piano right?" Santana asked once the conversation died down a bit, confused by the question, Kurt simply nodded. "Noah, I want to sing you a song" this gained confused faces from the other two boys as well, as Santana skipped of down into the basement (known as the Hudmels music room).
Shrugging his shoulders, Finn got up and followed, prompting Kurt and Noah to do the same. As they reached each other, Noah throw his arm around Kurt's shoulder and it caused the smaller boy to wince.
"What's wrong with your shoulder?" Noah asked, concerned. When Kurt didn't reply, because he knew exactly what was wrong, Noah took charge. He stopped Kurt just as they reached the basement door and turned him around to look at the bigger boy. Then slowly, Noah's fingers worked his way up Kurt's shirt and began unbuttoning it, hazel eyes remaining on the paler boys blues. Kurt found this all strangely erotic and although this wasn't going to lead to anything, he still found himself holding with breath and hoping his cock would stop twitching with anticipation.
As Noah pulled the opened shirt off the younger boys slender shoulders, he let out a small gasp as his eyes settled on newly formed, finger print bruises. "Shit Kurt, I'm so sorry" he whispered as he's fingers ghosted over the purple marks, sending a shiver down Kurt's spine. Noah rested his forehead against the countertenor's as he continued to slide his rough fingers across the pale skin.
"Don't be, I slapped you across the face, consider us even"
"Equals"
"The same"
"Partners" Noah whispered, so close to Kurt's mouth, that the younger boy could literally taste Noah on his lips, Cinnamon and masculine sweat. Their eye's locked once more and Kurt felt his head slowly tilting unconsciously to the side as Noah mirrored his movements, tilting his head to the other. The Jewish boys hands left the bruises on Kurt's shoulders and slightly rested on the pale, flushed cheeks of the countertenor's face. just a little bit closer and -
"Kurt, Santana's ready for you" Finns voice came from the bottom of the stairs, breaking the spell and causing the two teens to retract from each other as if they had been burned. Clearing his throat, Kurt quickly did up the buttons on his Marc Jacobs and ran down the basement stairs. Fucking hell! Too close. I don't know whether to kiss Finn or kill him for interrupting.
Once everyone was down in the basement, Finn and Noah sat on the couch, the latter refusing to met Kurt's eye as he sat down on the piano stall and let Santana whisper him the song. With a smile and a nod, he began to play.
(Santana Lopez - I Will Be)
(Leona Lewis version)
There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go
I know I let you down
But it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go
I will be, all that you want
And gather myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything OK
I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly
You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe, cause you're here with me
And if I let you down
I'll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go
I will be, all that you want
And gather myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything OK
Cause without you I cant breathe
I'm not gonna ever, ever let you leave
You're all I've got, you're all I want
Yeah
And without you I don't know what I'd do
I can never, ever live a day without you
Here with me, do you see,
You're all I need
I will be, all that you want
And gather myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything OK
Once the song finished, Santana threw her arms round a tearful Noah and Finn patted him casually on the back for comfort, giving Kurt enough him to quickly dry his tear stained face. Santana's song was beautiful and so deep, it said exactly what Noah needed to hear and exactly what Santana needed to say.
Finn then jumped up and declared he too wanted to dedicate a song to his best friend. ohh dear, this is even gonna go so right or so wrong, Kurt thought as he walked across the room and sat gingerly on the coach, luckily with Santana separating him from the bronze boy. Finn jumped down on the stall behind his drums and again pointed out this song was to Puck, causing Kurt to roll his eyes fondly at his brother.
(Finn Hudson - I'll Be Okay)
(Mcfly Version)
When everything is going wrong
And things are just a little strange
It's been so long now
You've forgotten how to smile.
And overhead the skies are clear
But it still seems to rain on you,
And your only friends all have
Better things to do.
When your down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When your down and lost
Along the way
Oh, just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK
Now things are only getting worse
And you need someone to take the blame
When your lover's gone
There's no-one to share the pain
Your sleeping with the TV on
And your lying in an empty bed
All the alcohol in the world
Could never help me to forget
When your down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When your down and lost
Along the way,
Just try a little harder
Try your best to make it
Through the day,
Oh just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK
You're not alone (you're not alone)
You're not alone (you're not alone)
You're not alone
Just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK
Oh, just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK
Won't you tell yourself
When your down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When your down and lost
Along the way,
Try a little harder
Try your best to make it
Through the day
Oh, just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK
Ah, I'll be OK
Ah, I'll be OK
Thanks Gucci for that! Finn managed to pull of a cheesy rock pop song and still kept it sentimental, which is a feat in itself considering the boy has the emotional range of a tea spoon. Kurt clapped casually along with Santana while Finn and Noah pulled each other in that weird one arm hug thing that he and Blaine did when they split.
"Is that guitar tuned over there?" Noah asked Finn as he pointed towards the solo acoustics guitar in the corner of the room and when Finn nodded enthusiastically, the Jewish boy strolled over and throw the strap over his shoulder and played a few chords for validation. "This, Um… This song is for the three of you I guess" he said sheepishly, keeping his gaze looked on his trainers as he spoke. "a sort of apology of sorts"
(Noah Puckerman - IOU)
(Dappy Version)
Oh I-I owe you, but how come it's took me this long to say it,
cause I been hiding the truth, didn't think I'd let you in on this shit,
but you know I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, you see I've tried this on my own
ohh I-I owe you, imagine if i never got to see you again
Noah finally looked up and stared directly in Finns eyes.
I'm gonna bite my tongue next time that you're speakin', cause you deserve the time of day,
I abused your kindness with my weakness, and threw it in your face, way to go, way to go, what a joke, I'm a joke,
if only you could see how I feel, you bite your tongue next time that I'm screaming, see I ain't angry with you, there's no escaping what I've done
I-I hope you, hear these words, Lord strike me down if any, one of them's untrue,
you are the reason I am what I've become, I-I owe you even though you don't want nothing,
I owe you one.
He gave Finn a warm apologetic smile and turned his gaze to Kurt, who shifted slightly uncomfortably.
Hand on heart I don't think there's any other way to say this,
but I admit being a prick didn't do me any favours,
I mean I've been called every name under the sun's
in my eyes, but it feels pitch black inside,
I swear I put you so through much now
I couldn't lie to you if I tried,
I admit acting a fool didn't do me any favours,
Imagine if I never got to see you again
Kurt sudden found it had become difficult to breath, this man, this boy had bullied him, relentlessly for years and only today had he finally found out the reason and had been apologised to, three times now. A single tear fell from his eye and he gave Noah a polite shy smile as the tanned boy's eyes found Santana.
I bite my tongue next time that you're speakin',
cause you deserve the time of day
I abused your kindness with my weakness,
and threw it in your face,
way to go, way to go, what a joke, I'm a joke,
if only you could see how I feel,
you bite your tongue next time that I'm screaming,
see I ain't angry with you, there's no escaping what I've done
I-I hope you, hear these words,
Lord strike me down if any, one of them's untrue,
you are the reason I am what I've become,
I-I owe you even though you don't want nothing, I owe you one
Finally feeling more confident in himself, Noah belted out the last bit to all of them.
I swear I'll bite my tongue next time that you're speakin',
cause you deserve the time of day,
I abused your kindness with my weakness,
and threw it in your face,
way to go, way to go, what a joke, I'm a joke,
if only you could see how I feel,
you bite your tongue next time that I'm screaming,
see I ain't angry with you, there's no escaping what I've done
I-I hope you, hear these words,
Lord strike me down if any, one of them's untrue,
'cause you are the reason I am what I've become,
I-I owe you even though you owe me nothing, I owe one
I-I owe you, but you owe me nothing, cause I owe you one.
Everybody clapped when Noah finished and placed the guitar back in the corner. Santana and Finn grabbed the bronze boy and pulled him into what looked like a painful hug, all three of them had tears in their eyes. Kurt just sat there, watching awkwardly. He forgave Noah completely and had no qualms in telling him so, but he didn't trust himself to get too close to the boy, especially after what happen not 15 minutes ago upstairs, so instead he gave a nod of approval when Noah's eyes found him.
"What about you Hummel, you got a song in that little rainbow glittery heart of yours" Santana asked as she came back to sit on the couch with Finn sitting beside her. Kurt got up to offer Noah his seat. it was only good manners after all, and Kurt was an excellent host and would not have a guest sitting on the floor. Noah walked past him with out a single glance and took the seat, Finn and Santana looked at the pale boy expectantly. oh shit, they thought I got up to sing! Ah crap, guess I got to sing to him then.
"Erm, this is for Noah, by the way thank you for your apology, I appreciate it, even though I accepted it the first 2 times. So I'm going to repeat a promise I made to you earlier, through song."
(Kurt Hummel - Fix you)
(Cold Play version)
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
Kurt found it awkward singing directly into someone's face for the duration of the song, especially when that person was causing his stomach to roll over and heart pound in his chest, but as a true performer, he fought through it all, and kept his gaze firmly on the hazel orbs.
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Noah must have noticed Kurt's discomfort because with a soft smile he raised his hand in front of him in hopes that the pale singer would take it. Throwing caution to the wind, Kurt grabbed it and allowed himself to be pulled towards the coach so his body was place in between Noah's legs. Hands still entwined, Kurt looked down at the beautiful man below him and continued to sing.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Once Kurt finished the song, Santana called for a group hug and the next thing he knew, he was squashed in between his brother, his lesbian bestie and his brand new friend, the latter whispered into his ear "Thank you Princess, I wont let you down" and placed a quick warm kiss in the pale boys cheek, a cheek with felt like it had been electrocuted in the best possible way.
After a few moments, Santana demanded Noah have a shower because he stunk of depression and he needed to be nice and fresh for his brand new start in life tomorrow. So with a chuckle, Finn and Noah left the basement so the taller boy could show the muscular teen where the towels and toiletries were.
"So what's the plan, LadyHummel?" Santana asked as they made their way upstairs back to the living area.
"I guess, surround him with as many friends as possible, get him prepared for nationals, study a shit load so he can graduate and help him with college applications or job vacancies. Oh a find him a decent girl who is worthy of his love." Kurt shrugged as he sat down and grabbed a pillow to cuddle.
"Wait, What? Why do we need to go looking for a girl when there maybe someone already decent about, worthy of his love" Santana hinted as she sat on the arm of the couch.
"Satan, don't." Kurt sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes "I know what you're trying to do. I've just got out of a serious relationship," Santana scoffed and Kurt ignored her and continued "Plus Noah is straight" Santana scoffed again, and again Kurt ignored her. "And even if he did become interested in me, it'll be hyper confusing for him and right now he's just too fragile to be dealing with that on top of every-"
"Guys, come listen to this" Finn interrupted as he ran into the room. "Puck's singing in the shower"
Kurt and Santana shared a look and they both bolted up the stairs and pressed their ear against the door to listen.
(Noah Puckerman - Not Alone)
(Mcfly Version)
Life is getting harder day by day
And I don't know what to do, what to say
And my mind is growing weak every step I take
It's uncontrollable. Now they think I'm fake, yeah
Coz I'm not alone, no, no, no
But I'm not alone, no, no, no
I'm not alone.
"The road to recovery begins" Finn said with a huge infectious smile. Kurt and Santana grinned and entwined their pinky fingers together.
As the song continued, they all remained silent, letting themselves be surrounded by the optimism in Noah's voice.
"And you're sure you can't fall in love with that?" Santana's voice came softly into Kurt's ear.
"As much as the idea sounds appealing, in reality I can't fall in love with Noah and he most certainly can't fall in love with me" Kurt whispered loudly, his tone sounding more angered then he truly was.
"Oh please, why not?" Santana scoffed "Just because he's straight and you're a guy -"
"New York" Kurt interrupted and Santana closed her mouth immediately and furrow her brows.
"Oh for fuck sake" Finn growled from behind them. When Kurt and Santana turned to face him, they were met with a face twisted with anger and sadness "I know you two and Rachel are all jazzed about New York, but could you possibly keep the talk to a minimum in my company"
"Why the fuck?! This is our future Frankenteen and we are allowed to be excited" Santana spat back, arms crossing over her chest. super bitch mode.
"Because while you three babble on about how great your life's gonna be, you forget how shit and heartbroken Brittany and I are gonna be for being left behind, and now Puck obviously" Finn whispered violently as he turned to walk back down the stairs. As he got to the top step, he spoke in a louder tone over his shoulder. "It's not that we aren't proud and excited for you guys, but we don't want you to leave or forget us. Puck's finally found a cure for his loneliness, and in 2 months time, that cure will be on a plane ready to forget about him once they land down in New York and I'll left to pick up the pieces on my own, all while I'm nursing a broken heart myself" and with that, he left.
Santana and Kurt silently shared a guilty glance to each other as Noah's voice continued to echo from the bathroom.
Coz I'm not alone
Next Chapter - Blaine Returns with someone on his arm, someone who will definitely shake up Noah's world.