Chapter VII: Dreams Of Padfoot
A magnificent grey and tawny wolf stands facing a vast lake with a dark and foreboding forest at his back. The full silvery moon is reflected off the surface of the water, which is so still it is like a sheet of glass.
Moony throws back his head and howls his grief loud and clear into the surrounding night. His pack is gone. His mate is dead and now his Cub – the Marauders' only Cub – lies fighting for his life.
When he bays his heart out to the moon once more, Moony lies down and listens to his howls reverberate off into the distance. Unexpectedly, there is an answering echo. His ears perk up at the sound. He lifts his nose to catch the familiar scent on the wind and his excitement increases.
"My Mate!" On legs which unexpectedly know no limit, Moony is carried to the place where his heart has always resided. Suddenly, his face is being licked all over and his tail can't stop wagging.
"Padfoot! Padfoot! Padfoot!"
Together again, the mates spend a joyous night wrestling and swimming in the Black Lake. When they have enough of this, they go wild in the Forbidden Forest, as they used to back when they were at school: Running full out, chasing each other and howling into the night (over and over again)! They even catch the occasional glimmer of an elusive, majestic stag!
As the moon is setting, Sirius is embracing the great wolf to his chest and, scratching behind his ears and burying his fingers into the luxurious fur.
"I love you so much Moony and I miss you like mad!" Moony returns the sentiment by licking Sirius' face enthusiastically.
"I know Luv, I know." Sirius laughs, but then he is earnest as he takes Moony's face in his hands and looks into those dearly beloved amber eyes. "You have to listen to me now. You have to look after our Cub Moony. He's not out of the woods yet. Prongs and Lily-Bell and I … we need you to help him … and he needs you." Moony responds by thumping his tail on the ground.
"One more thing Moony, and this is very important … don't be too hard on Severus." Growling meets the mention of that name.
"No Remus. He loves the Cub, and Harry cannot be caught in the middle of our old feud anymore; it's hurting him too much." Moony whines. "It's true Moony. He is struggling so hard for a reason to live, and I'm going to try to go to him but you have to help me here. You and Severus can provide him with everything he needs, in spades, if you can only get along. You can do this Remus; you were always the sensible one Mr Prefect. Harry loves both of you so much and he needs this. I mean this Luv. Our Cub will not make it without both of you!" Moony whines again and licks Sirius' face.
Suddenly, Sirius and Remus are kissing the breath out of each other. When they pull apart, both instinctively know their time is short. Sirius wipes a tear from Remus' face.
"Remember Remus, look after our Cub and don't be too hard on Severus."
Remus simply nods, understanding the urgency of his mate's plea, but too worn-out to offer much more.
"Come cuddle with me Padfoot, until I fall asleep."
"Of course, Moony." Sirius curls around his precious mate, holding him as close as possible, and wishing he never had to let go. He reverently kisses the Mates' Mark behind Remus' ear. "I love you Remus so much, I love you infinitely." He whispers as he buries his nose in Remus' hair.
"I love you infinitely as well Sirius." Too long has it been since he's felt this safe in these arms. Remus reluctantly succumbs to his exhaustion and drifts off into a contented sleep.
~oo0oo~
When those in the infirmary had settled back down to one couple at a time at Harry's side, Severus finally stirred. He approached the bed cautiously, as though Bill and Charlie were dragons protecting their young. Neither spoke, nor showed any sign of enmity, so Severus sat quietly on Harry's bed and took his hand into his own. The quiet remained and in that stillness Severus found it difficult to maintain control on his grief. He was almost thankful when Charlie broke the silence.
"How long have you been in love with him Severus?"
"Too long, considering his current age." Severus responded softly, without taking his eyes from Harry's face.
"We're not condemning you Severus. Harry loves you and if you love him, that's all that's important right now.
"No." Severus shook his head. "What's important right now is to bring him back to us, safe and sound."
"Yes, you're right." Bill interjected. "But that will happen; not if, but when! Then you are going to clear up this whole mess. You'll both be the happier for it."
Unable to continue this conversation, Severus changed the subject.
"Where's Lupin? Why isn't he here when his Godson needs him?"
"Severus," Charlie looked at him incredulously. "Last night was the full moon. Remus must still be home in bed, recovering, seeing as how moon-set was only about half an hour ago."
"Full moon …" Severus repeated slowly. "… With no Wolfsbane?"
"You were a little too busy mending to be making any potions, Severus, especially Wolfsbane." Bill voice was kindly, but Severus just snorted.
"I'm sure that was of great comfort to him last night."
Before Bill could make any kind of reply, they heard an intake of breath from Charlie. Severus and Bill turned astonished eyes upon the werewolf in question.
Remus Lupin, looking battered and torn, was dragging his exhausted body into the infirmary. His goal in sight, he registered nothing but his Cub's still form.
Charlie jumped to his feet and caught Remus just as his footing faltered. He fell into Charlie's arms as Poppy appeared from her office.
"Remus John Lupin! What do you think you're doing? You should be at home resting. I've not seen you this bad off after a full moon in ages!" No one mentioned that before last night, it had been ages since Remus had had to face the full moon without the Wolfsbane Potion. It was as though Remus did not hear a word Poppy had uttered, for he did not take his eyes off of Harry's appearance. "Remus, are you listening to me?"
"My Cub needs me!" He began to struggle from Charlie's hold, but a wasted and wounded Werewolf, the morning after a full moon, was no match for a Dragon Tamer. Charlie spoke gently, as he would to one of his fledgling dragons.
"Come along Remus. Imagine if Harry woke to see you like this? Let's get you cleaned up, and then you can go to him."
"But Padfoot said … Charlie, he needs me now!"
"Trust me Remus, he can wait for this, you can't. You're bleeding and it looks as if you've broken your arm."
"No Charlie, it doesn't matter. Padfoot said our Cub's not out of the woods yet. What happened last night to make him worse?"
"Let's deal Remus." Poppy spoke with her 'Don't mess with the Boss' voice. "Let's get you looked after and while we're doing that, we'll fill you in on everything. How's that?"
"Maybe you can explain to us about Padfoot?" Charlie asked.
"Fine!" Remus sighted in irritated acceptance. "Let's hurry this up then."
Over the next little while Severus and Bill stayed with Harry as Poppy, with Charlie's assistance, tended to Remus' injuries and explained the events of the past few hours. Remus, in turn, spoke of his dream and his need to get to Harry. Once he was cleaned up, Poppy put Remus into hospital pyjamas and let him go.
Severus was hard pressed to contain his jealousy as he watched the Werewolf crawl into bed with 'His Harry!' and carefully pull the boy into his arms.
"It's all right Cub, I'm here now!" Remus kissed Harry's head and held him close to his heart as he spoke quietly of Padfoot, Prongs and Lily-Bell. They were all watching over their Cub, they wanted him to recover and Remus would do whatever it took to support Harry in his recovery.
~oo0oo~
Over the next few weeks Harry's family and friends maintained their vigilance at his sickbed. Having had enough of a scare, they made certain that he was never without at least two people to watch over him (in addition to Severus and Remus). Even after classes resumed, there was a constant supply of whispered encouragements and appeals for his continued strength.
In an unspoken truce, Severus and Remus spelled each other off. Remus stayed with his Cub during the day, to be relieved by Severus in the evenings.
Remus spent all his energies trying to convince his Cub to go on. He simply could not see himself going back to his lonely existence before Harry came back into his life 4 ½ years ago. In truth, he doubted very much that he would survive the loss of the last of his pack.
On Severus' part, he paid little attention to the comings and goings around him and focused on Harry. Whenever he was not teaching, he was with Harry; even if it meant he had to do his class preparations and grading in the Hospital Wing.
Depending on who was in the infirmary at the time, Severus was occasionally granted private time with his Beloved. He took full advantage of such times to hold Harry in his arms, gifting him feathery kisses, and repeating his own mantra.
"Please Dearest, don't leave me." Severus sometimes declared his love, sometimes his need, but always this plea. His only wish was for his Beloved to continue the struggle back to the living.
Draco was also in attendance as much as possible; sometimes for hours at once, sometimes for only a few minutes here and there. Whenever he could free himself from his classwork and his obligations as the new Lord Malfoy, Draco was to be found close at hand.
True to his promise to himself, he never came or went without repeating his plea with a tender kiss and hushed words:
"Don't you give up Baby, don't you dare give up!"
Perhaps the most unusual of all visitors was Dobby, the House Elf. There had never been any question of the elf's enthusiastic devotion to his 'Mister Harry Potter' and weather Harry knew it or not (which in all likelihood he did not), Dobby was bonded to Harry for life. The house elf had taken to popping in to see his wizard at all hours of the day and night – presumably whenever his duties permitted. This in itself was no surprise to anyone who knew anything about Dobby; it was his conduct as he did so that astounded people. Gone was the hyper, energetic little being and in his place was an earnest, quiet Dobby; even his clothing was toned down, though he still wore his trademark mismatched socks. Ever more peculiar was the fact that Dobby had taken it upon himself to make sure Harry always had clean socks, despite Madam Pomfrey's insistence that this was not necessary. She maintained that Harry was plenty warm without the need to wear socks. After several days of hearing this argument, Dobby stopped what he was doing and looked at the Matron with uncharacteristically serious eyes.
"Mister Harry Potter will not wander around his Hogwarts home in his bare feet again!" There was no quarreling with Dobby on this, and frankly no one tried. So, every day Dobby would climb up to the foot of Harry's bed and, with carefully gentle hands, he would change Harry's socks. He would then crawl to the top of the bed, curl up on the pillow beside Harry's head and (while he gently stroked his overly long, thin fingers through Harry's hair), he would whisper softly into his wizard's ear. No one could hear what was being said but, somehow those who were fortunate enough to witness it, were comforted by this quiet dedication. Not even the strictest of purebloods would think to put a stop to Dobby's behaviour because if they could find comfort in the tender gestures, then perhaps Harry could as well.
As always, the lovely and ever faithful Hedwig was almost constantly at the side of her dearly loved wizard. Much to Poppy's disapproval, if Hedwig was not out hunting, she could be seen with Harry. She sometimes perched on Harry's headboard, occasionally cooing softly, or sometimes nestled at his shoulder, grooming his hair, but she was always nearby.
So, they all, for reasons of their own as well as Harry's, continued their vigilance; encouraging him and wishing for his safe return to them and his speedy recovery. Friends and family alike pleaded for Harry's well-being, even as the rest of the Wizarding World hoped for their Saviour's continued survival.
~oo0oo~
Harry is floating; at least he thinks he is. The silvery-blue substance surrounding him is more like memories in a pensive – neither gas nor liquid – with a glow all of their own. All he does know is that he feels content. The rhythmic drumming around him fills him with comfort.
In a moment, or an eternity, he is lowered onto soft green grasses and he can feel the sun on his face. He feels safe and warm now. He opens his eyes to see a beautiful blue sky, filled with fluffy clouds, and closer above him, infinite trees of the brightest reds, oranges and yellows.
Perhaps he falls asleep, or this dream-time is playing with his senses. Whatever it is, he is now running his fingers through silky, shaggy hair on the head that is resting on his stomach. Looking down his face splits into a brilliant grin.
"Padfoot!" He jumps up quickly, hugging the Grim to him fiercely and laughing. "Oh! Padfoot, you have come for me!"
"No Harry." His arms are now filled with his honoured Godfather, but he pulls away. Anguish filled emeralds meet stormy grey orbs.
"But …" The pain of betrayal is evident in Harry's voice, as in his eyes. "I thought you would want me at least … will you not … will no one ever want me?"
"Oh! Cub!" Sirius pulls his Godson back in close and holds on tightly. "I love you more than you'll ever know and I miss you so much! But, it isn't your time Cub. You have to go back." As he speaks Sirius runs his fingers through Harry's hair. Harry however shakes his head, his body trembling.
"No please Sirius, I can't go back."
"Why not Luv?"
"There's nothing for me there now."
"Of course there is Harry. As we speak you have people around your bedside, waiting for you.
"No, no one …"
"Really? What about all those red-heads, or that clever little witch, or young Malfoy, even your Head of House? She's not nearly so stern when she looks on you Harry and the old man will never again have that twinkle in his eyes if he loses you. How about our Werewolf Harry? You're his Cub, the last of his pack. What will happen to him without you? They all need you so much Luv, you have to go back to them."
Harry shakes his head and clings to his Godfather even harder.
"Don't make me, please." Sirius pulls back and takes Harry's face between his hands so he can look into the boy's eyes.
"He's there too, Harry. He hasn't left your side. Listen." Before Harry can protest, they become aware of a faint echo.
"Please Dearest, don't leave me." Of course Harry recognises that soft, velvety voice and strangely he thinks he feels kisses on his face, light as feathers.
"He's waiting for you Cub". Sirius' voice is gentle and filled with empathy, yet Harry shakes his head.
"But you hate him."
"No longer Harry. There's so much more that I know here, so much I can see and understand now. He needs you, and he can give you everything."
"No!" Harry pulls away; the cavity in his chest is unbearably painful. "He used me! He doesn't love me. If you know so much here, you must know this!"
"You need to give him a chance to explain. You'll never know unless you go back." Harry just stares at his Godfather in amazement. "Far be it for me to champion Severus Snape," Sirius continues, "but you need each other. He loves you Cub, passionately and infinitely."
"Sirius, he said …" Harry shakes his head again.
"Let him explain Harry. You've lived through so much and yet you still opened your heart. Can't you give him another chance? Doesn't he deserve that much, don't both of you?"
The pain, which Harry was sure couldn't get any more unbearable, doubles. His tears fall freely as his eyes plead with Sirius.
"It hurts so much … I can't bear it anymore." Sirius pulls him into another fierce hug.
"I know Cub, I know! But it's worth the risk." He buries his hand in Harry's hair to pull his head back so he can look into the boy's eyes again. "You'll have to trust me on this one. Open your heart once more, Prongslet and listen to those around you; those who hold you dear to their hearts. You'll do the right thing, not just for them, but for yourself."
As Harry's shimmering emerald eyes and tear stained face searches his Godfather's expression, he sees more love in those sympathetic grey eyes than he's ever been able to remember in his life. He touches Sirius' face with a shaking hand.
"I miss you Sirius." Sirius returns the gesture, wiping a tear away from his Cub's face with this thumb.
"I'll always watch over you Cub and, when the time is right, we will be together again. I promise." At this heartfelt declaration Sirius begins to fade. He kisses his Godson once more, while he's still cohesive.
"Don't ever forget how much I love you Harry."
"I love you too Sirius, forever."
One last airy kiss and they are both gone.
~oo0oo~
Disclaimer: Of course I don't own Potterverse! I love this amusement park, too bad it isn't mine to keep!
~oo0oo~