I don't own Glee! :) I loved the reviews. Thank you. No fight yet! But I promise Its coming up! Enjoy.
Summary: Jeff tries to reason with Nick. Nick wont listen, which leads Jeff down his same path.
Jeff
I don't know how long I laid there. Staring at the ceiling. Hearing Nicks soft breathing as he slept. Knowing that he was just a few feet away from me. Wishing that we could go back to the days where at night I would slip into his bed and cuddle with him without a care in the world.
But no. That will never happen. Because I screwed up.
I close my eyes and hope that sleep over comes me soon.
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I slowly open my eyes when I hear commotion in my room. The sound of a drawer being opened and a zipper being undone. I knew what was happening. He was finally leaving me. Abandoning me.
As I heard the zipper being closed I sat up fast and looked over. Nick. Looking at me with the 'deer caught in the headlights' look. Running his hand through his hair and giving me a look of almost regret. We looked at each other for so long I lost count of the seconds.
"Nick..", I began, knowing that I couldn't finish the sentence.
He just looked at me. Slinging the bag over his shoulder and turning away from me.
I had to do this now. I had to get my voice to work and show him how much this was going to hurt me.
"NICK!", I yelled, showing him how much hurt I was in with just that simple word.
I knew I had to continue, so I worked up all the energy and set out on a journey of words that would get my point across. I hope.
"Why..are you doing this to me? I know that the confession hurt you..but Nick..were friends..we can still be friends..I know we can..so please, just over look what I said and please come back to me..please.."
I gasped after I said all of that, because he turned on his heel and walked out the door. Not looking back. Not once.
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I sat there forever it seemed. Not moving and looking at his bed, well, not his bed anymore. And as I was looking over, I saw what I dreaded. In the trash can. A picture. A picture of us. Hugging. Friends. Companions. Torn in half.
I slowly got up and went the the bathroom. I looked in the mirror. I saw myself. Was I ugly? Unattractive? Too fat? Fat. That was it.
I lifted my shirt and looked down. Running my fingers over my stomach and feeling the skin. Maybe he was disgusted by my body? I made a promise to myself then. I would not eat. Only drink. To make myself beautiful. For him.
I opened the cabinet and took out my razor from its place. I pressed it against my stomach and began to write the words that I believed were true.
FAT
I slowly put my shirt down and began to work on my arms.
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I cleaned up my arms and stomach. More blood that usual. Bandages. The whole shebang.
Putting on my uniform I questioned if I should go to breakfast. Id see Nick. Laughing. Making jokes. But not with me. With the other Warblers.
I gave up and decided that I should. To make sure nobody suspects anything. Grabbing my phone I walked out the room trying to be brave but knowing I couldn't face the world.
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Walking in the breakfast room was more easier than I thought. All the food smelled delicious but I remembered my promise and only got a water.
I sat by Trent and ignored the worried glances he was giving me.
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As much as they say, Dalton has no anti bullying policy. They could care less. Just happy about the money they are getting.
I should know. I get tormented everyday. And today was no different.
Sitting by Trent, I saw them coming over. I thought that maybe they were just here to say something to Sebastian. But no such luck.
I heard them taunting me. Hearing the words. Fag. Freak. Whore.
And before I knew it, there was a tray over my head. Followed by a carton the orange juice in my face. The whole cafeteria soon began to fill with laughter.
I didn't care. Although I know I did. I looked over at Nick and saw him laughing along. That was all it took.
Getting up I ran from the cafeteria and into my room. Locking the door and running to the bathroom.
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Ripping off my clothes and starting the shower, I began to cry.
I grabbed the razor and slammed myself in the shower and let the scalding water and cutting wash away all my pain.
Falling asleep. Closing my eyes. Knowing that the nightmares were fallowing.
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They woke me up. The nightmares. I woke up cold and still under the showers water.
Looking down I saw blood. More than Iv seen. Looking over at my arms I saw the cuts. Adorning my whole arms now. No more room. Over cutting my only option now.
I'm surprised I'm even still alive. But I don't want the easy way out. Thats not how I want this all to end. I slowly force myself to get up and clean.
Cleaning my arms with peroxide I wrap them up again. Knowing that if anyone ever knew about this, they would forever hate me.
My stomach hurts and I can't tell if its because of the cuts or my hunger. But I ignore it.
I crawl into bed. Not caring that I'm cold or naked. I just want to sleep.
R&R. I'm thinking of making the next chapter in Nicks point of view. Not sure. What do you think?
:)