My Best Friend's Wedding
Disclaimer: Reminding me that I don't own it only hurts my feelings.
AN: Before you start reading this chapter, MAKE SURE that you have read the previous one, or else this one will not make that much sense to you. Make sure that you know who was on the phone and for what reason before you start reading this chapter. I hope the alerts work again now!
As always, much thanks to my main bitch Mary, because this chapter would not have been this good or this long without her. Also, much love to my friend Sophie-Louise – her ideas are invaluable to me!
Chapter fifteen: Feel all the things
"Just tell us already," Natalie is not very happy with the dramatic pause.
"Mister Enjolras has just gotten out of surgery," the doctor appears to be looking for the right words to use around the family. "He is stable right now, but the surgery was extensive and his recovery time will be lengthy. He will have to make some permanent changes in his life and in his eating patterns, but we are cautiously optimistic."
This is good news! They have actually gotten good news! This is as good as it can get!
Sure, there will have to be extensive changes in his day to day life, but Gabriel Enjolras senior is most likely going to pull through – which is more positive news than she was expecting from the panicked call they got earlier. Things will be all right.
"When can I see him?" mother Enjolras speaks, weeping and talking all at once.
"He will be able to receive visitors starting tomorrow afternoon," the doctor continues his solemn speech. "He is currently under the influence of anesthetics and will be awake again tomorrow for close relatives only. Visiting hours are currently over."
Mrs. Enjolras is basically falling apart because the last memory that she had of her husband was either of him collapsing, or of him being in an ambulance. That is not a memory that the poor woman needs right before she goes to sleep, and she really wants to call the doctor out on the visitor bad. She just needs a nice way to do it.
"Can I just look at him?" Mrs. Enjolras is still so very distraught.
"Please let Mrs. Enjolras just look at her husband," she puts on her nicest voice. "This experience has been traumatizing for her, and I believe she needs to see that her husband is just sleeping calmly, and that he will be okay."
This is where her degree comes in handy; because it makes sure that she is taken seriously by these kinds of people. Her words sound more valid when they are backed up by her Master's degree. Doctors are snobs, but she can work around that.
"Five minutes," the doctor agrees. "Only one visitor."
Huh, she did not even have to mention her fancy degree this time.
The doctor motions for Mrs. Enjolras to follow him to her husband's room, and the other woman even remembers to shoot her a grateful smile over her shoulder.
"Henry, can you take my mom home?" Natalie goes right back to business. "I am going to get Marie to bed and make sure Gabe and Éponine are properly settled in."
They will be settled in soon once they get to the bed. She does not know about Enjolras, but she is definitely getting tired, and she just wants to sleep. It is no longer officially her birthday – because they have passed midnight a little while ago – but she still wants to end her night with a lovely cuddle from her 'Jolras. Her birthday was an awkward mess of ups and downs that she still has not dealt with properly, and she just wants to go back to the cuddle party that they had going on before the shit hit the fan.
"No problem," Henry gives his wife a gentle kiss. "Don't forget the car seat for Marie."
The married couple places their child in the adorable little seat, and with Henry's final kiss to little Marie's forehead, they are off to somewhere nearing a place to sleep. She is struggling to stay awake at this point, and it is starting to show.
"I'm driving," her 'Jolras has noticed her furtive yawning as well.
She is a little embarrassed at being caught out by him, but he opens the passenger seat for her and he is being very charming, and that makes her feel better. Natalie is still installing Marie's car seat in the back before sitting next to her daughter – she is lucky that her moon eyes at 'Jolras have not been too noticeable so far. She keeps thinking of new scenarios for them to eventually have babies, and she is trying not to blush.
"The house is not too far from here," Natalie speaks up when they are all in the car.
"I remember the address," Enjolras replies, a hint of pain in his voice.
Her hand is on his thigh before she can think about it, and she gives a comforting squeeze as he pulls out of the parking lot. She hopes that he will not get too distracted by it, and she is rewarded by seeing him easily maneuvering through traffic. They are only about a few minutes away from the house that they are sleeping at, and she is sure that she will not be able to keep her eyes open for that long a time.
"Just a few more minutes, 'Ponine," her 'Jolras catches her in another yawn.
She sticks her tongue out at him and pretends not to notice his eyes darkening.
"So, how did the two of you meet?" Natalie decides to start asking awkward questions.
"We have known each other for years," she manages to string a sentence together. "We met in college, when he was in all the same as my childhood best friend. So we met through Marius, actually. He introduced us about ten years ago. We haven't stayed in touch though. We reconnected somewhat recently, before Marius got married."
It is not even a lie, and she is glad – because she is tired of lies and faking things that should be real between the two of them. She wants Natalie to see how much she cares about 'Jolras without any kind of lies or the two of them performing some stupid farce.
"We will have the rest of this talk some other time," Enjolras is slowing down, meaning that they are almost at their destination. "Right now, we all need to get some sleep."
Yes, a bed definitely sounds lovely – it is even better with 'Jolras in this bed. She hopes that the bed is as comfortable as the one they shared at Marius' place, because she has not had a great night's sleep since. It was odd to have to get used to sleeping alone again, since she did not think she had been with 'Jolras long enough to get used to his presence beside her every night. Still, it took her a while to be able to sleep alone again.
"Stay awake," he nudges her gently, and her eyes are slow to open.
"Natalie is probably the more tired one," she replies to him, looking at the backseat to see the woman in question stifle a loud yawn. "She has been kept up by this darling little girl for the last few weeks. Do you need us to take over for tonight?"
She directs that last question at Natalie, seeing as she sees how exhausted the new mother is with her little girl and now this business with her father. She could use a hand with this, and she is happy to offer hers. She has never really needed a full night's sleep to function, and she is used to getting up for a child – Gavroche was never a quiet sleeper, even after he learned to come to her room if he had a nightmare.
"You have dealt with babies before?" Natalie inquires after her experience.
"I have two younger siblings, and I used to do this all the time," she repeats the words that she had said at the hospital. "Gavroche called me his mom sometimes."
He still slips up from time to time, and she has often gotten the evil eye because of it, from people who thought she was a tramp who had a kid too young and could not get the father to stick around. If only they knew, they would eat their words.
"If you don't mind," Natalie is caving.
"I do not mind whatsoever," she speaks honestly. "You need the sleep."
They all exist the car and head towards the enormous house – clearly Natalie and Henry have done well for themselves since they got married. It is an old house, and she takes one look at it and falls in love with it. She sneaks a look at 'Jolras, and he seems hesitant to get inside the house, so she slips her hand in his for support, so that they can enter this house together. They can conquer it all, as long as they are together.
"You are an angel," Natalie sings her praises as they walk up the stairs.
The house is so beautiful, but her tired eyes have serious problems taking everything in, so she walks around in a daze and promises herself that she will look more closely at her surroundings the next day – when she will actually be awake enough to appreciate the beautiful details of this old house. They stop in front of an old door, and she just keeps holding on to her 'Jolras as she waits to hear from Natalie what is behind this particular door. It might be little Marie's room, or it might be the room where she will finally find a safe and warm place to sleep. She is tired, and that makes her cranky.
"That she is," Enjolras tells her softly, squeezing her hand.
"Stop it," she replies, never wanting to hear this exaggerated and insincere flattery.
Still, when she looks into his eyes, she can tell that he actually believes what he told her just now. He actually believes that she is this wonderful creature, even after she has shown him desperation, manipulation, and lies. She has shown him only some of her dark sides – she has much more tales to tell and scars to show him – and somehow he thinks that she is wonderful. She is not sure how this works, and she just cannot understand why the man who could have anyone would want her.
"So, this is your room," Natalie points out the door in front of them. "Marie's room is on the other side of the hallway. It's that door right there. Or just follow the crying."
Natalie lets out a desperate laugh, and she has never seemed so tired. Enjolras still carries their bags, so he lets go of her to enter the room and lose the bags. She herself shoots a soft smile at Natalie before she enters their room as well.
"Will you actually hear Marie crying?" Enjolras is skeptical.
"I am a pretty light sleeper," she shrugs, as if the reason for this is something normal and not something traumatizing. "I will wake up if I hear crying."
This is something that she learned the hard way. She used to be able to sleep through just about everything as a child, until she found out that Gavroche was only safe when she got to him in time – even in the middle of the night. She became a mother that night, tossing and turning until she heard his cries, only to rush off into his room and hope that he would be quiet when he saw her approach. She would cradle him and whisper to him and occasionally try a lullaby when her parents were too drunk to notice.
"Even when you are this tired?" he sounds worried about her.
She leans her head on his shoulder, because her eyes threaten to close again and her head is easier to hold up if he helps her with that. It feels as if she has not slept properly in weeks, but that feeling is familiar and she knows from experience that she will still wake up if anything happens or if she hears anything. She will always wake.
"Even with you beside me," she mutters, hoping that he did not hear that.
It is going to be harder to get out of bed when it feels safe and comfortable and he might even have an arm around her, but she is still going to manage to get away, because that is what she has always done. She will cradle that little girl, and she will keep her safe.
"Let's get some sleep," he slowly lets go of her, and she feels a loss of warmth.
That loss will only last a little while, because the bed is close.
e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e- e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e
The cries piercing the silent night are familiar. Her baby brother needs her, and she needs to be quick to calm him down, or her parents might hurt them again. She needs to get up, she needs to get out, and she needs to do it right fucking now!
"I'm coming Gavroche," she whispers, and her eyes open quickly.
After freaking out because there is someone in the bed with her, she grabs a random shirt to throw on and practically runs out of the room in the direction of the crying – a door on the opposite side of the hallway. Halfway through the hallway she realizes that she has thrown on a man's shirt, but it does not seem important enough when she considers what her parents will do to little Gavroche if they hear him crying.
"There you are," she opens the door to a child's bedroom.
It is not Gavroche's room, and the baby in the little bed is not Gavroche either – this is a little girl who is crying her heart out. She has no idea what is going on here, but she is still not going to let that little girl get hurt because she did not help her.
"Hey little girl," she whispers to this strange girl, trying to calm her down with softly spoken words, because picking her up might make her cry more. "Ssshh. Mommy and Daddy are not here right now. Just go to sleep little girl. Your Ponine is here to help you get to sleep. Hush, little girl. Things will be fine. You can go back to sleep."
The crying is not letting up, and she wonders if the darling girl with the tiny curls might need a diaper change. So she gently lifts her, and while the cries get louder for a little while, they go back to their normal level as soon as this girl is on the changing table and she manages to locate the stupid diapers. She has not forgotten how to do this.
"Ponine is going to get you clean again," she tells the baby girl, even though she knows that she will not understand her speeches. "You will be happy after that."
She has not forgotten how to change a diaper quickly and efficiently, but she has apparently forgotten just how much a tiny baby can smell at this point. She scrunches up her face and makes even more haste with her task – and it is done, so she can take a deeper breath again. Still, the little girl has not stopped her cries, and there is nothing left to do but to cradle her and hope that might help her fall asleep again.
"Do you want to go in the rocking chair with me?" she has found the chair in her quick scan of the room. "The rocking chair is really nice, little girl."
The chair was one of the things that she noticed in her quick scan of the room. It is beautiful and it looks to be several generations old – she hopes that it will not make loud creaking noises to wake people up. She just wants this girl to be safe.
Only she is not in her parents' house, is she?
"Hush little baby, don't say a word," she starts singing as soon as she sits down, gently cradling the little girl – Mary? Maria? Marie? – to her chest.
Her mind is mush, because there has not been enough sleep and the terror of imminent discovery by her parents is still looming over her, even though it does not seem possible, because she has not seen them in years. This is not her brother, this is Natalie's little girl, and her name is Marie. Why is that so hard to remember?
"Ponine is gonna buy you a mockingbird," she continues to sing.
Still Marie will not stop crying, and she has no idea what else she can try. The note on the changing table said that the girl had been fed only forty minutes ago, so it cannot be hunger either. She does not know what to do and the panic blurs her mind again – she feels like the little mother she was when Gavroche was just a baby, and she just had to make him stay quiet. She did not always succeed.
"And if that mockingbird don't sing," her voice gets a bit more shrill with the fear and the confusion, and she can feel the tears stinging her eyes, "Ponine is gonna buy you a diamond ring. And if that diamond ring turns brass, she is gonna buy you-"
Her voice cracks because she remembers this one night when she just could not get Gavroche to be quiet – it later turned out to be because he was sick and their parents hurt him and she should have taken him to a hospital. She was ten years old, and she did not know what to do anymore, because the crying just would not stop. That was one of the few times her parents found her and punished her for her kindness.
"Stop crying, please stop crying Marie," the tears are streaming down her face.
A creak of the floor tells her that someone is coming, and she changes the way she is holding Marie to better be able to protect her if it did come to blows.
"Please don't hurt her," she pleads, so messed up and confused. "Hurt me instead."
But the man and woman stepping into the room are not her parents; they are the Enjolras siblings, who are now staring at her as if she has lost her mind. The pitying look on 'Jolras' face is what snaps her out of her memories completely.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she starts babbling, because she does not know how she can apologize for her madness. "I thought you were my parents and I couldn't let Marie get hurt like Gavroche was. I had to protect her, but she would not stop crying."
When Natalie comes to hold Marie – and the little girl immediately stops crying when she recognizes her mother's scent – she just falls apart, letting Gabriel pull her out of the rocking chair and into his arms, where she tries to stifle her sobs. She cannot stop crying though, because every bad memory that she has tried to repress just came back to the surface and they will not be forgotten. She sees the bruises on Gavroche's tiny baby legs, and she sees Azelma sneaking into her room in the middle of the night because her father had friends over and those people could not be trusted with a twelve-year-old girl – not that they could be trusted with a fourteen-year-old, but she was bigger and stronger than Azelma, and she could take it. She sees everything.
"I'm here," her 'Jolras reminds her, running his hands up and down her back so gently that it makes her want to cry even more. "Come, 'Ponine. Let's go back to bed."
At this point she is so easily led that she is glad she is around people that she can trust with these weaknesses. She has almost entrusted 'Jolras with her heart, and if this makes him turn away from her, he does not deserve her. She has to believe that.
"I'm sorry Natalie," she speaks again through her blurry eyes.
"She just wanted her mom," Natalie clasps her hand and easily forgives her for this mad outburst. "There was nothing you could have done. You will be okay, Éponine."
This makes Natalie a better person than she could ever be, because here is this stranger, holding her daughter and absolutely freaking out. Hopefully this will not make Natalie or Henry hate her – she only wants to hate her parents for leaving her this broken with no one to lean on. However, she is still that little girl who wants her parents to love her.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Enjolras asks as they enter their room.
"I think I kind of have to," she takes a deep breath to stop the next wave of tears. "I cannot have a freak-out with your adorable niece and then pretend that nothing has happened. I just do not know where to start, because there is too much to say."
Her childhood and its traumas will not easily be condensed into a short little speech, and she also has no way to tell him these things in a way that he could stand to hear all of it without wanting to pity her or to rip her parents apart piece by piece. He would probably even try to find them and unleash his kind of hell on them – and while she would appreciate that he would care about her, she still would not want him to harm anyone else on her behalf. Him hurting Montparnasse was dangerous enough.
"My father and I have never gotten along," Enjolras now appears to be offering up information to even them out. "I haven't spoken to him directly since I left for college the first time around, over ten years ago. I have spoken to my mom on the phone, and I have seen Natalie a few times, but that is just about it."
They are both still in their nightwear, so it is easy to crawl back into the surprisingly comfortable bed for the rest of this discussion. She would not want to be anywhere else, and with anyone else, than she is right now. This safe room should not be tainted by her confessions, but she has this feeling that he is not going to let it happen, because he will refuse to treat her like some sort of wilting flower after all of this is over.
"Don't, 'Jolras," she ends his attempt, because he does not owe her this.
"I will tell you whatever you want to know," he vows, wrapping his arms around her.
Right now there is nothing that she wants to ask him about his past, but she does want to reserve the right to eventually start asking more questions about his family and his name and everything else. Maybe tomorrow she will ask and he will answer, but right now, in the middle of the night, she just wants to have him make things better.
"Azelma is two years younger than I am," she starts at a random point, because she has to start somewhere. "Gavroche was born when I was eight. By the time he was born, our parents were already disillusioned with the idea of kids, and they were already in trouble with the law for the fraud going on at the hotel that they used to own back in the day. I got stuck taking care of Gavroche, because they could not be bothered to do it."
The bad memories that go along with these tales of woe are terrifying and hurtful and altogether all too real for her to deal with. Still, she presses on, because this is not the worst part of her life, and he has already seen her at a very low point in her life, and he managed to make that better somehow. He saw her close to death in an alley and he saved her life. Surely he will listen to the rest of this, because he is a good person and for some fucked up reason he actually seems to be interested in her.
"I used to wake up in the middle of the night when he cried," she stammers. "My parents would hurt him if he cried, because they could not always handle it after they had been drinking. They'd hurt me too if I didn't stop him in time. That was still better than them hurting him. He was so small back then. Now he's taller than all of us."
Gavroche started growing like crazy when he hit puberty, and the very day that he became taller than their father, the abuse against him just stopped. Their father was a smart man, and he knew that he could no longer win against his son.
"I'm sorry," he holds her just a bit tighter.
"You do not have to be sorry for anything," she promises as her tiredness once again attempts to take over. "I am so tired. Hold me. Let me sleep."
Her commands seem to work, because he is once again playing with her hair and keeping her safe as she finally succumbs to the dark. She can sleep now.
e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e- e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e
"Good morning, sunshine," she hears Enjolras murmur as her eyes open.
She is still in his arms, somehow, even after several hours of sleep. As a result of this, she actually feels safe and well rested. That is a pretty new feeling for her to have.
"How long have you been staring at me?" she fakes a frown in his direction.
"Only a few minutes," he knows that she is only trying to tease. "How did you sleep?"
There are no vivid dreams in her head, which is strange, because she usually has terrible nightmares after being confronted with past trauma. Is cuddling with her 'Jolras really a cure for evil and pain? If that is true, he is never getting rid of her. Well, he is never getting rid of her anyway, so he might as well get used to her being here.
"Quite well," she is as surprised about is as he appears to be.
"I'm glad to hear that," he sounds oddly formal for the situation they are in.
Once again, he appears to be having problems – and it is not a tiny or a little problem indeed. She can feel it quite well, which means that he is probably blushing and maybe more than a little uncomfortable. She is not sure if it is just regular morning wood or if she did something in her sleep to make it happen. Or maybe he just had a positively filthy dream – hopefully about her – and it was there when he woke up. And now she is seriously pondering the reason for his hard-on – and hoping she is the reason.
"Did my stupid stories keep you awake in any way?" she is now worried about him.
"I kept myself awake," he speaks so softly that she almost does not hear him.
At least he did not say that he kept himself up, because she would not have been able to hear him say that without cracking up like an immature twelve-year-old. When it comes to him, she really wants to be that happy kind of girl who would crack stupid jokes and tease her almost boyfriend about just about everything. When she is with him, she feels carefree enough to try being that person she never really got to be.
"Why? How?" she teases, not being able to think of a third question.
"Two excellent questions," he goes along with the joke, but she gets no answers.
He is once again being supremely evasive, but unfortunately enough for him; she has long ago learned to deal with people who do not want to answer her questions. She has her tactics and her sneaky ploys, and she knows exactly which one she wants to use on her dear 'Jolras. She knows just how to get him really flustered, and she is not too scared to use her most flirtatious tactics on him to find out these answers.
"Don't avoid the questions," she warns him. "I will get these answers out of you anyway."
Still, there is no way that he is buying this threat, and she almost feels sorry for him, because he has no idea of what she can do at this point. Sure, he knows her relatively well, but her mischievous and flirtatious side has yet to be completely exposed to him.
"How are you planning on doing that?" he seems more than a little skeptical.
"I am going to be using my feminine wiles," she announces, turning to face him.
The bed is more than big enough for the two of them, but they still end up coming together in the middle, holding on to each other as if lives depend on it. She needed that badly last night, and the evidence that he needs things as well is still pressing into her, so he cannot get out of this with some casual comment. She grinds her hips into him as the start of her feminine wiles tactic, and it is very effective. He lets out a loud groan and his hips move before he can even think about it – but she cannot really blame him for that since she is now lying completely on top of him. They are very, very close.
"And you think that would be effective on me?" he is trying not to blush.
"I am not stupid, 'Jolras," she rolls her hips again. "Things have changed."
A few months ago he never would have considered being in the same bed her – he might not even have wanted to be in the same room as her. Now they are in bed together, and while that used to be a simple and platonic thing that they did, it is now so much more than that. They have only slept together in the sense of actually sleeping, but she still feels that they are slowly moving towards the other sense of sleeping together.
"That is why I could not sleep," his mutters are too loud for her not to hear him.
"Was I keeping you up at night?" she easily flirts with him, a smile on her face.
Their lips are not too far away from each other, and while she would love to feel his mouth on hers again, she wants him to take the initiative again. She wants him to make the first move, because that would show that he wants this just as much as she does – and she wants to go on where they left off when his phone rang and everything was changed. This time he seems to understand, because he does move closer to her.
"Breakfast is ready in two minutes!" Natalie shouts from the kitchen downstairs.
"I am celibate for a reason, 'Ponine," he is withdrawing into his shell again.
All of the progress that they were making is gone again, and while she really likes Natalie and hopes that they can be friends somehow, she is still extremely angry with her for interrupting what could have been a wonderful moment – again. They seem to be interrupted by other outside forces a lot, and she would have started wondering if anything was meant to happen if she had not seen just how much she affects him with even the simplest things. She knows that something must happen between the two of them – she can see no way for them to move any further without this.
"Tell me your reason," she knows that they can move past this somehow.
"Please, 'Ponine," he pleads, but she is not just going to let this go.
Maybe he is just worried at how she is going to react to whatever reason he has for remaining celibate. Knowing him as she does, she is convinced that the reason is very meaningful – at least for him – and not something random or silly.
"I promise not to laugh at you or make you feel bad about it," she even goes as far as to place her hand on her heart to convince him. "I won't even pity you."
He seems to mostly be worried about garnering her pity, and as a fellow hater of that emotion, she can understand why he would choose not to say anything. Still, hiding these things from her would only make things more difficult for them. They need to tell each other these things so that they can keep moving forward together – and she really, desperately wants to move forward with him as the man that she loves.
"You say that now," he seems skeptical of her solemn vow.
"Do you trust me?" she asks, knowing that his answer will determine their future.
"I do," he responds without even the slightest bit of hesitation.
It warms her heart to hear him say that so easily, because it gives the two of them a solid foundation to build something on. She cannot believe in love without trust.
"Then you can tell me," she is trying to make it easier for him to understand.
"There are some… issues in our family history," he starts his story with that huge revelation, and she flinches in sympathy, because she knows many things of issues. "I'm talking about mental issues. My mom was diagnosed with bipolar disorder years ago, and the only reason that she is relatively stable now is because she has an excellent drug regimen and she goes to therapy two times a week, every week."
There is no perfect way for her to respond to it – at least, if there is even a perfect way to respond to a revelation like this one, she does not know it. She is still on top of him, and she is starting to think that is the weirdest position to have this talk in, so she lays down next to him instead, still pressing her body into his to let him know she is still there.
"What does this have to do with your celibacy?" she prods him to keep talking.
"I always thought that I would inevitably become just like my mother," his voice is pained and distant and she grabs his hand to keep him safe, "and I did not want to drag anyone into that mess. Not that I was even interested in love and sex when I was a teenager. I'd seen my parents together, and while they love each other, the highs and lows can be terrifying. It turned me off relationship for the longest time."
Is he trying to say that something changed for him? He was supposed to say forever, to give her a reason to move on from him because he was never going to be ready to be a part of a relationship. She knows that these thoughts are contradictory to the ones of hope that she had before, but she cannot help but be insecure about this. Hoping that she has made enough of a difference in his life to make him move on from his self-imposed celibacy is just a silly throwaway thought that she should not be having.
"I noticed you did not say forever," she has to address that silly thought of hers.
"I did not mean forever," he confirms that part. "I, just, recently, with you…"
He is stammering, but she can be patient enough to wait until he finally gets to the point that he is trying to make. It seems as if she is a major part of his recent change, and she really has to stop and marvel at that for a minute, until she sees that he is ready to start speaking again. So she gives him another encouraging look, and she waits.
"Breakfast is ready!" Natalie breaks the spell again. "Come downstairs before it's cold!"
At this point she does not give a damn about the temperature of her breakfast, she just wants dear Gabriel to keep talking about the two of them.
"We need to go downstairs," he says what she does not want to hear.
Food is an overrated luxury at this point, because they have been putting this talk off for a long time now, and just when they are getting somewhere, they are once again interrupted by the cruelty of fate. Still, she is just going to keep trying.
"I am not forgetting about this," she warns; ready to bring it up again later.
"I figured that you wouldn't," he smiles a little at that. "Later."
So, this is the point where they really have to let go of each other, at least long enough to get dressed separately and to get downstairs for the aforementioned breakfast. She is feeling like a sap and an idiot, because she does not want to let go of him. They were having this really serious talk and she feels closer to him after that. Also, she still really wants to kiss him again. But no, she has to let go of him, so she does so.
"I'm holding you to that," she is looking for clean clothes.
"We will be right there!" Enjolras calls out to his younger sister.
They are now both in a hurry to get dressed. Her clothes are in one of the dressers, so she quickly picks something that will not be too bad and would work for a day with Gabriel's family, and then she sneaks a peek at what he is doing – he appears to be doing the same thing she is doing: peeking. She is loving it, so she makes the whole event into a sexy reversed striptease. He is easily flustered, and she can work with that.
"I am not blind, 'Jolras," she shoots him a wink. "I can see you staring."
That makes him turn even redder than he was before, and she has never seen a man putting his clothes on faster. He practically runs downstairs to escape her, but she is not going to let him get rid of her that easily, so she quickly follows suit.
"Good morning lovebirds," Natalie singsongs when they find the kitchen.
"Please don't, Natalie," dear Gabriel is not in the mood for these shenanigans.
There is a stack of absolutely perfect pancakes waiting for each of them, and her stomach decides to announce its happiness at that by rumbling loudly. She cannot even remember ever having a breakfast made for her – let alone one that looks this good. She is damn well going to enjoy this, no matter if Gabe decides to be a shit about things.
"I am going to get my explanation today, Gabe," his younger sister announces in return. "I'm just warning you now, so you might as well give up and tell me everything."
The kind of hidden badass that Natalie appears to be reminds her of her own little sister – only Azelma hides nothing whatsoever, which is incredibly brilliant and completely terrifying at the same time. Little sisters always have interesting opinions about the lives of the older sibling. Azelma told her she had always thought that Marius was an idiot, and that she wanted her older sister to basically ride Enjolras until he did not remember anything other than the name Éponine. And that is the censored version of her opinion.
"Grab some breakfast and go talk," she is not letting him talk himself out of this.
"But who will look after Marie?" 'Jolras is obviously scrambling for excuses.
They can always arrange something for this, because even while she doubts Natalie would easily trust her again with her daughter, she can even take the little girl with them while they have their talk. There will always be a way for this to happen, and he is never getting out of this, so he might as well quit protesting.
"Éponine is perfectly qualified," Natalie stops him. "Stop making up excuses."
To her great surprise, Natalie is actually letting her play with Marie again. Even after her crazy moments in the nursery only a few hours, Natalie has managed to see through her trauma and let her make things up to little Marie and to her.
"I've got things covered here," she shoots Natalie a grateful smile.
Natalie and Enjolras walk away to the nearest separate room, but she knows that they are not going nearly far enough for her to be out of earshot. Judging by the proud smirk on Natalie's face, the other woman actually knows this, and she just really wants her to hear just what 'Jolras has to say about her in this conversation. Natalie is trying to fix this relationship even before she knows what is going on between them.
"Tell me about Éponine," Natalie starts the talk off with a basic statement.
"What do you want to know?" 'Jolras gives her a really evasive question in return.
From her viewpoint next to Marie's adorable seat – because even though the girl cannot really sit up on her own, she is still fabulous – she can see every expression on Natalie's face, but she only has a distant profile view of 'Jolras. It is good enough at this point.
"Stop it, Gabriel!" Natalie is not having any of this crap.
He is obviously dragging his feet, and Natalie is just not having any of it. She is giving him that look that all women learn as soon as they become mothers – she herself has the older sister and part-time mother version of this look down to a tee. It has scared her siblings into telling her the truth many times, and she can already see that it is working on Enjolras as well. She loves that his younger sister can make him talk like this.
"Your mommy is really cool, Marie," she whispers to the grinning baby in front of her.
"Alright, I will talk," Gabriel is exasperated already. "My God, Natalie."
At this point, she is stifling her laughter. It is just so odd seeing him in these almost normal situations with his sibling – because no matter what he told her about this relationship being messed up and fractured, they still act as the typical siblings. She recognizes some bits of Azelma and Gavroche in Gabriel and Natalie's dynamic, and that makes her smile as well. She always wants more happy reminders of her siblings.
"Your mom also needs to teach me her tricks," she tells Marie, who giggles in response.
The giggling is probably because she occasionally tickles her, but she is just going to choose to believe that Marie understands everything she is telling her. Besides, it can never hurt to tell a daughter wonderful truths about her mother.
"How did you meet?" Natalie resumes her interrogation of her big brother.
"We met through Marius, when we were in college," he replies. "Do you remember him?"
Oh, surely his sister would remember Marius and the frequent spats between him and dear 'Jolras about the merits of Napoleon Bonaparte. Honestly, she only witnessed a couple of those and she was already more than tired of them. R used to provide these debates with the most amusing subtitles, and they disrupted more than one serious discussion by giggling and screaming their new favorite quotes at each other.
"The flustered, freckled, ferret?" Natalie has a curious nickname for Marius.
"I will never understand your tendency for alliterative nicknames, but yes," he speaks.
Maybe that is the best nickname she has ever heard for anyone in her entire life, but she cannot start giggling, because that would distract her from the conversation that she is desperately trying to eavesdrop on. If Enjolras is going to be too scared to talk about his feelings with her, she is damn sure that she will find out some other way, even if she has to be really sneaky to do so. She has no problem with going about something in a less than conventional way – otherwise this thing might never get off the ground.
"Continue," Natalie gives him the universal motion for "go on".
"Marius and Éponine have been friends since childhood," Enjolras explains, "so Éponine became a part of our group as well, even though she went to a different university."
He explains it well and he explains it easily, without trying any of the emotional mine fields that are sure to hit pretty soon. She is not sure how he will be able to completely explain their relationship without mentioning some of her most embarrassing moments – while she does like Natalie, it does not mean that she wants the other woman to know anything about some of the incredibly stupid things that she did just because she could not manage to get over Marius. That must stay somewhat of a secret.
"So she is one of those Amis people too?" Natalie is trying to understand the connection.
"She is sort of an honorary member, yes," Enjolras' answer surprises her. "But we kept in touch through Marius after college, and we decided to go to his wedding together, since we were the only two out of the group living on this side of the country."
Actually, she found out his home address and basically begged him to be her date for the wedding, because she could not bear to go alone when the love of her life was marrying another woman. She begged and she pleaded for him to be her date, and since he was all about treating people better – or about getting Marius to treat her better – he actually said yes. And the rest was a mess of many things, and then it was history.
"And sparks flew and the rest is history?" his sister wants to know.
"Will you not be so dramatic?" that question has earned Natalie an eye roll from her brother. "You're being much too loud! She might hear you."
He is usually smarter than this, because the distance between them is not far enough for them not to hear each other. Every single time she teases Marie into a giggle, Natalie looks over at them, which tells her that they can hear her as well.
"What happened at the wedding?" at this point Natalie is just looking for juicy gossip.
"Look," her 'Jolras is starting to approach some tales that can get really awkward. "I don't want to tell you all of this stuff that is nobody's business but ours, little sister. I don't want to tell you things that Éponine would not want you to know."
She had pretty much already expected that he would be completely respectful of her secrets, but she is happy to see these suspicions confirmed. She does not particularly want Natalie to know about her feelings for Marius, or how Enjolras and she actually tried to break up an engaged couple – she has a feeling that his sister would not like a single thing about that. No, they are definitely better off saying nothing about that.
"I understand," Natalie at least does not ask for more from him.
"All I'm saying is that Marius believed that we were together," he is not really lying about that, "and we let him continue on with that assumption. Things happened."
It is actually a decent explanation, and they did not have to lie to Natalie. She has gotten more than a bit tired of the lies, because even though she would not have gotten to where she is now without telling lies, she prefers telling the truth. If she does not stop lying now, she will start to have problems keeping everything straight.
"So, is she your girlfriend?" Natalie finally asks the all-important question.
"Natalie!" Enjolras yells out his sister's name as if she just revealed his big secret.
Oh, if only she was his girlfriend. She has never been that much of a fan of using specific titles to define everything, but she wants him to introduce her as something other than just "Éponine". She would settle for "my Éponine", even, as long as he just makes it clear that she is extremely important to him. She just really wants to know, maybe even needs to know that she means something more to him than just another friend.
"That sounds like a no, but not for lack of trying," Natalie uses a teasing tone.
The tries have mostly come from her side, it seems. She just wants him to be upfront about his feelings so that she can be sure about what he wants from her. If he makes a move, she can be sure that he actually wants to pursue something with her.
"I might have feelings for her," he finally admits something she does not already know.
It gets a little harder to focus on tiny little Marie smiling at her when she hears him say that. He cares about her, she has known that much for a while now, but to openly hear him admit that there are actually feelings in play – that is an amazing step forward for the both of them Now if only he could admit it to her as well as to his sister.
"Gabe, there is no 'might' about this," Natalie can see right through him.
"I know," and he actually admits it. "But you have no idea how disconcerting this is!"
He might love her, and that somehow makes her stupid moments worth it, because while she was making a fool out of herself over him, he actually started having feelings for her as well. Now all that she wants is for the two of them to actually talk about this, and she hopes that he will allow himself to end his vow of celibacy for her. She would want to be with him regardless, but she would love to find out if he is as passionate about making love as he is about everything else in his life.
"Feelings are not a bad thing, Gabe, my dear," Natalie smiles at him fondly.
"Please don't patronize me," he just does not want to hear it.
Still, this is a lesson that he still has to learn. He is only just starting to figure out that he actually has romantic feelings, and now he has to learn how to go about dealing with these feelings, and he has to deal with her as well. It is a lot to adjust to for him, she understands that much, and she is perfectly willing to wait for him to figure things out – as long as she can still be by his side, because that is her favorite place to be. She only wants to be with her 'Jolras. She finally wants him to actually be her 'Jolras.
"I have never seen you so torn up about someone before," his sister smiles at him.
She hopes that she is the only one that he has ever felt this way about, because she is starting to think that her feelings for Marius did not compare to this. She actually gets to touch Enjolras and wrap her arms around him and kiss him – and he wants her to do those things. It is much more of an actual partnership than this unrequited torch that she kept carrying for Marius. Her 'Jolras would not lie to her like that, because while he is secretive, once she earns truths from him, it actually means something.
"Natalie, please!" 'Jolras is looking around; trying to find out if she can hear him.
"That is a good thing, Gabriel," Natalie explains. "It means that you really like her."
Anything that follows can only make things better, unless he starts denying things, which she doubts that he will do. Now that he has spoken of his feelings, he cannot go back on this. His sense of honor would not even let him do that. She just hopes that he will tell her after this – they just need to make their feelings known to each other.
"I do," he says all that she wants to hear. "Of course I do."
He makes that sound so easy right now, when just minutes ago he appeared to be having serious trouble with saying the same thing to her. She can almost understand that, because she too finds it easier to tell someone else or to think about it in her head – in her head he cannot completely reject her or make her feel stupid. Not that he would do that, but she still has these irrational fears that keep her from telling him.
"Tell me what's holding you back," Natalie is really trying to help her brother.
"I can't, okay," he looks so very nervous. "Not when she might hear me."
Oh, they are never going to get anywhere if they keep getting this scared of what the other person might say or do. For all of the progress that they have managed to make, they keep standing on the edge and they keep refusing to let themselves fall.
"Later," Natalie gives him an impressive scary look.
"That's what she said," Enjolras is thinking about their earlier conversation.
Now she has to stifle her giggles, because he has no idea what he said and in what context that sentence is usually used. Natalie appears to be finding this just as hilarious as she does, because she is trying to stifle loud laughter as well. The only person who is not amused is her 'Jolras – even Marie is laughing, but she has no idea what is going on with her uncle. The little girl is just really amused by her peek-a-boo skills.
"Let's finish breakfast, shall we?" Natalie motions for the two of them to leave.
When they come back into the room she is playing with little Marie, and the peek-a-boo is making Marie laugh so loudly that Enjolras can't help but notice her. He is looking at her in the oddest way – with so much longing and something that looks a whole lot like love. It is terrifying and exhilarating, and when she notices that he is mostly staring at her and Marie and the way in which she is playing with the little girl she is even more delighted. It looks as if he is thinking of their future children too, and maybe he is hoping for a child with her dimples and her mischievous smile. That is what it looks like.
"Are you okay, 'Jolras?" she tries to get him to talk to her again.
"Yeah, you're fine," he has a little slip of the tongue. "I mean… I don't… I'm fine."
Natalie is quick to take her little girl back, because the way Marie lights up when her mother comes in the room is beautiful and it will never stop making her smile. She stands up then, just to be closer to her 'Jolras. She wants to keep him flustered, because that seems to be the only time in which he says everything he thinks.
"You're adorable," she plants a quick kiss on his cheek.
That makes him blush, which is really what she wanted – that and she just really wanted to put her lips somewhere on his person. And since there is currently a little baby present, she is not going to put her lips in any really special places.
"The both of you are extremely adorable," Natalie points them out to little Marie.
"That is not the word I would use to describe us," she laughs. "Just ask R."
She has never been the adorable kind, because she has always been the mischievous sort who always brought trouble along with her. She is still her parents' daughter, no matter how much she hates every bit of that idea. She never wants to be anything like them, but she cannot figure out a way to be completely separate from them. That kills her.
"Booze for brains?" those words coming from Natalie definitely surprise her.
"I like you," she starts her warning, "but don't be a b-i-t-c-h about R. I will hurt you."
Honestly, she is not having any of this crap about one of her favorite people in the entire world. While Natalie is definitely making her way up that list, she is still losing to R, and any crap told about R is only going to lower Natalie in her esteem.
"I'm sorry, it was not meant to be insulting," Natalie quickly backtracks, and she is just waiting to hear her excuse for this. "I always make up stupid nicknames to keep track of all of the Amis. I can never quite remember all of their names."
There are many Amis, she knows that much, and she did have some trouble with remembering some of these guys – especially in the beginning. She did not know that Bossuet was not actually named Bossuet for the longest time. She still does not know how the guys could get Bossuet from Lesgle, but the convoluted explanation that Marius started to give the one time she asked put her off ever finding out.
"We always call him R," she shrugs at that. "I don't even know what his first name is."
"I know, but he made me swear not to tell," 'Jolras taunts her with that information.
Oh, she is going to find out no matter what he has sworn. This sort of harmless information is easily discovered through the wonders of the Internet, or the wonder of her feminine wiles actually working on him. She is still not over the fact that he is not only physically attracted to her, but that he is also genuinely interested in her, and that he actually has serious feelings for her. She needs to happy dance over this!
"I can always use my wiles on you," she promises, pulling him close.
While she knows that there are more important things going on in his life than their relationship, she is still going to keep reminding him of her presence.
They are going to get it right one of these days!
AN: When people are being shits about our ship – block and ignore! And write fic, create art, and show them that this ship can be beautiful. Love you all!
As always, leave your favorite parts/lines/moments/etc in the comments or reviews!