4 months later...
Ziva was a mess, an emotional time bomb that could explode at any moment, and the effects of the detonation was anyone's guess. For the first two months since Tony had gone on the mission, all she could do was worry and wait for an update from her father. Hell, she even called him up in MTAC a month in to check on Tony's status, but Eli hadn't given her a clue as to what had happened to him. So for those first two months, she checked in with all her contacts in and outside Mossad, but they all said that Eli was being tight-lipped about it, and pretty much no one knew the progress of the mission nor Tony's status, and that was something that had her very anxious.
When Ziva went home with Gibbs to stay at his house that night when Vance told her that Tony was being sent on a mission and was already on the Damocles, she was quite literally in tears, which surprised even herself. Her entire life had been filled with pain, death, and loss, and she would have figured that by now she had been hardened to the point of being unbreakable. But she was wrong.
There was only one person that knew how to push her buttons in just the right way, just one person that seemed to always slip into her dreams, just that one person that just had that effect on her. That made her heart leap whenever they made eye contact, that made her skin burn from a mere brush of skin against skin, that could make her knees weak from a simple smile, that 1000 watt smile that melted her heart. And that was Tony.
Ziva had been sobbing into her pillow inside Gibbs's guest bedroom while said man was working on his boat and drinking more bourbon than he had since Shannon and Kelly died. Ziva had realized something an hour into her weeping, and that was that she had never loved Michael at all. He was an obsession and a distraction, much like Jeanne was to Tony, or at least that was what she told herself and everyone else assumed. That Michael was a way to help deal with the stress that she could never bring herself to tell Tony her true feelings for him, and that it took her mind off of the possibility that Tony didn't share the same feelings Ziva had for him.
She had so many regrets after she realized it, she just wanted to scream it at anyone who would listen. That she messed up, that all this was her fault, that she failed Tony. Gibbs had come up later in the night, not sober in the slightest but could tell that Ziva was extremely distressed, and that had seemed to raise his sobriety level by a mile. Gibbs sat down next to Ziva on the bed, and Ziva continued to weep as she clung onto Gibbs's shoulder for dear life, spilling her guts out that it was all her fault, that she failed Tony, that she couldn't live without him.
Gibbs quickly took his place as the rightful father figure in Ziva's life, comforting her that Tony would be alright, that they would bring him back home, back to DC, and amends could be made, that broken bridges could be rebuilt, and when the dust had finally settled, something different, something more could be created between Tony and Ziva. And just those words had seemed to cheer her up ever so slightly, enough to help her get through those first two months. But not enough when the third month came around.
One day, that one day in the third month of Tony's mission, Vance had decided that he had had enough being lied to by Eli and secrets being held from him, so after much manipulation and threats on his part, Eli finally told him that the Damocles had gone down, and that there were no survivors (which was a lie since Malachi and Liat had already returned to Israel and briefed him on the failure of the mission. Eli had sent a Kidon Team to the terrorist camp after much yelling and begging from Malachi and Liat, but at that point it was too late. By the time the Kidon Unit arrived at the camp, there was absolutely nothing to be found, the camp had been relocated. So Eli did what he did best with Vance: Lie and manipulate. Because forcing an NCIS Liaison onto a mission and have him go missing would be very bad for him. With that said, he lied to Vance and told him that Tony had died on the Damocles, because if by some miracle that NCIS would indeed find Tony alive, they would know that he'd been forced onto mission, when everyone thought he volunteered).
Ziva too had decided to take matters into her own hands and work with McGee and Abby to try and track down Tony. That is, until Gibbs walked into the lab grimly and told them that Tony was dead, that he was on the Damocles when it went down in an explosion, and that there were no survivors. Abby immediately began sobbing into McGee's shoulder, while McGee simply lazily wrapped his arm loosely around Abby, tears of his own silently trickling down his cheek. Ziva just ran out of the room, out of the building, got into her Mini, and just drove.
She kept driving for hours until somehow she ended right back at NCIS. Ziva had been sobbing hysterically the entire drive, multiple times seriously considering to end her life right there and drive off a bridge and drown just like Tony had been killed, or drive full speed into a side of a building, where her body and head would be crushed beyond recognition. Because she didn't deserve to be recognizable, because she didn't deserve to have an identity. But she didn't, because a voice in her head, Tony's voice, told her not to, and even though she didn't believe for a second that Tony would actually want her to live on, just hearing his voice inside her head was just too beautiful to give up, because his voice inside her head was one of the last connections she would ever have with him. And that same beautiful connection was telling her not to take her own life. And who was she to deny Tony?
Her legs moved of their own accord and she ended up right back in the bullpen, staring at Tony's desk, the memory of them meeting for the first time still clear in her mind, as if it was only yesterday that she had been staring into those beautiful sea-green eyes of his that glistened with promise, mystery, and lust. Those eyes that could lock her in place for hours at a time, those beautiful orbs that she could lose herself in for days. And now those very same eyes that used to be bright with life were now empty and dull as his body lay somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean.
She had taken a seat at his desk and stared at all the things on his desk that simply screamed Tony. That silly Mighty-Mouse stapler he had received as a crappy prize for winning some Pool championship back at his days at Baltimore. That cup filled with a random assortment of pens and pencils that lay on its side, its contents spilled messily over his desk. Ziva couldn't stop herself as her body went on auto-pilot and she opened one of his desk drawers that were filled with a bunch of random files and those pictures of herself in a bikini that she had always despised.
But in the second desk drawer, she could see a locked box with a 3-digit lock on it. She carefully picked it up and lay it on the desk as if it were made of fine crystal. She pondered what the combination could be, then it hit her. She adjusted the numbers on the lock to 0-0-7, and the lid popped open. Typical Tony, 007. James Bond.
Ziva slowly opened the box, and was surprised to see a single photo inside. She delicately picked it up and examined it for a moment before realizing that this was a photo of herself in her NCIS windbreaker, smiling at the camera. Ziva looked at the back of the photo, and even more tears sprang to her eyes as she read what was written on the back: Ani Ohev Otach, Ziva David. I love you more than life itself, 'till the day I die, now, forever, always.
Ziva broke down again for what must have been the fiftieth time that night as she clutched the photo with trembling hands, her mind going back to that awful day in Tel Aviv, where they had that terrible fight outside of Mossad Headquarters.
"Why did you really risk your career." Ziva asked, the anger not quite dissipating yet. Tony took on a look of shock, but decided that it would be easier for the both of them if the truth came out.
"Because I love you." Tony stated. Ziva was stunned as the smallest gleam of hope twinged in her heart. But it was quickly masked by the anger she was feeling. Ziva stood up and kicked Tony in the side, drawing a sharp intake of pain from him.
"You don't deserve my love." Ziva said through clenched teeth then walked away, leaving a heart-broken and depressed Tony lying on the ground, tears flowing freely onto the concrete.
Ziva felt her chest clench tightly as she sobbed even harder. She still remembered the heart-broken look on his face with those words, and even now that same expression on his face haunted her. I left him lying on the ground injured as I broke his heart. What is wrong with me? What kind of terrible person am I?
The next two months after that had gone by in a blur. The funeral service, the burial of a coffin that didn't even hold Tony's body since they hadn't been able to recover it, the nights she would drown herself in bottles of alcohol and cry herself to sleep, the cases at work that had lost absolutely all meaning. She'd be lying if she said that she wasn't surprised that her coworkers at NCIS hadn't held bitterness, anger, and hate towards her. Well actually, that was the case for the rest of the Agency in its entirety, but the people she considered family, they didn't hold a grudge against her, because they understood her pain, and they knew what she was going through. But sometimes Ziva wishes they could simply hate her, because honestly she felt that she deserved it in every way, shape, and form.
Often times she would go to a random bar, get drunk, and beat the shit out of any man that would so much as give her a suggestive look, because her heart belonged to only one man, and she had decided that unconditionally when she read Tony's words on the back of the photo he kept in that locked box. That one man was none other than Tony DiNozzo. And even if he was dead and any other woman would force herself to move on, she couldn't. Her heart simply wouldn't allow it, even if that meant that she would never fall in love again, that she would never have a family and raise kids with her wonderful husband. Because that perfect life she always wanted deep down and that wonderful husband she always dreamed about as with Tony, and it couldn't be clearer to her that no other man could even provide a fraction of what Tony had to offer. And so if she died lonely and depressed, that was fine with her, because she deserved it, she deserved to die like that. And who knows, maybe once she died and moved into some kind of life beyond death, amends could be made with Tony, and they could finally have that life together that she always wanted with him, and him only.
She always took Tony's presence in her life for granted, and now she was paying the price for it. Because you never know what you truly have, until its gone, and all you're left with is the flesh on your bones and the dust that settles around you.
In present time, Ziva found herself in a new apartment, sitting beside an open window as nighttime had already settled, and all that could be heard was the occasional car passing by. The entire air around her was completely silent, just how she liked it nowadays. Ziva held the photo she found in Tony's desk as she simply stared at the words on the back of the photo. She didn't know why ow how, but soon she found herself with a random pen, writing a response to Tony's words. Ani Ohev Otach, Tony DiNozzo. I love you more than life itself, and my heart belongs to you and no other. Until the day I die, now, forever, always.
NCIS
Tony had been beaten, whipped, burned, cut, stabbed, starved, dehydrated, and drugged for four months straight, staying true to his word that he wouldn't tell Saleem anything. Tony lay limp and tied to the ceiling by his wrists as Saleem walked out of Tony's torture room, having just finished with Tony's latest beating. Saleem had been growing increasingly angry lately, seeing as how his newly developed truth serum had done nothing to Tony except make him a little dizzy. Turns out emotional pain and distress tends to dull and weaken the effects of the serum. Convenient, since Tony had a lot of that, and more than any man should even be able to carry.
But Tony's body was growing weaker by the day, and soon Tony would simply die, his body unable to meet the demands his body required. Tony had already made peace with death, and embraced it. Because the sooner he died, the sooner Saleem could stop torturing him, and he could die knowing he had protected his NCIS family in DC. Or at least, that's what Tony thought.
Saleem already had enough intel to launch an attack on the NCIS headquarters in DC, since a few days ago they had captured a recently retired NCIS agent from DC and tortured him for information. The man gave up everything about NCIS in a matter of days, and they simply killed him off right then and there. Still, Saleem had a feeling Tony knew something more, something that the other NCIS agent simply did not know.
Suddenly, gunfire broke out and Tony looked around in panic. Shouts were heard outside the door as he heard a truck screech away from the camp. Saleem's probably in that truck. Damn bastard.
The door burst open and a man and woman dressed in all black with assault rifles slung over their shoulders and baraclava masks that hid their identities ran in. Upon seeing Tony, their eyes grew wide with happiness and excitement as the man pulled out a knife and cut down Tony from the ceiling, catching him in the air.
"Do not worry, Tony. You are safe now, and we're going to bring you home, at Mossad, where you belong." Malachi said, relief clear in his eyes.
"We have come to bring you back, brother." Liat said as she helped support Tony's weight on her shoulders. Home. Mossad. Brother. Maybe it's time I move on from NCIS and think about starting a new life at Mossad. I already have two people that consider me as family here. Tony wasn't able to finish his train of thought as utter fatigue overtook him, and he passed out, letting Malachi and Liat drag him into a helicopter where they would fly to the nearest hospital to get Tony immediate medical attention, and from there back to Israel.
Reviews maybe? Please? :)