Hi all - a long chapter for your patience! I had a lot to nut out in this one... I hope you enjoy! Please trust me with where this is going :D. As always - R & R
"You ladies still can't be working!" Brooke asked as she waltzed into the Red Bedroom studio to check on her friends. "I mean hear I am getting berated by a 19 year old for working too hard during my pregnancy, and look at you go Mrs P Scott. Don't you think you should slow down?"
Peyton laughed at her friends entrance. "Still working – not quite, we were just chatting while we….erm… slowly packed up. As for working hard, well in another week or so this will all be done and I can relax until this little one comes along. Hmm maybe I might even get re-acquainted with my husband.. you know that tall, blonde handsome man that we used to see around the place?"
"Oooh re-acquainted eh?" Brooke teased.
"Not in that sense!" Peyton sighed. "Honestly B Davis, keep your mind out of the gutter! You know as well as I do that with this album deal and the novel Lucas and I have barely seen each other. Even poor Sawyer has been shipped between the two of us, poor girl. So on that note girls, I'm going out of here so that I can be on time for a change to put my little girl to bed!"
"You go and enjoy then! I'm coming in to check up on you girls and hide from a certain someone I'm supposed to be meeting for dinner?" Brooke replied.
"Hiding from someone? As in Ben? Why?" Haley asked as Peyton paused before exiting out the door to hear what Brooke had to say.
"Well… he's just becoming very…. Needy. I've been seeing a lot more of him as you know, and I dunno, I just feel that maybe he is seeing this as more of a relationship than a friendship now"
"Brooke, everybody is seeing this as more of a relationship than a friendship. I mean don't you feel anything for him at all?" Peyton asked
"Of course I do… I mean, I think so, but not in that way… oh I don't know!" Brooke exclaimed exasperated.
"Then what's holding you back? You've never really been one to 'hold' back when it comes to relationships Brooke. I mean you clearly like the guy, he's perfect for you, and you know he'll be good to your kid seeing as you see how well he is with Preston."
"Yeah… I guess so…." Brooke responded although not sounding totally convinced with Haley's speech.
"Well girls, I'd love to stay and chat, but I am not missing putting my girl to bed tonight. So I'm off. Brooke – stop hiding and go out with Ben. After tonight just make a decision – is he a friend or a relationship – and whatever you decide you need to tell him. There's nothing worse than stringing him on."
Lucas was sitting at the kitchen bench with his head in his hands. What on earth had just happened. What was he going to do? He had to tell Peyton. But this would kill her. He couldn't exactly see her being rational about this. Could news like this make them loose the baby? No surely not…. Right? Over and over again the scene between himself and Maddi played through his head. He shouldn't have kissed her back. Why didn't he push her away? Why couldn't he see what she was doing? Oh man, was this going to end his marriage? He loved Peyton, really loved her, how could he do this to her. Yes, he really had to tell her…. Right…. Just how exactly do you tell your wife this sort of news.
"Hey honey, how was your day"
"Oh not bad, I just kissed another woman today – you know that one that you've been a little bit worried who is trying to steal me from you."
Yeah… surely that would go down great.
Lucas was suddenly brought back to reality when he heard his phone beep. Looking down at the phone he saw a text from Maddi "I know you feel the same way xoxo"
Shit, shit shit, what was he going to do. This could not be happening to him. Reaching a new state of panic, Lucas dialled the one number where he knew he could find the help he needed. But before he could make the call, a small little head peered into the kitchen.
"Hey pretty girl, what's up?"
"Daddy, when's Mama coming home?"
"She should be home soon sweetie. Want me to put you to bed again?"
"No Daddy, I want Mama to do it."
"Ok, well how about you get ready for bed, and maybe Mama will be home by the time you're ready."
With a little smile to her father, Sawyer silently agreed and scurried off to get ready.
Sighing to himself, he looked down at his phone again ready to dial the number. In the back of his mind, he was thinking of Sawyer too. What would this do to her? Had he, in one unthinking kiss totally ruined his family? His marriage? Did Sawyer know something? She had been asking for Peyton a lot this afternoon, Lucas thought. Quickly, he shut his mind off from the idea. "Stop being stupid Luke" he reprimanded himself. Once again he punched in the number and waited for it to connect.
"I'm home!" Peyton called as she came through the kitchen door. Looking up she saw Luke approaching from the living area and she grinned at him.
"Hey stranger! How was your day? Is Sawyer in bed yet? I rushed home to put her asleep, please tell me I haven't missed her again!"
"Mama!" Sawyer called as she came running into the kitchen.
"Hey baby girl! I've missed you today!"
"Me too Mama! Can you put me to bed? Please?" Sawyer asked happily resting on her mothers hip.
"Sure well sweetie. How about you run upstairs and I'll meet you there in a minute?"
With that Sawyer bolted out of the room.
"She's been waiting for you all night. She missed you today" Lucas said smiling.
"Yeah… well I missed you both today" Peyton said as she leaned in closer and kissed Luke. It took her a few moments to realise that someone was missing.
"Maddi gone for the day?" Peyton asked.
"Nope she's gone, gone. We finished the novel today, so she's heading back to New York and we'll see if we can find a publisher!"
"And you wait till now to tell me? Oh my God Luke that's amazing! I'm so proud of you! We should celebrate tonight then?" Peyton exclaimed, pulling Luke in for a hug. Pulling back, Peyton looked quizzically at Lucas. "You're quiet? I thought you'd be more excited than this?"
"Yeah, I mean, I am excited too.., just tired I guess. And glad it's all over"
"Tell me about it, I'll be glad when this record is done too, and to tell you the truth, that Maddi girl made me a little nervous. Won't be sorry not to see her again! Anyway, I'm going up to put Sawyer down. You're heading out with Nate aren't you? Haley got a text while I was still at Red Bedroom and told me?"
"Uh yeah, I was going to, but if you want me to stay…."
"No don't be silly… you go out with Nate, but when you come back we can have our own celebration!" Peyton said as she walked off, winking over her shoulder seductively.
"You're quiet tonight." Ben said, looking over the table to Brooke who was only picking at her food.
"What? Oh I'm sorry… my mind is just… somewhere else tonight." Brooke apologised.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Ben asked.
"Oh no, it's really nothing… just lots of things going through my mind, that's all"
"Yeah, I know how that feels. Speaking of which there was something I wanted to talk to you about…."
"Wow they're taking a while with our food aren't they… how long did you book the sitter for with Preston?" Brooke asked, changing the subject.
"Brooke stop it… whenever I try and get something out these days you are always trying to change the subject. Will you just let me finish please?"
"I'm sorry…" Brooke said apologetically and a little guiltily "It's just I'm worried about what you are going to say?"
"Worried about what?"
"That it will change what's going on between us?"
"Well I hope it does Brooke! Look, you know what I want to say, I can see that you know. I have feelings for you Brooke. You're the first woman to take my breath away again after I lost my wife. I want more than just a friendship with you Brooke. Don't you feel the same way?"
"I….. well I guess….. but….. I don't know Ben ok. I've been asking myself the question all day, and every day for the past few weeks. And to be honest. I just don't know! I like you…. A lot, but I'm starting to think that I like you in the platonic sense. I'm trying to picture us growing old together, and I just can't."
The whole time Brooke gave this speech she was looking at the table. Finally she forced herself to look up to see a look of confusion on Ben's face. She knew she hadn't been clear, but to be fair, that was because she wasn't even clear herself with what she wanted.
"So what are you saying exactly?" Ben asked nervously.
"I'm saying I just don't know yet Ben. I'm really sorry. I do really like you and maybe one day we could be a couple, but I just…. I honestly don't know where I want this relationship to go. Do you understand? Does it make sense at all."
"No…. not really…"
The two of them sat there in an awkward silence as people chattered in the restaurant around them. Brooke felt awful. Damn it, why couldn't she just say 'yes' to dating Ben. I mean people date all the time right? And yet, deep down, Brooke knew the answer. But she quickly pushed it aside and tried her hardest to bring the atmosphere back to where it had been before Ben had mentioned anything about relationships.
Lucas walked into Tric and began to look around for his brother. He saw him sitting by the bar talking animatedly to Chase who was handing over his drink. It was busy tonight. Luke wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Seeing Luke approach, Nate nodded a greeting "Hey man, what's up? You didn't sound yourself on the phone…"
"Maddi kissed me." Luke blurted out before he could even greet his brother. "Well… what I mean is we finished our novel today, and we were talking, then she lent over and kissed me…"
"Hang on, do you mean kiss you, kiss you, or as in kiss you 'thanks for helping me write my book' kiss." Nathan asked thoroughly confused. This certainly hadn't been what he expected when he came out to meet Lucas tonight.
"As in a proper kiss… well I think… I mean it was sort of hidden as a 'thank you' kiss, but nobody does a thank you kiss like that"
"Did you kiss her back?" Nathan asked, trying to stay calm as Lucas re-told the story
"Not intentionally. I ended it quick as I could and then told her she had to go."
"But you kissed her back?"
"Yeah, I guess so. But Nathan, it meant nothing! It was an impulsive reaction. I reacted before I knew what I was doing! Surely Peyton would understand that right? I mean I should tell her… right?"
"I… uh…. Oh man, this is not good! You remember what happened to me with the whole Nanny Carrie saga right? I mean not that I expect Maddi to turn out to be some psycho stalker, although to be honest she is a little crazy if you ask me…."
"Yeah but Nathan, what do I do? I mean Peyton's going to flip… and she's not in the condition to be stressed out… but that's hardly a reason to keep this from her right?"
"Oh man, yeah you have to tell her. I think the girls prefer to be told off your back rather than them finding out on their own accord, and to be honest, Maddi doesn't seem to be the type of girl to keep quiet about these things…"
"Well thanks for the vote of confidence mate. How the hell do I bring this sort of topic up!"
"Hmm… well I'll leave that one to you. But at the end of the day Luke, you need to ask yourself, do you want Peyton to find out by another source, or do you want to be the person to tell her. She loves you mate. I'm sure that whatever happens, when the storm is over she'll understand. But can I just say brother to brother… what the hell were you thinking? I mean do you even have feelings for this girl? Are you attracted to her? Did anything happen in New York when you guys met?"
Lucas sighed heavily. He knew that Nathan was right in his assumptions. "Yeah man, I know your right. But as for why it happened, I don't know! I'm not even interested in her. It was all happening before I was even aware of what was going on. And no, nothing happened in New York. I promise"
Well good. Then I suggest you head on straight home and explain what's happened to this lovely wife of yours. I'm sure it will be fine Luke. She loves you, and she knows you won't cheat on her."
"Alright chicken, no more stories! It's really past your bedtime now. And there's no way that you can guilt me into another!"
Peyton smiled at her daughter as she tucked her into bed, after putting their final story book back on the shelf.
"Mama, why do people kiss?" Sawyer asked innocently.
"Well it depends baby. Some people kiss as a way of greeting, other times you kiss as a thank you, and sometimes you kiss because you love that person." Peyton answered a little confused by the question.
"What about a kiss on the lips?" Sawyer asked again, not satisfied with her mother's response.
"Well it still depends sweetie… why?" Peyton answered again, unsure why her daughter had all these questions. Quickly she wondered what on earth Lucas had let their daughter watch on TV during the day and made a mental note for her to remind Lucas to watch what their little girl got stuck into that pretty head of hers.
"Are kisses on the lips saved for people that love each other? Long kisses on the lips?"
"Hmm… mostly, yes, they are saved for people who loved each other very much"
"Like the way you kiss daddy?" Sawyer asked.
Peyton smiled to herself. "Yeah, like the way I kiss daddy."
"Then why does Daddy kiss Maddi like that?"
Peyton started, unsure if she had heard what her daughter said correctly. Trying to control her voice, Peyton decided to ask her daughter the question back, to see if she really did hear right. Surely her mind was playing tricks on her...
"What do you mean sweetie?"
"Today, when you were at work. I saw Daddy kiss Maddi the way that you kiss him. I didn't like it."
"Well sweetie, Daddy and Maddi finished writing their book today. Maybe it was just a happy kiss because of all the hard work they had put in." Peyton answered in a voice that didn't sound like her own.
"No Mama, this wasn't that sort of a kiss. Not like how Aunt Haley kisses dad when she's excited, or how Aunt Brooke jumps around and gives Daddy a kiss on the lips. This is how you kiss him Mama. Like you kissed him tonight."
Peyton's heart sank. Sawyer wouldn't be swayed. Couldn't be swayed. She was adamant with what she had seen. And suddenly other things began to fall into place. Sawyer wanting her all afternoon when she was usually more than happy to spend days on end with her father, Lucas being oddly quiet with the finishing of the book, and his disinterest to celebrate. Hardly knowing what she was doing, she quickly finished tucking Sawyer into bed and mechanically settled her down for the night. Knowing exactly where she was going, she headed for hers and Lucas' bedroom. She found exactly what she was looking for almost instantly. Settling herself down on the bed, her heart pounding in her chest, Peyton pulled open the manuscript and began to read.
Brooke and Ben drove silently home from what felt like the longest dinner in history.
"Does it have to be like this now?" Brooke asked, finally breaking the silence.
"You basically said you didn't feel the same way Brooke. How can it be any different. I can't hide my feelings for you? We can't just close them off and go back to the way it was."
"But we were great the way it was before!" Brooke said frustrated.
"That's why I didn't want you to say anything. I knew it would change everything"
"But it doesn't have to Brooke. Why shouldn't we at least try dating? What have we got to loose?"
"I just…. Can't Ben… I'm sorry, really I am…"
"Sorry because you can't date me or sorry because you are still in love with the man who ran off on you because he found out you were pregnant?"
Brooke paused for a moment, shocked at what he already seemed to know without her saying anything to him.
"It's written all over your face Brooke. Don't be so surprised that I knew" Ben said a little bitterly.
"I'm sorry Ben. It's just… too soon maybe. I don't know why. But I still love him Ben. I still love him and he's not even here to help raise our child. I guess we can't help what the heart wants can we?"
Ben smiled a little back at Brooke. "No I guess not. But… if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me. I just…. Can't go on pretending anymore Brooke"
"Ok… I understand." Smiling at Ben she lent in to kiss his cheek and then climbed out of the car. As she let herself into her house, she quietly went into her bedroom and climbed onto the bed before she started to sob. She had just lost a great friend and probably the best relationship she could have had. And yet, she was still in love with Julian. The man she hadn't seen from or heard from in 3 months. And yet, if he appeared, she'd take him back in an instant….
This is ridiculous! Brooke scolded herself. She shouldn't be lying here wallowing for a man that clearly doesn't want her. No, Brooke, you need to man up and not stop pining for a man that wasn't going to return. A man that clearly didn't love her the way she deserved. No, if Julian Baker came back, Brooke would personally make sure his life was a living hell…
Lucas quietly entered his house and noticed the stillness in the air. He quickly wondered whether Peyton had gone to bed already. Had he really been talking to Nathan for that long? He hoped that she was still awake. If he didn't talk to her now, he didn't know if he'd have the courage to do it tomorrow. His talk with Nathan had given him the confidence and he'd had just enough alcohol to make him comfortable to breech the subject. Ducking quietly into their daughters room he said a quick goodnight to Sawyer before heading into his and Peyton's room.
Instantly he felt like he could cut the tension in the room with a knife. He turned around and saw a tear stained Peyton's face looking at him. Without even thinking of the days events he straight away jumped to the conclusion that someone had been hurt. Fear gripped him. Peyton looked like a broken woman. Had something happened to her father? Before he could ask, Peyton began speaking.
"What would you do in my shoes Luke? Say you find out from your three year old daughter that she has seen her father kissing another woman. Surely not, you think. She must have seen it wrong. After all they did finish writing a book today. And yet, there is something about the insistence at which your daughter is telling you the story that deep down you feel this isn't the case. So you find his phone, with a text message from the girl saying that she knows you feel the same way… and you come home to find a manuscript written about a woman having an affair with a married man… I mean what would you do Luke? Wait and let the man explain himself? Or would you go? Knowing full well whatever he could possibly say was going to hurt her more than she could possibly imagine."
At this point Peyton broke down. She had been keeping herself composed while she asked Luke these questions, but she could no longer keep it together. Luke was standing there dumbfounded and defeated. This is not how he wanted her to find out. How could he explain to Peyton that there was nothing going on when all the evidence was presented to him like that.
"Peyton… let me explain…."