NOTE FROM RIOTTORI: IN GENERAL IN THIS STORY, ALL FLASHBACKS ARE IN THE PAST AND WRITTEN IN ITALICS. EVERYTHING ELSE IS PRESENT TIME. LET'S HEAR A LITTLE FROM CHRISTIAN NOW...

Christian:

I can't stand this woman in front of me. She looks like she's going to do damage to me; peel back my skin, put me under the microscope, root around and then close me up again. It was bad enough talking to Flynn who I'd known for years. Now I had to expose myself to her? I want to take Ana's hand but we don't touch as Mr and Mrs Grey.

"Sit," she commands, and I find myself following her orders, the deep-seated masochist in me eager to please. I will do anything to get Ana back. Make her mine again. If this is what it takes, I'm willing. Dr Black is already seated, her dark eyes hiding behind glasses. She is flicking through a file – a file compiled years ago.

"Mr Grey, Mrs Grey. Whichever of you wants to go first. Tell me why you're here today."

Ana wants to talk about Alice. No dancing around the subject, no lead up to it. She doesn't want to know about the Subs. She wants access to her. Alice. Now. Dr Black wants us to talk directly to her, addressing her, not the person next to us. She also claims that it doesn't matter that she doesn't know me that well. She says that she is not an adjudicator deciding culpability in a case. She is a facilitator. Her aim is to guide us through this difficult time. The adjective she uses makes me want to sneer. Difficult? What an understatement. We're talking in terms of life and death here. She has no idea what is about to unfold before her in her sterile little office, devoid of emotion. We're about to paint its white walls fifty shades.

"I hired her as my PA," I begin down the long wending path I don't really want to be anywhere near. But I need to do this for Ana. I need to be honest. She is braced beside me, I can feel it. "I was...attracted to her... almost instantaneously. She was...she was..." I stop and close my mouth. This may just kill us.

"What?" A probing monosyllable from the Doctor's mouth.

"She was so like Ana." I stop again, sensing my wife stiffen.

"Go on." Black's utterance gives nothing away.

"She made me laugh almost immediately. I didn't mean to...like her. It just happened."

A thin whistle escapes through Dr Black's teeth as she jots something down. It sounds a lot like judgment. "Go on," she says again.

Go on to where? I think. Just dive right in with all the gory details? She points at me without saying anything more, like an experienced conductor.

"What do you want to know, Ana?" I turn to my wife, ignoring Dr Black. Ana doesn't answer.

"Mr Grey," Dr Black begins with a sigh. "As I said at the start of this session, I would like you to focus your questions and responses on me, please. It makes for a less emotional experience. Just pretend that Mrs Grey is not here. Talk." I find her imperative so forceful that I am compelled to obey.

"I asked her to stay late at the office on the second day but nothing happened. I swear, Ana. Nothing happened then..."

"Mr Grey!" Dr Black snaps. "Please. Focus on me."

"I thought about it...thought how it would be to...touch her. But I resisted."

Dr Black turns a page in her jotter, noisily. More judgment. "For how long?"

"Two weeks." My answer is a whisper.

"Sorry, Mr Grey. How long did you say you resisted?" Bitch, making me repeat myself, making me stab Ana again. I clear my throat and stare into Dr Black's eyes.

"Two weeks." I sneak a look at Ana. Her eyes are closed.

"Go on."

"I asked her to stay late again. I was working on an important account and I needed someone to work over-time. I asked her."

I pause, allowing my confession to sink in. I don't want to bombard her with fact after painful fact. Why the fuck had I done this? Any of this? Why had I brought us here, to this point? I hold my head in my hands, swamped with sorrow and grief and memories.

"She brought me...dinner. I hadn't asked her to. She had gone out and bought...some hot deli sandwiches. Two for me and...one for her. I was...flattered. God, I was so stupid. Something as small as that." The truth spills from my mouth. I know how hard this must be for Ana to hear; some other woman looking after me, encroaching on her territory. And I'd let her. I could have told her to leave but I didn't.

I push my head up. "We...ate together. At my desk. We talked. She made me laugh...she made me...feel...young again." I had just uttered the oldest excuse for affairs in the book. But, sadly it was true. She made me feel like my 28-year-old self with my 22-year-old Ana. I just want to be honest. Finally honest.

I hear both Ana and Dr Black take a breath, as if my words have made the room feel cramped, suddenly airless and suffocating.

"Continue, please."

"I kissed her. Just a quick kiss but it was our first contact. I walked her downstairs to the street and hailed a taxi for her. I thanked her for her hard work and...kissed her. She was looking at me like she wanted me to. So..I...did." It sounds ridiculous even to my ears, like some trashy story. I shake my head, full of shame. My wife is silent beside me.