I would never have suspected when I left home, that six months later I would be kissing a Vulcan.
The kiss was chaste, and very gentle, and Amanda drew away from Sarek after only a few moments. She was suddenly embarrassed, biting down on her lower lip in an attempt to banish the feeling of Sarek's brushing it. He, on the other hand, looked as stoic as ever. As blank as a statue, and nearly as cold. Perhaps he's regretting it, Amanda thought, a little surge of panic rising in her. Oh dear.
Instead of rebuking her, however, Sarek leaned into her and kissed her again, more firmly this time. He tasted like spices, with a slight hint of k'vass. Amanda shut her eyes, allowing herself to relax into the embrace. It was so nice to abandon herself for just a moment, to feel Sarek's slightly elevated Vulcan warmth against her skin. He smelled nice, too.
Amanda was just wondering if Sarek was going to, er, "press his suit" further when he broke away from her. Amanda opened her eyes to see him looking at her with a curious, softened expression in his eyes. His mouth was slightly open and his cheeks were darkened green. He's blushing? "Amanda..." He seemed to be fumbling for words, embarrassed. Amanda was both surprised and amused. "That was...improper. I apologize."
Amanda raised her eyebrows. "Sarek, I don't mind."
"Nevertheless..." Sarek looked away from her, folding his hands tightly on the balcony before them. Amanda frowned slightly; why was he so nervous? It wasn't as though they'd done anything illegal. "We are not bonded." He said, in a mumbly tone. Amanda stared.
"Oh." Amanda had always known that Vulcans were private, and very sensitive about physical touching and all that fell in that category, but she had never imagined that they were this prudish. She cleared her throat and smoothed out her dress, feeling her own cheeks redden. Suddenly, though, she remembered. "Sarek," She said, hesitantly. He looked up at her again, and Amanda noticed as he turned that the tips of his ears were green, which she found, privately, adorable. "Ataur - I mean, my meditation teacher - he told me about bonding. And compatibility." She felt supremely awkward saying this to Sarek, but it was something that needed to be said. Sarek's jaw moved, as if he were clenching his teeth.
"The dreams." He said quietly.
"Yes, that, and other things." Amanda replied. She felt as though she were dreaming now - the whole world was so supremely strange that it couldn't actually be happening. She swallowed. "Perhaps, for the time being, things should stay as they are. For now."
Sarek seemed to relax slightly. Amanda wondered if he'd kissed her out of a moment's impulse, and the worry that he was regretting it sprouted anew. "But, I may kiss you again?"
That brought relief to her as well. As strange as it was, kissing Sarek had been...nice. Very nice. She didn't want to give that up - they just needed to figure things out. Just not right at that moment. She nodded, and felt Sarek's hand at the small of her back, the very lightest of touches, as he drew her in to kiss her again. Amanda closed her eyes as their lips met, her nervous butterfly finally stilled, its wings moving gently, calm and sweet. This embrace lasted longer than the last, although the kiss was just as gentle and undemanding. Sarek's arm around her made her feel feminine and small, even though she had always felt clumsy and indelicate around men. After far too short a time, Sarek broke away from her again, and Amanda took a deep breath. She knew that her cheeks must be pink now, but it didn't matter.
"...Thank you," Sarek said after a pause. Then, after a longer pause, he continued. "I care for you, Amanda." She wasn't sure what to say in reply to that, she could only stare at him, her mouth still tingling with the remembrance of his. He dropped his hand from her back, and with a last calm look that nevertheless conveyed affection, he turned and disappeared back into the golden light of the ballroom.
The rest of the night was a bit of a blur for Amanda. She remembered drifting back into the ballroom a few minutes later, and somehow managed to locate Ataur again. He gave her a very curious look when she joined him. "I had begun to wonder where you had gone. I did not see you in the crowd."
Amanda made some vague noise about wanting to see the cityscape from the balcony. Ataur's green-blue eyes were frustratingly knowing as he nodded. "Ah. I see." He lifted his drink to his lips, watching the crowd with a seemingly interested look. "Perhaps I shall have to tell you about ponn farr after all."
Amanda had opened her mouth to inquire further, but Ataur interrupted her. "Look, the couple is coming to greet their guests." He gestured with his glass to the hall's entrance; an arched portal that was hung with gauzy curtains. They were parting to allow Kavonn and T'Rea through. They were still dressed in their finery, to Amanda's relief, and looked just as perfect and unruffled as they had been in the ceremony hall. T'Rea's slim arm was slipped through Kavonn's. Their guests were crowding around them with quiet words of congratulation and good wishes. Amanda watched as T'Rea inclined her head to one guest. She looks as regal and beautiful as a queen, Amanda thought. She said as much to Ataur, who gave her one of his not-smiles.
"T'Rea is a truly excellent woman. She has been a great friend to me. She has also spoken very highly of you. But she deserves this happiness - she is incredibly diligent in her position. Her marriage to Kavonn gladdens me, as it does all her friends."
Amanda agreed with him, watching the lady glide through the crowd to the center of the room with her husband at her side. She does look happy, Amanda thought. Even though T'Rea's outward expression was of perfectly composed calm, Amanda could sense happiness radiating off her, and whenever she met her new husband's gaze, it increased. I wonder if I'll ever have that, she wondered. Perhaps I will, maybe with Sarek. Perhaps with someone else.
"Amanda," Ataur said at her side. Amanda turned to look at him, and found an expression of affection and understanding in his eyes. "You deserve happiness as well." Amanda gave him the tiniest of smiles, trying to convey it mostly with her eyes. She turned and saw Sarek across the room. He was greeting the married couple, but for an instant his gaze moved to hers.
"Thank you, Ataur. I think maybe I do."
Over the next few days, Amanda had to admit that she was happy. Although she had greatly enjoyed her stay on Vulcan, much of the time her mind had been buzzing with concerns and worries, about her work and other things. In the days after T'Rea's marriage, though, a sort of calm had descended on her. She felt lighter, as if propelled by a little balloon of good feeling that bounced after her wherever she went. She only had to remember Sarek's kiss, and the balloon re-inflated.
"You're infatuated." George told her when she told him about the wedding. He was trying to sound solemn, but his eyes were laughing. He broke down and let the rest of his face convey his pleasure. "It's pretty cute."
Amanda made a motion as if to punch him playfully, but obviously she couldn't do so, when he was on Earth and she was on Vulcan. "Don't make fun of me. It's really not a big deal! We only kissed, it's not like we slept together or anything." Except it kind of is, Amanda thought to herself. Vulcans took this sort of thing so gravely that in Sarek's mind, it was as if they'd spent the night together, and more.
George shrugged, but he was still smiling. "I get it! Hey, I'm happy for you."
Amanda chewed on her lip. "I still don't know if it's going anywhere, or if I want it to go anywhere." It was true - as happy as the incident was making her, she still wasn't sure about what she wanted to happen from then on. Vulcan relationships were serious. Really serious. She had to be sure of what she wanted before anything else happened...and that was a little scary. George seemed to sense where her train of thought was going.
"Listen, Amanda, you can stop whenever you want. I don't care if he is a Vulcan. You're a Human, and you're your own person." He said, earnestly. Amanda grinned and shook her head at him.
"I know, George! You don't have to hover over me like I'm a baby bird. I'll figure it out. But I won't do anything stupid, I promise."
"Hah, don't let him get you pregnant."
Amanda balked. "What? That is not going to happen. It's not even possible. At least, I don't think it is." Is it possible? She shooed her thoughts away from that area and asked "When are you going to see Winona, anyway?"
George looked pleased. "She's coming to pick me up at the hangar in an hour or so. I'm going to stay at her place while I'm on leave." He looked so wistful that Amanda laughed.
"Yeah, talk about infatuated." She teased. "Well, I hope you have a good time. Tell her I say hello - give me a call if you want to take a break from 'visiting' with her."
George laughed. "Hey, give me a break, we haven't seen each other in ages. But I will call, I do want you to meet her." He said, more sincerely. "I should go, but take care of yourself, Amanda. If I hear that His Grace the Ambassador has done anything to you, I'm going AWOL and taking a ship to Vulcan myself, just so I can knock his teeth out."
"His Grace the Ambassador will behave himself. I promise." I think. "Bye, George."
George saluted her, Starfleet style, with a mocking gleam in his eye before signing off. Amanda sat back in her chair and sighed. She missed George, and wished that they could have had the conversation in person. At least he was going to see his fiancee. Amanda wondered vaguely as she browsed through her new messages whether or not she could ask for time off of Vulcan to go to their wedding...assuming she was still on Vulcan when it occurred. It had been about six months since she'd arrived, and the fellowship was only for a year. That had seemed like such a huge amount of time when she left home, but now she felt as though the time was slipping away far too quickly, especially since...well, she could take time to think about that later. She had to get to work on her lesson plan for the next day.
Before Amanda could get started, however, she noticed a new message in her inbox, from none other than S'Haile Ahror, the head of the linguistics department at the VSA. Curious, and a little nervous, Amanda opened the note. There was nothing to be afraid of inside, though. The Vulcan elder was simply extending an invitation to take tea with him in a few days. Amanda felt a mixture of curiosity and a little anxiety as she sent the elder her reply, thanking him and accepting the invitation. She was confident now that she could hold her own against T'Rea or Ataur or the children in her class, but it was nerve-wracking to think of spending an afternoon with one of Shi'Kahr's most respected elders. He would certainly be more imposing than T'Dia or Turinon.
Amanda thought about sending T'Rea a message to ask for her advice, but then she remembered what Ataur had said to her at the conclusion of the wedding reception. "I would refrain from contacting T'Rea for a few days, Amanda." He had said lightly. "She will be intensely occupied for the next three days or so."
"Why is that?" Amanda had asked.
"Ah, well, after a Vulcan wedding ceremony, the couple spends a few days in the privacy of their own home." Nakor told her, not meeting her eyes as he said this, instead looking into his almost empty glass.
"They take the time to copulate." Ataur supplied helpfully.
"For three days straight?" Amanda asked, incredulous, while Nakor nearly choked on the remnants of his k'vass.
"You'll find that Vulcans have much more stamina than the average Human, Ashal-Amanda." Ataur said kindly, before sweeping his stricken husband away, leaving Amanda blushing furiously.
Amanda's embarrassment was not at an end, either. Two days after the wedding, Amanda was back to teaching at the Children's Institute, and she had run into Selek again. He had started seeking her out after he was finished with classes for the day, and they often shared some juice or fruit from the market in the shade of the Institute's garden. Normally they discussed Earth, or Vulcan, or volcanoes, and sometimes lizards. Today, however, Amanda was finding Selek's curiosity a little trying.
"Why will you not tell me, Amanda?" Selek said, speaking through a mouth full of a peach-like fruit that they had purchased from the market.
"Because," Amanda said, swallowing her own bite and trying not to convey her embarrassment, "the relationship between your cousin and I is not your business."
"But he is my cousin, and you are my friend." Selek pointed out, gesturing with his snack.
"That doesn't exactly give you the right to know." Amanda teased. "Wouldn't you prefer to continue our discussion on Earth's poles?" She hoped to distract him with some interesting Terran facts, but the boy was not to be dissuaded.
"No." Selek replied bluntly. "Sarek will not say anything to me about it, and that is quite unlike him." Amanda despaired. Normally she was pleased and amused by Selek's ravenous curiosity, but today she was finding it singularly frustrating.
"Why are you so interested in knowing, Selek?" She said, fiddling with her scarf in a nervous gesture. "It's not as if there is much to tell, anyway."
Selek gave her a piercing dark eyed stare. Amanda wondered whether he actually knew more than he let on. "When I was with him at the conclusion of the wedding reception, he smelled like you." He finally said, in a matter-of-fact voice. Amanda's eyes went wide. She had forgotten that Vulcans had keener senses than Humans. Selek seemed to take her surprise for anxiety, because he continued "Do not worry, Amanda. Neither my parents nor Toz'ot (uncle) Skon detected it."
Amanda stopped nibbling at her fruit and lowered her hand. "Why should I worry if your parents or Councilman Skon noticed anything?" She asked slowly.
Selek seemed surprised, then puzzled. "Because you are not his betrothed," He explained, as if she were a child. "And because you are a Human." A little bubble of panic sneaked into Amanda's happy balloon. She licked her lips and watched Selek's confused, honest face.
"Is..." Amanda cleared her throat, trying to collect her thoughts. "If there were a relationship between your cousin and I, not that I am confirming or denying that scenario, would Councilman Skon be angry?"
Selek chewed a bite of his treat, watching her with a thoughtful expression. "I do not know. Sarek does not have a ko-kugalsu, a fiancee, but I think Toz'ot Skon is making arrangements."
Amanda felt as though her chest were filling with cold, icy water. "But," She protested, "I thought that Sarek was old enough to seek out his own, um, ko-kugalsu."
Selek made a noncommittal gesture that Amanda had come to recognize as equivalent to a shrug. "He is. But after his first one left, he never got a new one, and so Toz'ot Skon is looking for him."
After that, Amanda's happy balloon felt as though someone had stuck a few lead pellets in it. It was still bouncing after her, but her worries were keeping it hovering just above the ground. She hurried home, chewing the inside of her lip, even though she knew that Vulcans on the street could see her, and would not approve of this outward display of anxiety. Selek had unintentionally given her several worrisome things to think about. First, Councilman Skon. Amanda had completely forgotten about him in her little happy daze. Obviously he was very involved with his son's life, although Amanda was certain now that Sarek had achieved his honors on his own steam. If her relationship...or whatever it was...with Sarek proceeded any further, would Councilman Skon disapprove? How fierce would the disapproval of such an important man prove to be?
Secondly, Amanda was tying herself in knots over the other thing Selek had let slip. After his old fiancee left, he never got a new one. Sarek had been betrothed once before - of course he had. Amanda had known this in a sort of abstract way. All Vulcan children over the age of 10 or 11 were bound to be betrothed, as loose as the contract was. Ataur had told her that such a link was very important to the maturation of an adolescent Vulcan. The bond was formed so that the young Vulcan would have someone to rely on in times of trouble. Ataur had also said that such bonds might be dissolved if the match wasn't exactly right. She had vaguely assumed that such was the case with Sarek, and would not have been worried about it, had not Selek said "he never got a new one." That horrible, overwhelming feeling of sadness and abandonment had indeed come from Sarek, and now she knew why.
The smart thing to do, Amanda knew, would be to talk to Sarek about this. There was so much to talk to Sarek about. Before she'd spoken with Selek, she'd been nervous to broach the subject of their relationship with Sarek, but now she was dreading it. This new information had turned a little tangle into a Gordian knot.
And so the days went by without any contact with Sarek. Amanda neither sent nor received any message. As much as she tried to focus on her work and put her thoughts of him aside, Amanda kept hearing Sarek's parting words in her mind. "I care for you." She wanted to see him, and yet she didn't. It was maddening. Thankfully, she had come to find Ataur's meditation practices incredibly useful. She took to spending 20 minutes or so brushing her worries off and reinforcing her emotional barrier. She always felt refreshed and stronger afterwards. I am stronger than I look. Dakh p'thak.
Amanda was repeating these words to herself as she mounted the steps of the ornate building that was the home of the Vulcan Science Academy's linguistics department. It was a smaller building, set apart from the others, down a walkway of pale stone bordered by spare but elegant foliage. Amanda herself was dressed in an outfit that she would have described as "Vulcan business-casual" - a light dress of a pleasant ochre color, with dark sandals that laced up her calves.
"Dakh pthak. Er, I mean, hello." Amanda said to the attendant at the door, who gave her a queer look as he ushered her inside. "I am here for a meeting with S'Haile Ahror."
"Indeed, Miss Grayson." The attendant replied. "Please follow me."
Amanda did so, trailing after him through a small but elegant entrance hall. She looked around eagerly. Linguistics had always been the subject closest to her heart, and she was curious to see in what way it was taught on Vulcan. The VSA was the most famous educational center in the known universe, and it lived up to its reputation. Amanda was well aware of the honor it was to be asked by one of its heads of department for tea, and that awareness was making her somewhat jittery with nerves.
Finally, the attendant led her to what she assumed must be S'Haile Ahror's office. It was a small room, but made larger by the big windows in three of its walls, which looked out over the campus of the academy. The sunlight coming through them gave the room a cheery attitude. There was a large desk, and Amanda was surprised and pleased to see a bookshelf filled with books against one wall. An antiquated form of information storage that she hadn't thought Vulcans would favor.
The elder himself was so unobtrusive in the room that it took Amanda a moment to notice that he was there. He was seated in a comfortable looking chair by one of the windows, across from a little table and another similar chair. He turned to look at Amanda when she came in, and she saw a welcoming light in his somewhat faded eyes. His face was as lined as an old wrinkled piece of leather, but there was a softness there that Amanda had not seen in other elderly Vulcans she had met. Ahror gestured to the seat across from him. "Please sit."
Amanda did so, feeling a little nervous. She'd met him before of course, but that had been in a very different situation. It was more difficult now when she was expected to have a conversation with him, instead of just standing there and looking respectful. "Trensu Ahror, thank you for asking me to see you. It is an honor."
"Indeed," He said, in his voice like the rustling of fallen leaves. "At the moment, however, I am more interested in your accomplishments than in my own. I apologize for not contacting you to meet with me earlier - I have been intensely occupied in other duties and arranging such a meeting was difficult."
Wondering how much of her inner nervousness was apparent to this dignified man, Amanda inclined her head. "I understand. I am most grateful for your influence in granting me access to research material. Much of what I'm trying to accomplish would be impossible without it."
Ahror made an acknowledging noise. "Yes, you are of course welcome to it. But I had other motives in asking you here today, other than hearing myself praised." Amanda stared at him, but there was that same joking light in his eyes that Sarek got when he was teasing her. "I am more interested in hearing your impressions of Vulcan. My work with Starfleet's initiative has been on background operations and negotiations. I desire now to become acquainted with the young woman who has been the focus of all our work."
For a moment, Amanda didn't know what to say. She had expected Ahror to be severe, cold, and clinical: an elderly Vulcan of steel shod principles and even more rigid personal skills. Ahror was turning out to be more like a retired English professor than the stolid pillar of Vulcan principles that Amanda had expected. Instead of being thrown by it, however, she was feeling more refreshed. Before she could say anything in reply, however,
Ahror's attendant was back again, carrying a tray of steaming tea that filled the room with its bitter fragrance.
"Ah, tea." Ahror said. "Thank you, Takan." The younger man withdrew almost immediately, and Amanda and the elder were left alone once more. He set about pouring tea, beginning to speak again. "You are surprised that I am not more like S'Haile Karek. There are many ways to be a true Vulcan, as Ataur has often told me."
"Ataur?" Amanda asked, now truly puzzled.
"Indeed. Ataur is my nephew - my adoptive nephew."
That explains some things, Amanda thought. She accepted the cup that Ahror held out to her, managing not to grimace at how burning hot it was. She set it down immediately without drinking, and a glimmer of a smile appeared in Ahror's eyes. "Forgive me. Humans are more sensitive to the heat, as I recall. Let it cool a while and it will suffice." He started drinking his own tea, looking perfectly at ease. "So, tell me your thoughts about the program, and of course, about Vulcan."
That was easy enough. Amanda recounted, as coherently as she was able, her time on Ahror's home planet. She left out the more racy details, such as anything at all about Sarek, but Ahror seemed pleased with her assessment, especially when she mentioned her lessons with Ataur. "I was aware that my nephew was coaching you, but it is pleasant to hear that he has proved to be such a valuable teacher. Please, continue."
And so Amanda did. They had been speaking for a little more than an hour before Amanda even realized how long she had been there. Ahror was a good listener, and an even better guide. When Amanda expressed her concerns and questions about her little class, Ahror explained more about Vulcan childhood, and how children were expected to behave. It was both fascinating and incredibly helpful. Amanda was itching to take notes, but thinking that this might perhaps be rude, she left her PADD in her bag. Nevertheless she was feeling much more confident about her class when Ahror finally mentioned that he had other duties to attend to.
"This has been a most informative and enjoyable conversation, Miss Grayson." He said. "I trust that you will contact me have you need of any more information, although please do send me a message if you desire some more discussion and tea. Perhaps we shall delve a little deeper into the Romulan language as well." There was something like a smile in the old man's eyes as he said this, and Amanda felt as though she had passed an important inspection. Even though Ahror was more flexible than other Vulcans, his intelligence and logic was razor-sharp. She could see why he had risen to such an honored position in the Academy.
"Thank you, S'Haile Ahror." Amanda said, with a small bow.
Ahror regarded her for a moment, his pale eyes pensive and sharp. "Yes, Miss Amanda Grayson. I believe that there are great things to come in your future, both for you, and for Vulcan." With that, he escorted Amanda to the door and showed her out, without giving Amanda time to reply. She stood outside the door after the elder had shut it for a long moment. What could that possibly mean?
Amanda puzzled over the elder's words for a long while as she made her way home. She was still so engrossed when she came home, in fact, that T'Iva had to speak to her twice before Amanda heard her.
"Oh, excuse me, T'Iva, I was...thinking." Amanda said, embarrassed.
"Of course, t'sai. I wished to tell you that the Ambassador was here earlier, looking for you. I told him that you were out, and he left this message." There was no need to say which Ambassador. Amanda's heart jumped - Sarek had been there to see her? She swallowed her nerves and thanked T'Iva, taking the little note and scurrying upstairs to read it. She didn't trust herself to open it in front of T'Iva. Sarek seemed to be able to incite emotional reactions from her with even the slightest interaction. When she reached her room, Amanda sat down on her bed, and without even removing her scarf or overcoat she opened the note to read it.
Amanda,
I came to your home today in hopes of seeing you, but your maid told me that you were out on a work-related visit. If it would not inconvenience you, I request to see you tonight at my home. I wish to speak with you.
Attached is the address of my residence.
I look forward to your visit.
Ambassador Sarek
Amanda picked up the little information chip that Sarek had included, turning it over and over in her fingers. Her heart was thumping in her throat with the thought of seeing Sarek again, but she couldn't help thinking of what Selek had told her. She had no idea what to expect, and she had to tread carefully. This is turning out to be more complicated than I thought, and I hadn't expected it to be easy in the first place.
Author's Note: Another slightly longer chapter ;) I went away for the weekend and had tons of time in the car to write, so expect another chapter quick on the heels of this one! If you enjoyed it, drop me a review, I do so love getting them.