Amanda smoothed a stray piece of hair out of her eyes and scrolled through the contacts interface on her console. Her heart was beating quickly. Funny, she thought, to be so worked up over calling George. This was to be a special call, though. George was with his fiancee Winona, and had asked Amanda over message to give them a call, so that she could meet the girl back home that George had sighed over. When she found George's contact info, Amanda opened a video communication and settled her fingers in her lap. Her nervousness was annoying but she hoped understandable - George had become such a dear friend to her that she was anxious that his fiancee would like her. She knew how much the Lieutenant cared for his fiancee, and she didn't want to throw any wrenches into those works.
The call rang for a few moments, answerless, before someone on the other side, Earth-side, picked up. Amanda was surprised to see not George, but a pretty girl with honey-blonde hair and a sprinkle of freckles across her small nose. "Oh!" She exclaimed, looking rather flustered. A blush was gathering beneath her freckles. "You must be Amanda!" She turned away from the screen and called over her shoulder. "George! Amanda's calling!"
Amanda could hear muffled cursing in the background, unmistakably George. Winona's blush was darkening, and Amanda could only assume that she'd caught them in a rather intimate moment. Soon enough, though, George was squeezing in next to Winona, his blonde hair ruffled, but his eyes just as bright and blue as ever. Amanda couldn't help smiling when she saw him in such disarray. "Should I call back later?" She asked, trying to sound severe through her amusement. George laughed and rubbed the back of his neck, looking just as charming and awkward as she remembered him.
"Oh, no, that's okay." He said. "I'm glad you called! I can see that you've already encountered Winnie." He grinned at the young woman affectionately, and she returned it with just as much sentiment. Amanda could see how much she cared for George, but there was also a strong mischievous quality in her light hazel eyes. She turned them on Amanda, who instantly felt as though Winona were including her in some raucous practical joke.
"Don't mind him," She said. "He's an idiot. I am Winona, though. It's great to meet you, I've heard so much about you." Winona brushed her mane of blonde hair out of her face, revealing a broad grin. Her teeth were slightly over large, but the effect didn't detract from her beauty at all. It made her seem cheeky and charming.
"Is that true?" Amanda said, laughing. "I hope it was only good things."
"I do know you too well to think you're perfect, Amanda." George said. "But don't worry, I haven't spilled any of your secrets to Winnie."
Winnie punched him cheerfully and turned back to Amanda. "No, George says you're very smart and can hold your own against a Vulcan. That's a good report in my book, I wouldn't have a clue how to survive out there like you have."
Amanda shrugged, suddenly shy. She wasn't used to getting compliments so directly from people her own age. "It was hard at first," she said. "It's a lot easier now."
Winona, or perhaps Winnie, leaned forwards on her elbows and gave Amanda a wide-eyed, excited look. "That's right! George says you have a Vulcan boyfriend now." Amanda's eyes flicked to George's face, who looked suddenly mortified. She smiled at him - after all that had happened, she didn't mind if George's fiancee knew a few things about Sarek. She trusted George, and as she hoped to be friends with Winnie she wanted to be able to trust her, too.
"He's not exactly my boyfriend," Amanda said, with a bashful smile and another glance at George. "But...well, they do things differently here."
"I'm sure they do!" Winnie said, her hazel eyes round with appreciation. Their conversation, to Amanda's relief, veered away from her doings with Sarek. Winnie was happy enough to talk about how what was going on on Earth, and other bits and pieces of girl nonsense that Amanda found very pleasant. She hadn't had a girl friend to talk to since Georgia, and they'd drifted somewhat apart after Amanda had taken off for space and Vulcan.
"How did you two meet?" Amanda managed to interject while Winona stopped to draw breath. George had been smiling bemusedly at his fiancee while she talked, and now he turned back to Amanda.
"Winnie works as a waitress in my hometown," He said. "I met her the day before I went off to start training at the Starfleet Academy. Fell in love with her then and there, too." George grinned sheepishly. "But it wasn't until I was back home for a week's leave that I managed to talk to her."
"It's been mostly a long-distance relationship since then," Winnie added. "But we've made it work so far!" She turned her wicked hazel eyes on George. "But I've got him home for a few weeks now, and I'm going to do whatever I want to him." George and Amanda both laughed. It was both pleasant and strange to watch Winona and George together. Every time they exchanged a smile, or Winona touched George's hand or arm, Amanda felt a little pang of jealousy. Not over George, but over how open he and Winnie were together. Amanda had never tried to be as affectionate with Sarek as Winona was with George, but she had a feeling that it would confuse and alarm him if she did. Amanda gave a little sigh. Perhaps I have something better, though. Sarek and I share a bond, and how much closer can two people be?
That thought comforted her a little, and even more so when Amanda sought out contact through the bond. Sarek's presence was immediately there with a reassurance of warmth and affection. She smiled at her friend and his fiancee on the screen, happy in the knowledge that she could be as close and happy with Sarek as Winona was with George. Only in a different way.
After their conversation, Amanda and Winona were fast friends. This both surprised and delighted George, who said in a sorry tone of voice that soon he would be cut out of the picture entirely. They poked fun at him for that, but when George and Winona signed off, Amanda had Winona's contact information in her PADD, ready for any spontaneous message or call. That comforted Amanda in a way that Sarek had not - she could still make friends and still delight in Human interaction, even after such a long while on Vulcan. I still have a Human heart, Amanda thought to herself, and that will never change.
Amanda had other concerns of her heart to worry about in the next few days, though. Her evening with Sarek was still two days off, but she was wild with anticipation for it to hurry up and get there. Her work was still engaging and interesting - her class had moved on, finally, from the Romans to cultures of the European continent after the fall of Rome - but she couldn't help but be excited to see Sarek again. Their little snatches of communication over their infant bond was only fuel to the fire, and she had the feeling that Sarek felt the same way, too.
And so Amanda forced herself to pay attention to her daily life, exchanging messages with Ahror, having tea with Ataur, working on her class curriculum, drafting reports for Starfleet, and visiting with Selek. She still worried about T'Rea, though, and the warning she had given Amanda on their last meeting. When Friday actually came, though, Amanda's anxiety on the subject had melted away in the heat of her excitement. It was great enough that Amanda had trouble hiding it, forcing herself to be as calm and cool as a still lake. Even Selek picked up on it when she ran into him after teaching class that morning. He gave her a look that was as sly as could be while still only being the expression of a curious twelve-year-old.
"You have a secret, Amanda." Selek said, while Amanda wondered where he had acquired his sneakiness powers. "It would help you to inform me of it, so that your stress over concealing it does not tax you any further."
"It would, would it?" Amanda said dryly. "While you present a logical argument, I happen to believe that my business is my own."
"Not," Selek said imperiously, "when you insist on projecting your feelings about it so openly." Amanda gave him the tiniest of frowns, which he returned with the most cherubic of glances. "I only inform you of the fact because I am your friend, and am interested in your welfare."
"Selek, have you ever heard the phrase 'too smart for your own good'?" Amanda asked, making her way towards the door and drawing the young Vulcan along beside her like a magnet with an iron filing. They fell into step together, making their way off the Children's Institute campus and towards the street.
"I have not," Selek replied gravely. "Although it is illogical. Intelligence is never a negative factor in one's person."
"You'd be surprised," Amanda replied. "But since you are being so persistent, I'll tell you, as long as you promise to keep your mouth shut." Selek immediately looked puzzled, and Amanda rephrased. "Refrain from telling anyone what I am about to tell you." When he nodded, Amanda had no choice but to continue. She'd hoped that he'd raise some protest about it being illogical to withhold information, or something of the sort. "Your cousin Sarek and are courting. I'm going to see him tonight."
"Oh, that." Selek said, projecting crossness. "I already knew that."
Amanda found it hard to conceal her surprise. "Did he tell you?"
"Yes, but only because I asked him about it. He often smells like you, and you of him, you know. And he told Toz'ot, uncle, Skon that he does not want him to continue searching for another woman for him to marry." Selek seemed quite oblivious to the distressing news he was relaying to Amanda, as smart as he was. Amanda wanted to groan, but she couldn't in the presence of so many Vulcans.
"How could he be that stupid?" Amanda said. "Didn't your uncle ask him why?"
Selek blinked large dark eyes at her. "Of course."
"And what did he say?"
"Sa-kai, brother, told him that he was too busy with his new duties to be married. Of course, I knew what he really meant, but as being an Ambassador has taken up so much of his time Toz'ot Skon agreed, although he told Sarek that he must find a wife before the next cycle of his ponn farr." Amanda stared at him for a moment, breathless.
"Where do you learn all of this, Selek? Are you spying on your family?" She asked weakly.
"No, Amanda, they spoke of it at dinner." Amanda resisted the urge to bite her lip in anxiety. Selek was turning into quite the little espionage resource for her, and that made her nervous. She should really stop taking advantage of the information he gave her, but it was proving so useful that she didn't quite know how to stop. "Perhaps you shouldn't tell me what your family says in private, Selek." She forced herself to say.
Selek looked non-plussed. "As you say, Amanda."
They said their goodbyes not long after, Selek departing to speak with his school friends and Amanda heading home. Selek had once again laid a lot of worrisome information at her feet. If Sarek had told his father that he didn't want to search for an eligible match for him, did that mean that he intended to marry Amanda? They hadn't been together long enough for that to make sense, not by any stretch of the mind. Of my mind, maybe, Amanda thought ruefully, but maybe not of his. When a Vulcan made a romantic commitment, they Made A Romantic Commitment. Their reverence for love and marriage completely merited the capital letters. Amanda's insides roiled as she made her way home, but her worries were borne along mostly by the rushing tide of her excitement, and soon they had melted away again.
That only left Amanda with the stresses of selecting an outfit for the evening, which turned out to be easier than Amanda had imagined. She chose a light dress of pale forest green that came down just below her knees. The neckline bared her shoulders, and there was a simple pattern of diamonds stitched around it, accented with a shiny black bead at the vertices of every shape. She completed the outfit with black sandals with a low heel, and pulled her hair up in a simple but pretty style. Once she was fully dressed, Amanda regarded herself in the mirror. She was happy with the result, but happier in the knowledge that Sarek would be glad to see her no matter what she looked like. She could feel it in the little space taken up by the bond.
As the sun was already setting when Amanda set out from the house in her hovercar, she only covered her hair with a light scarf. The Vulcan custom was becoming second nature to her, she realized as the car pulled away from the house. I wonder how many other little things I've picked up since I've been here, Amanda thought, feeling the familiar worry creep back to her. When I come home, will my family know me? Will my friends? She managed to quell her fears, though, by remembering her lessons with Ataur. She had built a fortress around herself in her mind, to keep the real essence that was Amanda safe and secret. No Vulcan customs that she'd adopted would hide it. She would never lose it, although Amanda wondered why she had to keep reminding herself of that fact.
Sarek's house was edged in gold from the setting sun when Amanda reached it. Her heart skipped a beat when she climbed out of the car and saw it. It was still as elegant and rich, just as austere as she'd once thought Sarek to be, but now she felt a surge of affection when she looked at it. It's because of Sarek, because I can see him here, Amanda thought. It's funny how places can become just as dear as people.
Amanda let herself in at the gate, shutting it behind her as quietly as she could. As she passed through the garden a flowering plant caught her eye. It was the same as the one outside her own house, with big sprawling leaves and dark plum-colored blossoms. On a sudden impulse, Amanda went to it and picked one of the smaller blossoms, careful to select one that wouldn't detract from the beauty of the bush if she stole it away. She reached up and took off her head scarf to tuck the flower neatly into the twist of her hair. The color was nice with her green dress and auburn hair, and she was happy to find that the scent lingered with her when she turned away. Like a little bit of perfume to follow me around.
The door opened almost before she had finished knocking. Amanda was surprised not to see a servant there, but Sarek himself, looking handsome if a little somber in a dark gray tunic, with the faintest pattern in darker gray on the sleeves. Amanda wasn't paying attention to his clothing, though, because his eyes had met hers, and they were full of a smile. She was about to say hello when he leaned down and kissed her soundly, a more eager gesture than the kisses they had shared before. Amanda's surprise was nearly as strong as her pleasure, especially when he reached up and gave her cheek the lightest of touches. When they broke apart, Sarek's cheeks were blushing green, and he looked contrite.
"I apologize, I should not have done that." He said, although Amanda was already shaking her head.
"Be quiet, I don't mind." She said, stepping inside, and fighting hard to keep from smiling. It was difficult when she felt as light as air.
Sarek shut the door behind her. "You misunderstand. I meant...it was not exactly private." Amanda turned to look at him, puzzled.
"You're ashamed?" She asked, feeling a weight gather in her chest.
"Not at all." Sarek said quickly. "It is only that such gestures are only acceptable in privacy. It would be offensive for anyone who happened to see."
"I've seen Vulcans kissing in public before. You...you showed me." Amanda said, hesitating when she remembered that Sarek had extended the finger kiss to her in a dream. But a dream that we shared.
Sarek's blush deepened. "That is the one public display of affection that is considered polite," He said. "The ozh'esta."
"Oh, I understand." Amanda said, and then, buoyed by another rush of impulsiveness, "Will you show me again?" She held out her hand. Sarek stared at her for a moment, his lips slightly parted, before clearing his throat.
"If you wish." He said, although she could hear the tiniest of tremors in his voice. I'm making him nervous! She thought, delighting. Sarek held out his hand to meet hers, his fingers spread in the ta'al. Amanda copied the gesture, and their fingers brushed ever so slightly. A pleasant buzz raced from Amanda's fingertips up her arm. It was as though she had just touched a very gentle, friendly electric current. Curious, she let their fingers touch again, this time more deliberately and lingering longer. Her fingers were just beginning to trail down his when Sarek yanked his hand away, as quickly as if she had burned him. Amanda looked up, concerned, wondering why he had withdrawn from her so quickly. Was he offended? Had she done something wrong?
"What? Did I hurt you?" She asked. Sarek shook his head curtly, but Amanda could see that his eyes were over bright. His jaw was clenched and the high color on his cheeks had darkened yet further. Through her own confusion, though, Amanda could just sense what was wrong, could feel the pounding of his pulse through the bond. "What is it?" She asked again.
"That is..." Sarek swallowed. "That gesture is very erotic." His voice sounded somewhat strangled. As soon as he said it, though, Amanda could feel it - the surge of his desire and the shame brought about with it. Amanda felt herself blushing now.
"I'm sorry!" She said, bringing her hands up to cover her mouth, and then instantly dropping them in case there was some other erotic connotation with that. She settled for hiding her hands behind her back, just in case. "I didn't mean to. I didn't know."
"It is of no matter," Sarek said, and Amanda could see that he had composed himself again. There was a tint of laughter in his expression, as though he found his own fumble amusing. "How could you have known? Come, let me get you something to drink." Sarek led Amanda further into the house, into the open plan that included the foyer, living and dining areas, and kitchen. There was an enticing scent coming from the kitchen, but Amanda could see no one tending to the meal. Sarek went to a sideboard near the seating area and began preparing drinks. Amanda wandered in and perched on the arm of a chair, wondering why the house was so quiet and empty.
"Are we alone?" Amanda asked, looking around the room.
"Yes. I asked my servants to take the evening off." Sarek said, returning to her with a small glass full of dark amber liquid. When Amanda gave it a wary look, he said "It is only juice of sash-savas, acid fruit, although I can add some k'vass if you like." Amanda sipped it. The juice was tangier than it was sweet, but it reminded Amanda of oranges and pomegranates. She shook her head. "Perhaps a little later, I want to make sure I can keep my wits about me with you." She tried to smile as he did, only with her eyes. "I believe you once told me that a sharp tongue is not an indicator of a sharp mind, and I tend to lose my sharpness when I have alcohol."
Amanda felt a twinge of remorse from him, the gold speckles in his eyes flashing for a moment. "Amanda, I have many faults, and pride..."
Amanda cut him off by shaking her head. "Sarek, I was only teasing you. Don't you remember how venomous I was to you? We're both horrible people and we can only reconcile it by being nice to each other now." Sarek looked truly taken aback by this, and was opening his mouth to say, probably, that he thought Amanda was not a horrible person, when she let out a cough that was more than half a laugh. "Don't you know what teasing is?"
A little crease appeared between Sarek's eyebrows. "No." He said.
"I suppose you wouldn't," Amanda said. "It's a Human thing...we will say things that are a little bit mean but meant in affection..." She paused, because this explanation was sounding ludicrous, even to her, "It's a way to show someone that you know them and care enough about them to appreciate their faults as well as their good qualities." She held back a grimace when Sarek still looked blank. "Would you prefer it if I stopped?"
Sarek drew a little closer to her, sweeping a strand of hair out of her eyes without actually touching her skin. "No," He said. "You are quite fascinating to me, especially when you display your Human lack of logic."
"That," Amanda said, trying to smile with her eyes again, "was teasing. Do you see?"
"No, but I'm sure that you will teach me."
Something warm and fluffy stirred in Amanda's chest. She wanted to kiss him again, to convey her affection and pleasure in the gesture, to show him that she loved his way of teasing her without actually teasing. Sarek, however, turned away and headed for the kitchen, leaving Amanda to hop up and trail after him. The tantalizing scent of dinner danced around her, and Amanda found that she was hungry. Sarek, to Amanda's surprise, busied himself with pulling things out of the oven and arranging other things.
"You made this yourself?" She said, blinking. Of course he did - he'd sent his staff away, hadn't he?
"Yes," Sarek said, glancing up at her.
"It smells delicious." Amanda said, truthfully.
"My mother taught me to cook." Sarek said, waving away steam from something that looked crispy and yummy. Amanda remembered that Sarek had mentioned his mother before, when they had been to the festival at Kamteh together. He'd told her that his parents had taken him to the festival when he was younger, but that they had not been back since his mother died. Amanda wondered how long ago that had been.
"Were you close to your mother?" Amanda asked. The question had lept out of her just as soon as the thought reached her mind. Amanda cursed herself - she didn't want to offend Sarek, or bring up any memory of the festival where she had been so rude and thoughtless.
Sarek nodded, and for a moment he looked very far away indeed. "Yes. She was a wonderful woman. My father said that she coddled me too much." Sarek's voice was bitter-edged when he said this, but his expression softened again when he said "Her name was T'Mir. She fell ill when I was thirteen, and died not long after." Sarek looked up, and his eyes met Amanda's, the dark color of old oak meeting with sea-blue. "I believe she 'teased' my father quite a bit."
"Do you miss her?" Again, the question sprang out of Amanda like an over excited frog. She could've kicked herself for it.
Sarek regarded her for a moment. Amanda could see his jaw clench and unclench. "I do." He said finally, and Amanda felt relieved. She took such liberties with Sarek. Was she overstepping her bounds? Was she being unknowingly offensive and hurtful and clumsy?
"You are not." Sarek said, as if he were replying to her thoughts. Amanda's breath caught in her throat. She bit her lip and looked down at her glass of juice. That was the bond working - Sarek could sense her nervousness. She heard him set down a plate and move around the counter to stand beside her. There was the lightest of touches at her waist, Sarek's long, elegant fingers. "Do not worry, ashayam." She heard him say. "I do not want perfect."
Amanda looked up, startled to hear him use the same words that he had in the dream she'd had a few nights back. "I do not mind sharing these things with you." He said, more quietly. "I want you to know me. I want to know you, as well." Amanda blinked and licked her lips, suddenly shy. "You need not try to be Vulcan for me."
Amanda felt herself relax, her shoulders unclenching and her heartbeat slowing to a more regular pace. "I've been underestimating you, it seems." She said, with the ghost of a smile. She didn't know whether more than that would be acceptable, but she ached to really show it. It was so difficult to hide away her feelings - Ataur had shown her how, and she was skilled at it now, in the company of Vulcans she didn't know, but it was so difficult to restrain herself with Sarek. How could she be with him without really being herself?
"Smile, if you want, Amanda," Sarek said, his voice once again in the low tone that made her spine tingle. "Or frown. Cry, or laugh. I would prefer laughter. I can feel it strains you, to hide - I want you to be comfortable. I want you to be yourself, with me."
After that, Sarek politely disentangled himself from her and served the meal he had made. Amanda wasn't sure whether to be confused or delighted, and contented herself with just being. The food was delicious, as her nose had predicted; delicious enough to amaze Amanda. How could Sarek be such a good cook, when he had so many other things to do? Sarek told her about the lessons his mother had given him, and Amanda related a few stories of her own, of baking cookies, and of burning them. Sarek seemed amused at her tales of her erratic childhood, although she tried to ask for as many out of him as she gave.
"My father is a very sociable person, by our standards." Sarek told her. "I'm sure you've noticed that my father throws parties as often as others sneeze - he has always been generous with his wealth and his home." Sarek swirled the juice in his glass, which he had spiked with k'vass just as Amanda had done of hers. "My mother was not as jocular," (Amanda was privately amused at hearing any Vulcan called jocular) "but she was generous with her heart. She was well loved, by her family and her city. I believe my father has devoted himself more to public matters than private now that she is gone. He often prefers speaking with dignitaries over speaking with me."
Amanda's heart gave a little twinge. Sarek's eyes had darkened when he made his last comment, and she wanted to rush forward and hug him. He seemed to notice her distress, however, because the light of a smile was back in his face when she met his eyes. "Do not worry yourself, Amanda. My father and I have no ill will between us." He tilted his head to one side, regarding her. "I believe you share some qualities with my mother. There was compassion in her, just as there is in you."
Amanda could feel herself blush at that, but it was such a happy blush that she didn't mind showing it. After Sarek had reassured her, she didn't mind showing a lot of her feelings. She allowed herself a few small smiles, an almost laugh, a passion in her tone of voice. Sarek's attitude did not change when she became more expressive. In fact, he seemed to enjoy it, and that pleased Amanda all the more. They finished their dinner, engaged in intense conversation that ranged over many subjects. Amanda teased Sarek occasionally, and he teased her just as often, in his dry, Vulcan way. Amanda loved it. She couldn't help but admire Sarek's profile in the low light of the room, or enjoy the way his eyes laughed when he found her amusing or clumsy or both. She found herself enjoying just the shape of him, his gestures, the crease that formed between his eyebrows when he was puzzled. He was genuine and sweet, and it was for her.
"I would like to show you something, if you would permit me." Sarek said, when they had cleared away their dishes and had refilled their drinks. Amanda, puzzled but curious, said she'd like to see, and he directed her back to the little seating area. Amanda perched on one of the chairs, her mind slightly fuzzy around the edges due to the k'vass. As Sarek went to fetch whatever he was going to show her, Amanda felt a deep contentment spread out from her center. She relaxed into her chair, and was sitting with her legs crossed demurely over each other when Sarek returned.
Sarek was holding a large black case, which he set down on the low table and opened. Inside was a slender wooden instrument that looked to Amanda to be half violin and half mandolin and half something she didn't recognize. "A ka'athyra, Vulcan lute," Sarek explained, when her questioning eyes met his. "I play on occasion...I thought perhaps you might like to hear it. I am not so skilled -"
Amanda cut him off. "Please play," she said. "I've never heard one before, so I won't be able to tell how skilled you are no matter what you think." She allowed herself a small smile, and Sarek's eyes lit up once again.
"I will do ask you ask, t'sai," He said, regally, and picked up the instrument. Without any preamble he began to play, a soft, gentle melody. The sound reminded Amanda of instruments from Earth, traditional ones from ancient Asia. It was richer than a violin and as round and clear as a clarinet. Amanda was fascinated - for all of Sarek's protestations, his fingers moved as deftly over the strings as a dancer, enticing out the sad melody. Amanda watched his face while he played as well. His eyes were closed, and the slight crease was between his eyebrows again, a sign of his concentration. Amanda wondered what the melody was called, what story it illustrated, where and when it came from. It was so lovely that when Sarek brought it to a close, Amanda was sorry that there wasn't more.
"That was beautiful, Sarek." She said. "You sell yourself short."
"I...what?" Sarek said, thoroughly puzzled.
"It means you underestimate yourself." Amanda said through the hint of a smile. "Thank you for playing for me." Sarek inclined his head in thanks and set the ka'athrya back in its case. He stood and folded his hands behind his back, in his 'official' pose, looking a little embarrassed still. Amanda stood and went to him, her smile grown into a genuine one now. Sarek's hair was falling across his eyes, partially obscuring them from view, but Amanda could see that the tips of his pointed ears were green. Amanda reached up and brushed his hair away, her fingers ghosting over his skin. Sarek's eyes half-closed, but he still watched her face intently. Amanda kissed him, very gently and briefly, and Sarek's eyes fully closed. Somewhat tentatively, he drew her towards him, his hands on her waist. Amanda's heart was in her throat, not with nervousness, but excitement.
"You smell of svai, flowers." He said, his voice as low and resonant as the ka'athrya had been.
"Selek says I smell like you."
Sarek's eyes opened and met her own, and there was a new sort of depth there that Amanda did not recognize. It's desire, she realized. He wants me. His gaze traveled to her mouth, and Amanda's pulse began to race. "You should smell like me," He said, "as you are mine."
"I am."
He kissed her, and Amanda felt herself go ever so slightly weak. His kiss was as chaste and polite as ever, but Amanda could sense eagerness behind it. Desire for her, to taste her. Oh, fuck it. Amanda opened her mouth and slid her tongue past his lips, brushing his with the gentlest of touches. She felt the shock run through him, freezing him rigid. Amanda drew away, worried that she had gone too far. She bit her lip and looked away. "I'm sorry, I didn't-"
Sarek's mouth was on hers again, his tongue pushing insistently against hers. Amanda's gasp was swallowed, but her surprise was soon flooded over with desire. She made a slight noise halfway between a squeak and a moan, sliding her arms around him and pressing up against his chest. Sarek pulled her closer still, his arms encircling her like she had often imagined. His kiss was rapacious, feverish, seeking as much contact with her as possible, but Amanda found herself responding with just as much eagerness. She could feel his pulse spiking as he kissed her ever more deeply, tongue tasting hers, constantly needing more. Suddenly Sarek was grabbing her, whirling her around to press against the wall. Amanda clung to him, the heat of his body seeping through her arms, into her body. His lips left hers, already swollen with the intensity of their kisses, and he bit down gently on her neck. Strings of warm fire lanced down Amanda's body from the contact and she moaned again, her fingers digging into the muscle of his back. Sarek shifted, pressing closer against her, and Amanda could suddenly feel how hard he was. She let out a little gasp and ground up against him, her own body flooding with heat and desire.
Just then, though, Sarek stopped. He braced himself against the wall, breathing heavily against Amanda's neck. Amanda could see his other hand, which had so recently been buried in her hair, clenching into a fist. Alarmed, she wiggled a little bit away from him, tilting his head so she could see into his eyes. His jaw was clenched shut and he was breathing through his nose, deep ragged breaths. She could feel his pulse raging just beneath her hand on his neck. His eyes were shut.
"Sarek?" Amanda asked, her voice more tremulous than she'd expected.
"I'm sorry," He said, not opening his eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have - I can't..." Sarek drew away from her, pushing her hand aside. When he opened his eyes they were stormy and dark, but he didn't meet Amanda's gaze.
"What's wrong?" Amanda asked, her heart in her throat. And then, her chest filling with the black sludge of dread, "...You don't want me?" She glanced down. That couldn't be it. Sarek's arousal was clearly visible, straining against his trousers. Sarek followed her gaze and a dark blush crept across his face. Amanda could sense the agitation through their bond, hot and dark and ashamed. "I'm sorry," she said, taking a step away from him.
"Do not be." Sarek said, still breathing hard. "It was not...your fault..."
Confusion was rolling off of Amanda like fog off the sea. She didn't understand - first he was practically ready to take her right there against the wall, next he was fighting to get away from her. Amanda stared at him, taking in his distress. What could it -
"Sarek," Amanda said suddenly, realization dawning on her like a thunderbolt, "are you...have you never had sex?" The words got tangled in her throat and stumbled out all in a rush. Sarek looked up at her, half-aghast, half-ashamed.
"No, of course not," He said, dark eyes wide, "You are the only woman I have...There has been no other..." Amanda staggered back and sat down heavily in one of the stylish chairs. She should have realized. Vulcans were so very solemn about their marriage ceremonies, so strict on their customs...Had the wedding really been the first time that T'Rea and Kavonn had had sex? Right there? Amanda felt her cheeks reddening. "Vulcans don't do pre-marital sex," She said, her voice flat. Sarek gave her a look like she was crazy, reminiscent of the looks he'd given her when they first met.
"No," He said. "I had supposed that you knew."
"Of course not!" Amanda practically wailed. "Where would I have learned that? You're all so secretive I would have had to pry it out with a crowbar!" Her voice was becoming too frantic for even Sarek to hear.
Sarek looked grieved, shame and unhappiness in his voice as he said "I am to understand, then, that you are not..."
"No. Humans don't do it that way, not since the 20th century. Before then, even." Amanda felt weary and embarrassed and unhappy herself.
"Oh."
"Does that bother you?"
Sarek seemed to be regaining himself. He straightened his collar with an anxious gesture. "It does not. It would be ridiculous to impose the restrictions of my culture on you." He was still tousled, his cheeks tinted green and ears even more so, dark eyes full of shame and apology. He is still dear to me.
Am I?
"Yes, you are." Amanda said, standing. She risked putting her arms around him again - she needed contact, even if it made him flinch. It did not, though, and he seemed to relax in the comfort of her touch. "It's all right, Sarek. I don't mind about...about this. I only wish you'd told me beforehand." He smelled of clean spice and the resin off the ka'athrya. "Although, if you get that intense, I don't know how long -" She was joking, but he cut her off with a look.
"Please." He said, and she subsided.
"Sorry. Another Human thing." Amanda said. She realized that it was the first time that she had seen him so vulnerable. Sarek had always been strong, either strong in his malice towards her or strong in his courtesy. She wanted to hold him all the closer for it. "Ashayam," She said, resting her head on his collarbone. It was strange for a moment that she could hear no heartbeat, but she soon realized she could feel it against her own side. She placed her hand over the steady thrum, feeling the beat slow to normal again. It felt good to stand here, breathing in his scent and feeling the strength of him. You are dear to me. I care for you, she told him through the bond.
And I you. Forgive me.
There is nothing to forgive.
Author's Note: Bonus longer chapter! I honestly didn't intend to make it longer, but I forgot to check the word count so...here you go! I apologize to all of you who were expecting sweet sweet lovin'. Don't worry, it's coming, Amanda will break him down soon (and I rated this M for a reason) ;) I should really put "slow build" in the synopsis.
Thanks for everyone who gave me help on determining Sarek's age. I'll fix it eventually, although for now I'm just powering through these chapters. I've plotted out everything from this chapter until the end, and there are going to be many, many more chapters. I'm not going to give you any hints! But there's much more fun to come.
Thanks so much for your wonderful reviews, reading them always makes me smile.