"He just stopped? Right there?" Winnie's eyes were round with shock. "But…even though you guys…"

"I know," Amanda said, sighing. "But Vulcans are sensitive about this stuff. I feel guilty, like I provoked him to lose control! Or at least, almost lose it." She twisted a lock of hair between her fingers nervously. "And now I don't really know what to do."

"It's not your fault, I'm certain of that. It was an accident." Winona said.

Amanda shrugged. "Thanks for saying so. It's just so frustrating; I haven't had to deal with this problem since I was a teenager. And now I'm frustrated, and I feel bad for feeling frustrated, because it's not something that Sarek can help."

Winona snorted. "It doesn't sound that way to me. You're an adult, he's an adult, and there shouldn't be a problem." Amanda smiled at her. Winnie's stubbornness was bone-deep, and she didn't mind letting it show.

Amanda was perched on the end of her bed. She had thought of calling George and asking for his advice, but she didn't feel particularly comfortable discussing her sex life with Sarek with George. There were some things that male friends were good at, and some things that they weren't. Amanda hadn't been sure about calling Winnie either, but she was glad now that she had. It wasn't so very late on Earth, and Winona was more than happy to discuss Amanda's problem with her. Amanda felt some of her tension ease from the conversation – it was a relief to have a woman her own age to talk to. She didn't think that T'Rea would be very open to discussing the subject.

"You'd be right, if he were a Human. But Vulcans and romance and marriage…it's complicated." Amanda said, wishing she could provide a better explanation. How could she tell Winnie about bonding and t'hy'la and have the girl understand? Amanda herself had struggled to grasp it, and she had first-person experience to rely on.

"Okay, I get it, they're delicate flowers." Winnie grinned. "The problem is, though, how much does it bother you that you won't get any action unless you marry him? I don't think I could survive that. It's been hard enough with George away all the time!"

Amanda chewed her lip. Honestly, she didn't know. Sex had never been especially important to Amanda, but being in a romantic relationship without it really sounded dismal. She cared a lot about Sarek, for his personality and his intelligence and sweetness, but how far would that take her? Here was another situation in which she had to act like a Vulcan: she could either stay with Sarek and have the prospect of marriage to him constantly looming on the horizon, or she could give it up completely. There were no half-measures. "There's no casual dating here," Amanda said, slowly. "You either love someone and intend to marry them, or you don't do anything at all. I still don't know what I want to do when this fellowship is over. I haven't even though about what will happen to Sarek and me when I have to leave."

"You wouldn't stay for him, then?"

Stay on Vulcan? "But that would practically be consenting to marry him!" Amanda wailed, wringing her hands. Back on Earth, Amanda had known what she wanted out of her life. Suddenly, though, there were all these obstacles appearing in her way, changing the course of her path. There were new decisions that she had never expected to make. But they had to be made.

"Would that be so bad?" Winnie said, with her wicked smile appearing as suddenly as summer lightning. "How long have you been together?"

"Not long at all." But Amanda knew that didn't matter. She knew Sarek better than she'd known any man before. They fit together – it felt right. Amanda considered the prospect of leaving Sarek, of ending their relationship. Her stomach instantly tied itself in a worried knot. And, even then, at her sudden rush of anxiety, Amanda felt Sarek's presence in the bond, ready to reassure her. He had sensed her worry, and was immediately there. "This is crazy." She said, more to herself than to Winnie.

"Crazy," Winona said, tucking her blonde hair behind her ear with the air of a lecturer delivering his thesis, "Is not always wrong. Amanda, I think you should give it a chance. See where things go. Hell, maybe you'll decide that you do want to marry Sarek someday. Do you love him?"

Amanda blinked. She had never even thought about that. Of course the question of love had always danced around the edges of the situation, but Amanda hadn't really wondered whether what she felt for Sarek was love. She knew that she cared a great deal for him, and felt comforted by his touch. She was excited to be near him. She wanted to be close to him. "…I don't know." Amanda said finally, and then in a smaller voice, "I think maybe he loves me."

"I think that's pretty clear, Amanda." Winona was smiling again. "Just let yourself feel what you feel. It'll all turn out right in the end."

When Amanda finally fell into bed that night, it took her a lot longer than she'd expected to fall asleep. I hope you're right, Winnie, she thought. I really hope you're right.

Amanda was afraid that the awkward incident would make put a strain on the relationship between her and Sarek, but the next time she saw him, she knew she needn't worry. Sarek had invited her to tour the private gardens of his father's estate with her. At first Amanda had been worried that Councilman Skon would be suspicious of the invitation, but Sarek told her that his father had been the one to suggest the outing.

"I believe he wants to encourage friendship between us." Sarek commented as they strolled through an arbor shaded with bluish leaves. The garden around them was gargantuan. Amanda hadn't imagined that the large house that belonged to Sarek's family also included such a large estate. Their arbor encircled the garden, a confection of bizarre and beautiful fountains and flowers, but there was also an orchard and ornamental pond. Amanda was quite taken with the place, but somewhat to her embarrassment, she was more focused on Sarek than on the beauty around them.

She steered her thoughts away from that subject, turning to the puzzling one of Skon's suggestion. "Why?" Amanda asked, watching an oddly colored butterfly laze past her face. It landed on the arbor and moved its wings slowly, as if it were trying to imitate a flower opening and closing. "I'm not all that important, am I?"

"Not exactly," Sarek conceded. He was looking especially handsome to Amanda's eye, in a light blue gray jacket over a black shirt and pants. "But I think he esteems you rather highly. You have done very well in the fellowship. Starfleet has decided to open it officially to other applicants. No, it is my understanding that my father wants to use us to further strengthen the relationship between Vulcan and Earth. The fact that you show great promise leads my father to seek to establish a solid contact in you. He is, and always will be, a political animal."

"What about you, are you a political animal?" Amanda asked, brushing her fingers over the petals of a plum-colored blossom. It was the same kind as the one she had put in her hair the night they'd had dinner together.

Sarek said nothing for a moment, and Amanda looked up to see if he were still paying attention. He was gazing down the length of the arbor with a faraway look in his eyes, as if he were trying to see someone at the end. "I am not certain," He said finally. "My position as Ambassador is rewarding and challenging, if occasionally frustrating. I do not believe I could ever function as my father does, however. I do not his gift for strategy or…cunning. In the political atmosphere of Vulcan at the moment, one must often do unethical things in order to ensure the good of the public. My father has never had qualms about that – I do."

Amanda paused and watched him for a moment. She had a vague understanding of the political situation on Vulcan at the moment. The High Command and the High Council were constantly battling each other over policy, and neither party seemed to know whether it was the supreme authority. From what she heard, though, the High Command was far less scrupulous than the Council. She pictured Skon. Was he able of doing the questionable things that the High Command was rumored to do?

"But enough about my work. I spend enough time every day worrying about it.," Sarek said, turning back to her. He had wandered off a little way, and was now standing in a patch of dappled shade, the pattern of sunlight settling on him like a spotted cloak. "I believe I have a proposition which would interest you."

Amanda went to him, a little smile on her lips. "What sort of proposition is that?" She asked, and too late realized that there was too much seduction in the question. It was so difficult to rein herself back when she was around him! Sarek was just as bad as she was, of course – the time he had touched her fingers through her scarf, for instance - but for his sake she wanted to restrain any suggestive behavior. Now a little spark ignited in Sarek's eyes, and he put one hand at her waist. It would have seemed an innocent gesture had he been Human, but it was certainly a promiscuous one in the Vulcan Body Language Codex.

"Nothing untoward," He said, smirking without smirking. "I believe that you should have as broad an experience of my planet as possible. Are you at all interested in the fauna of Vulcan?"

"Animals?" Amanda asked, puzzled.

"That is what I meant by fauna, yes."

Amanda frowned at him, half-teasing. "Yes, I know what fauna means, Sarek. So what does this proposition have to do with animals?"

"You have realized by now that my father is rather eccentric. When I was a child, he had a park installed on the estate to house exotic animals. Thankfully my mother curbed him on that venture, and instead there is a small herd of quatill and a few other species that live there. If the suggestion is pleasing to you, I would offer to take to you see it." Sarek said. His fingers were still warm against her back - he hadn't yet drawn away from her.

"You mean your father built a shi'aushfa, a menagerie? You're right, that is eccentric." Amanda replied with a smile. "I'd like to see it, though."

Sarek leaned close to her and ghosted a kiss on her cheek. His lips were as warm as the rest of him, and Amanda's heart skipped a beat at the gesture. As restrained as his touches and caresses were, Amanda reacted to them as if they were the most seductive and tantalizing gestures possible. A good thing too, Amanda mused as Sarek stepped back from her, or I would be constantly embarrassing him trying to get more physical contact. We're suited in more ways than one, I guess.

"Good." Sarek said, bringing Amanda back out of her own thoughts. "I used to enjoy visiting the place when I was a child. It was peaceful - I would go there to think. And," Sarek folded his hands behind his back in his usual manner, but there was a mischievous look in his coffee-dark eyes. "I have a surprise for you."

"Are surprises logical?" Amanda asked, feeling herself flush, although she wasn't sure if it was from excitement or bashfulness. She had never expected to have a surprise out of Sarek, except for the every day sort that he'd sprung on her already. She was already wild with curiosity about what the surprise could be, although she kept it secretly tucked away. Sarek didn't have to be privy to all her emotions.

"In certain circumstances." Sarek replied evenly. "I am attracted to you. I have a biological imperative to please you. Surprises, it has been established, especially in a romantic situation, can often please the significant party. Therefore planning a surprise for you, my significant party, is quite logical." Amanda couldn't help but laugh at that.

"Only Vulcans could explain romance logically." She said. There was a warm glow rising in her heart, pleasure at Sarek's cleverness and his ability to make her smile with his strange Vulcan teasing. Sarek looked down at her, and Amanda imagined that his eyes were displaying exactly what she was feeling.

"Where you are concerned, romance feels logical." He said.

"I shall choose to take that as a compliment." Amanda said, and with a sudden rush of boldness, tucked her arm in his. Sarek froze for a moment, but relaxed just as quickly. Amanda smiled again, feeling her cheeks grow hot. Sarek's own were very slightly tinged with green, but he squared his shoulders and led her off towards the end of the garden. The flowers and gravel paths gave way to a slope of short reddish grass, studded with little flowers of the most delicate light purple. "I'm surprised that your father had space to put in a menagerie, even if it is a small one." She commented as they made their way towards the base of the slight hill, where a cluster of dark, spare trees were casting their shade.

Sarek seemed very slightly uncomfortable. "Our estate is the largest in Shi'Kahr. There was space enough." Amanda chewed her lip and said nothing. She knew that Sarek's family was wealthy, but she didn't imagine that they were very much above the other wealthy families of Shi'Kahr. Their wealth was impressed on her further when they reached the trees. There was a little dark fence beneath their shade that stretched far away across the garden, so far that Amanda couldn't see the end of it. Sarek held the gate open for her, and Amanda went in, wondering what exactly she was going to see inside the enclosure.

The answer to that, at first, was nothing. The landscape was much the same as it had been outside the enclosure, except that there were more of the little scrubby Vulcan trees. Amanda caught glimpses of more flowers in the grasses as well, showing tiny faces of purple, red and gold. "There is somewhere in particular I would like to take you," Sarek said. "Follow me, please." Amanda did as he asked, feeling her curiosity flare up again. She supposed that whatever her surprise was to be, it would be where Sarek was taking her.

"I've never heard of anyone having a private park at their town home," Amanda said as they walked, bending the grass in a trail behind them.

Sarek brushed his hair out of his eyes distractedly. "Yes, well, there is another at our home in the country. You'll find that this is quite a small park, especially in comparison to that one. Most of the animals were transferred there, where my father could entrust their care and keeping to another party. He was very in favor of the idea of the park, but the practicalities of maintaining it bored him."

"I didn't know that Vulcans were suceptible to boredom." Amanda said.

"Indeed we are." Sarek turned to look at her. They were passing underneath a small tree, and Sarek's face was once again cast into the dappled pattern of light and shadow. "I myself experienced a great amount of boredom, before I met you." Amanda blinked, unsure of what to say to that. She tried out several replies in her head, all of which sounded ridiculously stupid, but Sarek rescued her by turning back to look ahead of them. "There is something here which the other park does not have, however, and that is what I wish to show you. We have arrived. Haurok-kraisek, the mews."

Before them, in the shade of two larger trees, was a stable little structure made of wood. It was only slightly taller than Sarek, and consisted mainly of roosting boxes for birds. Amanda could see the edges of nests poking out of the boxes, little fluffs and feathers clinging to the twigs. Sarek approached the structure and flicked a little piece of fluff off one of the nests. "I apologize for the state that they are in - I did request that one of my father's staff should visit and clear them up."

Amanda shook her head, puzzled. "I don't mind. Where are all the birds?" She was vaguely aware that one found large birds of prey in a mews, and certainly these boxes were large enough to house hawks or eagles. Amanda was not up on her ornithology.

"I shall call them." Sarek was stooping down to get something out of a shelf below the roosting boxes. When he straightened up again, he was holding two large gloves that Amanda assumed must be reinforced, and a little bag. He held out one of the gloves to her. "Put this on." Amanda did as she was told, although she wasn't sure why Sarek was offering a glove to her. She would have been happy enough to watch him with the birds. Before she could ask him, however, she heard a high-pitched noise: Sarek had produced a little silver whistle. Amanda blinked and looked around. Sooner than she had expected, the noise of large-wing beats was in the air. Amanda stumbled back in surprise as the birds descended towards them, and suddenly they were everywhere, perching on the roosting boxes, settling in the trees, and a few were even circling Sarek, vying for the spot on his arm and shoulders. When he turned back to her, two small silvery birds were perched on either shoulder, and there was a huge bird settled quite comfortably on his arm. Amanda knew her mouth was open. She shut it.

"This," Sarek said, indicating the large bird on his arm, "is Tau. He is a shavokh." Amanda had heard of shavokh before. They were giant predatory birds that lived in the wild deserts of Vulcan, with wingspans of two and a half meters or more. She had never seen one before, though, and the sight was incredibly impressive. His great wings, tucked up and slightly hunched, were mottled black and brown, although his body was completely covered in fluffy plumage of a dark golden color, fro his beak to his gold talons. His short tail feathers were dark like his wings. His coloring was not what caught Amanda's eye, however. His eyes were bright silver and red, shining with intelligence and curiosity. They were each ringed in black, and a trail of slightly longer feathers traveled down his face and across his wicked beak.

"Are you afraid?" Amanda was brought out of her awe by Sarek's voice, which was laced every slightly with worry. Amanda shook her head, although she didn't smile.

"I'm not. He's beautiful, Sarek. He's huge!"

"Indeed, Tau is large for a male." Sarek said. As if in response, the bird preened the fluffy feathers on his chest. Amanda chuckled. Tau clacked his beak, making a sound not far from laughter himself. The smaller birds on Sarek's shoulders departed, fluttering back to their nests. "Would you care to hold him? He is not so heavy. Avian bones are hollow."

"Yes, I know that, Sarek." Amanda said with a little smile. "Would he allow me to?"

"Of course. He is quite tame. Shavokh are not often domesticated as pets or hunting companions, but they are very loyal and will be friendly and tolerant with people if they are raised from the egg. Hold our your arm, Amanda, and offer him one of these." Sarek was holding something out to her. It was a little treat from the bag that Sarek had gathered up before calling the birds. She took it from him, and holding out her gloved arm as Sarek had told her, offered the treat to Tau. He considered it with shining silver eyes for a moment before hopping to her arm without more than a little shrug of his great wings. Despite Sarek's reassurances, Tau was heavy, and Amanda had to adjust her balance when he alighted on her. The treat was presently winkled out of her fingers, and Amanda giggled at the flick of Tau's bird tongue over her fingertips. He swallowed the treat, most satisfied, and fluffed his feathers.

"I have owned Tau since he was a chick," Sarek said. "He is quite fond of people now. And I am fond of him." The bird moved his head in the jerky manner of all birds and began to preen his feathers now. "Do you like him, Amanda?"

"I do." Amanda said. Up close, she could see the delicate detail on each of his feathers: gold speckled with brown, black tinted with red. He's like Sarek's eyes, she realized, and smiled. Sarek extended his arm again and clicked his tongue. Tau immediately left Amanda and sprang for Sarek's arm.

"I haven't won his heart, though. He still prefers you." Amanda said, laughing.

"I believe it is time for my surprise, then." Sarek said. He made a smooth gesture with his shoulder, and Tau launched from his shoulder, spreading huge wings to raise himself into the air. With only a few wing beats he was far into the sky, above the short little trees, wheeling about with his wings spread open like a giant black fan. Amanda gasped at the sight, momentarily forgetting that Sarek had mentioned the surprise. She watched Tau's form make great curving circles in the dusty blue sky - Vulcan's sky was never the true cerulean she knew on Earth.

"Amanda." Realizing that she had been staring up at Tau, Amanda turned back to Sarek. He had another bird on his arm, this one smaller than Tau, but not by much. It was colored similarly to the shavokh in the sky, though in place of gold, this bird's body was a bright vermilion red. The bird turned its curious silver and red eyes on Amanda and tilted its head. "A gift, for you. She is still very young, and is quite gentle. Will you take her?"

Amanda stared from the bird to Sarek for a few moments. "Sarek," she breathed, "she's mine? You're giving her to me?" The shavokh ruffled her feathers, and the tip of her wing caught the sunlight. Amanda couldn't help but be entranced by the beauty of her - all muscles and bunched energy like Tau, but sleeker, smaller, and, as it turned out, lighter. She perched on Amanda's arm and re-arranged the feathers on her shoulder, as regal and lovely as a princess.

"Do you like her?" Sarek asked. Amanda couldn't tear her eyes away from the bird, nor could she wipe the smile off her face.

"I do. She's beautiful. Thank you, Sarek. But I have no where to keep her..." Amanda started to say, but Sarek cut her off.

"She will be housed here. If you should ever like to take her away, she is yours." Amanda could feel him at her side now, placing one hand gently at the small of her back. Amanda turned to look up into his face, and she could see the gold shimmer in his eyes, just like that of Tau's feathers in the sun. "She must have a name."

Amanda looked at the fiery plumed bird for a moment, watching her shuffle her curved golden talons. The bird turned to look at her and cocked her head to one side. "I'll call her Kaht." Amanda said, making up her mind. "Garnet."

"It suits her." Sarek replied. "Shall I teach you to cast her off, so that she may fly with Tau?"

Amanda nodded, but Sarek's fingers were already at her elbow, showing her the way to flex her arm so that Kaht would know when to spring into the air. Kaht, catching on quickly, took to the air and beat up after Tau, her feathers shining pomegranate-red in the sunlight. Sarek's hand remained on her forearm after the bird departed, and Amanda could feel the warmth of it through her clothing. She turned to look up at him again. "Thank you," she said. "She is a wonderful surprise."

"Good." Sarek replied. "I used to spend much of my time with Tau and the other birds. I wanted to share it with you."

Amanda didn't reply, only stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him. He smelled slightly of spice, and the sunlight on his skin. To her surprise, he drew her closer to him and deepened the kiss, making a shower of tingling run down Amanda's back and across her shoulders. She was given the impression again of the strength of him, the power of his body and of his arms, holding her. It made Amanda feel incredibly safe.

When they finally broke away, Sarek did not move to step away from her, only continued to hold her close to him. Amanda sighed and rested her head against his collarbone, revelling in the sensation of peace that surrounded them. Nothing could come between them here, nothing could bother them - they stood alone and safe in a garden full of sunlight, with Tau and Kaht shining in the sky above them. "Amanda," Sarek said, suddenly. Amanda could feel the vibration of his voice in his chest. "Taluhk nash-veh k'dular. I cherish thee. I love you."

Amanda's heart leaped. For a flash, she felt rattled, as if the protective bubble she felt around her had suddenly been shaken very hard. That moment was gone in an instant. Her surprise melted away as if it had been a very thin layer of ice on a hot stove - because she did feel warmth. A deep warmth and security was flooding her, down deep to her bones. She could feel Sarek's care for her, his affection for her, his love for her. In the depth of the bond she felt love. It was both familiar and strange at the same time, making her feel peaceful and excited at once. Amanda took a deep breath, feeling as warm and safe and strong as she had ever felt. "Sarek, I-"

"Well hey kids!"

They broke apart from each other with the quickness of a lightning flash. Amanda whirled around, her heart pounding and face flushed, to see Captain Vincent Prais strolling towards them, his hands in the pockets of his Starfleet uniform trousers. The look on his face was just as cheerful and deceptively well-meaning as ever, but Amanda could see the smirk dancing behind his smile. What is he doing here? How much did he see? How long was he standing there? Amanda swallowed. He knows.

"Your dad told me you were out here Sarek - oh, sorry - Ambassador Sarek. He wants me to fetch you back to the house. Hello Amanda, nice to see you here." Prais' smile was as shiny as glass, and just as brittle. "Been keeping yourself busy, hmm? I'm sure Councilman Skon will want to hear all about your...work. Shall we?"

I'm doomed. Sarek's doomed and I'm doomed. We're doomed.

Author's Note: Well that took forever, didn't it? I'm so sorry that this chapter was so long in coming. I've been away from home and visiting friends, and if that wasn't enough, I re-wrote this chapter twice before I was happy with it. I'm still not so pleased, but I really wanted to get it done. I'm sorry it's such a train wreck, but at least birds and love, right?

I also want to quickly say here that I really appreciate you guys helping me out with the canon Star Trek stuff. However, I am gonna take a few liberties here and there (the birds, for instance) because...I can, and I'm more interested in making the story interesting than making it absolutely accurate, so I'm fiddling with timing a bit, as you will come to see. Hopefully this doesn't throw you guys too much. I will of course do my best to keep it within the lines of J. J.'s universe. 3

In conclusion, thank you for being so patient, more are on the way, and I hope you enjoy this chapter. ps. i liek reviews :3