That wasn't good. That wasn't good at all.
Amanda attempted to gulp down some air, hugging herself tightly. Betrothal? What betrothal? She and Sarek had never - well, never really - talked about it. Not seriously. Not as if it were a done deal already. But here was Skon and Skon's friends and that awful Theleia just chatting about it as if their wedding invitations had already been embossed and were ready to be sent in the mail!
In her flight, Amanda had chosen a random, unoccupied room and collapsed into a chair. It seemed to be some sort of parlor or library, not as elegant as some of the others, but it had one quality that made Amanda prefer it to all the others: it wasn't currently full of confused Vulcans. Amanda sighed and snuggled deeper into the chair, which was comfy, and tried to settle her thoughts.
It wasn't that she didn't want to marry Sarek. Quite the contrary. In the distracted, daydreamy kind of way of all girls, she had imagined a few times what it would be like to marry him. Living with him on Vulcan, making dinner and sharing a bed and enjoying boring afternoons together. Maybe even starting a family, if it were possible. All of these things had occurred to her. So, the problem wasn't that she didn't want to marry Sarek - it was that the option had never been formally discussed. Certainly not formally enough for some random friend of his father's to casually ask Sarek when the blessed day was to occur. Amanda put a hand over her eyes. She needed something to distract herself, just a little, just before she had to go and talk to Sarek about all of this.
Amanda got up and began to wander around the little room she had chosen. Paintings lined the walls, all of differing subjects. Amanda ran her gaze over them without paying much attention, using them only as an excuse not to think about the matter at hand - but just as she was thinking that she needed to stop being such an idiot and go find Sarek again, something caught her eye. It was a portrait, not very large, of a Vulcan woman. For a moment, Amanda wondered why it had snagged her. There wasn't anything particularly special about the technique or setting or color. It was just a portrait of a woman. A rather nice looking young lady with pretty hair and a nice gown, but that was about it...until Amanda examined the face more closely. Those features were Sarek's features. It was a portrait of Sarek's mother.
Suddenly, for some unexplained reason, Amanda was fighting to swallow down tears. She stood there, trembling slightly, overwhelmed by the torrent of emotion that was roiling up inside her. Of course, this was the worst place possible to break down...and so her body had chosen just that point to do so. Amanda tried to calm down her breathing, but it was pointless. A hiccuping sob spilled out of her.
"Amanda?" Sarek was standing in the doorway, looking whiter than ever and distinctly worried. Amanda didn't say anything, just hurried over to him and buried her face in his shoulder. Sarek's arms were immediately around her - and Amanda found that she didn't need to cry anymore. She gave a half-hearted sniffle, feeling much of her anxiety drain away now that she felt safer.
"I'm sorry," She said, withdrawing slightly to look up at him. "I shouldn't have run out like that."
Sarek shook his head. "That is not important. I am concerned only that the...news disturbed you." He reached up and brushed a heroically escaped wisp of hair out of her eyes (it was heroic for having fought its way out of T'Iva's masterful pinning). "After your meeting with my father, he believed that we are betrothed. He has informed most of his friends already." Amanda felt as though her legs were turning to jelly. The feeling must have shown up in her expression, for the worry in Sarek's eyes became more intense. "Is this...not what you want?" She could sense deep anxiety coming off of him. She thought about Skon's concerns, and Sarek's past with Theleia. This is why Skon thinks I'm dangerous. I could break Sarek's heart. But...I don't want to. It would break mine, too.
Amanda wasn't sure why, but she suddenly felt...relieved, and not simply because of the comfort Sarek brought her after the incident that had just occurred. It was a relief of a worry that she hadn't realized was pressing on her. Amanda looked up at Sarek, and thought of how her heart had squeezed painfully when Theleia had mentioned her going home. How she had dreaded the end of her fellowship on Vulcan, and leaving to go back to Earth. It seemed to her...it seemed to Amanda as if she were trying to tell herself something.
"What if I want to be betrothed to you?" Amanda heard herself ask. Sarek's surprise was almost as clearly written on his face as it was through the bond. It isn't the most romantic of proposals, but it will do, Amanda thought, and smiled. "Want to marry me, Sarek?" It was worth it just to see the green flooding his cheeks and the mix of incredulity and excitement in his eyes.
Sarek cleared his throat. Then he cleared it again. "I...do. Yes." He said, almost hesitantly. "But I know that you had...doubts."
Okay, let's consider. Sarek is intelligent, kind, and thoughtful. He has great integrity and is honest, even when it makes him look bad. He admits to his faults - those that he has - and helps me with mine. He's gentle and sweet, even when he doesn't mean to be. He's a gentleman without thinking about it. He's got a temper, but then again, so do I, and even though we started out hating each other it doesn't have any affect on how we love each other now.
Granted, you've only known him for a few months, but already you have a deeper connection with him than with any other person you've ever met. You would never be with anyone like him again. And, on top of that, you don't want to. Sarek is the kind of man you've always wanted, even if you didn't really know what that was until now. In your short time with him, you've already learned so much - aren't you excited about what you could learn from an entire life with him?
"...Shall I interpret that as a yes?" Sarek asked, the tint of a smile coloring his words. Amanda laughed.
"I'm sorry, sometimes I forget that you can feel what I'm thinking." She said. "Yes. Take that as a yes." And he kissed her.
Skon was right, Amanda thought, some time later. He knew what I hadn't realized yet. That's interesting. Somehow she could tell that Sarek's father knew what had transpired between them after her flight. After they returned to the party, a little pink (and green) cheeked, Skon had taken on some extra pomposity. He's exalting in his triumph, Amanda thought with a secret smile to herself. He's happy that he won - and I am, too. Congratulations, Skon, I'm going to marry your son, and I don't know if I've ever been happier.
And so the rest of the evening passed in a bit of a blur for Amanda. Theleia was little more than a fluttering moth on the edge of her vision, too insignificant to be bothersome. Amanda had to work hard to repress the smile that was trying to shine out on her face - and every time she met Sarek's eyes it was harder to do so. She wondered briefly how appropriate it would be to drag him out of his father's lounge on some pretext so that they could finish what they started earlier, but decided against it, even though the k'vass was urging her to. Later, she decided, she would channel a little of her excitement and happiness towards making his eyes roll back in his head again.
When the entire glittery affair was over and done with, the guests all departed (Amanda gave Theleia a very smug look when the lady herself left, and even though it was a show of emotion, Amanda deemed it appropriate for the situation) Skon retired to his proper study with a vague good night. Sarek and Amanda were left alone in the grand lounge. With a happy sigh, Amanda took of her lovely slippers and collapsed sideways into a chair. Sarek gave her a look that was both reprobating and loving, and Amanda simply gave him a smile in return.
"May I tell you something?" Amanda asked him. He went to her and ran the back of his hand along the curve of her shoulder. Amanda shivered a bit. Her appreciation for the eroticism of hands had grown immensely throughout her acquaintance with Sarek.
"Please do." He said, in a soft tone.
Amanda blinked, trying to gather her words. "I've never really felt...in all my life, I've been sort of...drifting. Do you know what I mean?" She looked up at him, blue eyes meeting his dark ones.
He nodded. "I believe I do." There was a strange look in his eyes that she didn't recognize.
"Even when I've been with you, I've felt rather uncentered." This caused an eyebrow to go up. Amanda shifted in her seat so that she could see him more clearly. "I mean that I was just never sure of what I wanted, or where I wanted to go. The opportunity for the Vulcan fellowship came up and I thought, 'this is a defined plan, much better than what I'd arranged for myself'. But now I feel different." She reached up and touched his forearm lightly. "When we got together, I was still unsure. I didn't know where to put my feet or what to say...does that make any sense?"
Sarek gave her a quizzical look, and opened his mouth to say something, but Amanda cut him off. "I want to marry you. I didn't realize that at first, which I think must have been...painful for you. I was being a bumbling Human when I should have been something else...not a Vulcan, but...I should have listened to what I wanted. And I have, now. And I feel as though I've become something better." Amanda sighed. "That doesn't make any sense, I know..."
Sarek got down on his knees, so that they were at eye level. Amanda swallowed - there was something intense in his gaze that made her feel both hot and cold at the same time. "Strangely enough, it does make sense. You are convoluted and irrational and illogical, but you are perfect. I cannot explain. Perhaps it is because of those things that you are perfect."
"Nevertheless..."Amanda swallowed again. "I want to be better, for you. I've never really known what I wanted, but with you, now, it all seems...clearer. I think I can be what I need to be."
"All you need to be is Amanda Grayson, and you will be all I require."
Amanda felt a tear hit her cheek, and she hastily brushed it away, feeling embarrassed and elated all at once. "No one's ever asked me to be that before," She said, giving a laugh that was only half a sob. "Not really."
"That is odd," Sarek said, reaching up to stroke her cheek. His fingers were warm against her skin, and Amanda's eyelids fluttered. "Amanda Grayson is a most beautiful and wonderful thing."
Amanda hiccuped and put her hand over his, biting her lip hard to try to keep herself from breaking down and crying. "I'll never hurt you. I don't ever want to."
"No," Sarek said. "There was never any possibility that you would."
"You know me better than I know myself. Doesn't that bother you?"
"Why should it? Is that not what a lover is for? To aid you in understanding yourself?"
Amanda shook her head and managed a little laugh. "A lover maybe, but not a husband."
"Perhaps, but I shall not stop being your lover just because I am to become your husband." Sarek leaned closer to her and kissed her temple gently. Amanda's heart stuttered.
"I think I'm trying to make this more complicated than it actually is." She said, closing her eyes. Sarek's scent and warmth were close and intimate and comfortable, so much so that she wanted to lose herself in them.
"Yes. You are. Stop." Sarek said, and kissed her. Amanda was happy to oblige.
The next few weeks were, for Amanda, a strange combination of heaven and hell. Wedding preparations swamped her the instant that their engagement announcement was officially made public. Amanda was dumbstruck with the amount of work that she had to do now - T'Rea had taken it upon herself to instruct Amanda in the Ancient Vulcan Art of Getting Married, which was apparently a lot more complicated than the Human version. T'Rea had given her a bit of information before her own wedding, but that was nothing with what she expected Amanda to read in preparation now. There were protocols upon protocols for Amanda to memorize, and all of this on top of her duties as a teacher was beginning to make her brain creak. On the other hand, every moment Amanda spent with Sarek seemed to bring them closer. She lived for the afternoons they could spend together - as few and far between as they were, what with Sarek's busy schedule and her own perplexing tangle of work. They visited the public gardens, took Selek out for more Nature Adventures, visited with Sarek's family members and friends, and visited temples and museums in the city. Sometimes they would just spend time in Sarek's house or hers, both absorbed in their separate work, but occasionally glancing across the room at one another. Amanda didn't think she had ever been more comfortable and at peace with a person in her entire life.
And that peace was welcome. Skon and T'Rea - especially Skon - were determined to hammer a suitable bride out of the raw material that was Amanda. It was supremely frustrating, but Amanda did her best. Despite the age it seemed to take for each day to pass, the weeks sped away, and Amanda was soon reminded that she and Sarek had a visit to Earth coming up. Her excitement and relief were almost palpable when she glanced at the calendar and realized that February third was not so far away. Sarek was surprised that she had forgotten, and said so.
"I am surprised," He said from Amanda's bed, "that you had forgotten. You seemed to be consumed with excitement at the news, when you received it." He was sitting among tangled sheets, shirtless, with tousled hair and slightly green tinted cheeks, left over from a brief but intense lovemaking session - another reason that Amanda was enjoying their time together so much. She herself was seated on the edge of her bed, pulling on a sock and looking thoughtful.
"We'll have to arrange for travel," She said. "I hadn't even thought about it."
Sarek gave her a look and cleared his throat. Amanda turned to look back at him. Late evening light was filtering through her window, rendering his body in orange and purple. She was struck with how the reddish light on his face was just like the sunset on Khaf-Spol, when they had finally agreed on a truce. Similar, but a lot different, too. "I have, of course, already arranged a shuttle to convey us to Earth," He said. "Almost a month ago, I believe."
Amanda gave him a puzzled look, then grinned. "I was forgetting how carefully Vulcans plan things," She said, clambering back into the bed to snuggle up next to him. "When are we leaving, then?"
Sarek absently rested his hand at the small of her back, a touch that would have been alien to him only a few months ago. "We will depart on March 28th - that will bring us to Earth on March 31st." He glanced down at her. "I assumed you would want to spend a little longer on Earth than is necessary for the wedding celebrations. You have not been back since you came to Vulcan."
Amanda blinked up at him. "That's...yes, thank you, Sarek." She said. "That was very thoughtful of you. Maybe we could..." She trailed off, not sure of how to form the question. Sarek quirked an eyebrow at her. Amanda frowned slightly.
"Well, the thing is, I haven't really told my parents about you, yet. I've been so busy, it's been difficult to..." Amanda shook her head. "I really should have told them ages ago. With George and Winnie, I wanted to surprise them in person, but with parents..."
"Is there some objection to you sharing the announcement with your parents in person?"
"George and Winnie are having the wedding in San Francisco - my parents are in Portland. I really do want to see them, but I don't know if it's really possible."
Sarek gave her a quizzical look. "There is no problem," He said. "I can easily arrange transport from San Francisco to Portland."
Amanda bit her lip. "Won't it be expensive?"
Sarek gave Amanda one of his not-smiles, an expression that filled her with both surprise and warmth. "Amanda, have you forgotten? I am the Ambassador to Earth. We shall have any transportation we require."
And so, later that evening, Amanda steeled herself to call up her parents and tell them, a. she was marrying a Vulcan gentleman who she had known for less than a year, and b. she was bringing him by to visit and could they possibly stay for a few days. Amanda had always been close with them. She'd tried to keep in contact with them while on Vulcan, but she could be rather absent-minded in these matters, and it was difficult to remember people waiting and home when you were trying to juggle so many things in the here and now. Amanda stared at her console, feeling guilty. They couldn't possibly be angry with her for calling, even if she hadn't done so in a while. Amanda sighed and brought up her parents' contact information, engaging a call to their home console. With the time difference - she hoped she had calculated correctly - it would be just before dinner, when they were both home. Of course, it would be just before dinner yesterday. Interplanetary time difference was difficult to calculate, even if you were trying to contact someone who shared a sun with you.
The console gave a few cheerful rings before Amanda's mother appeared on the screen. Faye Grayson's face lit up when she saw Amanda through the screen. "Hi honey! We weren't expecting a call from you, how nice to see you!" She waved, and Amanda beamed. This was really a lot easier than she had prepared herself for. "Your father is around here somewhere. I'll go get him, he'll be so happy to see you."
After a moment, Faye returned, pulling Evan Grayson behind her. Amanda's father did indeed look pleased to see her, although a little sleepy. "Your mother caught me napping," He explained, "Much to my embarrassment. What's up, sweetheart? How are you?"
"Uh, listen, you guys were married when you were both 28, right?" Amanda asked.
Amanda's parents looked at each other. "That's right," Her mother said. "Why do you ask?"
"Remember how you always joked with me that I couldn't get married until I was at least the same age as you two were?" Amanda hazarded a shy grin. "I'm afraid I have to break your rule, if that's okay."
There really was nothing like parental joy to bring your spirits up. Amanda had been nervous about their reaction, but in all honesty, she didn't need to be. Faye and Evan were, of course, surprised, but their excitement at Amanda's news far outweighed that. Amanda couldn't stop smiling as she tried to recount, with minimal loss of accuracy, the circumstances that had brought she and Sarek together, and their engagement. The chat went on for an hour, with much happy chattering on both ends, and Amanda came away from it feeling both relieved and cheerful - with one caveat. Amanda's father had, once the situation had been thoroughly discussed, given Amanda a slightly worried look.
"I'm just wondering, sweetie...can we ever expect grandkids? I mean..."
Amanda tried hard to keep a frown off her face. "Dad, it's a little early to be thinking about that." She said. "As far as I know...no one's ever really tried before..." She looked a little uneasy. "I really don't know. But even if we can't have children, I'm going to marry this guy." Faye shot Evan a look, and he shrugged.
"All right, as long as you're happy - that's all we want for you."
"That's right." Faye smiled. "And if you ever do want children, adoption is always possible."
Right, adoption. Amanda tried to imagine what it would be like to raise a Vulcan child, once she had said goodbye to her parents. She was really fond of Selek, but he was so different from a Human child. All of her young charges were. She'd have to learn a whole new set of rules, and that wouldn't be easy. And adopting a child from Earth...she could just imagine the look on Skon's face if his son presented him with a little Human baby and asked him to call it his grandchild. Amanda shook her head, letting these thoughts gather up and blow away like cobwebs. She had to think about packing, and T'Rea was demanding to go over the ceremonial procedure with her again tomorrow.
I can't wait to get back to Earth, Amanda thought ruefully as she scanned her PADD for the huge file T'Rea had given her to study, just to get a break from all of this planning.
Author's Note: Okay guys, I'm super sorry to say this, but I think I've gotta go on hiatus.
It's been harder to get these things written, I've been busy and I've had actual work to do (I know, amazing right?) I thought it would be worse to keep you guys waiting for something that wasn't coming for at least a month or so than to officially announce hiatus. So...that's what I'm doing.
My main reason for this is that NaNoWriMo started yesterday, and as both my mother and sister are participating, they want me to as well. Unfortunately having two stories going at once will drain me like nothing else - so for at least the month of November I'm going to focus on the NaNo.
Thanks so much for your reviews, likes and follows, I appreciate it immensely. Keep an eye out - I will do my very best to pick up this story when I have time again! Love to all.