As the evening progressed, Amanda found herself getting more and more concerned about Sarek's silence. She hadn't realized how much she'd come to rely on his presence over the past month or so. It was a strangely lonely feeling, and she desperately wanted to ask him what had happened. She'd thought, for one panicked moment, if maybe their bond were weakening, but that was ridiculous and she knew it. As soon as the thought had occurred to her, Sarek glanced at her, and there was a hint of something that could have been concern in his eyes. Amanda tried to reassure herself with the fact that nothing horribly wrong seemed to be happening...it was just a little odd.
It was wonderful to catch up with George and Winona, though. Amanda told them both about Kaht, and S'Haile Ahror, and Ataur and T'Rea, and in turn they told her about their lives. Winona revealed, blushing, that she was applying to the Starfleet Academy, to Amanda's delight.
"I'm smarter than I look, really," Winona said with a shy grin. "I want to work in communications, but we'll see. I want to try a little bit of everything!"
George seemed quite pleased about it too - Amanda could see the pride in his eyes when he looked at his sweet, erratic fiancée. I don't have that, Amanda thought vaguely. I won't ever see a direct expression from Sarek, even when we're alone together. She glanced at Sarek. He was listening intently to Winona's story about how she had decided to join Starfleet. There was a slight crease between his slanted eyebrows, a sign of his concentration. Amanda realized she was smiling without intending to. I don't mind, she thought. George and Winona are sweet, but it's not that I'm missing anything. Sarek and I are just different.
Meanwhile, the bar seemed to be filling up even more as it got later. Amanda noticed that Sarek's posture was getting progressively tenser, and felt guilty for having dragged him to such a noisy, Human place. She wanted to put her hand on his leg, or slip her arm through his, but she knew that it wouldn't be reassuring for him if she were to touch him. At least, not in public.
The next time Amanda glanced at the time, she realized it was well past one, and creeping towards two. Yes, she and Sarek had just spent three days in space, which would throw off anyone's inner clock, and yes, Sarek didn't need to sleep nearly as much as she did, but it was late. For Winnie and George, certainly. They still had to get married in two days, after all, and Amanda didn't want to be the one responsible for Winona having dark circles under her eyes in her wedding photos. "I'm going to go use the bathroom," Amanda said, standing up. "And then I think Sarek and I should head back to our hotel - whoa." Amanda wobbled a little bit on her feet, blinking. The room had just given a familiar spinny tilt. How many beers had she had? Four? Oh.
"You all right there, Amanda?" George asked, half out of his seat to catch her if she should lose her balance.
Amanda shook her head, wearing an embarrassed grin. "No, I'm fine. I'd forgotten that four beers are different when you're standing up than when you're sitting down." This earned her a big grin from George - but hey, she knew what she meant. Sarek, on the other hand, was giving her a perfectly blank look that nevertheless conveyed concern. Amanda shook her head again. "I'm really fine! I'll be right back."
Thankfully she still remembered where the ladies room was, and thankfully it wasn't so horrible a bar that she regretted visiting the ladies room. When she was on her way back, she had to squeeze past a large group of people standing at the bar, talking loudly and laughing. She didn't quite manage not to brush someone's arm, and thanks to the four beers, she wobbled on her feet again. Someone reached out and caught her - the guy whose arm she'd accidentally bumped. "Oh, thanks." She said, giving him an apologetic smile. Geez, if I'd done that on Vulcan, I'd be excommunicated. I guess k'vass doesn't have exactly the same effect as Terran alcohol.
"Don't worry about it." The man who'd caught her wasn't much taller than she was, with a broad smile and close cropped hair. He wasn't wearing a Starfleet uniform - probably a student of some other institution nearby. There was something slightly disconcerting in his smile, though, that made Amanda think longingly of unexpressive Vulcans. "What's your name?"
"Uh, Amanda." Amanda said, glancing over at the booth where George, Winnie, and Sarek still sat. None of them looked around. Damn. "Sorry, I've gotta go, my friends are waiting."
The man followed her gaze. "Doesn't look like it," He said.
"They're not very expressive people," Amanda said, attempting to step past him. To her discomfort, however, the man stopped her from going any farther by putting a hand on her waist.
"Hey, don't go. I'm Hank. Do you want a drink?"
"No," Amanda said, grimacing and trying to twist out of his hold. She tried to look back over at the booth, but Hank sidestepped and blocked her view. "Leave me alone, I'm not interested." Amanda said, trying to sound cold, but the slight fuzziness to her speech diminished the effect.
"Aww, come on." Hank said, his disconcerting grin still in place.
Amanda felt a jolt of unpleasant adrenaline - she wanted to get away! Why wasn't Sarek there for her to call on? Not that she couldn't handle it herself, of course, but it would have been a hell of a lot more reassuring to be able to feel his presence. "No, I'm serious, stop." Amanda said, taking a step back. Hank advanced on her, and Amanda felt her back bump against the bar as she kept retreating, trying to evade.
"Just one drink, I'll - ghkk." Someone had grabbed the collar of Hank's jacket and yanked him backwards, hard. Amanda felt a flood of relief roll over her - Sarek had come up behind Hank and was now restraining him, still holding his collar, with a disdainful look in his eyes.
"Stop that." He said, his voice frozen. "Are you all right, Amanda?" He asked, turning to look at her without releasing the struggling Hank.
"I'm fine," Amanda said, watching him wide-eyed. Hank made another strangled noise and Amanda pushed herself away from the bar. "You can let him go."
Sarek looked as though he would have preferred to throttle him, but released Hank's collar with a dismissive gesture. "Kre'nath. Uf duh'es. Bastard. How ridiculous." Amanda winced - her tormenter's face turned purple with embarrassed rage.
"What did you call me?!" He snarled at Sarek, yanking his jacket back into place.
Sarek gave Hank a look that would have petrified a more intelligent man. "Let's leave, Amanda." He said bluntly, turning from the incensed aggressor to Amanda. She was about to reply and hastily drag Sarek out of the bar when Hank grabbed Sarek's shoulder and attempted to wrench him around again.
"You're gonna pay for that, Vulcan freak," He growled, and to Amanda's horror he drew back a fist and aimed a punch at Sarek's jaw.
Except on rare occasions, Amanda hadn't ever seen evidence of superior Vulcan strength and speed. Sarek barely seemed to move, easily side-stepping out of the way of Hank's clumsy attack. In a flash he'd thrown his own arm up and grabbed a hold of Hank's forearm. The surprised, but anguished grunt of pain that issued from Hank was enough evidence of the pressure of Sarek's grip. Amanda stared, wide eyed, as the would-be assailant nearly collapsed around his arm, all the fight gone out of him. Amanda half expected to hear a creak of bone grinding together. It lasted only an instant, however. Sarek immediately dropped Hank's arm, who seemed to only keep his balance by sheer luck. People everywhere were staring, perfectly silent.
"Now, let's leave." Sarek said, as calmly as if he'd just flicked a piece of dust off his coat sleeve. Amanda had to tear her eyes away from her irritator - the color had drained from the man's face and he was clutching at his arm, wearing a grimace of pain. She barely had time to catch up when she realized Sarek had turned to go. He had no trouble getting through the crowd then - they parted as easily as if someone had pushed them out of the way. Amanda only just managed to keep up with him, looking around frantically for George and Winona.
The February air was cold on her burning cheeks when she finally made it out onto the street. Sarek was standing rigidly - Amanda could see his pulse racing behind his jaw when she drew nearer. "What was that?" She asked, somewhat breathlessly. Before Sarek had time to answer, Winona and George had fought their way out to join them, both looking somewhat harassed.
"What happened? There was such a huge commotion." George said, looking between Amanda and Sarek.
"I was being pestered by this creep," Amanda said, not taking her eyes off Sarek, who still stood with tension vibrating off him, "Sarek broke his arm."
"I did not," Sarek said icily. "I did not break any bones."
"Oh," Winona said, hazel eyes perfectly round. She leaned a little closer to Amanda, lowering her voice, "He just froze all of the sudden and got out of his seat without a word. It was eerie."
Amanda frowned slightly. "He could tell I was in trouble...don't ask."
George was watching Sarek. "Are you all right?"
Sarek put his hand up to his temple for a moment, dropping it again almost immediately. "I am fine." He took a breath. "That was a mistake."
"Yeah, it was," Amanda said. She was feeling incredibly shaken, her system thrumming with adrenaline. "You can't just attack people like that!" Sarek turned dark eyes on her, a baleful look.
"He attacked me. Are you defending a man who wouldn't respect your refusal?"
"No," Amanda said, hugging herself, partially to defend against the cold, and partially to keep herself from shaking. "But still, you can't...do things like that."
"I'm well aware of the fact," Sarek said, his voice like granite.
"Uh," George hazarded. He and Winona were both looking concerned and perplexed.
Amanda shook her head. "We should get home." She clasped George's upper arm affectionately and managed to smile at Winona. "It was really nice to see you guys. See you day after tomorrow, okay?" George still didn't look mollified.
"Are you sure that -"
"It's fine," Amanda insisted. "I'll call you later."
Winona hesitantly drew George away, giving Amanda an 'uh-oh' look as she did so. "Bye," Amanda said to them, watching as they started off down the street. She kept watching them for a moment until she felt a little calmer, then turned to look at her fiancé. Sarek was harshly defined by the neon light from the bar, his body in stark contrasts of light and dark. He was facing away from the light, looking out across the street, but Amanda could still see that his jaw was clenched tight.
"Hey," She said, going up to him and lightly touching his arm. Sarek gave the slightest of shudders and turned to look at her. "What's going on?" She asked, her voice worried. "I haven't been able to feel you all night, and then you just went off like that..."
Sarek didn't say anything for a moment, but put his arm around her waist, a gesture that she recognized to be both possessive and an entreaty for comfort. He didn't hold onto her for long - a fleeting touch. "Let us return to the hotel," He said. "I would like to be able to clear my mind."
Amanda, though she was confused and wanted very much to know what the matter was, agreed. It would be considerably easier for Sarek to relax if they were away from prying eyes, and she herself felt a longing for a little privacy. The crowding and noise of the bar felt like stepping into a too-hot shower after the subdued protocol of Vulcan to which she had become accustomed. They were able to hail a taxi easily enough, and spent most of the short trip in silence. Amanda still couldn't feel any hint of Sarek's presence through the bond, but there was a sort of anxious buzzing that was neither here nor there. It made her feel an uneasiness that didn't belong to her.
Finally they had reached their rooms again. Sarek immediately took off his shoes and sat down, meditation-style, on the floor at the foot of the bed, resting his hands on his knees. Amanda followed suit, although she sat in a more comfortable position, kicking off her own shoes with a lot less care than Sarek had. "Will you tell me what's going on, now?" She asked, more concern in her voice than impatience.
Sarek's eyes were closed, but he nodded. "I apologize. I should have...we should have discussed the circumstances of this trip more thoroughly." He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again, focusing them on Amanda. He seemed somewhat less freaked out than he had been before, the lines of tension in his face beginning to relax.
"When I visit Earth, or am surrounded by a large group of Humans, I must increase my mental resilience. Humans are not, as you know, telepathically capable, but they nevertheless allow their emotions to...leak. It can be very distracting, and distressing, especially in a high energy location such as that bar."
"Is that why I couldn't feel anything from you?" Amanda asked.
"Yes," Sarek said simply, shutting his eyes again.
"I don't understand," Amanda persisted. "If you decrease the amount of input you receive, it shouldn't have anything to do with your own output."
Sarek's eyelid twitched, but he didn't open his eyes again. "I prefer to put a rather severe 'lockdown' on my telepathic capabilities in the presence of Humans," he said. "Most Vulcans would not employ such an extreme dampening, but in my case I find it necessary, as I have to be in the company of Humans on a frequent basis. It reduces the probability of any errors."
"Reduces it, but doesn't entirely shut it out," Amanda said dryly. "You looked as though you were going to kill that guy."
Sarek's eyes opened - an angry flash in his gaze that vanished as quickly as a lightning bolt. "I might have done," He said, voice tight, "if he had continued to bother you." Sarek seems to be 'saving' me from other men all the time, Amanda thought. Prais, George, this bar creeper... A flicker in Sarek's expression told Amanda that he had picked up on this. He looked away. "I am aware of the irrationality of my reaction," He said, his tone quieter. "As I told you before...I have faults. I had underestimated the stress that such a location would put on me. My control slipped."
Amanda regarded him for a moment. His expression was as blank as ever, but there was an edge of frustration in it - frustration with himself. Amanda reached out and turned his face towards hers. "It's all right, as long as you really didn't break his arm."
"It is not all right. I am an Ambassador. Such behavior is not acceptable."
"Well, it's not as though we were at a public function with hundreds of dignitaries to see you," Amanda said. "We were in a bar full of grad students. I'm sure that none of them had any idea who you were, unless they'd done a lot of travelling to Vulcan." Amanda thought of Hank's reference to Sarek as a 'Vulcan freak' felt distinctly uncomfortable. Many people on Earth were still incredibly xenophobic, even though the different worlds had bled together so much that every city was full of a great mix of races. Well, there are Vulcans in Shi'Kahr that despise Humans, she thought. I thought Sarek was one, at first.
Sarek didn't say anything, just leaned a little on her hand. "I apologize." He said quietly.
"Accepted," Amanda said. "I have to admit, though, the way you came to my rescue was really...inspiring." She smiled. Sarek glanced up at her, meeting her gaze. She bit her lip, dropping her joking demeanor again. "I didn't really think about how stressful it would be for you to be here. I should have asked George if we could have met somewhere else."
Sarek scoffed and shook his head, gaining back a little of his usual sardonic attitude. "I would be an incredibly poor ambassador if journeys to my intended world caused me difficulty. I will not lose control again." He looked a little distant. "I must admit that I've never experienced problems during sojourns on Earth."
"Why is it more difficult now, then?" Amanda asked.
Sarek turned to look at her, and there was affection in his eyes that made Amanda's heart give a little skitter. "I have never been to Earth with you before."
Amanda found herself smiling, half-embarrassed. "So I have a negative effect on your concentration?"
"Do you not realize how distracting you are?" Sarek asked. "I do not, of course, cite your presence as an excuse, but I have never been as...captivated by anyone before."
"Even Theleia?" The words jumped out of her mouth before Amanda could think them over. She was immediately mortified, but couldn't bring herself to say anything to reel them back. In truth, she had been a little wary of Sarek's past paramour and his relationship to her - not that she at all doubted his devotion to her, but...still. One was sometimes a little jealous, even if it was irrational. And, after all, before she had fully realized what the connection between Sarek and herself was, she'd experienced that strange jolt from him of intense, paralyzing abandonment. Sadness. Caused, Amanda was almost entirely certain, by Theleia's severance of their betrothal bond.
The sometimes aggravating thing about the bond was that Sarek could always see the wheels turning in her head, even if his contribution was, for the moment, silent. "I assure you," He said, lightly brushing her wrist with his fingers, "That I have never loved anyone as deeply as I love you." Amanda felt her breath catch in her throat. It was this sort of moment that made her heart hum with excitement for the life she was going to live with this man. It was enough, it was more than enough. Amanda couldn't help it, she smiled shyly and looked at their hands, his fingers resting lightly on the upturned curve of her wrist, where he must have been able to feel her pulse.
"Can you come back now?" She asked him. "I mean, in the bond...I miss you."
"Yes," He said simply, and almost immediately Amanda felt the slow wave of warmth that signified his presence return. It was like getting into a hot bath of an entire day of being cold. Amanda closed her eyes and shifted a little closer to him - her entire awareness of him seemed to pick up again. His scent was more apparent to her, he seemed to be in sharper relief. "I didn't realize how much I missed that." She said, resting her head on his shoulder.
Amanda could feel Sarek's smile. "It was unpleasant for me as well. I was tempted several times to abandon my concentration and return to you." Amanda opened her eyes again and sat up straight so that she could look into his face.
"I'm going to marry you," She said, smiling slightly.
Sarek looked puzzled, but pleasantly so. "I know. We agreed on this some time ago."
"Yeah," Amanda said, reaching up to stroke his hair away from his face. His silky black hair felt good under her fingers, falling exactly back into place when she let it be. "But every now and again I remember that, and it makes me so happy."
Amanda hadn't been expecting the kiss, but suddenly Sarek's mouth was on hers. A gentle kiss, like the ones they had shared when he first began to court her. And it was coupled by his fingers gently brushing hers again, a pleasant buzzy sensation that made Amanda smile against his lips. The kiss lingered for a moment before Sarek pulled away from her slightly. "I love you," He said, in Standard.
Amanda's smile grew. "I love you, too." She interlaced her fingers with his, greatly enjoying the green color that suddenly dusted his cheeks. "And I forgot to tell you something."
"What is that?" Sarek said, his voice a little stilted. Amanda had run her fingers down the length of his, and he was starting to get a bit of a glazed look which made Amanda's own libido tingle.
"I've only really heard you speak Vuhlkansu," She replied, withdrawing her fingers to gently run her fingernails across his palm. "When you speak Standard it's actually unbearably...sexy."
Sarek's puzzlement managed to come through even in his increasing desire. "Sexy?"
Amanda tilted her head to one side, letting her hair spill over her shoulder in auburn waves. "You've got a bit of an accent. Just a bit of one."
Sarek's not-smile reappeared, with a hint of lust on the edge. "Your Terran accent," He said, leaning forward to run his free hand through her hair, "is atrocious."
"I don't have one!" Amanda protested, giving his hand a taunting squeeze. Sarek's breath caught, Amanda grinned in triumph.
"You do," Sarek replied, gently pushing her back onto the floor. "Do not worry. It's...cute. I suppose that would be the appropriate word."
"Just one of the many things that endeared me to you?" Amanda asked as Sarek leaned down to kiss her neck. "That made me so irresistible?"
Sarek withdrew for a moment to fix her with an intense look of desire. "Completely irresistible."
Amanda grinned at him. "I knew it. Uh, one thing though..." She pushed her hair out of her eyes and looked up at him. "Can we maybe relocate to the bed? It's a really amazing bed."
Author's Note: I'm just a little writing machine, doo dee doo~ My finals are almost completely finished with, and so I have more free time to do what I like, ie. write about these two.
Thank you guys for your reviews! I'm really happy to see that my absence didn't turn you away forever. I'm wondering now if I can finish this story before I hit forty chapters. Does Fanfiction have a word limit? I might have to do some editing if that's the case...
Also, just a head's up: I am a Kirk and Spock shipper. I have nothing against Uhura, I find her quite lovely really (and I have no idea who that other woman is, my apologies), but Spock/Uhura is just not my jam. Am I going to get jumped on for this? I hope not. In any case, if I do end up writing a sequel involving the kiddies, it will be Kirk/Spock. Of course, Spock has to be born before any of that can happen...
oh ps. my beta reader is also completely tangled in finals, so these chapters haven't gotten the full once over. I apologize for any weirdnesses of grammar or spelling or non-canon-ness.