This chapter is written in Edward's POV just for the fangirls out there who want to get further into his head!

We're working really hard to make this the best EdwardxBella fic out there! Please read and review! We love comments and we'll be sure to read each one personally! Maybe if you guys really dig it, we'll do a special chapter just for the fans! :D

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"UH

"UH. CARLISLE" I grunted, filled with anger at my lack of ability to perform when it was most critical.

"Edward, it's alright," my father replied, knowingly. "Honest, there is hope for you."

"But I don't want hope, I want HER." I demanded. "I know I sound like a child, but father, I WANT AN ERECTION. And so help me god if one doesn't come to me soon!"

"Edward? Edward darling? Calm down," my mother, Esme cooed. Apparently she had taken the phone in an attempt to calm my nerves. "Sweetie, you just need a little coaxing. Really. Your father was the same way when we first married."

"Oh mother," I sobbed. I longed to clutch myself to her and cry all the tears which had grown in my eyes rather than man's best friend. I clutched the phone to my ear and wept openly.

"Darling, don't you worry. I am going to send you an e-mail with the location where you can pick up a script for the medication Carlisle is going to perscribe to you. He's writting it now so you should get the e-mail in moments. Do you think you can handle waiting until it comes?"

"I..." I took a deep breath. "I think I will be able to handle it, mother. Thank you, thank you so much."

I hung up the phone, heaving a sigh that only a man with erectile dysfunction could heave. I turned towards my darling Bella, her body looking even more delicious sans clothing.

"What's the verdict?" she asked, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. I could barely keep it in my pants...kind of. In other words, had my penis been functional it would be raised at full mast with the singular touch from my dearest pudding pop.

"We..." I stammered, "We must wait. Carlisle is sending a perscriptions of sorts. It should be arriving via e-mail momentarly." I gave Bella a quick peck on the head, reassuring her that we would be sticking things where things have longed to be stuck momentarily.

I retrived my laptop quickly as to not be away from her side for too long of a time and repositioned myself upon the bed, Bella at my side, computer in my lap (oh how I wished the reverse were true!) The computer turned on and I went to check my e-mail, hopeful for a saving grace from above.

It has been confirmed. God hates me. Not only that, but he seemed to have told the whole world about my problem in a matter of mere moments.

"WHO WANTS EXECESS WASTE IN THEIR BODY? SPEW SPERM TODAY!"

"BE READY FOR ANY SITUATION WITH NATURAL MALE ENHANCEMENT"

"YOUR PENIS IS SMALL. SHE NEEDS BIG BIG BIG!"

"BE HUNG LIKE THE PROVERBIAL BLACK THAT THEY NEVER GO BACK FROM!"

"UNABLE TO PERFORM? SEXY SINGLES IN YOUR AREA ARE DISSAPOINTED IN YOU!"

"INCREASE THE GROWTH OF YOUR DICCKY!"

"BEEF SWELLINGTON!"

I was in shock. I was in horror. I was ashamed to even be considered part of the male race. I was a disgrace and the whole world knew about it. God had forsaken me because I was stuck in this wretched half-existance. Vampires were never meant for his love, I knew that, but to have the world know it as well...

Again, I wept openly.

In seconds Bella was positioned on my lap stroking my chest heaving with sorrow and unworthiness.

"It's okay," she cooed.

"NO IT'S NOT!" I screamed. "I'm a vampire GOD DAMMIT! I'm supposed to be perfect at everything...except eating human food...we don't do that," I knocked Bella off me and curlled up into the fetile position on the floor. Immature? Yes, but penis problems warrent this kind of reaction.

"Edward...?" Bella asked cautiously.

"No!" I inturrupted. "Bella, darling... you don't understand. I don't pop my collar, it gets an errection from touching me. MY COLLAR, BELLA."

"Edward... I--"

"IT'S HOPELESS! UNLESS MY PENIS CAN BE ATTACHED TO UPPER BODY CLOTHING, I AM USELESS!"

"Let's just refesh the page and see if the e-mail came," Bella's delicate fingers typed on my laptop. I wished so badly that those fingers were stroking my erect penis and that the e-mail wasn't coming, but I was.

"YAY!" Bella exclaimed, acting extremely mature for once. "The e-mail has arrived!!"

I Jumped up, a feeling of hope arising within my breast. I opened the e-mail with glee, only the glee that a man who will soon be ready for the races could have.

"Dear Edward," The e-mail began. "Since you and Bella missed our trip to the Cabin last month I thought I'd finally send these pictures we took so you wouldn't miss us too much while you two kids were away."

I scanned through photo after photo of the family. Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmet were smiling happily on a fishing boat in one picture, all three manhoods fully functional. The tears began to reform in my eyes as each picture brought no hope of a perscription.

I was about ready to throw the blasted machine which offered no hope for my future marital bliss out the Banana and Peanutbutter sandwhich shaped window when suddenly, at the bottom of the e-mail, I noticed a ray of hope shining in the darkness of my unswelled beef.

"What's it for?" Bella asked, her voice like the choir of angels shining down on this glorious moment.

"Viagra," I replied quickly. "Hurry, my love! We must find our local Consumer Value Store!"

I darted out the door only to realize that I had left the room without getting my clothing back on. A mother screamed and covered her little girls eyes before scurrying off. I ran back into the room, put on my pants, grabbed Bella, and we dashed off to save our honeymoon for a sacless session.