Back to Bella's POV. We hope you liked the interlude with Edward. From here, things are going to really get heated up! We've got ideas that would give any female the vapors so keep reading and please REVIEW! We love feedback! :D
Chapter Four- "Divine Intervention"
Edward was more excited than he'd been all night, which isn't saying much seeing as he lacked in the excitement department, but as he ran to CVS, I couldn't help feeling the same elation that he must be feeling. The wind ran through my hair, his sweet body odor blowing into my nose like crack into the nose of an addict.
We stopped just outside the door of the famed pharmacy and Edward put me down. I noticed him taking a deep breath before crossing the threshold of the building.
"Don't worry, Edward. Everything is going to be alright now. Carlisle has never failed either of us before and I'm sure he won't now."
"You're right, yes Bella. I am just... how shall I put it? Titilated!" He galliantly entered into the CVS and headed for the pharmacy department.
"Can I help who's next?" A women with horn rimmed glasses, classic pharmaist grab, called.
Edward stepped up and handed the small slip of paper to the woman.
"I'm dropping off a perscription for Cullen," he stated with a more sensual voice than Barry White.
The women glanced at the perscription and then eyed Edward suspiciously over her glasses.
"Aren't you a little young for this?"
"It's a touchy subject," his velvet voice quivered with his answer.
"Okay...It won't be ready for about an hour."
"AN HOUR?!" Edward screamed, louder than was probably necessary. "Ma'am, you don't seem to understand how dire the situation at hand truely is!"
"Uh hunh."
"Ma'am, if there were a starving child here, about to die, would you make him wait an hour for food?"
"No, but that's not--"
"My penis is like a dying child!" Edward exclaimed, grasping te woman's shoulders and staring straight into her eyes. How she was able to keep herself from going limp at the action is far beyond my conception.
"Edward," I lightly pryed his hands from the woman's shoulders. "Let's go. There is nothing we can do. It will be all the more better with the longer we wait." (According to Justin)
"Okay," Edward slumped in conseccion as I lead him out of the CVS.
"Well we have an hour. What should we do?"
And then I saw it. A brown brick omage to the one thing that has survived throughout the centuries. GOD.
"Let's go to church!" I skipped across the street to where it was located. I thought maybe being in the presense of the Holy Spirit would quench the ever growing thirst to rape Edward for the time being.
The service filled me like no other I had experienced. I could feel the presence of God comforting me and bringing me the salvation which I so needed at this moment. I looked over to Edward and noticed his face, a look of extream concentration and determination in his flawless features.
"Saggy boobs. Saggy boobs. Saggy boobs." I heard Edward softly muttering under his breath.
"Edward, hunny?" I questioned.
"Bella, we have a slight problem." Edward directed me towards his pants only to reveal that the Word of God has pitched a tent under his pants.
"Quick! God later! Sex now!" I utter before practically throwing myself out of the pew and heading for the exit with Edward quickly following behind. I guess praying to God does help.
"Bella... this feels wrong." Edward muttered as we blessed ourselves before leaving the main vestablue.
"Oh Edward, but it'll soon feel so right," I said seductively.
"No, not that. Although that's a problem as well... but I feel... wrong about leaving God after he just did so much for us. Bella, I think we need to go back and finish the service."
WHY WAS EDWARD ALWAYS SO RIGHTOUS!! I truged back into church, dejected, angry, filled with pent up sexual rage! I had waited one year, and many a disappointing sexcapdes later to find that the one time Edward gets a boner we can't relive the situation.
The mass went on excruciatingly uneventfully, but soon it was over. All we had to do was make it past the preist ready the hand shake of the Lord, and we could go create some orginal sin.
We finally got to the front of the line where a priest, creased with old age and God, happily smiled waiting for our thanks.
Edward got there first, extenting a pefectly fingered hand towards the priest.
"Thank you for the lovely service," he dripped greatfulness from ever orifice.
"Thank you!" The priest said, then directing himself to Edward's current situation. "It's nice to see someone get so excited over God."
Edward chortled politely at the man's unfunny and slightly pedofilic joke. I glanced down as we walked out of the church to make sure that the blessing from the Lord was still going strong.
It wasn't.
With each step we took off the property, Edward's circus was loosing clowns.
And when we stepped out side all Hell broke loose.
"OH GOD!" Edward shreiked his voice sounding like that of a twelve year old fan girl at a Miley Cyrus concert. "It's him!"
I looked in the direction where Edward's horrified eyes glanced. It was a fat man in a dirty white t-shirt eating a bean burrito.
"Who is that?" I asked softly rubbing his back.
"THE MAN FROM THE AIR PLANE BATHROOM!"
I glanced down, and noticed there were no more clowns in Edward's tent. The clowns had all left in the tiny car that was a fat man's bowel issues.
Edward looked just like Chance when he was faced with kissing Mr. Boston. The look of horror and disgust was too much for me to handle. I grabbed Edward's arm and tried to pull him away from the situation. Silly me as I forgot that he was like granite.
"OH GOD. DON'T EAT THE BURRITO!" Edward screamed running across the street to try to stop the man from beginning the process of creating gassious fumes which could whipe out the city. The man glanced up and the whole thing seemed to propell itself into slow motion. Edward made a jumping reach for the burrito but the fat man was too fast for him. Edward tumbled onto the ground, trying to plead wth the man for the sake of the city. For the sake of everyone. For the sake of Elvis.
The man paused, the outcome looked bright until he took the buritto, unwrapped it and placed the whole thing in his mouth, swallowing with an overly satisfied look on his face.
If I thought Carlisle on LSD was scary, the look in this man's eyes just made him seem as cuddly as Quill.
'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Edward screamed throwing his hands up to the heavens.
The man turned his bum to face Edward and bent, ready unleash a fart to end all farts. The Great Fart. World Fart One.
I ran to save my honey lumpkins. I pushed him away just in time as the man let one rip if you will. I took the whole brunt of the wind that had passed. If it had a color it would be bright orange it was that pungent with aroma. I laid lifelessly on the sidway gasping for clean air as the far sent wafted gently over me.
"Bella!" Edward ran to my side, his breathing in the off position. "BELLA! We're going to get through this!" He lifted me up and strode saftely away from the scene of the fart.
I gasped the cool clean unegg-like smelling air as Edward continuted to leave Burrito man behind. It had been an hour, and CVS had our sex elixer waiting for us.