Warning:This chapter contains copious amounts of crack and is not recommended for anyone who is prone to nosebleeds, heart attacks, or fits of chronic laughter. You have been warned. Any mental or physical injury that occurs from reading this chapter is not the responsibility of the author.
Please read responsibly.

"Dean, this is not a good idea." Cas' voice was low as he leaned forward from the back seat and peered through the windshield up at the derelict mill. Sam had already slipped from the passenger's seat and was moving around to the far side of the building while Dean and Cas waited in the car.

"Well, Cas, it's the only plan we've got." The Hunter replied shortly. "So it's the one we're going with."

Cas shifted uncomfortably, obviously displeased about not being able to see past the sigils inside the old building. "I understand, but I still think it would be better to wait."

"We can't wait anymore, Cas, the Demons are killing people and we need to put a stop to it before they wipe out the whole town!"

Cas' sigh was signature in its long-suffering tone as he sat back in his seat, his expression looking pinched even in the dim light from the one street lamp a few feet behind them. "I see."

Dean glared at the Angel in the rearview mirror, but kept his mouth shut, deciding that now was not the time to argue with a huffy Angel of the Lord.

It had been a good lead, the boys both thought when they heard about the rash of Demon attacks that had plagued a small town in Nebraska, and since they had nothing else to do (and Garth was hounding them about how they were only two hours away, and that was more than enough reason to go check it out), they went ahead and hunted down the lead.

It had taken them to an old run-down mill that Sam could smell the sketch on a mile off, but went to check out anyway, despite the doubts he had about it. As it turned out, the churning doubt in his stomach had been the voice of reason screaming at him to head the other way, because, knowing their luck, this was going to turn out to be a trap.

He decided, however, that maybe just this once he could trust the universe to cut them a break, because really, they did sort of deserve it after all the other crap they'd been put through recently.

Sam still refused to look at the little etched jar now sitting carefully tucked to one side in the trunk of the Impala, and he noticed that Dean actually struggled to touch it, even when it was in the way of whatever his elder brother was trying to get at. That, if nothing else, spoke volumes to Sam about how much the universe owed them at least one tiny little break.

He knew before he even started to scout out the mill, however, that they weren't going to get it. But that didn't stop him from having a little sliver of hope that this time things would be different, and daring the universe to prove him wrong.

Which it did, about thirty seconds later when Sam kicked the back door in and found himself facing a completely empty factory floor, facing his brother and Cas on the other side. He froze for approximately three seconds too long, and it wasn't until the rushing, howling scream filled his ears that he noticed the rune that literally covered the entirety of the mill floor.

Sam didn't even want to think about how much blood it had taken to draw that, the thick crimson lines laying nearly a full foot across, and could only stand and stare as the rune began to glow and hum in a way that made Sam's stomach do Olympic-level gymnastic moves.

And then he couldn't think at all, as darkness overtook his vision, and he remembered seeing Dean looking horrified and Cas looking surprised, and then he couldn't remember anything. And then the trap Sam had somehow known was coming had been sprung, and he decided he was going to murder Dean if they ever made it out of this alive.

Which, from where he was currently standing, was a fairly big "if".

It wasn't until much later that Sam realized anything was really wrong.

He'd woken up to the sight of one battered, wooden wall and wondered what all the fuss had been about the night before if the spell had done nothing but knock them out. So he stood, carefully, anxious to see if his brother and their little nerd angel had made it out of this as seemingly unscathed as he was.

His whole body seemed to weigh a ton, and his balance was a bit off kilter, but otherwise he felt fairly okay. As okay as anyone was going to feel after walking into a mill and activating a trap the size of the Death Star.

He didn't really start to panic until he looked out over the mill's interior and realized that he couldn't see Dean or Cas, and that meant something was really wrong, because they wouldn't have left without him.

He called out for his brother, but the sound that left his mouth was not the one he'd been expecting.

And then he looked down at himself, and felt the pieces slide into place with sickening speed and clarity.

The universe, it seemed, had a worse sense of justice than Sam had ever given it credit for.

It had taken an hour for the Archangel to show up at the mill after Sam had curled up and started praying as hard as he could for Gabriel to get his feathery ass down here and help fix the situation. A further fifteen minutes were needed for Gabe to get over the giggling fit that had struck not two seconds after he'd seen Sam lying on the mill floor with his brother sitting next to him, and Cas perched not far away.

Sam, of course, failed to see the humor in the situation.

The Archangel had been so overcome with a case of the silly-giggles, tears streaming down his face and chest heaving with unneeded gasps for breath, that he had to call in his big sister.

If Sam could have still blushed, he was pretty sure he would have the moment the Seraphim showed up and took stock of the situation.

Ariel was looking at them with a mixture of amusement and sympathy in her eyes, and Dean didn't like it. Although, admittedly, he couldn't really blame her for the way her eyebrows were raised and her mouth was trying not to quirk up at the corners. Her green gaze kept switching between him and his not-so-little brother, and her lips kept twitching, and finally she let out a huff of a laugh and closed her eyes with a shake of her head. "Sometimes I wonder how you two boys manage to get yourselves into all this trouble."

Sam shifted uncomfortably where he lay, and even Cas looked a little remorseful as he shifted a little on his perch, his head bowing in what Dean could only imagine was chagrin. Dean, on the other hand, held his ground and held Ariel's gaze as she looked back at him.

"Honestly," she teased with a slight grin, "what am I supposed to do with all of you?"

Gabriel, who was sitting on the couch he'd snapped into existence with his feet propped up and a smug smirk plastered on his face, piped up for them. "Laugh hysterically at their current predicament? That's what I'd do, sis."

Dean snapped, whipping his head around to glare at the Archangel and hissing out bite me… But that wasn't what the archangel heard. What the grinning Trickster heard was a bout of angry, high-pitched chattering that slipped from Dean's mouth before he could remember that, dammit, his vocal chords were no longer wired to speak English.

Ariel's gaze bordered on fond as she looked at him, and he wanted nothing more than to swear. And down at least half a bottle of whiskey in order to forget that this whole fiasco had ever even happened.

"Okay, okay, Sam I get," she said after a pause, motioning to the younger Winchester's hulking frame, "but what's the story with you two?" She shifted her gaze from Cas to Dean and then back again, cocking her head to one side as Cas let out a mumbled something that apparently both his siblings could understand.

Dean was going to give Gabriel hell later over the fact that the Archangel spoke bird.

The little sparrow that was Cas (Dean could not stop laughing internally over the fact that his wing and back feathers were the exact shade of his trench coat), flitted from his perch on the boarded-up window sill and landed gracefully on Ariel's shoulder, continuing his rapid song in order to communicate whatever message it was that he had for her.

Dean refused to acknowledge the sensation climbing up his spine as jealousy, because that was just silly. It made sense for Cas to be able to communicate with his sister, no matter what form he took. There wasn't a rule that said Angels had to speak every animal language, or anything… Besides, he reasoned, who in their right mind would want to speak squirrel?

"Don't dis the squirrels, kiddo," Gabriel spoke up without even looking over at him, "they may seem like nothing more than tree-rats, but damn do they have a sense of humor."

It took Dean all of maybe six seconds to realize he'd been mumbling under his breath, and yeah, Gabe could speak squirrel. The Hunter was going to give him hell over that one too, when he finally got back into his usual shape and size.

Sam let out what could almost pass as a snort of laughter, and shook his head at the Archangel. Of the three of them, Sam had taken his sudden animal impersonation with much more grace than Dean or Cas (although the Angel had instantly started winging his way around the inside of the mill with what Dean was going to pretend had not sounded like happy chirps of pure glee). The nickname Crowley had once given the younger Winchester had never suited him more, and Dean would be lying if he said that the antlers didn't make him just a little jealous.

Then again, he was the one currently stuck with a hyperactive tail that wouldn't hold still for longer than six seconds and no idea how to fix whatever scrape they'd managed to get themselves into this time.

"So he just dumped you in animal skins for the giggles? Cas, come on, that's not how it works." Gabriel rebuked his younger brother gently, rolling his eyes. "It would have taken weeks for him to set this little job up, maybe even longer if witches were in short supply. Crowley didn't just sit down to breakfast one morning and think "oh, I do believe I'll pull a prank on those two Winchester boys, won't that be a lark?", and don't give me that look, Cas, you're not a lark. You're a sparrow."

Cas' glare bordered on malevolent, and Dean was very glad he wasn't on the receiving end of it this time around. Ariel stroked a finger along Castiel's back and his feathers ruffled slightly, a soft warble slipping out before he could stop it. He quickly shook himself, flattened his feathers out, and then started to preen himself, looking quite uncomfortably for a moment. There Seraphim, upon whom he was perched, giggled softly before she looked between the three of them, shaking her head. "I'm actually familiar with the spell, I've seen it before a few times, but there's just one problem." She frowned, inspecting Sam's now even more hulking frame more closely. "It can't be broken."

Dean stared at her, dumbstruck. This was the girl that had reassembled an Archangel from nothing more than stardust and charred prayers, how could one measly little spell stump her?

She seemed to understand what he was thinking even without him having to say it out loud, and her frown deepened. "It's a very complex bit of magic. It takes at least two casters, maybe more for one this size, and more blood than I care to say… It's meant to slowly wear off, being a punishing spell and all, but this one's different." She sighed. "It's meant to be permanent."

Gabriel chortled gleefully before he spoke. "But take heart, dear creatures, there is a counter curse." He stood, dusting imaginary molecules from his person before he moved over to his sister and smiled disarmingly at them. "But it'll take a little while to get all the proper ingredients together. Hope you boys don't mind a slight delay in the proceedings."

Dean huffed, annoyed over the delay, but otherwise kept his mouth shut. There was only so much one squirrel could do, after all.

As it turned out, being a squirrel wasn't so bad once he got used to it. He could curl up in small, dark corners and sleep for hours at a time (a miracle in and of itself), fit into Ariel's coat pocket when he felt he should listen in on one of the conversations she had with her sketchy contacts during the week they spent hunting down ingredients, and, most importantly, he could still taste apple pie when it was presented to him. The only real downside (aside from being unable to do more than hop about furiously when a baddie got too close and getting teased mercilessly by Gabriel) was his bushy, hyperactive tail.

Cas acted like his feathery form was completely normal, like he did this all the time (and if he did do it all the time, it certainly explained a lot), and merely looked at Dean disapprovingly when the Hunter-turned-tree-rat swore under his breath. Apparently a change in species hadn't affected Cas' gift of tongues.

Sam, although now considerably more bulky, seemed to have decided that throwing a fit over the whole thing would be time-consuming and completely counter-productive, and therefore resigned himself to sitting quietly in the corner while Gabriel and Ariel popped in and out and gathered more things for the spell.

Gabriel hadn't been joking when he said it would take a while to get the things for the counter curse together. Jars of herb and other things Dean didn't like to think about were scattered over the warehouse floor, the pile slowly but steadily growing. When Ariel came back with a paintbrush made of what appeared to be bone and human hair, Dean decided he should stop being so curious about what the spell entailed. Instead, he followed his brother's example and perched in the corner… On one of Sam's recently acquired antlers. The younger Winchester merely rolled his big hazel eyes and didn't complain.

Much.

"Alright, Moosechester, you're first." Gabriel was holding a bowl full to the brim with thick crimson liquid and Dean promptly decided he didn't want to know. Instead he merely sat back and watched as the Archangel started painting sigils into Sam's dark fur, chanting softly under his breath as he went. Over his shoulder, Dean could see Ariel doing the same to Cas, the feathers refusing to hold the blood half the time, causing Ariel to have to start all over again. "Oi, Rocky," Gabriel's voice made the elder Hunter turn to look at him, "you're next."

The blood burned as it trailed from the brush onto his fur, like Gabriel was painting him with magma; and Dean only just held in a noise at the sensation. He held his ground, however, determined not to make any protestations when Sammy had been able to stay silent through the whole ordeal- and there was more of him to paint. Eventually, finally, Gabriel finished and took a step back to examine his handiwork. Dean felt sticky, the blood not drying nearly fast enough for his liking; and refrained from making any sort of movement aside from leaping off Sam and onto the ground- the last thing he wanted to do was turn back and find himself sitting on Sam's head.

"You all good over there, sugar?" Gabe asked of his sister, turning to look at her. "Or do you and Mr. Tweetums need another minute?"

"I'm ready." She replied, finally putting the finishing touches on Cas' sigils. "You want to start, or shall I?"

Gabriel began chanting softly under his breath, the smirk he'd been wearing giving way to a more serious expression. A few words in, Ariel joined him, their voices overlapping perfectly as they continued the spell. The sigils began to glow, writhing with light as the incantation continued. Dean felt the markings grow hot again, searing into his skin and making him grind his teeth together to keep a scream in. His eyes squeezed shut, his vision whiting out as the pain slowly started to ebb, and his ears began to ring. He collided into the wall of the warehouse and then the floor, consciousness slowly leaving him.

When his eyes finally opened, the light from above instantly giving him a migraine, he was looking up into concerned green eyes. "Dean? You with me?" She glanced down at his neck and he felt her fingers press against his pulse.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm here… Cas and Sammy make it through okay?"

Over her shoulder he could just make out a tan-clad shoulder that stiffened slightly at the sound of his voice. "Yeah," Ariel smiled at him, "yeah, everyone's fine, Dean." She offered him her hand, helping him up into a sitting position.

Dean groaned, rubbing a hand over his face and closing his eyes against the pounding in his skill. "Remind me to punch Crowley in the face next time I see him as a personal thank you." He grumbled, trying to ignore how her fingers raked through his hair and made his migraine melt away. "Thanks, by the way, for changing us back."

"Don't thank me just yet," Ariel murmured, "we've still got a ways to go."

Dean was about to ask what she meant, pulling his hand away from his face and opening his eyes, but then he saw the thing beside him and stopped, his entire brain short-circuiting at the sight. He had a tail. He still had a tail. A busy, hyperactive, squirrel tail. "The hell…?"

Ariel winced. "Yeah, like I said, we've got a ways to go." She glared at his tail, as though she could simply will it away. "I don't know what went wrong with you two, Cas came out unscathed…" She glanced over her shoulder to where her brothers were standing, and when Dean looked that way too, he caught sight of Sam. The younger Winchester was perched uncomfortably on the edge of the sofa, two tiny antler nubs poking up through his hair.

Dean gaped. "Gabriel, you sonofabitch, what did you do to us?!" He demanded, glaring at the Archangel.

Ariel laid her hand on his shoulder (in a location he was all too familiar with a different celestial being touching him), and gave him a stern look. "Dean, relax. Gabe didn't do anything. Something went wrong with the spell, that's all." She sighed softly. "We're trying to figure out what precisely that was."

"I still think you should go talk to that darling little devil of yours." Gabriel muttered, looking as though he'd been personally insulted by the spell. "He must have had a hand in this."

"Perhaps." Ariel helped Dean to his feet, the Hunter still a bit too stunned to do much more than stare openly at Sam's horns or his own bushy tail. "But I somehow doubt that."

Dean sank onto the couch beside Sam, eyeing his brother curiously, and then finally managed to switch his gaze onto Cas. "How did you get out of all this without wings or a beak or something?" He asked, unable to keep the annoyance out of his voice. "Or is it just because you have some freaky, anti-magic, angelic mojo?"

Castiel gave him an unimpressed look, but answered the question all the same, apparently unfazed by Dean's reaction. "The spell was intended for human victims… Being a different entity entirely, I was not as susceptible to the spell's effect." He frowned slightly. "I do not know what possessed someone to go through all the trouble of creating this spell if they knew it would not work as well on me."

Dean looked expectantly at the Seraphim. "Well? You gonna call him, or should I?"

Ariel rolled her eyes and sighed. "You call Garth, I've got Crowley covered."

Dean reached into his pocket to fish out his phone, and Gabriel walked with his sister to the warehouse door, frowning the whole way. "You know this is a bad idea, Ariel, you nearly got shredded last time you went to see him… What's to stop him from doing it again?"

"Relax, kiddo, I got this. You keep an eye on Rocky and Bullwinkle and let me know if anything happens, okay?" She gave him her most reassuring smile, but he caught the hesitation in her eyes. "Later, Alligator."

"Forget it, Crocodile; I'm not letting you out of my sight." Gabriel folded his arms, playing the petulant child card and not caring how immature it made him seem. "Let Cassie play bodyguard and baby-sitter for a little while… I'm not letting you head into a trap without a little back-up, okay?" He frowned as sternly as he could when faced with the wide-eyed surprise of his big sister, and continued to keep his posture rigid. "If you go down this time, I'm going down with you. Like hell I'm letting you die alone."

"I'm not going to die, Gabriel," she argued as she made for the door, "so quit being so dramatic." She slipped through, not closing it all the way behind her, and Gabriel recognized the invitation for what it was.

He grinned, calling over his shoulder for Castiel to hold down the fort while they were gone, and then followed his sister out into the gathering dark. "You might not die, today or ever," he whispered to her as they finally got out of earshot of the boys inside the building, "but you bleed just as badly as the rest of us. And I, for one, refuse to sit by and simply watch it happen." He threw an arm around her shoulders and smiled brightly. "So you're stuck with me."

She laughed at that, leaning into him just a little. "I think I can live with that. Despite popular belief, you aren't that bad to have around."

He put his free hand over his heart. "I should certainly hope not!" And then he snapped, sending them both hurtling towards Crowley, and whatever the demon had planned for them.

"Could you not stare?" Dean asked as he ran a hand over his face and glared at the spindly little Hunter across the room from him. "Seriously, Garth, just figure out what the hell is going on."

"That's just it, Dean. I don't know." He shrugged, glancing from the two brothers on the couch to the book in his hands and then back again. "This sort of spell is meant to be permanent, but whatever counter-spell Ariel and Gabriel pulled off seems to have interfered with it enough to keep it in the non-permanent zone, but still really potent."

"And in English?" Dean asked, rubbing his eyes. He was tired, he was sore, and he was completely stone-cold sober. He wanted to be basically anywhere but in this damn warehouse right now.

"It'll wear off, but you're stuck like this till then." Garth managed, shrugging.

"Awesome." The elder Hunter grumbled, leaning back and putting both hands over his face. Maybe if he wished hard enough, the ground would swallow him whole.

Sam sighed beside him and ran a hand through his hair, trying to figure out exactly what they were going to do with themselves in the meantime. It wasn't like they could hunt like this, it would be way more trouble than it was worth. And besides, what monster would be able to take Dean seriously with that tail, anyway?

The warehouse door swung open, revealing the two celestial beings that had left over an hour previously. Ariel was rubbing what looked like black oil from her hands, and Gabriel was munching on a candy bar like there was nothing to worry about, so Sam naturally assumed there was. "How'd it go?" He asked, looking them both over for some sort of indication of what had happened.

"What's that word?" Gabriel asked, tipping his head to one side as he took his time drawing out the suspense. "Spectaculacular? Is that it?"

Ariel laughed softly, closing the door behind them and digging in her pocket for a moment before she pulled out two necklaces, throwing them to the boys. "Here, put these on. They'll act like glamour, keeping your, ah, features, hidden. It's not permanent, the spell, I mean, so it should wear off in a week or two. In the meantime, you have those beauties."

Dean inspected the charm that dangled from the plain black leather. It was a tiny little etched glass jar, filled to the brim with something black and oily looking. "Do I want to know what I'm wearing around my neck?"

Sam, who apparently knew better than to ask even that, had already slipped his on. With a slight flicker, like when a light first flipped on in a seedy hotel room, the horns vanished completely, leaving him looking the way he usually did. "Did it work?" He asked.

Gabriel grinned. "You're back to your usual Samsquatchian self." He declared with a nod. "And no, Dean, you don't want to know. Just trust us." He took another bite of his candy bar and shrugged. "And the fairies."

Dean had already put the charm around his neck when Gabriel said that, but he decided that asking any other questions was just a bad idea. He watched his tail vanish from view and smiled up at Ariel as she nodded approvingly. "Thanks."

She shrugged, inspecting her nails and not looking at him directly. "No problem. Another emergency averted, right?" She smiled, looking them both over before she nodded again and looked at Castiel, who was still hovering awkwardly by the sofa. "Keep an eye on them, would you? I have to go talk to a man about a dog. Again."

She vanished with a rustling of wings and Gabriel shrugged at the confused looks the brothers instantly shot him. "Girl's gotta do what a girl's gota do, right?"

"Hello Dean."

The Hunter jumped at the greeting, nearly cutting himself as he whittled away at the stake he was working on. "Ariel." He nodded to her, eyeing her suspiciously as she inched closer, hands in her pockets and a slightly guilty look on her face. "Something you need?"

"That charm around your neck. The spell should have worn off by now, so, I need to get it back to the original owner." She shrugged, leaning against the table he was sitting beside, staring resolutely down at the unintelligible pattern that ran across it. "I'm sorry for all the trouble you had to go through."

"It's not your fault." He closed his pocket knife and set the unfinished stake on the table, reaching up to loosen the ties on the necklace. As it came away in his hand, he watched cautiously for any sign of a hyperactive tail, but when none could be found he relaxed again, handing the charm over to the waiting Seraphim. "Besides, I should be saying sorry to you, right? You're the one who had to work your ass off for us, in the end."

She shrugged, staring at the charm almost fondly. "It's worth it. You guys have done a lot for me, after all." She paused, her thumb running over the little glass bottle. "Dean, you still have Annie's soul, right?" She asked softly, finally glancing up at him.

He paused before he replied, not looking at her. "Yeah, it's safe. Why, you want it back?"

"No, no, it's nothing like that." She shrugged, perching herself on the edge of the table. "I was hoping you'd keep it safe for me. If you don't mind." She offered him a soft, half-smile. "I trust her with you."

"I don't see why." He grumbled. "We tend to break more things than we fix. We use these hands of ours to make things bleed, Ariel, not make things better." He was pretty sure they'd already had this conversation, but for some reason he felt they needed to have it again anyway. "You know that."

"I also know you protect things till you're the one bleeding." She pointed out. "So don't give me that lame excuse, it won't work." She tucked the charm into her pocket and smiled at him. "Call me again if you need me, Rocky."

He opened his mouth to reply, snapping his head up to glare at her, but she was already gone. "Great, cause I really need that to be a thing…"

So waiting for this chapter was sort of like waiting for the next season, and I am so sorry this took so long. XD

Also, it is a bit shorter than the others, but so is Dean, and we all still love him, so I hope you'll let it slide. ;D

The song "Emergency" belongs to: Paramore