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Elena

Dear Diary,

It's been three weeks since I completely broke down, three weeks since I saw him. I can't put it into words what happened that night, it just felt like the whole world came crashing down on me, like I was in the middle of the ocean without a life raft, without no one to pull me out. Everything has just been going downhill since my parents' death and my miraculous escape from the watery grave. I've never felt so alone in my life, Jeremy won't speak to me, Caroline is in Europe discovering the world, Matt already has a family of his own and Bonnie isn't around much either. There's no one. My life has been stuck in the same place for a very long time, and I can't seem to find an escape. The first time I felt something similar to hope is when I met him, when he came and saved me. It's strange how one brief encounter with a person can leave you so shaken, so impossibly doubtful about yourself. I don't know how to describe the thoughts in my head or the feelings I feel right now. All I know is that when he was near me, I knew exactly what I was feeling, there were no hesitations. A rational part of my mind says that I should just forget about him, be thankful that he saved me and that's that. But I can't. His impossibly green eyes are still etched fresh into my brain, I can't shake them, no matter how hard I try. I've been asking around the town if anyone knows a man named Stefan Salvatore, but so far I haven't had any luck. Although, there was this elderly woman who claimed that she once knew a young man with the same name and that he had been a friend with her husband while he was sick with cancer. Her smile when he talked about him was so genuine it made me smile too. However, it couldn't have been him, because the Stefan she knew would be over 60 by now. She also mentioned that after her husband died, she never saw him again. I just wish I could see him only one more time, but it's probably too much to ask for. I just have to put on a brave face and fight the world myself.

I close my diary, too tired to write any more. I watch the clock; it's almost 8am now, in half an hour I have to be at work. For the past year, I've been working at the local hospital as a nurse. It's not my dream job, but I still like it, I especially like to work in the children's department, because they are always the happiest even though some of them are very ill. Small children don't know how to be worried about everyday things, they have yet to know the pain that the world offers, they are the most carefree people and that is why I love them. The only thing I wish I didn't have to deal with is the atmosphere of death surrounding me in the hospital and every time I lose a patient it's like someone punches me in the face.

As I reach the hospital I see all these familiar faces, familiar to me, because, for them, I am nothing. Most of them don't even acknowledge my presence; they just see me as another nurse, a face among tens of others that work here. I'm fine with it, any kind of excess attention only makes me nervous, so I'm really not bothered by the lack of recognition.

I change into my work clothes and start climbing the stairs to the fifth floor, I could use the lift, but I prefer the stairs, because in lifts I would have to endure the uncomfortable silence and stares from people I don't even know.

I am almost to the fifth floor, but as I am about to take the final step my foot gets stuck behind the last step and I almost fall face first to the ground, but at the last second I miraculously manage to get a grip on the handrail and save myself from what would have been some very painful bruises. I laugh slightly under my breath and look back to make sure there weren't anyone behind me. I see no one, but suddenly I feel this familiar warmth washing over me.

Stefan

It's like she's looking straight into my eyes. I know that she can't see me, but the way she's scrutinizing the whole room, it's like she's looking for someone, and for a brief second I'm sure that she can see me. Her big doe-eyes seem to be locked on to my face and I am starting to think that she really can see me, but she finally turns back and heads to her workplace. I decide that today is probably a day I should stick around, because I have a feeling that something may happen. I don't always have to be around her, whenever she is in trouble I can sense it no matter where I am and it only takes a few seconds for me to reach her. But over the years I've come to the understanding that I should keep a stricter eye on Elena, because of her tendencies to always be where there is misfortune and because I believe that Destiny has chosen Elena to be her new plaything. Although, it still surprises me, because this is the first time I've seen her trying so hard to cause harm to one of my charges.

Destiny is the only one that can cut a person's predetermined life short. She especially loves to play with guardian angels and their subjects, over the past five hundred years it has become a hobby of hers. I've never before have had trouble with her, she has always preferred to watch other angels squirm under her doings, trying to do everything possible to keep their humans safe. Destiny is the one who can cause different accidents, and if the angel is not with their subject, it can only be a mere second that determines if the person lives or dies. However, she can't cause anyone to be terminally ill, that's not in her hands, fortunately. If a person is meant to die because of an illness, then it's already fixed by the person's birth. Over the years, I've had my fair share of close calls with Destiny's games, but I've always managed to keep everyone out of harm's way and she has usually left me alone after the first attempt. But this time, it's different, I can feel it.

Elena is smiling when she enters the room full of playing children, her mouth is smiling but there's a trace of sadness in her eyes. All these children are severely ill, some have only few months to live, but still they are the most sincerely happy people I've ever seen, because they still have hope. Hope that someday they won't have to wake up in a hospital, that they don't have to endure all these procedures from day to day. Hope, it's what drives them to be happy, to welcome every new day with a fresh smile and new expectations.

Elena leads one of the girls to the preparation room to get her ready for the chemotherapy. Elena takes the girl's hand and gives her a reassuring smile, knowing that the small child is probably scared. I watch the girl relax visibly when Elena nods her head and whispers something in her ear. She's always been good with making other people feel better, even though I know that Elena herself hasn't been happy for a very long time.

I decide to stay where I am already – in front of the door of the play room. I know that Elena is coming back to take care of the other children very soon, so I think it's not necessary to watch her every move. The play room has a large arch instead of a door, and the waiting room is situated right in front of it, so parents and relatives could sit in the waiting room and still keep an eye on their children, if they want. I watch for a few minutes how a frail little boy is playing with a toy car on the carpet, his movements are slow and I can sense that he hasn't got much time left. It pains me that I can't do anything to make the boy healthy again, because guardian angels can't heal people from terminal illnesses, we can only make the pain more bearable and heal minor injuries.

Suddenly the boy's head snaps up from his toy and he looks straight into my eyes and smiles. It startles me at first but then I realize the child must be even more ill than I initially thought. You see, people who are on the brink of death can see the angels, that is where all the stories of someone waiting them on the other side come from, although many think them to be the ravings of a dying man.

The boy has his eyes glued on my face and he watches me intently, he smiles again slightly and I smile back. Then he waves at me and just at that moment Elena returns, going straight to the child. She looks suspiciously at the place where I currently am and then back at the boy.

"Who were you waving to, Zach?" she asks the boy.

"The nice man right there," he points his finger at me. "He has pretty green eyes."

The look on Elena's face is a mix of shock and worry. She takes the boy in her arms and looks at my direction. The little boy in her arms is still watching me with concentration and I can't help to wonder what she might think.

"Zach, dear, there is no one over there," she looks straight into the boy's eyes but he won't avert his gaze from me.

"Yes there is, he is right there," he points his finger at me again and waves.

Elena looks again at where I'm standing and now I can see how concerned she is for the boy.

"Come on, Zach, let's get you into your room, you need your rest, you can play again tomorrow."

"Will the nice man be here tomorrow, too? I like him."

"I don't know, sweetie, but if he is here tomorrow too, will you tell me?"

Zach nods his head and together they start to head for his room and Elena shoots one more troubled glance at my way.

When she returns, she goes straight to Dr. Fell, the head paediatrician of the hospital.

"I think that Zachariah has got even worse, now his starting to hallucinate," she says nervously while throwing glances at the spot where I was standing earlier.

"That's odd, that shouldn't happen with his illness," Dr. Fell answers

"Maybe it's the side-effect of some medication."

"That's possible, but I'd better check him, what did you say he was hallucinating about?"

"He said that there was a man with pretty green eyes. At first I thought that he meant someone from the waiting room, but he kept looking at a completely empty spot while waving at it."

"Huh, is that so. Well, I'll go check on him now, I believe you have your job cut out for right now?"

"Um, yes, I have other children to prepare for their procedures." Elena replies but I can see how much she wants to go with Dr. Fell to make sure that the boy is well.

"Very well then, thank you Elena," she says and starts walking toward the boy's room.

I see Elena taking a deep breath to calm herself down. Her hands are balled into fists by her sides, a habit she has when she's mad about something. She takes another deep breath and then continues her job.

The rest of the day flies by as I watch her taking care of the children, eating her lunch in the cafeteria alone and then filling out some paperwork.

It's almost eight in the evening as she is preparing to go home when her pager goes off, she throws a brief look at it and runs toward the room where Zach is.

When I reach the room, all I can see Dr. Fell, Elena and other nurses frantically moving around the bed. Dr. Fell shouts for the defibrillator and I see Elena giving a heart massage to the boy while the defibrillator is being brought.

But it's already too late. I can see the little boy's spirit standing beside the bed, watching how the doctor and nurses are trying to bring him back. There's no fear in his eyes, no tears, no pain. He glances up to me, smiles, waves and then he's gone.

"Clear!" Dr. Fell shouts and gives the first shock, but to no avail. She tries the second time and then the third time, still no response. After the fourth time, she puts the machine away and looks at the clock.

"Time of death – 8:12."

I watch how one of the nurses draws a white sheet over Zach's body and I notice Elena standing beside the bed, frozen, staring at the boy. I wish I could go to her, tell her that everything is okay, that Zach is in a better place now, a place where no pain or sorrow exist. But I can't, no matter how much I want to.

Instead it's Dr. Fell who goes to her; she puts a hand on her shoulder and that gesture breaks Elena out of her daze, I can see how her eyes are starting to well up, and how she's hardly keeping herself together.

"I have to go," her voice breaks and she stomps away. She gathers her stuff in a hurry, not bothering to take off her work clothes; she runs out to the parking lot, goes to her car and starts the engine. Elena backs out of her parking spot a little bit too fast and that makes me worried. And my worries intensify when she speeds out of the parking lot like she's in a racing car.

I lose sight of Elena's car quite fast, but because I can feel her presence no matter how far she is, I'm capable of tracking her car down pretty quickly.

I end up being on a long winding road, surrounded by a thick forest, I recognize it being the way to the cemetery and I wonder why Elena would be heading that way when I remember that her parents are buried there. I can hear her car speeding its way to me and after a few seconds I see the headlights, and just as it's about to drive past me, a deer runs to the road. Elena turns the steering wheel abruptly to the left to avoid the animal and the car hits a tree with a deafening bang. The world seems to stop for a second as I can't comprehend what happened, for a fraction of a second I am the one paralyzed. I regain my senses and run to the car. The car is in ruins, its front totally smashed. I pull the car door open and make sure that Elena is still alive, she's unconscious, the only visible injury I can see is the big gash on her forehead, bleeding violently, but I can't be sure that she doesn't have any internal injuries.

I have to get her out of the car as soon as possible and as I start to unbuckle her, she opens her eyes. Her eyes meet mine and they're full of confusion.

"Stefan?" she asks and then her heart stops beating.

Feel free to leave your suggestions, questions, and let me know if you have spotted any mistakes.