Chapter Six - "A Shag with Viag"
EDWARD CULLEN'S POINT OF VIEW
The night was so wonderous.
I have decided to write an ode.
"Dear sweet lover
I just can't get my brick to stand
I'm gonna need more than just your sweet hand
There's something wrong in my pants and it's rad
I think it's genetic, I got it from my dad.
So I heard they made this new magic drug
That will keep me inside of you all straight and snug
So let's try this baby don't be sad
I'm gonna shag you
a shag with Viag"
The experience, words cannot describe how amazingly pleasurable it was. I cannot form words that would recreate how absolutely fantastic every mere moment was. If I could dream, I would never in my wildest dreams be able to recreate the time I spent last night.
After I dropped my pants, Bella quickly shed the poposterous covering she wore over her boyd. If it were up to me she would walk around naked twenty four seven.
I smashed my lips against her. My stomach full of Newtons and my heart aflame with desire I was ready to take Bella where no man had gone before. The absolute state of bliss Cosmopolitan says you can have with sex if it was done in the right postions.
I shed the rest of my clothing inbetween kissing my woman in various places, and I got ready of the big dig.
"Edward, I've waited my whole life for this night!" Bella breathed as we got into sexing postion.
"Tell me about it!" I grunted and inserted my favorite friend into Bella's prized possession.
I had expected the whole experience to be louder fom Bella's point of view. I was growling and moaning up a storm but she remained silent. Perhaps the feelings were too much for her to handle. I jirated my hips back and forth, the friction between the two of us began to be too much to handle. I threw my head back with vigour, letting out a breathy "TWENTY THREE SKADOO!" and allowing my well ripened sperm to flow free into the wide world.
--
BELLA'S POINT OF VIEW
I was whelmed.
I guess the years of no sex and masterbation had made my Edward quite sensitive in the penile contact area because after about two and a half thrusts he was done. It was good while it lasted, but not exactly what I was hoping for in my wedding night of passion.
"PHEW!" Edward sighed as he took postion next to me on the bed. "I'm spent!"
I stroked his chest lightly hoping to get the jucies flowing again. He had one hundred years of sprem tucked away in his scrotem, I knew he could do more than one session.
"Oh hunny. Just relax for now. Round two will start later."
"Round two?" he asked bewildered. "You weren't satisfied with round one?"
"Oh, Edward. It's not that. Round one... Well, I was working to satisfy you and make sure you got the best experience out of it. I'm hoping that round two... well, maybe we'll switch roles? Maybe you'll be the pleaser and I the pleased?"
"...You wern't during the first round?"
"Oh, no. I was. Edward, I just want even more of you."
"You're lying."
"Edward, I--"
"SHUT YOUR FACE WOMAN!" Edward cried. " Why you gotta do me like that?" he demanded. "I worked so hard to make it great for you. I communicated! That's thekey! I read it in cosmo! I made noise, I thrusted. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME, BELLA?! WHAT MORE?"
"Maybe more than two and a half thrusts?" I requested timidly.
Edward screamed violently, punched a pillow, and ran to the bathroom locking the door behind him.
"Come on baby. Don't be like that!" I called from the bed that should've been marinated in Bella and Edward jucies.
"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" he bellowed.
"I'm sorry hunny! Just let mommy have some more suger."
"YOU ARE NEVER GETTING NEAR LITTLE EDWARD AGAIN, YOU SADIST!" he yelled. I pushed my ear to the bathroom door hearing him mutter about "How could she expect me to do more than two thrusts? Doesn't she know there are NERVE ENDINGS in there? Does she expect every part of me to be made of granite?! INSENSITIVE!"
I sighed, resting my head to the doorframe and waited for my love to return to me and try again.
He didn't.
I waited all night and into the morning for Edward to remove himself from his tiled haven. It wasn't until I recieved a phonecall from Carlisle that he removed himself from the shrine.
"Let me talk to Carlisle!" he demanded hold his hand out for the phone.
I complied just happy to see him.
"TERRIBLE!" he growled into the phone. "WOMEN! NEVER SATISFIED! I KNOW! WHAT DOES SHE EXPECT ME TO BE? A SEXUAL PLEASURE MACHINE! I'M JUST A MAN WITH MAN WITHOUT A BEATING HEART!"
I listened to one side of the Edward-Carlisle conversation, pangs of guilt wracking my body watching my dear Edward in such an upset state.
"BYE!" he grunted before hanging up the phone. "Well!" he huffed. "You know where to find me!" he held back tears as he ran back to the bathroom.
I stared down at the phone and carefully dialed Esme's phone number.
"Hello?" she answered in her lovely voice.
"Esme... May I ask you a personal question? A question which you may not want to answer but I need your honest imput as a woman."
"Bella, sweetheart, what is it?"
"HOW MANY THRUSTS, ESME? HOW MANY?"
"...What? Bella, I don't underst--"
"HOW MANY TIMES DOES CARLISLE THRUST HIS LITTLE DOCTOR INTO YOUR HOSPITAL BEFORE YOU ARE FINISHED?"
"..."
"HOW MANY, ESME?" I screached.
"...Two times, Bella. Two times."
"So two and a half?"
"Well, Edward is young. Did he wear you out? You should have let him know dear. Communication is key."
"...WEAR ME OUT? What do you think I am?"
"It's nothing to be ashamed of, sweetheart. Two and a half thrusts is very good for your age. At your age, Alice and Jasper managed two and one fourth, so you're ahead of the game. He'll calm down soon. Don't worry, two will come soon."
"WHAT? ONLY TWO THRUSTS!! AREN'T YOU PEOPLE SUPPOSTED TO BE SUPER HUMAN?" I felt as if I fell into a world where sex was terribily boring.
"Yes of course. We're very senistive about that stuff. Why do you think we have to do it so much? Humans thrust more than twice?"
I screamed a scream of a women who had not be sexually pleasured before just slamming down the phone.
"I'm going out!" Edward stated curtly soon after I finished talking to Esme.
"Where are you going?"
"Out."
"Don't you wanna try again?" I ebraced his stone body sensously.
"You've wounded my pride Bella. My pride and my ego. I don't think I can go on stage for awhile. I'll be getting more Fig Newtons. Don't look for me. I don't know when I'll be back."
"But Ed-" my plea was inturrupted by Edward slamming the door behind him.
I watched his perfect body leave the room and dejectedly sat on the bed. I picked up the room service menu, deciding that I may as well distract myself while Edward went and rebuilt his pride.
I scanned the menu boredly, until an eclectic combination came into my view. Cheese wiz and fruit roll ups. I picked up the elegant hotel-room phone and dialed room service once again.
"Hello? Yes. I'd lile the number 69 please. Yes, yes. Thank you." I hung up the phone and robed myself in some naughty negleegee (all I had brought with me beyond my travel clothes) and waited for the delivery to be made.