"Cloud, Tifa, Marlene and Denzel are unavailable at the moment. Leave a message and we'll try to get back to yea!"

Beep.

"Cloud,"

Cloud froze over his maps and documents as he heard the chillingly deep voice call his name over the phone. While working, he usually left the phone go onto the answering machine but this call took him off guard. Standing up, he made his way across his office and picked up the phone.

"Vincent," he began, furrowing his brow. "How did you... Know I was actually here?"

There was small grunt of amusement over the phone line. Cloud could almost see the faint smirk the ex-Turk would be wearing.

"Call it intuition. I need your help."

Help? Cloud groaned internally, deciding it was probably best not to irritate the cloaked man too much. Weren't all the bad guys gone? Couldn't the world leave him be for a few weeks? Did the universe really hate him that much? Alas, Cloud figured he may as well aid his friend as much as he could. Although he wouldn't admit it, fighting bad guys felt more normal that delivering birthday presents to kids from the grandparents every day.

"Uh, what kind of help?"

There was a small silence as Cloud awkwardly waited for Vincent to reply. The man was obviously debating with himself.

"Can you make it to Nibelheim by tomorrow?"

"I guess so but-"

"Good. I will see you then."

And Vincent hung up. Letting out a dramatic sigh, Cloud kicked his chair back by the leg and sat back in it, setting his booted feet on top of his desk.

"Nibelheim..." he mumbled, snatching up a map of a route to his hometown. A good bit of travel for one day, he thought as he scanned the paper. A small smile graced his lips. Challenge accepted.

With four hours of sleep the previous night and an almost none stop bike ride through the plains, Cloud finally reached his destination. He quickly left Tifa a short message explaining where he had gone as he had left long before she had woken up. Letting another sigh fall from his lips, the blond lifted his swords together and fastened them on his back. Unsure of what help Vincent needed, Cloud had also packed materia in case of anything...special. Taking out his phone again, he pressed call on Vincent's contact and waited for an answer.

"Hey, uh. Where are you exactly?"

"The Shinra Mansion"

He almost growled with frustration as he slipped the phone into his pocket. The man hung up on him again! Was he this annoying while he had Geostigma? Silently, Cloud vowed to never cut a phone call short on anyone again.

He was quite curious now as to what Vincent needed of him. It was common knowledge to everyone in Avalanche that Vincent had taken up residence in the mansion after Deepground. Cloud and a few of the others had helped him clear it of monsters and Tifa, Yuffie and Shera had a field day re-furbishing it. Cloud remembered laughing in the corner with Cid as they watched the women harass Vincent on which colour he wanted a particular room. Cloud didn't think he had ever seen the Turk quite as frightened before.

Knocking on the front door of the large house, Cloud shifted awkwardly between feet. It had become a habit of his recently. Probably just because he had become socially inept and didn't know how to act around normal people who weren't going to kill him. Or in Avalanche's case, do something highly embarrassing and inappropriate to him. Oh how he longed for the days where they spent every twenty four hours together in tents in the middle of a forest. Not.

"Cloud,"

He looked up suddenly, brought out of his musings, to see Vincent calmly standing in the door. Does he go inside? Does he wait for Vincent's invitation? The internal dilemma was tearing him apart!

"Hey. I, uh, am here?"

He didn't mean for it to be a question but his voice seemed to disagree with his statement. Oh how he loathed his social skills.

"Yes. I need your assistance with something Cloud. I did not know who else to call."

Cid? Barret? Tifa? Hell, everyone turns to Tifa for help! However Cloud did not voice his thoughts.

"Yea so what, uh, is the problem?"

Vincent didn't even reply, instead looked at the blond solemnly and turned to lead him into the house. Cloud probably would've been ashamed to admit that his first thought was that someone had died but then realized Vincent always acted as if someone had died.
Shrugging his shoulders, he followed the cloaked man inside.

He had to admit, they had done a pretty damn good job fixing the place up. It also seemed that Vincent was a dirtaphobe. There was not one cobweb to be seen, nor a speck of dust lying on the banisters of the stairs. Maybe Vincent was a maid in his free time from being a savior of the planet. Hardly as outrageous as Cid getting married. Which he did, as a matter of fact.

"In here," Vincent said, motioning towards one of the bedrooms on the right side of the house.

Giving Vincent a suspicious look, Cloud cautiously turned the knob of the door. His body went cold when he saw what the room contained.

"SPIKEY!"

Struggling to breath with the little ninja's arms around his neck, Cloud slowly tried to free himself from her grasp.

"Yu..ffie... Can't...breathe...kill...you...my...sword"

Surprisingly enough, she actually released him from her death hold and instead of beaming up at him with the most sickingly enthusiastic grin; the heir to Wutai burst into tears and latched herself onto the front of Cloud's shirt.

"I was...so happy to...see you that I...briefly forgot...'bout...HIM!"

And with the last word of her sentence that she spit out with hatred, she shoved her face into Cloud's chest again and sobbed uncontrollably.

He was going to kill Vincent.

"Uh, Yuffs? Ssh, can you... Calm down or something?"

Her head snapped up so her giant eyes were looking right up at him before she released him again and placed her hands on her hips.

"Calm down or something?!" she exclaimed, far too loudly for Cloud's ear drums to cope. "I'd like to see you calm your ass down if you were being forced to marry that old creepy asshole!"

Oh, Cloud was really going to kill Vincent.

"Yuffie, all you have to do is say no. I mean, I understand. I'm sure he's a lovely guy and everything but I'm also sure as hell I wouldn't be able to stick the depressive atmosphere every day."

Yuffie stopped sniffling and stared blankly at Cloud for a moment.

"You think- You think Vinnie-"

Before she could finish the sentence, the young ninja was clutching her stomach with laughter, tears beginning to trail down her cheeks.

"You think Vinnie- Vinnie asked me to- to marry hi-him!" which was followed by another roll of laughter.

Well don't I feel stupid, Cloud thought momentarily as he watched Yuffie gasp for air. Always assuming the most stupid things.

"Yea, I know. I'm hilarious." he said deadpanned, obviously having enough of Yuffie's unlady-like cackle. "What's really going on Yuffs? I hope you know I drove all the way from Edge just for this."

Yuffie's amused smirk almost instantly turned into a pout as she sat on the cream duvet of the bed in the room and crossed her arms.

"Godo is making me marry some dude who's like, twenty years older than me. He's going to make me his wife slave, Cloudy! I can't tie my own shoe laces, never mind look after a man and a house!"

Cloud narrowed his eyes at the Wutain as her overdramatic pout soon turned into a mischievous smirk.

"What do you want from me?" he asked bluntly. There was no point beating around the bush with Yuffie.

"A place to stay while I come up with an idea to evade Godo and marriage?"

She looked up at him with puppy dog eyes, pouting her lower lip for emphasis. Cloud sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Speaking hypothetically, just say I said yes. What would Tifa and I get out of this in return?"

Yuffie bounded up off the bed, grinning and wrapped her arms around Cloud's right forearm, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Well," she began.

Oh no, he thought. Bad idea.

"I could help Teef 'round the bar for starters,"

Hell no. She'd drink all the alcohol and yell at the customers.

"And I could babysit the tots if you and Tifa ever wanted to, yea know... Have dinner out... By yourselves... Alone,"

At first he objected to that one too, but slowly as blush crept up his neck, it didn't seem like that much of a bad idea.

"And I could also help cooking around the kitchen. I make a mean cheese on toast."

And that was it. She just ruined it for herself. Cloud vividly remembered staying at the hotel in the Gold Saucer and Yuffie decided to make toast. She set her room on fire.

"One condition, Yuffie," he replied seriously.

She looked up at him hopefully.

"Yea? Yea, anything? I'll do anything Cloudy?"

He bent down and looked her in the eye, hoping she would actually listen.

"Not, under any circumstance, are you to cook. I forbid you from cooking."

She raised a thin eyebrow and then hopped onto Cloud, keeping herself up by wrapping her legs around his muscled abdomen and her arms around his neck.

"Ooh thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Cloud rolled his eyes before pushing the ninja away from him and slammed the door behind him as she packed away her things into a rucksack.

"Why couldn't she stay with you? Is this seriously why you called me all the way out Nibelheim, Vincent?"

The Turk was silent as he led Cloud into the large kitchen of the house. The least he could do is feed me, Cloud thought dryly as he pulled out a chair from under the dark wooden dining table.

"Would you enjoy some food while Yuffie prepared herself?"

Could I poke him with a large stick please? Cloud thought to himself as his grunted in response.

"You still haven't answered my question, Vincent."

Cloud watched as the older man removed his golden claw and leather gloves, revealing pale white hands that soon began working on heating up some sort of soup on the stove. Cloud snorted a laugh, thinking back to the time when they had first met Vincent, and the thought of him working away in a kitchen would have been as preposterous as Sephiroth performing ballet. It seemed Vincent too, had changed since Meteor.

"I believe she would be in danger here, Cloud." he finally replied, chopping up some herbs and tossing them into the pot. "She will be safer with you and Tifa in Edge."

"What is she in danger from?" Cloud asked, leaning back in his chair and swinging it backwards.

"I tell you this with great confidence that it will not be spoken to her, or anyone else, Cloud. I trust you to keep your word."

He was making Cloud nervous. What could be so bad that the rest of Avalanche couldn't know?

"Vincent…What is it?"

He was silent as he carried over a bowl of what looked like minestrone soup and a spoon. Despite feeling nervous at the topic of discussion, Cloud's stomach growled when he smelt the food. It looked wonderful.

"I have been having...stirrings."

Cloud looked at Vincent suspiciously as the gunslinger sat down at the table opposite him.

"Stirr...ings..?"

His spoon met his lips and he almost melted at the dozens of gorgeous tastes that hit him. Who knew Vincent was such a fantastic cook?

"I have been having...feelings. Of a nature I have not experienced in quite some while. Not since I was a Turk."

Cloud dropped his spoon into the bowl, causing some of the liquid to splash up on his shirt. Great, he thought sarcastically. Yuffie tears and soup. Poor shirt.

"What kind of...feelings? Vincent, what are you getting at? What has this to do with Yuffie?"

Oh no.

"I fear I have-"

Oh Gaia no.

"-developed certain feelings towards-"

Vincent no!

"-Yuffie that I cannot explain and I worry that if she stays here with me that I might-"

Oh god, I can't believe this conversation is real.

"-compromise our friendship."

Vincent had been looking down at the table during his dramatic confession so he was unaware of the expression that was now stretched across Cloud's face.

Utter shock. His jaw was dangling from its joints as he dared blankly across the table.

"...Cloud?"

No, Cloud thought, trying to calculate how many people he would probably manage to let it slip to.

Tifa obviously as nowadays he seemed unable to keep anything from her. Marlene would probably get it out of him because of that innocent little girl thing she's got going on. Hell, the next time Barret looked at Cloud he would probably spill the beans in fear that when the one handed man finally found out he would pummel Cloud into the ground. Barret thought of Yuffie as the niece he never had and Tifa the daughter he never had. Speaking of daughter, despite his constant use of the name 'brat', Cid had become extremely over protective of the little ninja and probably considered himself the only proper father figure she's ever had.

Oh god I'm doomed.

"Cloud?"

"Uh yea Vincent, em. That's great to hear. It's good to, uh, have emotions and feelings and...stuff."

Damn it all to hell, he cursed in his mind. He did not speak well under pressure.

"I am glad...you understand...Cloud."

Giving Vincent an unconvincing smile, Cloud looked back down to his soup, suddenly losing his appetite.

The world hated him. He was convinced now. Those in the lifestream had great pleasure watching him suffer like an ant under a boot. He hated the world.

Quickly finishing off the pasta at the bottom of his soup bowl, Cloud promptly scooped his dish up, glided over to the sink and dumped it in, picked up his swords from where he had left them by the table and exited the room to retrieve Yuffie. Somehow, he managed to avoid eye contact.

"Ready to go Cloudy?" she chirped as she met him at the front door.

Dressed in her normal shorts, tank top and brace, she had a green rucksack slung over her shoulder and a grin stretched across her face.

Did she not even think about the fact she would be riding Fenrir before she dressed?

With a sigh and another roll of the eyes, Cloud opened the door and held it open for her.

"Let's go then Yuffie."

Before she went through the door she turned on her heel and launched herself a Vincent, who apparently had followed Cloud out of the kitchen.

"Bye Vinnie. Gonna miss you. I hope you clean the mansion out of those spider-monkeys soon so I can come visit again,"

She gave him an extravagant kiss on the cheek and Cloud had to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing at the pink tint that was now visible on the gunslinger's face.

Wait a minute. Spider-monkeys?

Before she released Vincent from her embrace of death, Cloud managed to send Vincent a questioning glance, which he received a threatening 'not a word' glare in return.

Needless to say, as Cloud suffered through the journey back to Edge with Yuffie babbling in his ear, he lost himself in his thoughts; trying to understand how Vincent had somehow convinced Yuffie that the mansion was infested with spider-monkeys.

A/N: I will admit, I'm really enjoying this. I watched Advent Children Complete today for the first time since I don't have a Blu-Ray player and only have the normal version of the film. HOLY CRAP. I swear, so much cuteness in it. Also, I'm assuming some of you have also noticed the wolf ring Tifa wears on her right hand ring finger? Ick! And Denzel wears one around his neck on a chain. :') I think Barret has one too actually... Sorry. A/N's won't usually be this long.

But anyway. Loving CloTi at the moment. naeknfrhgsks

Reviews:

sunflowerspot:
Don't we all have them? I'm sorry but I can't imagine a peaceful atmosphere in the morning in 7th Heaven, can you? :P I imagine chaos with two kids written all over it. Also, gives Teef an opportunity to be that stressed working mom :L

CupofTeaforAliceandHatter:
Thanks for the review :) Hope you enjoy this chapter!

SapphyreMyst:
Yeah, I LOVE writing CloTi and the general family life humourously. I always thought Cloud would probably be sarcastic in his mind, regardless of how little he ACTUALLY says.. That's why I LOVE Horky's fic, Diaries of a Broken Man. First fic I EVER read and the only one I've read more than once. READ. LAUGH. CRY. So good.

Thanks to Aerotyl and SapphyreMyst for favouriting and to SapphyreMyst and CupofTeaforAliceandHatter for adding this to their alerts!

And lastly, thanks to my dear friend EvilFrisbee for being my beta-reader... to some extent..