A/N: The little beautiful ending… thank you, my readers – and expect the third part after some time! Sunshine on your heads!
Chapter 11. Becoming one…
Mike looked back over his shoulder – and saw nothing but darkness. He rushed back into that darkness – but he hit the metal door with his chest. He started beating it desperately – but nothing happened. Mike turned to the raging sea – so endless behind the opened door – and swallowed hard. Suddenly all his insides curled up into a little heavy ball. He immediately understood how he wanted to live – he was so young, no matter what a failure he was! He bit his lips. In a desperate try, he grasped the doorknob and closed the door, hoping that everything would disappear, and opened it again – but the cool salty wind hit him in the face and he was facing the raging sea again…
Mike looked down. So, I went all that way just to die? What for, man, what have I done?
A sudden painful thought flashed in his mind: he had to 'understand everything himself'. So, his 'illness' couldn't be 'cured'. He had to jump in the sea with the littlest chance of survival – or just sit there at the door and look at the waves – forever…
The only thought of forever made chills run down Mike's spine. He looked at the sea – and then raised his head and looked at the grey sky.
- Okay, - he said loudly. – As you wish. I'll jump! But don't think you'll ever win! I'll die sick, if you wanna call it that way, and that'll be your failure! Look, a failure like me will make one out of you!
With those words he took off both his boots and squeezed them in his hands, desperate and angry and bitterly sarcastic – all at once.
- Look! And catch! That's in your face! – he shouted and threw the boots into the sea. – I love him, love him, love him! You damned doctors, you killers, you'll never cure love!
He ripped off his shirt and the buttons sprang everywhere, but he didn't care. He threw the shirt in the sea and shouted to the skies:
- And I spit in your face, hear me? I can repeat it forever: I damn love him, and you don't want to kill me – you want to kill him! Because if he cried to resurrect me – maybe he, that little brother, no, little part of mine, does care, ha? Take this!
His belt splashed in the waves, then his pants followed everything. And there he stood, almost naked, the wind was beating him hard, but he didn't care. He squinted and raised his face again to look courageously at the skies and cried it out:
- If you think that you can separate us – you can't! And you'll never win, hear me? You'll never win! I'm dying a winner, you freaking idiot! Take this!
And, in the last desperation, he made a long graceful jump from the edge of the doorframe, from the wall – and turned in the air, and fell back first into the water, curling into the embryo pose as he drowned…
And suddenly he felt like far away. He felt not the cold waves of the raging sea, but the warm water of a swimming pool, back when they all four were together – the Monkees, the weirdoes, the happy people! He touched the bottom with his back – and untangled his uptight body in surprise, and straightened, and spread his wings – his arms, and relaxed, ready to come up to the surface and take a breath of fresh air…
But nothing happened. He opened his eyes and looked up – and he didn't see the sun anywhere up there. Everywhere around him was turquoise water, clear and transparent. Endless. Mike was quickly running out of air, but he held on to life as he could. He started floundering desperately, trying to swim upwards in stupid hope of reaching the air – and he could do nothing. All his life flashed in front of Mike's eyes. He remembered Davy, his eyes, his warmth. Happy days with the Monkees – and Davy again. And Peter's stupidity. And Micky's insanity. And all their friendship. And as he remembered his love – his big shameful love – he understood there was no use any more of fighting. He closed his eyes and only thought: 'Farewell, cowboy' before taking a deep breath…
Davy raised his head habitually when he felt a cold wind licking his cheeks – and wasn't even surprised to see a woman examining him quietly. She was naked and her body was shining silver, she was surely older than Loneliness – she looked it. She was wise and calm. She knew her job. Davy could only wonder who she was.
She looked at his little body, curled up near Mike's, his hand under the heavy head – and smiled.
- Hello, - she said simply. – Hello, David.
- Hey, - Davy answered exhaustedly, putting his head back on the pillow. He was suddenly so weak, he couldn't do anything.
- You look tired.
- I am, - Davy replied, closing his eyes. – Leave me alone, just – please… I'm tired of it all, I am. I'm tired of thet pain, I'm tired of breathing, tired of being…
- I can ease you if you wish, - she said. – And now it will be true, unlike the mystery pleasures Despair, Carelessness and others promised you. My suggestion may be cruel in its simplicity, but that's the best one.
- And what is it?
- I won't promise you rainbow castles and happiness forever, you know, - she said softly. – All I can give you is death. My name is Death, David, and I'm here to take what's mine – but I can do a little more if you wish.
First Davy barely understood what she said. He was about to just sigh and let go - but then something flashed in his head, waking up his sleepy mind. He shook his head and sat up quickly.
- Wait-wait, who do you say you are?
- Death, - she replied simply. She didn't sit down, she stood straight, unmoving, stone cold. Davy looked at her – and didn't believe.
- So – you. Are. Death?
- Yes, I am.
- And what do you have here that is - ahem - yours? – Davy asked, his heart pounding in his throat.
- You know it yourself.
- No, I don't, - Davy said firmly.
- Okay, - she shrugged. – I'll tell you. I'm here to take Michael with me – he was promised to me, but I couldn't take him as nobody could take you from him – but now I've come myself, and believe me – I chose the right time.
- Stop-stop-stop, - Davy stretched his arm out. – Wait a minute. So am I an obstacle for you?
- Not you, little man, - she smiled. – The army you have behind you. But I'm sure that Carelessness and Fear were mistaken. You didn't have the most powerful warrior. You have Attraction – that is, but not Her, whom they don't dare to name.
- Who is she? – Davy asked, straightening.
- Well, her name is Love, - Death said,- but what's the use of the name? I don't think that it'll mean anything to you. I know your meaning of Love. You have the absolutely wrong understanding. So, my friend, you won't use your Love properly – you simply don't have it. Your army is huge, believe me. Faith, Hope... Attachment – they shouldn't call him a ridiculous one!.. Aid, Attraction, at last… Memory… Dream… oh, David, that's an army! But you don't have the main one – and you can't beat me, my little one. So now step back and let me take what's mine.
And she leaned a little towards Mike. But a sudden thought flashed in Davy's mind and stung his heart.
- I'm not your little one, - he said firmly. – I'm Mike's little one, but not yours.
She raised her head, then straightened and frowned.
- What?
- I said – I'm Mike's little one, - Davy answered. He saw something like a worry in her eyes and courage rose like a wave from the bottom of his heart.
- What do you mean by that? – Death still pretended not to understand, but she was visibly worried.
- You can't call me as Mike does, - Davy said, standing up and heading towards Death. – Nobody can. Because nobody's like Mike and nobody's gonna substitute for him. His smile is the only one. His voice is the only one. And – his soul is the only one. Nobody can be as beautiful as Mike. That's why nobody can even call me like he does. Especially such despicable ones as you!
She took a step back – and Davy stepped right towards her, looking at her triumphantly.
- Listen here! – she tried. – You can't fight me, and don't try to persuade me, my dearest…
But Davy wouldn't let her finish the sentence. Slowly, calmly and triumphantly he raised his hand – and slapped Death in the face.
She suddenly shrank and backed up – she appeared to be just a wrinkled old woman. She covered her ugly body with her hands and cried:
- Oh no!
- Yes, - Davy said with a smile. – That's what I have to beat you.
But Death didn't want to listen to him. She backed up more – and then just ran away, so ugly and shabby...
He expected water to fill his lungs, but instead of it he felt fresh cool air – and opened his eyes in shock as he understood he could breathe! He didn't remember breathing so eagerly ever before. He was enjoying every single breath. But the mysterious forces appeared to be still guiding him and they wouldn't let him just enjoy for too long.
- Answer honestly now, - he heard his own voice – almost angry.
He raised his head and listened carefully. And, much to his surprise, he heard Davy's voice replying humbly:
- Mhm…
Just a little sound meaning 'yes' – and Mike felt something like a worry deep inside. He had never said those kind of words to Davy and was never about to. And the intonation in Davy's voice was making him uneasy.
- What's your name? Just, you know, to start with. Just so you're used to being honest.
Mike frowned – his own voice sounded strange, rude and absolutely not how he'd talk to Davy.
- I'm used to being honest, - the little one's voice said quietly. – I'm David Jones, and you know it.
- Okay, very well. As one voice used to ask me, while I was out, - where are you from, David Jones?
- Manchester, - Davy's voice answered. – Just what for are you asking it, Mike?
- Don't ask! – and Mike heard a sound of a slap. And Davy's gasp – more of surprise than pain. Davy would never let anybody know how it hurts. And right after that he heard his own hissing, menacing voice: - You just answer, understand?
- Mhm…
He could hear, no, feel that pain in Davy's quiet answer. And it stung his heart. He'd gladly hit that incarnation of himself, hit hard just so that one knows how he should talk to the little cowboy! But he could do nothing but listen to the voices.
- And don't talk to me without me asking, understand?
There was no answer – and Mike heard another sound of a slap.
- Answer if I ask, damned midget!
- Mhm…
- You understand?
- Yes…
- Very well. Now say who you love?
- You, - Davy answered quietly – Mike could almost see him turning his face away, cheeks burning with the slaps and ears burning with the endless shame.
- Good. Now tell me why.
- I… don't know, - Davy said humbly. He sounded as he was being tortured - well, why 'as', he was! – You're just… so great… so warm… so kind. You're the only one. I can't say why. Love is not 'because' of something specific or 'for' something. I love you just because you exist, just because you are whoyou are…
- Very well. But you can't tell me that you love – and now tell me why! What separates us?
- Nothing does, - Davy answered. – Really nothing. I can't say it 'cause I'm a coward. All that separates us is three years and eleven inches…
Mike heard something like a choked roar. And then – his own quiet, hissing voice with evil and menace in it:
- Say it again, freaking midget…
- Nothing separates us, - was a calm answer. – Nothing but three years and eleven inches. Face it, Mike, dear, nothing can separate lovers! If you do love me too – nothing matters. Neither the opinion of others, nor our own fears. Me and you together makes much more than you and I separate. One made of two is much more than just two.
And then he heard the terrible, disgusting sound of a hit – he could guess this hit broke Davy's nose or something. He bit his lower lip and winced, his eyes shut, to try and push it out of his head – and he couldn't. He covered his ears with his hands – but he kept hearing the sound. It wasn't coming from outside – it was within him. And he heard himself hitting the little one, hitting him hard, breaking him, hurting him – gosh, it was so cruel even to hear! And over it all he could hear them both panting – and hissing in his own voice:
- No, you idiot, say it honestly, I told you! Say what separates us! Say it: people's opinions, our friends' talks, and all, and all!
- Nothing… ah… ha… but our own weakness and… um… three years and eleven inches!
And on and on…
- No-o-o! – Mike shouted out, but nothing but beautiful bubbles came out of his mouth, stopped in the strange water – and disappeared.
- Now can you hear it, Michael? – a familiar voice suddenly said, still being kind and nor blaming Mike for anything – it just asked.
- Yes, - Mike managed – and he heard his own voice. He seemed to float in nothing, in a large ocean of nothing. – What for, tell me? What for? I've never said such things, I've never done anything of such to Davy! I swear!
- That's what you kept doing, my dear Michael, - the voice said softly – and Mike felt something like a hand of a loving father caressing his head. – Why can't you understand – your little cowboy loves you too! And you kept on slapping him and beating him – with your fears.
- Me?.. Him?.. – Mike mumbled, surprised. – No, I mean… does he?
- Only a blind man wouldn't notice it, - the voice said with sympathy. – My poor Michael, you almost wanted your feelings to be one-sided – you were so afraid of anything back!
Mike listened, his mouth half-opened in surprise.
- Go now, my friend, and do what you must now that you know. I'm sorry for pain we caused you – it had to be so. Goodbye, Michael. Now close your eyes and…
- Wait! – Mike interrupted. – Who are you?
- You don't need to know, - the voice said, and a smile sounded in it.
- Oh…
- Don't worry. You shouldn't complicate your life, it isn't easy even now, - the voice said softly. – Close your eyes and go now. Best of luck!
Mike obeyed. He couldn't help but obey. He closed his eyes – and felt like falling…
Davy gasped and sat up quickly – so sudden was Mike's breath. His heartbeat deafened Davy in that dead silence of the empty room – he was so exhausted after the fight with Death! And suddenly he saw the tea–coloured eyes, he looked in them in surprise…
Mike opened his mouth – but he couldn't say anything. Desperately, not believing his happiness, Davy rushed to him and pressed him to the bed – and kissed him.
Mike tried to fight him – but stopped it quickly. He just kissed back, letting Davy make it deeper, he gave him all his warmth – Davy could feel how he missed him, wherever he was roaming! Tears ran down his cheeks, but he didn't bother to wipe them – he told Mike in the kiss how he wanted to see him again, how he wanted to feel him – and how he loved him. And he felt how Mike longed to be kissed, and he gave the man himself, he gave him his whole little beating being.
And when he broke the kiss just to hold Mike tight and bury his nose in his collar, right near his warm neck with beating blue vein – he heard Mike whisper only:
- I'm here, cowboy… I'm here…
And those were the best words to hear.
Davy slid under the blanket and looked at Mike. The man only opened his arms inviting Davy – and the little one hugged him, still looking deep in his tea-coloured eyes.
- You wanted to talk, right? – Davy asked.
The time slowly ticked towards midnight. Davy felt it. At that minute he knew they had only half an hour to say the words. But they had to say the words together. Of that he was sure.
- Yes, I did, - Mike said quietly. – You know, the places I've been were crazy and terrible – but they taught me a lesson.
Davy heard the claws clicking against the floor – and he knew the wall biters – or Childhood Nightmares – were coming for them. He squeezed Mike in all his warmth of the almost naked body and whispered:
- Yes… and what did you learn?
- I learned that I've been a coward and an idiot, - Mike said quietly. – In fact, we've both been cowards. We thought the opinions mattered, we thought the talks mattered – we damn thought all the obstacles mattered – and they don't, cowboy! They don't! All that separated us was in fact three years and eleven inches!
- Things I lack, - Davy said with a smile.
- But you have the main thing, - Mike said. – You have the courage. You was the one to express your love – and, like a fool, I didn't notice it! My dear little Davy, I know now. Nothing can separate the lovers. One made of two is much mightier than just two separate ones.
Davy smiled and caressed Mike's face. He smoothed the dark waves of hair off his eyes and said quietly:
- How late you are to understand! We have a little time, but I want you to know something. I understood it some time ago, after the pain and solitude, but I did. And I was a coward as well. Mike, I have to tell you something important. I love you.
The words rang in the air – and spread and fell on the floor. The sound of clicking claws filled the room – the Childhood Nightmares got scared. But Mike didn't care and neither did Davy. The man looked in the amber eyes of his little knight, seeing how adult those childish eyes became suddenly – and he whispered:
- And I love you too, my little sun. I'll never leave you. I promised that I'm yours – and I am. I love you…
Mike moved a little towards Davy to finally become one with him, but Davy stopped Mike's lips with his fingertips:
- Shh...
- What?
- One little thing. Look - that must be yours.
And his hands reached something behind his neck and then he squeezed something in his fist, closing his eyes, like saying goodbye to it. Then he looked deep into Mike's eyes and fastened the chain around his neck. Then Davy's fingers ran down the tiny links of the chain - and Mike covered the little one's hand with his own and followed it down to the little locket. Davy put it into Mike's hand and smiled at him. And Mike finally dared to look down - and his eyes widened and a smile touched his lips.
- Davy... how? I thought I've lost it...
- You lost - I found, - Davy said quietly. - If that was not for this locket, I'd get lost. It guided me. Thank you.
- There's nothing to thank for, - Mike said, drawing Davy softly to himself and pressing him close. - How can you thank for love?
- Only with love back, - Davy said, touching Mike's nose with the tip of his own. - I adore you, Mikey.
Mike said nothing. He just smiled and kissed Davy. And the most frightening sounds filled the room, but they didn't seem to notice. Their lips pressed together in a kiss that sealed their words – in the best kiss ever, the one like a corner of heaven…
The morning was clear and sunny. Peter opened his eyes – and sat up quickly on his bed. The first thought was about Mike and Davy. The scary noises had woken him and Micky up at night and they had just stood downstairs, looking up at the dark rectangle of the door in fright and not knowing what to do.
He jumped off his bed and ran out of the bedroom. Ran to the middle of the living room, glanced up – the door was wide open and sunshine was pouring down the stairs. He didn't hesitate. He hurried up the stairs and into the bedroom.
And stopped.
The two were peacefully asleep on the double bed made of two separate ones – Mike and Davy were so close to each other… Davy's one arm was in front of his chest the other one was hugging Mike. And Mike himself was holding Davy with his one arm around him softly – and his lips were touching the little one's forehead.
And even Peter understood he shouldn't bother them. He smiled and slowly and quietly went out of the room and downstairs.
Micky met him in the bedroom, sleepy and yawning.
- What's there? - he asked.
Peter just smiled.
- Go and have a look, - he said tenderly. – But don't wake the angels, my friend…