Hello! :) There's a bit lighter side to this chapter, which I personally think this story needed, because everything is doom and gloom in this story lol, and I loved to write it, so I hope you like it too.
Elena
Dear diary,
How much pain can a person endure? How much grief is it possible to cram down one's throat before it's enough? Because I have had two lifetimes worth of grief by now, and it's getting too much to handle. The only one who is keeping me in check is Stefan, but I can feel him drifting away from me, the reason I suspect has to do with me wanting to kill Klaus. And I get him, I do. I understand that all he wants to do is to keep me safe, after all, he is my guardian, and Stefan is driven by the need to protect me, to protect everyone he is close to. I have seen the way he looks at Damon, his beautiful green eyes filled with worry. He just got his brother back, or what is left of the old Damon, and he is terrified of losing him too. I do understand Stefan, there's no doubt about it, but I can't live like this.
I don't want to run, I don't want to hide. I need to fight. I need to fight for Jeremy, for my parents, for all the people I have lost. I need to fight for Stefan, because if I don't, I am afraid I am going to lose it completely and then there won't be a way out. I just can't run.
It's not about getting revenge on Klaus for killing Jeremy, although a part of me wishes to see Klaus suffer, a part of me wishes to induce so much pain on him that he will beg for mercy, but that part is something I am afraid to unleash, so I keep it locked away, hoping that it will never come to the surface.
I brush away a single tear from the diary page, smudging the ink right where I wrote Stefan's name, making it impossible to read out. I take a deep breath to calm myself; no I won't cry I chant over and over again in my head, willing the tears to retreat.
Right when I get a hold of myself, I hear footsteps behind me and when I turn around I am greeted by Stefan's gentle face. His hands are stuffed deep in the pockets of his jacket and I can see that he clearly has got something on his mind, but he is hesitant to talk, so I decide to make things easier for him.
"Stefan..." I call out to him and his eyes finally meet mine. "You know, you can talk to me." I urge him, hoping that he will open up. I hate how he's so distant from me.
"Yeah...I just...I..." he stumbles, searching for the right words. He takes a deep breath before he starts again. "I wanted to talk about what you said few days ago." He pins his gaze on my face, searching for something, and I give a slight nod, saying it is okay for him to continue. "About you wanting to kill Klaus." His shoulders slump, his body releasing the tension he's been holding inside him. I can feel a wave of fear washing over me, knowing where this conversation is heading.
"Stefan..." my voice cracks and I can feel the sting behind my eyes. Great.
"No, Elena, listen to me." He quickly interjects, registering the fear on my face. Stefan takes a step towards me and crouches next to the chair I am sitting; he grabs a hold of my hands which are on my knees.
"You don't have to do this." He says. "I don't want you to put your life at risk, just to avenge Jeremy. Believe me, it's not worth it." Something inside me crumbles at the moment he speaks the last sentence. He doesn't understand. He thinks all of this is about getting revenge.
"No, Stefan, I do have to do this." I swallow down the lump in my throat. "And it's not about getting revenge. It's about you, Jeremy, Damon; it's about not living in constant fear that maybe today is the day I am going to die because of Klaus. It's about being able to live my life."
There's a moment of silence between us.
"I can't run." I whisper, desperate even. "And I can't lose you." I add, fighting to stay in control of my emotions.
Stefan looks at me for a long while, his gaze so intense it makes me squirm a little, but eventually he offers me a small smile – "I know. I can't lose you too." He squeezes my hands in reassurance. "And no matter what you decide, I'll stand by you."
"Thank you." I say, meaning it with all my heart. But before I can stop myself from asking, I blurt out – "How come you're so understanding about all of this? I expected a huge fight."
My eyes grow big as I realize what I just said – "No I didn't mean that, it's just... I...Stefan, I..." I splutter, silently cursing my brain for being so slow. However, Stefan takes me by surprise and laughs out loud, his green eyes twinkling.
"I guess I am just perfect." He jokes and raises his eyebrows in a suggestive way which is so Damon-like; I guess they must be related after all.
I slap him lightly on the shoulder with an open hand, trying to wipe that smile off that face, but that only makes him grin even wider. "Ouch, woman, that hurt. Control yourself."
"That's not funny!" I exclaim, trying to remain serious, but I can't help the smile spreading across my face.
"I wasn't trying to be funny," he says and without warning he stands up and scoops me in his arms, lifting me up in the air.
"Stefan!" I yell through laughter, all the sorrow and pain forgotten for a minute, I welcome the feeling with open arms. "Put me down!" I command, my voice shrill.
He spins around and walks over to the bed in the room, and starts to lower me down until my back touches the covers. I am basically pinned down between the bed and Stefan's body and suddenly I am very aware how close he is to me.
"We were having a very serious discussion." I say, trying to ease the tension.
"I un-serious'd it." He replies.
"Is that even a word?" I laugh lightly at his goofiness.
"Probably not."
"I never knew you had this side to you."
"What side?" he asks, the stupid grin returning to his face.
"This." I flail a bit with my hands, trying to show him my point, but due to the limited amount of space between me and him, I end up brushing his stomach and I can feel my face reddening.
"I don't understand." He feigns confusion, and I could swear he is enjoying watching me making a fool out of myself.
"This fun, joking, slightly arrogant side of you." I try to explain, "I've only seen the brooding part."
He gasps – "You think I'm brooding?"
"You're so serious all the time." I respond quietly, a bit afraid of his reaction. "But I like it." I add quickly.
"And you don't like this funnier part of me?" Stefan asks, cockily, leaning his face a bit closer to mine.
"I like it. Very much so." I breathe, wishing that he would close the remaining distance between our bodies.
"Good." He laughs. "Because this is a side of me reserved only for special people."
My heart skips a beat at the thought of me being special – "I'm special?" I need to hear it from him.
"Yes." Stefan says simply, locking his eyes with mine. He stares at me for a long time, studying my face like it is some science project. "I love when you smile." He finally says, his voice mellow, turning my brain into mush. "You're always so sad," he continues, "I just wanted to make you smile, even if it's just for a minute."
"I think you did a pretty good job." I smile.
"I did? I guess I still got it then." The cocky grin returns and I smack his stomach.
"Shut up." I giggle.
"Ah, there it is again. Sound of angels, your laughter." He states like it's the most normal thing to say.
"The only sound of an angel here is your own voice." I tease him, although I am immensely affected by his words, for there are millions of butterflies in my stomach, fluttering nervously.
"You're right; I should listen to my voice more often." Stefan says, making me laugh even harder. I must look like a beet by now, but honestly, I don't care.
"Aren't your arms tired?" I finally manage to say, although I'm still gasping for air.
"Huh?" He dips his head to the right, reminding me a puppy for a second and that makes me burst into hysterics again.
"Your arms." I say through laughter, exhaling sharply. I can already feel how sore my abs are. "You've hovered over me the whole time; your arms must be tired by now."
I can see it from his face that he finally realizes what I was getting at –"Oh." He says and lowers himself down a bit. "So you want me to be closer to you?" he asks, and my breath gets stuck in my throat, there are only bare inches separating our bodies.
I am unable to say anything, my whole body feels like it's on fire and there is only one thing that could quench the blaze.
"So...?" Stefan's voice breaks through my concentration.
"Just kiss me already." I breathe and suddenly his lips are crushing mine, our fingers interlocked, our bodies pressed close together and all I can feel is pure bliss. Every tear, every ounce of pain and misery is forgotten for one sweet moment of being with Stefan. Feeling his rough hands on my body, exploring every inch of my skin - I just can't get enough of him. My back arches when his lips move to my neck, agonizingly slow. I run my hands through his hair, ruffling it, hoping that he'll pick up the pace, but instead he just stops.
"Why did you stop?" I can't help but ask; maybe touching his hair wasn't such a good idea after all?
He groans and looks up to me – "I heard the front door, Damon's probably here." It is then when I hear Damon yelling from another room, but I can't make up the words.
"He wants us to go and talk to him." Stefan says, seeming a bit upset of how things are going now.
"Okay." I sigh, and prop myself upright, reluctant to let him go. Stefan stands up and offers me his hand, which I gladly take, helping me from the bed.
"How's my hair?" he asks, jokingly.
"Perfect. Your hair is perfect."
I follow Stefan into the living room, where Damon's already taken a seat, holding a glass of bourbon in his hand, where he got it, I have no idea.
His cold blue eyes rake all over me and Stefan, probably realizing from the tousled hair and my flushed face what we were up to. And my suspicion is confirmed when he rolls his eyes.
"So what's the news?" Stefan asks, indicating for me to sit down, but I don't want to. I need to be beside Stefan right now.
"Nothing new on the angel radar." Damon quips. "I snooped around a bit and no one knows what Klaus is up to or what happened to Rebekah."
"Wait." I say. "You went to the city? Isn't that dangerous, if someone were to follow you here..."
"Yeah, yeah, then we will be discovered." Damon says, twirling the bourbon in the glass. "But I am quite sure that Klaus already knows we're here. He just hasn't made a move yet. Klaus isn't stupid – my guess is that when he found out that he can't trace Stefan, he figured it out that my old place is probably where he is hiding." He shoots a flickering glance at his brother. "I can't be traced, being fallen and all and no one followed me here, I made sure of that."
"Why are we here then?" I question, not really wrapping my mind around it.
"Because for the time being this is still the safest place." Stefan answers instead of Damon.
"How? If Klaus knows we are here, how is it possibly the safest place?" I really don't understand, I thought this house was free from danger, because archangels couldn't find it, but if Klaus know this place what's stopping him from just barging in and slaughtering us all?
"I swear to god, Elena, think a little." Damon's voice is harsh.
"Damon..." Stefan warns his brother, but Damon responds with another eye roll - "Explain it to your girlfriend, please."
Stefan exhales sharply, clearly annoyed by Damon's behaviour – "You see, Elena, let's say that Klaus, just on a whim, decides to pay us a visit. He thinks he knows where we are, so he comes here. But when he does, all he will see is nothing. No house. Nothing. That's how the house is somewhat secure from archangels. But there's a loophole included, so if someone is to lead him here, let's say another angel, then the rules change. Guardian angels, angels of death, all other sorts of angels can see this house; it's not protected from them. When Klaus or another archangel follows someone else here, then..." Stefan pauses.
"That's how Katherine got killed, because Stefan led them here." Damon finishes for Stefan, who lowers his head in shame.
I look at Damon angrily, for being so insensitive, but he just shrugs his shoulders, like nothing he said was out of line.
My mind is working on full gear right now – "So if Klaus is to say the directions of this house to another angel, then he could be led here?"
"Yes." Stefan and Damon respond at the same time.
"So basically we're like sitting ducks here? This isn't what I imagined a safe place to be like."
"Basically." Damon says.
"What's stopping him from attacking then?" I ask again, uneasy.
"Nothing." This time it's Stefan who says that.
"Okay, I understand..." I say, "But you weren't fallen back when Katherine was alive, Damon. And you surely went out of this house with Katherine, how come you didn't get discovered then?"
"Come with me," Damon stands up and beckons us to follow him. He leads us down to the cellar, which is so dark when I enter it, that I'm afraid to take even one step. Suddenly there's a flash of light and Damon's face is illuminated by the eerie light emanating from the flashlight in his hands. "C'mon scaredy cat" he calls and walks further into the room.
"Take my hand," Stefan's voice is right beside my ear. I intertwine my fingers with his and I am instantly flooded by relief and a sense of safety. He leads us deeper into the room, past some dusty crates and a shelf filled with expensive looking bottles. Huh, I guess that's where Damon got his bourbon.
When we reach Damon, he is already crouching down by the wall, guiding the light to some strange etching in the wall.
"What's that?" I ask and kneel beside Stefan's brother.
"That's what is keeping the archangels away. It's in enochian, in a very old version of it." He smirks, "I came across it when I was searching for a way to protect Katherine. Let's just say that it's not something that is much known to angels and only a handful can read it."
"Um, that's great, but it doesn't answer my question."
"Every time we went out with Katherine, I drew it on her. And on me as well, making it impossible for the archangels to find us."
"Why can't we do it now?" I ask, "Like tattoo it or something? That way I could go back to my place." I stand up and look at Stefan whose expression is unreadable.
"You want to tattoo it on your body?" Damon smirks, his imagination running wild.
"Shut up, you know what I meant." I retort.
"Yeah you could do that, but weren't you the one, who wanted to kill Klaus? So what's the point in tainting your body with ink if you're planning to eliminate the problem anyways?" Damon brushes past Stefan and me, leaving us, again, in complete darkness.
"Your brother is impossible." I say to Stefan, annoyed thoroughly.
"Tell me about it." He takes my hand again and starts to lead us back to the living room.
When we return, Damon is already in the same position as he was earlier, only this time the glass in his hands is almost empty.
"The thing with the mark is, Elena," Damon begins to talk again, "is that even if you have it, other angels can still find you. And your house is unprotected, so Klaus can send any other angel to your doorstep and when you innocently open the door – bam! – Klaus is there and you're dead." He raises his glass in my direction as a toast and drinks up the remaining liquid.
"He's right, Elena." Stefan says. "The mark can protect you only to an extent."
I turn to face Stefan - "Yeah, I'm beginning to see that it might not be the best idea."
"So we only have two options – you two either run and hide, or you help me kill Klaus. And as I recall, Elena was very eager to go with the second choice a few days ago." Somehow, there's a bottle of the amber coloured liquid in Damon's hands and as he is talking, he is pouring himself another glass.
"Yes. I want to fight. There's no other way, no matter how many marks we have, we're never safe." I say it to assure Stefan, to assure Damon, to even assure myself.
"Good, because my going to the city wasn't completely in vain." Damon says, his eyes going back and forth between me and Stefan.
"Spill it, Damon." Stefan is losing his patience.
Damon's icy blue eyes stop on Stefan and I my body turns numb when he utters his next sentence – "Stefan, I need you to find Destiny."
Back to doom and gloom...
Thank you guys for reading, I love you all! :)