I'm a little bit unsure about this part. I made the mistake of writing the middle bits (because I knew what was going to happen in them) and then finding myself having to work out how to get to that point. I'll also admit that it took me forever to name Jac's boyfriend so if he randomly does ever change name please point it out to me. I hope this is ok and thank you to anyone who has read it.
The sound of crying awakens Jac in the early hours of the morning. It takes her a moment to rouse herself enough to know that it isn't just the phantom crying she occasionally hears in her dreams, but rather a very real cry coming from somewhere within the house. She moves slowly, shifting herself in the bed so that she can free herself from Liam's arms. He stirs as she does so and she slows her movements, knowing that she has to get to the source of the crying but not wanting to wake him. Finally she is free, and she stands and stretches.
"Where are you going Jackie?" he mumbles sleepily and she silently curses herself for not moving more carefully. Liam hates being woken, almost as much as he hates waking to find that she has slipped free of his arms. But she understands, he doesn't sleep well and it takes him a long time to get to sleep so he never appreciates being woken. She knows too that it is his protectiveness that means he doesn't like it when she's gone; it's a sign of his love. Still though sometimes she wishes he was easier.
"Mills needs me" she whispers in response and she can see a frown settle on his face, he still looks like he is sleeping but she knows he is alert enough to respond to her. She knows that expression.
"You mollycoddle that child" there is a bitterness to his voice in his sleepy state and she tries to push that from her mind. She knows it is a lot for him to take on her child, as well as her.
"I can't leave her to cry" Jac argues though she knows it is pointless. She slips from the room, not waiting to hear an answer from him. She knows he'll want to continue the discussion tomorrow, the fact that she once again spent the night in the other room, curled up with the child and not him.
She walks quickly in to her daughter's bedroom. The room is in darkness and she realises that the nightlight isn't on, looking at the socket it appears to have disappeared entirely and that confuses her. She knows that she hasn't removed and she is almost certain that Millie wouldn't. She knows not to play touch the sockets.
Stepping closer, Jac switches on the bedside lamp, casting a soft glow over the daughter's face. It startles her to see that the child is still asleep, yet her face is damp and red from the flow of tears over her cheeks, heart wrenching cries still escaping from between her lips.
There's been a few nights recently, when she has woken her daughter to find her cheeks and pillow damp but she hadn't thought much of it, not really. But now she wishes she had taken note of it, asked her daughter whether anything was wrong and tried to get her to talk but already Millie is like her in that respect, she needs to be prodded to talk and sometimes she is just too busy, or too tired, to do the prodding.
Gently Jac slips her arms around her daughter's body, slipping herself down on to the duvet and cradling the still sobbing child. She whispers words of comfort unsure of whether they'd reach the sleeping girls ears but it is the most she can do. Finally the girl quietens and Jac feels the body stir in her arms.
"Mama" the word is murmured sleepily, a voice slightly hoarse. She looks down at her daughter's face, there is confusion in her young eyes as she raises a hand to her damp face. Jac gives her little girl a smile though it is so very forced.
"I'm here baby" she answers, cradling Millie's body against her and feeling the way her daughter burrows herself against her body, as if she is trying to crawl inside.
"Don't leave me mama" the child pleads, her voices till so sleepy and yet there is a desperation there, something that tugs at Jac, something that scares her a little though she isn't quite sure why.
"I'm not going anywhere" Jac tries to reassure her daughter, but she feels like there is something hollow in the words. She holds her daughter tighter, and leans down to place a kiss on the top of her head. The child sniffles softly.
"You won't go to Heaven to be with daddy?" she asks, her head turned in to her mother's body but still the words reach Jac's ears. They ring in her eyes, and she feels the weight of everything settle on her shoulders, a lump that builds in her throat. She wonders if this is the cause of her daughter's night time sobbing but that doesn't explain the other nights.
"No baby, I won't be going to Heaven" she answers, closing her eyes for a moment as she says the words. As she thinks of the child's father once again.
"Can daddy ever come see us from Heaven?" Millie asks, her face still pressed against her mother's body.
"No sweetheart" she answers, the words catching in her throat. She hears a sob escape from her daughter's mouth and once again she has to swallow hard to push away the lump in her throat. Everything seems to be pressing down on her.
"Tell me about daddy" the child requests, her voice growing softer. She can feel the breathing becoming more steady against her, though she knows the girl is not yet asleep. Jac crawls down the bed, so that she is lying alongside her daughter. Their bodies pressed together.
"Daddy loved you" she speaks quietly, "daddy wanted to look after you always, to protect you and to love you. You were his little princess" she says the words that she thinks her daughter needs to hear, and she speaks them until she knows her daughter has dropped off to sleep. Only then does she allow the tears to fall from her own eyes.