Wyatt and Michelle: Postpartum
Chapter 2: Six Months Postpartum
May 18
Dear Journal: I just found out I'm in danger of failing Pre-Calculus. I need to pass this class if I'm going to be a senior next semester. I'm really just ready to be done with school. Work is going pretty good, just a bit repetitive. But my son is now learning to crawl and has been spending time with other kids in daycare, which I like. Something that small really keeps me going. Michelle is still in the same condition as before. I've pretty much started to ignore her existence and treat her the same way I would treat a coat rack. I only notice her if I accidently bump into her. It concerns me that she hasn't had any interaction with our son. He probably only sees her as a coat rack, too. On the upside, I finally got around to helping Jen write that song for Jude. I know I'm a million years late, but she understands. So far I have the chorus:
I am in love with you
I am desperate for you
I'm always close to you
I need you
It's kind of hard to hear song lyrics written. But it sounds great in person. I've got work, so later.
May 26
Dear Journal: School's almost over, but instead of relaxing and anticipating school ending, I'm stressing out more than ever. If I fail Pre-Calculus, I have to take it in Summer School. And if I take it in Summer School, I won't be able to work full-time like I planned. What's worse is that I barely have any time for myself. Sure, my mom, and sometimes Mrs. Carter, come over to check up on things, but never longer than a few hours or so to make sure Michelle is still alive. Every day I have to study and work and take care of Stevie. This explains why I'm failing. One person can only be spread so thin before he starts to rip apart. I have to pass Pre-Calculus which means I need to either study harder or beg for extra credit. Perhaps I can pull the, 'I have a baby,' card again. It worked at the mall and my teacher seems to love babies.
May 27
Dear Journal: I embarrassed myself today after school. I talked to my math teacher after class about what I could do to get better grades. She wasn't in a good mood and barked at me that I should have been paying more attention. I'll admit I could be more focused in class except I'm usually falling asleep. It's not the teacher that puts me to sleep; it's the simple fact that I get no sleep between school, work, and Stevie. I tried to keep my composure with her. I politely apologized and basically begged for extra credit. After that she went off on this long tirade about how students never want to focus until the final weeks when teachers are trying to put in final grades and make exams. Then she told me point blank that I needed an A+ on my exam to pass this class and to pass the eleventh grade. I still remained calm, taking a deep breath and trying to bite my tongue. But I was so afraid of failing that I dropped the bombshell:
"I have a son. He's six months old and I don't have any help from his mother. She's basically a vegetable. I take him to daycare, I come to school, I go to work, I pick him up from daycare and go home try to get him to bed and then attempt to study and do homework while he's asleep. I don't get home till eleven, so you can imagine how much of my day is spent studying before I fall asleep. My whole life is all about Stevie."
I hadn't intended on giving my teacher my whole life story about my son but it was already out there. All of a sudden I felt two tears streaming down my face. I tried to wipe them away quickly, but I know she saw me crying because her expression changed considerably:
"So, you're a teenaged father raising your son alone? That's gotta be tough. I have a son, but I'm also married and out of high school. He's three and his name's Daniel. Look, if you can stay after school for an hour a day, I can give you extra credit assignments. Just, please, try to stay awake in class."
I struggled to compose myself and thanked her. Just as I reached in my pocket for my phone it started ringing. It was from the daycare. They needed me to pick Stevie up early because he had a fever. Ugh. I had never been so frustrated. But I took a rain check from my teacher and called my mom. While I ran to my mom's car, I tripped and scraped up my face. When I got to the daycare and saw my son, my whole mood changed. I basically became a frantic woman instead of an angry man. From the moment I grabbed him from the daycare worker to the moment we stepped foot into the doctor's office, I couldn't breathe.
The pediatrician gave me baby drops to give Stevie every few hours. I had completely forgotten about everything, including my job. I forgot to call and tell them I needed to take the day off. I imagine when I call tomorrow, the boss won't be too happy, but I need to take care of my kid first.
May 30
No school for me today or work, either. I've spent the past two days taking care of a fussy, crying, sick baby. Believe me, it's no walk in the park. I haven't slept for two days, which sucks, seeing as I need to if I'm ever going to start any of the extra credit I need to do. I'm so exhausted. And, I got fired two days ago, even after I explained that I had no one to watch my sick child. They didn't care how cute Stevie was then. Unfortunately, neither my mom nor Michelle's mom can watch him today. Ugh. I need coffee. And sleep. And another job.
June 5
Dear Journal: Good news: As of last night, Stevie is all better. His temperature is normal and he's much less fussy and eating more without spitting up all over me. Bad news: I haven't found a new job and I can't put Stevie back in daycare. A week ago when he got sick he had only been there for three days that week, but as it turns out, you have to pay weekly even if your kid isn't there the whole week! Between that trip to the pediatrician and me getting fired, I can't afford it now. I haven't been able to do much job hunting with no one to watch Stevie for longer than an hour or so. Maybe I need to enlist some help. I'm taking Stevie to the park today. We both need the fresh air.
The fresh air was wonderful and Stevie loved the park. It was pretty warm today, too, so that helped. Just checked the mail and realized rent was due five days ago! How could I be so absent minded? I only have until 5 pm today to pay it. I guess I really do need to enlist that help right about now.
I have the coolest friends I could ever ask for. I only had 200 dollars in my bank account and rent is 500. I begged and pleaded with all of them and we all somehow managed to scrounge together the full amount. We looked under couch cushions and opened piggy banks and even sold some of Caitlin's clothes. It was a tough three hours. The guys had no idea how relieved I was. Then they asked to hang out in my apartment and I just froze. I wasn't sure how they would react to the mother of my child as a lifeless zombie. Nevertheless, I just sighed and let them in. Everyone was surprised to say the least. No one wanted to sit down after saying hi to Michelle and not getting a response. I told them it was okay to sit or even hang a lampshade on her because she wouldn't notice. Jonesy, Jude, and I all thought it was funny, but the girls didn't, except Nikki who wasn't paying attention because she was feeding Stevie. Jen was especially angry because she thought it was unfair for Stevie to see his mother this way. She thought Michelle needed psychological help and not to be some roadside attraction. I explained to Jen that we've tried everything and nothing worked, but she didn't believe me. Instead of arguing with her I just dropped the subject and went to the kitchen to make coffee. Then I realized we had no coffee. By the time I got back from the kitchen, Jen had slammed the door shut and left. Guess she won't be getting that song after all, which is unfortunate because it's turning out to be awesome! So without coffee, I asked my four remaining best friends for help. I needed a job, I needed to study, and I desperately needed sleep. So we worked out a schedule that gave me, and mine and Michelle's moms, less constant responsibilty over Stevie. And it gave me time for job hunting, studying, and sleeping. All of which I'm going to do now.
June 6
Dear Journal: Today has been great. Jonesy took Stevie over to his house and his stepmother, Emma absolutely adores him. She said she could watch him sometimes and he and little Emma could have a play-date. Stevie's been gone since 7 am. I slept till 3 in the afternoon, I was so tired. Nikki is coming over later to help me study for a Pre-Calculus quiz. I'm so mad that I missed a whole week of school dealing with sick Stevie, but I emailed all my teachers and they're willing to help me. Since I don't have a job right now, next week I can spend extra time at school catching up on all my missed assignments. Being a teen parent sucks so much sometimes. Tons of homework, tons of job applications, and tons of...crap I forgot the stupid coffee. Later.