Part II

Jaina was toweling off her wet hair and stepping out of the bedroom when the door of the apartment opened and a wearied Jag stepped through. He immediately crossed to the living room and hugged her before sitting down on the sofa and pulling her down onto his lap.

"Good afternoon to you too," she murmured, grinning slyly as he ducked his head down to kiss her quickly but firmly. "Long day?"

"You have no idea," he sighed, running a hand through his hair, his other arm wrapped tightly around her waist as she settled back against him comfortably.

"Same problems?"

He shrugged. "As always; I never should have accepted this promotion last year."

With a soft smile, she twisted around and wrapped her arms around his neck. "You couldn't have said no even if you wanted to," she teased. "It's in your nature to do as asked; to do otherwise would violate that firm sense of duty of yours. Besides," she ran her fingers lightly through his hair, making him close his eyes at the calming sensation, "Ambassador has such a nicer ring to it than envoy."

"And with it, many more responsibilities."

"You could always quit and officially defect to the Galactic Alliance."

"Don't think I haven't considered it."

For a moment, the two just stared at each other ruefully. Then she laughed lightly and leaned in against him, head tucked in the crook of his neck as his hand came up to rub her back and trace random patterns against her tunic. "Quite the stir you'd cause, wouldn't you?"

He stiffened minutely, though she didn't think it was due to her words. "My father joined the Chiss because he felt they represented an admirable example of duty, honor, loyalty… I've served with them, led them, represented them to others for the same reason. Now though…" he trailed away unsurely. "Now, the Ascendancy is fracturing, and the Ruling Families are hard-put to keep it together. The sense of order that is so important to my people is disintegrating, and I am close to losing too much respect for the governing parties of the Ascendancy- a dangerous situation for an ambassador, especially for one to the most powerful political body in the galaxy. But you know all of this already," he grinned wryly and years seemed to come off of his face.

"I do," she acknowledged somberly. "And you know that I think you should always do what you feel is right; and if that means resigning your post…"

"It hasn't come to that," he assured her. "Not yet. This conflict will be resolved sooner or later, and the traditionalists will be forced to come to terms with a changing galaxy; it is the only way the Ascendancy will survive. If they keep pushing…" a shadow crossed his face and she covered his hand with hers, concern etched on her features.

"You don't think it would come to a civil war?"

He shook his head quickly. "No, that is not the way of the Chiss people. But a non-violent conflict can be just as damaging and debilitating as a violent one. But," his eyes twinkled as he ran a hand across her cheek in a soft caress, "you know that already too. Now," he leaned in for another fast kiss, "how was your day? Stressful happenings at the temple?"

She blinked once in surprise. "Nothing important," she returned evenly. "Just the usual debate among the Masters. Uncle Luke is going to have to do something soon to bring the Jedi more firmly together; he hardly spends any time on Ossus anymore because he's so busy wrangling the Council here on Coruscant. But things are fairly relaxed, for the Jedi."

For a long moment, he studied her face, and his hands came to rest on her shoulders, gently massaging while her eyes drifted shut and she sighed. "You seem tense."

"You should feel how tense you are in the Force," she shot back playfully before groaning as he kneaded against a knot of jumbled muscles.

"Maybe we should relieve some of this collective tension," Jag offered reasonably.

Her brows quirked and her grin was sly. "Suggestions?"

He opened his mouth, but another voice beat him to the punch. "Dad, you're home! Oh…" Leyla stopped walking two steps out of her bedroom and eyed them suspiciously, Jaina still sitting in Jag's lap on the sofa. "Interrupting something?"

"Rain check," Jaina hissed as she slid off of her husband's lap. His face fell exaggeratedly and comically, but his eyes carried a bit of lingering desire that always made Jaina's stomach twist up into anticipatory knots. "No, honey," she smiled at the eleven-year-old girl. "You finished with your schoolwork?"

"Yes," Leyla scowled. "I got extra work too, because I'm going to miss a few weeks of scheduled lessons when I go to Ossus."

Jag stood and headed for the kitchen. "Better to fit it in gradually than make you do it all at once when you get back," he called over his shoulder. "Or worse- you could have your schoolwork while you're on Ossus, trying to juggle your studies and your Jedi training all at once."

Leyla's mouth quirked in a remarkably Jaina-like expression. "I knew you were going to say that."

"Dad is the practical one, after all," Jaina teased. "He never really had a childhood, he doesn't understand things like skiving out on lessons, procrastinating work 'til the very last minute… now your Uncle Jacen on the other hand…" she grinned and Jag just shook his head.

"Is that why we live here and not with the Chiss?" Leyla asked, eyes sparkling in amusement.

Jaina's heart dropped a bit when a dark look crossed Jag's eyes, and she suspected he was thinking about his own family as he was brought up in the harsh society. No adolescence to speak of, straight to difficult work… and he had lost three of his four siblings at relatively young ages. When he turned to his adopted daughter, however, all traces of bitterness were gone as he smiled ruefully. "Just one of many reasons, hon. I would hate to deprive Jacen of the chance to corrupt you to the fullest before you run off and abandon us for the academy."

"I'm not abandoning you," she huffed. "I'm just going for a few months. Uncle Luke says it's very important to get an early start on learning control of the Force," she recited, and Jag's mouth quirked as she quoted Luke almost verbatim. "That way, when I go back next year, I'll be ready to really start training."

In truth, it worried Luke that Leyla was too strong in the Force for her own good. With Jaina's and Kyp's blood flowing in her veins, she had well above the average Force-potential, and he did not want her to be too old before she started to grasp the basics of containing her emotions and her powers. She had already demonstrated a remarkable aptitude for fast learning, and her biological father had been a prime example of pushing Jedi-education too far, too fast.

Leyla, of course, didn't know that, and Jaina wasn't concerned. Her daughter was level-headed, smart, kind… even the experience of being kidnapped and held for two months with a host of dark Force-users had not had a lasting effect on her emotions, she was not bitter or angry. In fact, as far as Jaina and Jag could tell, she rarely even gave thought to the experience of four years prior, and the only time it was even vaguely mentioned to her was when anyone mentioned one of the two young apprentices who had been rescued and rehabilitated from the clutches of the self-fashioned 'Lord' Wrynn. Tahlia was about Jaina's age, and had been dating Zekk since Leyla's rescue; the two of them worked as a team, going on missions, some more secret than others, but they always stopped by to say hello when they were on Coruscant.

The other apprentice was still on Ossus, a young man of about twenty-three named Vulcor. He had largely served as Leyla's caretaker during her quasi-imprisonment and the two had bonded somewhat. Vulcor had not shared some of the more hardened philosophies of his master and the other apprentices, and he had eagerly accepted the opportunity to study on Ossus. Now, four years later, he was part-instructor, part-overseer of some of the younger students who required an extra set of eyes to keep out of trouble and to take care of themselves.

"Well," Jaina accepted a cup of spiced tea from Jag, "abandonment or no, we'll miss you very much."

"Yeah," Leyla looked down and shuffled her feet, embarrassed, "well I'll miss you too I guess…"

Jaina just grinned at her pretty young daughter, her dark hair pulled back in a simple braid, her eyes, the soft brown of Jaina's but the shape and size of Kyp's, looking between Jaina and Jag… and she wondered then what a half-sibling would look like, whether they would inherit Jag's black hair rather than Kyp's dark brown, whether he or she would have Jag's pale green eyes instead of her brandy brown ones. And then she wondered if she'd ever get the chance to find out.

"Sweetheart?" her head shot up and Jag was peering at her in concern. "You alright?"

Forcing a smile, she gave him a peck on the cheek. "Just tired, I guess. Think you can figure out something for dinner?" she gestured towards the synthesizer unit. "I think I'll go lie down for a few minutes."

He nodded, a light frown gracing his serious face, and she retreated into the other room before he could further investigate the source of her despondence.

X-X-X-X

In retrospect, she supposed she shouldn't have been surprised when Kyp turned up outside the apartment the next day, hair disheveled as though he had run a nervous hand through it a few hundred times too many. His eyes were contracted in a nervous, guilty expression, and he hesitantly raised them to meet her gaze when she opened the door.

"Hi."

"Hey." For a moment they stood like that, her leaning against the door frame, lips pursed and arms crossed over her chest. Finally, she sighed. "Come in."

He did. "Is Jag home?"

She rolled her eyes as she sat down on the sofa; he gingerly lowered himself into a chair, as though expecting it to be booby-trapped. "You know very well that he isn't, you wouldn't have come otherwise." He said nothing, just let out a tired breath, and she closed her eyes in frustration, willing herself to remain more level-headed than she had the prior morning. "Leyla won't be through with lessons for a few hours, Kyp, we're alone; what is it?"

"I… when you ran off yesterday…" he sighed and closed his eyes. "Shavit," he muttered. "You were right; I am afraid, Jaina. Not afraid of relapsing to the dark side, just afraid of the reminder of what kind of monster I was twelve years ago. No," he held up a hand to stop her protest, "hear me out. You recognized the dangerous path I was skirting even before you apprenticed with me…" they both went slightly pink as they remembered that 'apprenticed' was hardly the most relevant term to describe their relationship at the time. "But I ignored you, thought that you'd understand, thought you'd see my side of things after I got what I wanted from you and Kre'fey, and Antilles… and then when you left, it hurt. I don't blame you, of course, but it hurt as much as my brother's death.

"The only thing that hurt more," he continued, voice hoarse with emotion, "was when I finally was able to realize just how much I had hurt you, and I'm not just talking about the night I snuck aboard the Mon Mothma. I finally saw how cruel my actions had been, when I forced you to be a part of something so dark, and the knowledge that I had destroyed a part of your innocence in doing so…" he shuddered slightly, ran a hand through his tousled, graying hair. "What you have to understand, Jaina," he implored, voice pleading, "is that, through everything, no matter how delusional I became, no matter how far I descended into darkness… you were the one constant. I always cared for you, loved you even… and the reminder of how I twisted that love around to hurt you… it scares me to face it. And I want to help you, I will help you," he insisted. "I just… needed some time to brace myself for the prospect of facing down these memories. You can understand that, can't you?"

By the time he finished speaking, her expression had softened and her eyes were sad. "Of course I understand, Kyp," she said quietly, hands twisting in her lap. "And I shouldn't have allowed myself to give in to frustration so quickly and easily yesterday. I just…" she shrugged helplessly. "We really are a mess, aren't we?"

He let out a strangled laugh that nevertheless served to ease some of the tension between them. "Yeah, I reckon so."

Hesitating a moment, she stood and crossed to the chair where he sat, placing a careful hand on his shoulder and murmuring softly. "We can't escape what we've done, what we've been," she said lowly, "but we can move on, we can forgive, we can heal… you've been forgiven, you've moved on and healed, you've redeemed yourself a hundred-fold in the last decade. Now I just need you to do this one thing for me, Kyp. Otherwise… it's just not fair to Jag," she finished softly, blinking back unshed tears.

"I know," he whispered hoarsely. "So go lie down."

She blinked. "What?"

"We're going to do this now," he muttered, "before I lose my nerve."

"But… Cilghal…"

"Has admitted that she cannot help in this," he finished for her smoothly. "If you'd rather, we can go back to the temple, but…" he shrugged. "There will be exactly one measure of success, and that certainly won't be determinable until a good bit later," his mouth quirked wryly and she shook her head ruefully. "And if it doesn't work the first time, we'll try again in a few months."

Feeling suddenly and inexplicably apprehensive, Jaina walked numbly back to the sofa and settled down on it, hands folded unconsciously over her stomach. This was what she had wanted when she'd stormed out on Cilghal and Kyp yesterday, had wanted him to try to reverse the unintended consequences of his invasion of some twelve years ago, but now… now that the prospect of having him reaching out, manipulating her body again... it made her nervous.

"I was unconscious before," she blurted out as he slowly stood and approached. "Should I… go into a trance or something…?"

"No!" he said quickly and a little harshly. "Sorry," he reddened. "But no, I… that would be a little too much like before, if you understand me. I want you fully conscious and aware of what's happening, at least… on the surface."

A sudden wave of confused pain washed over her and she bit back a sob, pressing a hand to her mouth and sitting up, drawing her legs in and curling around to face the back of the sofa. "I'm sorry," she sniffed, voice breaking, "I didn't mean… it's just…" tears were flowing down her cheeks now, and Kyp stood paralyzed and stricken, unsure of what to do, much less of what was wrong. "We never talked about this!" she finally cried. "I forgave you, urged you to forgive yourself for Leyla's sake, and twelve years later, it's almost like it never happened…"

"I've never forgotten," he whispered. "The memory of the darkness is what keeps me away from it."

Her head was still turned towards the back of the sofa, her words muffled as she murmured evenly, trying to keep the emotion from her voice. "When Uncle Luke told me that you had raped me, I laughed," she admitted. "I told him it was ridiculous, that you weren't cruel like that… and it was true, you weren't, you never meant it as a cruelty, you never even meant me to know, did you?"

"I don't know," he choked. "I… don't know how I planned to justify it to you later…"

"Uncle Luke figured you planned to return soon after, when it would be too soon for me to know I was pregnant…"

"But I would know, I'd be looking for it," he deadpanned, turning away in self-loathing. "Yes, I remember now."

She gasped a heaving breath. "And then… it was so surreal," she whispered. "I had no memory of it, you were already captured, and suddenly, there was this life growing, this flicker that I had dreaded for two or three weeks, but when I finally sensed it, all I felt was protective, knew I had to leave… and by disappearing, I managed to avoid ever talking about it, to you or anyone else. Even to Jag…" she trailed away and turned her face from the cushion, wiping at wet eyes. "And then I had Leyla, and hating you was like an insult to her, and part of me just wished that she was Jag's, or that things between us had been different, that she had been conceived out of love, not out of a dark obsession…"

Kyp spoke softly, voice thick with emotion. "You see why I can barely stand the thought of putting myself back in that time then," he looked away from her. "I'm sorry, Jaina; I'm so sorry, and I wish there was more that I could say, that I could do… but I want to do what I can for you, whenever you're ready, wherever and however you want to do it… I thought now was good, but I've only managed to make things worse by just showing up here, haven't I?"

She shook her head fiercely and reached for his hand, surprising him as he met her red eyes. "No, Kyp… not worse. This just… it's been twelve years, some time or other, we were going to have to do this, weren't we? I'm not mad, I forgave you years ago, you've proven yourself time and again ever since, it's just… the frustration of having it all brought back to light completely out of nowhere…" she angrily brushed aside remaining tears on her cheeks before pulling on his hand, urging him to sit down on the couch next to her. He did so, stiffly at first and tense as she leaned against him before draping an awkward comforting arm across her shoulders. "You've more than made up for your transgressions in the past," she whispered. "And you're a wonderful father to Leyla; please don't forget those things just because I got a little worked up today."

That earned a small chuckle, and his arm tightened around her shoulders. For a few minutes, they sat like that, side by side but with her head leaning against his side as she calmed herself and slowed her breathing. "Do you want me to go?" he finally asked. "I could come back later this week; or we could go to the temple…"

"No," she insisted. "You displayed a great deal of courage in coming here to face me today after I yelled at you yesterday. The least I can do is make your trip worthwhile."

"You realize I came from like, a kilometer away, right?"

"Shut it, you," she dug an elbow into his side. "Now come on… let's see what we can do about getting me pregnant," she grinned.

He blinked. "Oh- that's what you meant by worthwhile…"

"Kyp Durron!" she hit him playfully in the stomach and he laughed, a long-absent twinkle returning to his eye.